Chapter 228 (Patreon)

Time until Phase Two. Six hours.

Zev: You two need to be back in four and a half hours. You’re going on Odette’s show, and you’re going to walk straight from there to the Phase Two onboarding chamber.

Donut: OKAY ZEV!

Zev: Just an FYI. Harbinger will be there again, observing virtually. He’s insisting on it. And yes, we’ve alerted your attorney who will also be present.

The message came just as we entered the Desperado Club. I ignored it and continued to talk.

“Most of these decks seem to be themed,” I said. Clarabelle waved us through without saying a word. “The cards play off each other. We need to come up with combos for our own deck. What we have now is pretty eclectic.”

“There’s not much we can do about that at this point,” Donut said. “Everybody else is saying the same thing. The bad guys are always using consumable cards. We have to fight over and over, but they only fight once, and they get to use really expensive and hard-to-find cards. It’s not fair! If we use up our consumables, then we won’t have anything good for the next fight. But everyone seems to think we’ll start to have more choices once the next phase begins, and we can start moving things around once we can steal cards from the bad guys.”

“True.” I was glad Donut was finally starting to put her mind to this, and I was especially glad she was talking strategy with the others. I could talk deck strategy all day, but I wouldn’t be the one making spur-of-the-moment decisions.

We’d lost the second of our three deck-on-deck fights against a muddy blob guy whose deck was all tanks and snare cards. I’d deliberately held back on this one. I wanted to see what sort of strategy he’d use.

The blob guy had hit Shi Maria with the same Damnation card we had, and she’d wasted her time fighting a rolling mud ball with a high dodge. The spider had finally killed it after Donut hit her with Greased Lightning, only to have the deck master blob summon another one of the same monsters. When Shi Maria timed out and was sent to the discard pile thanks to the Damnation snare, she’d been enraged and screaming.

Then Raul and Asojano both got themselves frozen and killed, all by various snare cards. The moment Donut had no totems, one of the mudballs rolled up and exploded, hitting us with specks of sludge, causing us to lose the fight.

For the third fight, it was an enormously fat, female, pink-skinned orc named The Luau. She was dressed in Hawaiian gear, complete with a lei, a grass skirt, and coconut bra, plus she had a little piglet guy a third her size off to the side playing the congos for some reason. She immediately summoned a lizard thing called a Mo’o, which looked like a human-sized version of the gecko from those ridiculous car insurance commercials, though it had a spear and breathed fire. I wasted a low-powered hob-lobber and drilled it across the field. It’d worked. The small explosion killed all three. The fight lasted less than five seconds.

“That was a waste of a practice,” Donut had said after.

“Maybe,” I’d said. “But that’s what we’re going to try to do when these start for real. If they’re going to let me use my regular attacks, I’m going to exploit the hell out of it. If we kill them fast, we’ll have access to their full deck before they can waste any of those valuable consumable cards. Now let’s go back and do some more fights in the easy arena. We need to talk to our totems.”

We’d spent some time working on getting our cards to attack as quickly as possible. The problem was, our current deck wasn’t really conducive to speed. Shi Maria was fast when she wanted to be. Also, Geraldo was fast enough, as was Skylar Spinach. But that was it. Raul the crab required time to cast all of his spells. Asojano and Jesus were both immature idiots. We really needed to work on the deck itself.

“I’m starting to think maybe 18 cards is too much,” I said. “If we have a tighter deck, we can control the flow of the battle. We need to get the totems onto the field as soon as possible. The more cards we have, the slower you’ll pull them. What we need is more practice.”

“We’re not going to practice when we don’t have any money left, Carl. I mean, really. You’re spending money like Miss Beatrice in a shoe shop with this stuff.”

We entered the main dining room of the Desperado Club. Katia sat at the table, surrounded by Bautista, Imani, Elle, and Louis. She did not look happy.

“We’ll figure it out,” I said as Donut gasped and rushed away. She jumped to the table and then to Katia’s shoulder. She bumped her head into hers. Katia was in her regular human form, and she was sobbing. She looked like a mess. The stench of vomit filled the restaurant.

“I’m sorry,” Katia said as I came to sit down. “I’m sorry.”

I put my hand on her knee. I still had no idea of the full extent of what was happening.

“You’re okay,” I said, feeling strangely hesitant. “You’re here now with us.”

“It was so real, Carl. It was like I was there. It’s so much better than the blitz sticks.”

“Blitz sticks?” I asked. I exchanged a look with Imani, who was rubbing her back. Louis was holding onto a bucket.

“I can’t,” Katia said. “I...” She leaned forward and vomited into the bucket as Donut howled and jumped away.

Donut: WOW, CARL. SHE’S PUKING A WHOLE RAINBOW OF COLORS.

“It’s okay,” I said when she was done. “You don’t have to explain.” The words came out much more cold than I intended.

“This bucket is getting really full,” Louis said, looking down into it worriedly. “I don’t know where it’s all coming from.” An elf waitress zipped by. “Hey, can I get another bucket?” She ignored him.

“Oh god,” Katia said as she leaned into the bucket again.

Donut: MORDECAI DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH KATIA?

Mordecai was still in the guild, working at his alchemy table. Now that everyone knew about the little changeling kids he was fostering, he wasn’t using all of his free time to watch over them, instead relegating it to the workers out in the public area of the guild. That led to Mordecai spending more and more time at his workbench. He barely left now except to get more supplies.

Mordecai: I do. I’ve been talking with Imani. Katia is addicted to four different drugs. Good news is we have a cure for all four of them, including the blitz. A cure for the addiction portion, at least. Two of the cures are readily available in the market, and Imani has picked up both. I’m working on the other two. Imani has given the first cure to Katia, which is why she’s puking like that. The problem is she’s already jacked up her stats. It’s not good. Everything is scrambled. Her intelligence took a hit, though it’s actually still higher than I thought it was from before thanks to the blitz, which seems to have been going on for a while. Her highest stat, constitution, has taken a big hit. Her strength is higher. Her Charisma took a hit. She’ll be permanently susceptible to any sort of addictive spells from now on. She’s probably forgotten a spell or two. And she’s probably lowered a few skill points.

Carl: For fuck’s sake.

I immediately thought of my dad. The image of the man came unbidden, and it surprised me. A wave of anger washed over me, partially at Katia, partially at myself for allowing any part of me to compare the two.

Still, I had to deliberately stop myself from talking out loud, from shouting at her. What the hell is wrong with you? We’re counting on you. People who love you are counting on you. I don’t understand.

I took a breath.

Carl: I don’t understand why she would let this happen. Why would she do this to herself?

Donut: I THINK SHE’S REALLY SAD ABOUT SOMETHING.

Mordecai: Look, guys.

Nothing else came through the chat for almost a full minute while Katia continued to vomit. I just stared at her, not trusting myself to say anything helpful. I caught Bautista’s eyes, and he appeared angry as well, though I wasn’t certain why.

Mordecai continued.

Mordecai: We all deal with this stuff in different ways. This is how she’s doing it. It’s not right. It’s not healthy. But it’s what she did, and it’s done. She needs help, and she needs your understanding.

Jesus, I thought. I caught sight of Katia’s right hand with the missing fingers as she vomited again. I remembered that day, when she’d lost them. It was the fight with the mantaur. We’d left her alone on the platform, and she’d been crying. She could recreate the fingers easily, but lately she’d been choosing to leave her hand like this.

I’m losing myself, she’d said.

The anger didn’t leave, but I was finally starting to realize it wasn’t Katia whom I was angry with.

Elle ran off, shouting for another bucket. Bautista and Imani continued to rub her back.

I do understand, I thought after a moment. I don’t want to. That’s the problem.

I sent Mordecai a private, one-on-one message while Donut clucked over her.

Carl: Tell me about these drugs she’s on.

Mordecai: There’s Travis Priest, I don’t know why it’s called that, but it’s basically a really strong painkiller. It’s nasty and addictive, and it’s what I had Imani cure first. That’s why she’s probably still vomiting. There’s something called Creamsicle Charm. It’s basically ground up fairy wings. That one is a bit like shrooms, but it also makes you forget your worries. That one isn’t so addictive, but we’re going to give her the cure for it just in case. I’m already working on it. Then there’s the blitz sticks, which is like weed plus a hallucinogen that shows you non-existent memories, which is why they’re so damn addictive. The cure for that is a patch she’ll have to wear on her skin for a while. Imani has it ready to go, and we’re going to give it to her next. Katia has been on the blitz for a while, which means it’s going to be hard to get out of her system, believe me. Finally there’s Glory Bound, which she’s only taken once, thank goodness. That’s the bad one and is the most addictive, by far. It puts her in a coma and allows her to relive a memory. Like blitz, but much, much stronger. Combined with Creamsicle and Travis Priest, she would’ve completely forgotten where she really was for a short while. She basically would’ve just gone back in time and fully re-experienced something. The problem with all of these is that it really fucks your brain up, and they all eventually stop working if they don’t outright kill you.

Carl: What’s the cure for that one?

Mordecai: It’s not easy. The way that one works is if she doesn’t get more, she’ll slowly go insane, unable to tell the difference between then and now. So the cure is basically a bad trip of Glory Bound. I take a regular dose and add some stuff to it. She’ll have to re-live one of her worst memories. It’s pretty fucked up.

Carl: So, she’ll be out for another ten hours? We have shit to do now. We’re doing the switchover in a few hours.

Mordecai: Yep. Timing is going to be an issue. Assuming she’s even able to fight, we’ll have to wait until her team gets their key. I have something that’ll hold off the hallucinations until then, but it won’t last for long.

Carl: Damnit. We also have that thing Katia and I have to do. It’s not something that’ll be easy. If I do it myself, I don’t think it’ll count. She’s the one that has to open up that lockbox to get to that orchid thing.

We needed to kill Astrid now. I wanted to make certain Katia had access to the orchid before Donut and I went to Odette. Huanxin’s promise to help Katia was only good if I secured Odette’s participation as our adjutant. This might be our last chance.

Katia seemed to have stopped vomiting for now. Donut was on the table, rubbing herself back and forth on Katia’s arm. Louis slow-walked the full bucket toward the bathroom while the elf waitress watched him, her arms crossed. All around, crocodilian guards in tuxedoes watched us as well, including one who was moving to cut Louis off. They probably didn’t like the idea of someone dumping magical, psychedelic puke in their bathrooms.

I checked my view counter. It was spiked. The whole universe was watching this drama. My head hurt. That rushing feeling was in full force, flowing through me.

It was like I knew. I could sense it, this conversation I was about to have.

Mordecai: Listen, Carl. There’s an alternate solution to this you need to consider.

I looked up into the air.

I will burn this whole thing to the ground. Goddamn you all.

Carl: What do you mean?

But I knew exactly what he meant. I knew exactly what he was going to say. I made him say it anyway.

Mordecai: I’m helping Katia with this because she’s become my friend. No, more than that. She’s part of my family. She’s one of the most powerful crawlers in the game, and everyone is better off with her here. Plus it’s the right thing to do. It’s what good people do. When someone falls, you hold out your wing, and you help them back up. You, Carl, you’re helping her for the same reason. That, plus you have this sense of honor that’s going to get you killed. I know you love Katia...

I felt a strange panic rise up in my chest as he paused.

Mordecai: But I also know you love Donut more.

Carl: No. We’re not doing this. Not now.

Mordecai: Son. I can’t have this conversation with Donut, but this needs to be said. The right thing to do is to help Katia. Yes. But the smart thing, and the safe thing is to step back and let her self-destruct. We’re helping her because that’s what we want to do. But we have to look at the facts. It’s either her or Donut. She thought she found a solution to the problem with the crown of the sepsis whore, but she’s the one who self-sabotaged it. It’s not your fault. It’s not Donut’s fault. And honestly, it’s not Katia’s fault. Some breaks aren’t clean.

Carl: No. We’re not giving up on her, and I don’t want you to bring it up again.

Mordecai didn’t answer. I knew he thought I was being stubborn. Stupid. Suicidal, even.

He was right. I didn’t care.

It’s going to get worse before it gets better. We’re going to lose more friends. We’re going to have to do some pretty horrible things just to survive.

Katia looked at me, made a little groan, and wiped her mouth. I was staring at her intently.

“Carl?” she asked.

“Samantha is inside the guild,” I said. “I’d do it myself, but you’re the one with the drawing skills. Imani is going to give you the patch for the blitz. You’re going to pull yourself together, and we’re going to do this. You and me. We only have three hours. We don’t know if we’ll get another chance. It has to be now.”

“Okay,” she said. She started to pull herself up.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Bautista said, pushing her back down.

“Don’t touch me like that,” Katia snapped, pushing him away. “Don’t ever touch me like that.”

“You can do this later,” Bautista said, glaring at me. “We have time. There may be entrances to the club in phase two. And even if there aren’t, we’ll all be back here for the last phase. You can do it then.”

“Carl...,” Imani began.

“No,” I said, taking them all in. “No. It has to be now.”

Donut: CARL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON’T BE MEAN TO KATIA.

“He’s right,” Katia said, coming to stand next to me. She was shivering and stank like vomit. “I’m okay. I’ll be okay.”

“Fine. Kill yourself. But I won’t stand by and watch,” Bautista said. He turned and stormed from the club.

“You have almost a dozen debuffs that won’t run out for several hours,” Imani said coldly. Her translucent butterfly wings flapped angrily.

“Then do what you can for me. Please,” Katia said.

Her dark eyes bored into Katia. “All right, but before you go, I gotta put that blitz patch on your ass. And I’m going to give you a few other buffs that might make you sick again for a minute, but they’ll keep you from passing out.”

Katia gave me a look, and I nodded. She reached over and squeezed my hand. She felt alarmingly weak.

“Okay,” Katia said to Imani. “But let’s do it in the bathroom. Louis’ bucket is full.”

“I’m coming with you!” Donut announced, and bounded off after them before I could object. “They have very nice bathrooms on this floor.”

Carl: Donut, make sure you give her some space. I’m pretty sure her stomach hurts.

Elle, who’d been strangely quiet through all this, watched Katia, Imani, and Donut disappear around the corner. She turned and met my eyes. The only ones left in the restaurant were me, her, and Louis, who still had the bucket of vomit. Apparently they hadn’t let him into the bathroom with it. He finally gave up and stuck it in his inventory.

“Hey,” he said. “I just got an achievement for storing a bucket of vomit.”

Elle crossed her arms, still glaring at me. “I hope you know what you’re doing, cowboy. If anything happens to her, we’re gonna have a problem with Tony the Tiger.”

“I know,” I said. “Trouble has been brewing there for a while. If we can pull this off, it’ll put us on the road to fixing all of that.”

“Why the hurry, though?”

“It has to be now,” I said. “I have a terrible feeling about phase two. I think everything’s about to change again.”

Elle nodded. “Just don’t let her die. And make sure you guys get that key in the next phase.”

“You and Imani, too,” I said. “I hate that you’re on separate teams.”

She nodded again. “We’re going to make sure we pick different places for phase two, so they don’t make us fight one another. We both have solid teams. My squatch squad will kick anybody’s ass, and Imani traded her alien guy for that unique mothman card. I think she’ll be okay.” She paused. “Man, I thought for sure Louis would be the first of us to crack. Poor kid.”

“I’m standing right here,” Louis said.

“But you know what,” Elle continued. “I think this is good. You forcing her back into the pool. I don’t know who you two have to kill for certain, but the fact you have to meet back here...” She shook her head, not wanting to say anything further. We’d automatically lose the quest if anyone said it out loud. “I hope you have a good plan.”

I looked at the corner where Donut, Imani, and Katia had disappeared. “We do. It’s dangerous, though. And a little crazy.”

Elle grunted. “What else is new?”

~

Hi everyone! I'm still recovering from the 20Books plague that knocked out 40+% of the attendees. It was totally worth it though. I hope you're all doing well.

I just rewrote this whole chapter based on the next chapter, which I'm still fiddling with. I sure hope jumping into an ill-advised, do-or-die situation with a half-baked idea and someone who isn't ready will work out for everyone involved. I just hope everyone I like survives.

Raul is very happy he survived getting combined in the latest poll.