Body Team Part 1: 5 NOV 2022 (Patreon)

0600 6 NOV. 2022

“Thanks for the kind words, Phil! I'll will be doing my best to stay warm this year on the campaign trail with my 'These Hands Vote!' mittens -- whiiiicccch I'm told, if you use the QR code on your screen right now -- you can get at our Midterm 2022 e-shop! How exciting!"

"It really is a great deal, CeCe. And the perfect Christmas gift! All proceeds go to charitable causes and democratic awareness campaigns."

"And you'll need those mittens if you're following the newly revived Carroll campaign, Phil! It's cold out here! I'm speaking to you from the side of Farm Road 89 in Blackwell, Missouri. This unincorporated territory houses very little besides great deer hunting, freezing winds, and the ranch compound of Gary Carroll, former Republican senator in the state legislature and -- until a few weeks ago -- GOP frontrunner for Roy Blunt's seat in the US Senate."

"I don't think our informed listeners need much introduction to the trials of Mr. Carroll, at this point."

"Indeed, Phil. The so-called 'Cavitygate' scandal has been on the minds of many Americans as one of the more shocking October surprises in recent political history. Last month, a sting operation performed by the US Army Police School at Fort Lenard Wood uncovered a ring of smugglers allegedly using the bodies of dead servicemen to smuggle cash and drugs into the US from Afghanistan. Democratic Senate hopeful Diana Caufield announced that her campaign had identified a number of the accused servicemen as former squadmates of Gary Carroll's Ranger team -- as confirmed by GOP hopeful's own  2009 bestselling memoir, Fist from the Sky.'

"...Oh! Yes, also available in our election e-shop."

"Yes, Phil. Subsequent investigations have since revealed that these same squadmates made considerable donations to Mr. Carroll's 2012 state legislature run, as well as his current campaign for US State. This, of course, was followed last week by the joint press conference of Mr. Carroll's second wife and ex-wife, announcing the former's intent to file for legal separation and reiterating the earlier allegations of sexual deviancy and extramarital affairs that led to his resignation in 2013 from the MO Senate."

"Covered live on this network. Check our video archives on the app."

"Of course, Phil. For two weeks, we've heard nothing from the Carroll campaign. Most staffers previously in contact with the media have either refused comment or since resigned. Recent polling has Democrats ahead by 12 points. It was looking to be a huge upset for Republicans in a very safe state, but big news this morning, Phil! Late last night, sources from within the Carroll organization announced that Gary Carroll will resume his campaign, with only three days left before voters hit the polls!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, CeCe, but the only thing we were expecting to hear from the Carroll camp was a concession. This is unprecedented, am I right?"

"Things did look grim, Phil. But sources inside the campaign have told me personally that Carroll's absence from the public in the last few weeks was *quote*far from a surrender*end quote*.  We're being told the candidate took the time off to reconcile with family, consult religious leaders in prayer, and prepare a defense against the *quote* entirely false allegations concocted by DC elites *end quote*.”

“I feel like we’ve seen this playbook before, CeCe.”

“And it could work, Phil! As you know, Missouri is a deep-red state and a deep foundation in the GOP base. Even after recent scandals, Carroll was still projected to win in many rural counties. Our analysts agree that -- while a long shot – it is possible for Gary Carroll to be Missouri’s next senator. The race is on! Provided no federal charges are filed in the next three days, of course.”

“Or maybe even then! It is Missouri, after all.”

“Hahahaha. Absolutely, Phil”

“Hahahaha.”

“Hahahaha. Back to you!”

Thad: Annaliase Gatlin/ FBI Agent (DG)/ "Pointsman"
Aaron: Harold Siler/ FBI Agent (DG)
Greg: Mace Hoffman/ Criminal (DG)/"Shackleford Class" 
Maddy: Dedrick Peppers/ PR Consultant (Friendly)
Ross: Terry Stout/ Speech Writer (Friendly)