Real Football (Patreon)

Lionel “Leo” Messi had never expected his career as a football player to take him to the levels of worldwide fame that it had. His primary focus was always on the beautiful game, of course, but he had made an absolute killing through advertising deals and even a bit of modelling. At the age of thirty-for he had achieved more in his career than most people could hope to do in their whole lives. Throughout it all Leo had done his best to remain humble and remember his roots because no good could come of ego, even if he had plenty of reasons to be arrogant! After all, not many people could claim to be the highest paid athlete in their sport, could they?

With more eyes than ever on the sport due to the recent Euros tournament and of course the 2021 Copa América, where Leo had helped lead Argentina to their fifteenth title victory, it was hardly surprising that the request for interviews was rapidly increasing. Mercifully Leo had long ago hired a business manager to help him with the “Messi Brand” and they fielded most of the requests, only accepting a small minority. Overexposure never did any celebrity any favours, and the general public response to Leo Messi was positive, so they wanted to keep things that way.

The latest publication that Leo’s business manager had approved to meet with the superstar athlete wasn’t one that the Argentinian had heard of, but his manager had given Ripanaugh Sports a glowing review and an inspection of their website featured interviews with athletes from other sports, such as the American gymnast Sam Mikulak and tennis superstar Novak Djokovic, so he would at least be in good company. The website’s reporter was even coming to Leo’s house which would make things even easier. He’d be getting a nice payday for only an hour’s work without even leaving his living room, no smart individual would ever complain about that!

The reporter arrived precisely on time, just as the clock struck midday, and immediately impressed Leo as a respectful young man. He appeared to be in his mid-twenties, was dressed in a dress shirt and patterned tie, and offered a firm handshake while introducing himself in a broadly undefined American accent as Julian. Handsome kid, Leo remarked silently as he guided the young man into the living room and then progressed to the kitchen to get them both a freshly made cup of coffee. First impressions were very important after all, even if there was a fair chance Julian already knew a fair amount about Messi in advance. Still, anybody who was friends with an athlete or celebrity knew that their public image wasn’t necessarily who they really were.

By the time Leo returned to the living room with their coffee, Julian was already set up with a notepad resting on his lap and a ballpoint pen spinning between his fingers. Leo apologised for the delay in getting started and quickly got settled down on the leather sofa across from the young reporter, who had opted for the lone armchair. “Straight to work, huh?” he remarked in a lighthearted fashion, offering his interviewer the famous charming smile that had melted hearts all around the world. To his credit, Julian didn’t blush nearly as much as some reporters Leo had used it on over the years.

The first few questions were a rather inoffensive affair and slight variations upon the same questions he was asked in every interview - What got you into the sport? What’s your proudest moment in your career? When do you think you’ll ultimately retire? As Leo gave his answers, Julian dutifully took down notes, writing with such vigour that the athlete couldn’t help but wonder if the writing was actually legible. The thought kept him temporarily occupied and as a result Julian’s next question came as a surprising jolt back to reality: “Have you ever thought about playing another sport?”

With a small laugh, Leo shook his head. “Football’s the only sport for me,” he replied with pride, pressing a hand over his heart for emphasis.

Julian met his gaze and raised an eyebrow. “To be clear, you’re talking about soccer in these circumstances, yes?” he inquired. It was an innocent enough question but pretty much any football player who dealt with Americans had heard it before and to say Leo was tired of it would probably be an understatement.

“Yes, I’m talking about soccer,” he confirmed, doing his best to hold back his exasperated sigh. “I don’t really know the first thing about American Football other than Tom Brady and there’s that big Super Bowl every year.” He tried to play off his ignorance with a casual laugh, but Julian’s smile didn’t quite seem to meet his eyes.

“You’re not even tempted to give it a go?” Julian asked in a strangely pointed tone. “Strap on some pads, play some real football?”

Leo’s irritation flared up. He’d made his thoughts on American Football pretty clear already and yet the interviewer seemed intent on pushing the conversation in that direction, even going so far as to call it the ‘real football’. Ignorant American, Leo thought with a pinch of bitterness. He didn’t enjoy dismissing a whole group of people in one manner but it was his unfortunate personal experiences with most Americans.

Before the athlete could steer the conversation back into more relevant territory though, Julian was already firing off another question: “Do you think you’d play offense or defense?” Then, barely pausing for a breath, he asked another: “How’s your throwing arm?”

It was growing increasingly difficult for Leo to keep his cool even though he knew there would be consequences if he snapped at the interviewer too badly. After taking in a long breath, Leo prepared to firmly inform the young man that he was through with talking about American Football, but the words that actually left his mouth caught him by surprise. “I’d probably be on defense,” he announced in a strangely confident tone, “One of the guys looking to take down the quarterback.” Where the hell did that come from?

In contrast to Leo’s own confusion, Julian seemed rather pleased with the response and continued to scribble down in his notepad. “An edge rusher, right,” he mumbled, only just loud enough for Leo to hear. “That’s a pretty physically intensive position. You must have a pretty strict workout regime, huh?”

While there was no doubt that football - soccer - was a physically demanding sport, it perhaps didn’t come with the same injury risk as American Football which was something Leo was pretty thankful for. No athlete ever liked finding themselves on the injured list. To prepare for games, most of Leo’s workouts were cardio-based with muscle building exercises interspersed within. Once again though, his mouth began spouting lies without any input from Leo’s brain: “Oh yeah, two hours of CrossFit every morning and then strict weight training in the evening.” That’s not true at all!

“That makes sense,” Julian agreed, not looking up from his notepad once,  “You have to be pretty strong to sack the quarterback, right?”

“Of course you do, you’ve gotta break past the offensive line after all and those guys might as well be a brick wall,” Leo explained, although he wasn’t sure how he even knew any of what he was saying! He’d been honest when he’d said he didn’t follow the sport a few minutes earlier, so how did he somehow know about the rules and positions? It was almost as perplexing as the fact his mouth seemed to be working without any contact with his brain, although that was definitely more concerning. He was terrified of thoughtlessly saying something that might tarnish his reputation!

What Leo hadn’t noticed was that as he and Julian conversed, his body had begun to swell with newfound power. His lean build was replaced by a more muscular physique with bulging biceps and broad pectorals. The tee and slacks he had thrown on that morning were now stretched over his enhanced muscles, both garments being a size too small after his sudden and inexplicable growth. While Leo was blind to his changes, Julian was not. “You’re pretty solid too, though. It’s not really surprising that you’ve been able to throw those guys off and get to the quarterback as often as you have,” the reporter remarked, settling into a tone that bordered upon playfulness, like he was having fun at Messi’s expense.

Spurred on by the other’s encouragement, Leo lifted up his arms and hit a double-bicep pose to show off just how solid he was. In doing so, the seams of his tee’s sleeves finally began to split, helpless to defend themselves against the display of sheer physical power. As a few of the stitchings burst free, Leo just chuckled. Internally he knew that there was something very wrong happening, but externally he found it pretty hilarious. “Sorry, I must have underestimated my size when I got dressed this morning,” he joked. As he spoke, Leo noticed that his voice sounded a little different. His natural Argentinian accent had disappeared and instead he sounded more… well, American.

“Now, how did you feel when the Kansas City Chiefs drafted you back in 2015?” Julian inquired, eyes now firmly fixed upon the athlete before him even though he continued to write away in his notepad.

That’s not right, a voice in Leo’s head whispered. He quickly ignored that intrusive voice and focused back on the question. Why would a reporter ever ask him about something that had never actually happened? Of course he’d been drafted by the Chiefs. He’d been the number one pick of the whole NFL draft, that wasn’t the kind of thing a guy forgot! “On top of the world, man,” he replied, the Midwestern lilt of his voice sounding both familiar and alien at the same time. “To be the number one pick… it’s every athlete’s dream, right? Being on the same team as guys like Mahomes and Kelce too has been a dream come true as well. I couldn’t ask for better teammates!”

Julian nodded in understanding. Of course he understands, Leo thought to himself, It was only a year ago that we were Super Bowl champions! He was even wearing his Super Bowl championship ring for the interview; it was a reminder that he had reached the very peak of the sport and he was determined to do it again. The few lines of age that had decorated Leo’s face faded away as the aging process reverted a few years, leaving him only just approaching the big thirty mark rather than in his mid-thirties.

“I’ve only got one more question for you, Leo. I don’t want to take up too much of your time,” the reporter declared, offering a bashful smile as the football player assured him that it wasn’t an issue. “I was just wondering what your thoughts on soccer were?”

A laugh immediately broke forth from Leo’s lips. What an odd question to ask an athlete from a completely different sport! “I’ll be honest with you dude, I don’t really keep up with it,” he replied callously, “It’s just not my sport, you know? No shade to the players but it ain’t real football, is it?” His words were accompanied with a dumb chuckle and a shrug of his wide shoulders.

Seemingly satisfied with the results of the interview, Julian finally returned the ballpoint point to the breast pocket of his shirt and snapped his notebook shut. “Thank you so much for your time, Mr Messi. It’s been great finally meeting you,” the young man remarked, standing up and offering a hand. Rather than taking it, Leo instead used it to pull the other into a quick bro-hug.

“Not a problem, man. Thanks for the great interview!” he exclaimed, pulling back but keeping his strong grip on Julian’s shoulders. “I hope you’ll come to one of our games this season, yeah?” Only once receiving a nod on confirmation did Leo let Julian go and begin guiding him back to the door.

They conversed as they walked, the young reporter explaining that the interview would probably be posted in just a few hours and would of course be the main story on the Ripanaugh Sports homepage. Leo promised to promote it on his social media channels - he loved being one of the biggest names in his sports and wanted to one day outshine the likes of Brady, Brees and Rodgers to prove that it wasn’t just QBs who could be superstars!

Stepping out onto his balcony once he’d sent Julian off with a slap on the ass, Leo looked out across the Kansas City skyline and let out a sigh of contentment. He was rather pleased with how that interview had gone, even if he couldn’t quite shake the idea that there was something he’d forgotten. Oh well, it couldn’t be that important. Besides, his business manager was already emailing through a number of new sponsorship opportunities for him to consider before the football season finally got started. Leo would mull over them while watching back tape from that day’s practice camp. He was a student of the game, after all, and loved his sport more than anything else in the world.

Besides, what else was there to do with his evenings? Watch soccer? Not likely!