Chapters 105, 106, 107 - The End of the Iron Tangle (Patreon)

Chapter 105

Time to Level Collapse: 17 Hours

Time to the Opening of the Stairwells: 11 Hours

When Katia had performed her crowd blast, quickly followed by me tossing the twin boom jugs, we’d killed several of the larger-sized Krakaren monsters at the same time. I didn’t know if it was because we’d killed them all at once, or if the constant fighting and killing had finally added up to some lifetime load limit. Whatever it was, soon after, the two closest soul crystals had popped. At least that was what I was gambling on. I suspected the bigger the Krakaren beasts grew, the more of a burden each one put on the crystals when they died.

This was likely all by design. A part of the game. A way to keep everything “fair.” In fact, I also suspected killing one of those province bosses likely had the side effect of blowing every soul crystal in the area.

Elle: First off, there was one of those weird-ass double stack boss dudes on the employee line. A mantaur or whatever they’re called. I thought they were regular NPCs, but he attacked us. We took care of it. But make sure there’s a sentry on that employee entrance in case there’s more. Anyway, station 12 is definitely the one that blew. All the monsters are dead. There’s not even that much rubble, not like the last one. There’s loads of corpses. The crystal is still floating in the middle of the room above the burnt-out generator, but it’s not glowing anymore. It’s tiny, like the size of a marble. There’s a hole in the floor here, too, but nothing is coming up.

Imani: Look through the hole in the floor and see if you can see through to the other room. Don’t go down there. Look quick and then come back.

Elle: I’m walking up now. Yeah. Hey Katia, has anybody called you a genius lately? The hole goes all the way to the other room. There’s about a 20-foot drop, and there’s another door. That room looks burnt-out, too. Weird. It’s upside down. What a trip. Hang on, I’m going to drop a rock in to see what happens.

Imani: Don’t. Just come back.

Elle: Oh, unwad your panties. What are we calling the inbetween space? The escape tunnel?

Donut: WE ARE CALLING IT THE NOODLE.

Elle: I dropped a rock, and it fell all the way into the room across the way, but then it fell back. It hit the edge of the hole, bounced once, and then it rolled along the interior of the noodle. I thought it would float in the middle, but it looks like “down” is just toward the closest interior wall. You could walk a loop-de-loop in the thing and always feel like you’re standing upright. Like one of those carnival rides that spins really fast. I wonder what would happen if I balanced a rock exactly in the middle. Maybe it would float.

“Imani,” I said. “I need a team to help us fight our way back to my last interdiction cart.” We’d left it turned on upon the track, plugging the southward hole toward the train station. However, the mobs were coming from all directions now. Hopefully they’d left it alone. “If it’s still there, Donut, Katia, and I are going to jump on and then head toward the train station. I’ll need to keep three or four of them with us because we’re going to need to lift the thing up.”

“What about the mimic?” Imani asked.

“We’re not going to approach it. But if it comes for us, we’ll just hit it with the portal again.”

She looked at me dubiously. “All right. I’ll ask for volunteers.”

But before she even finished, Li Jun, Zhang, and Li Na were suddenly there, right by my side.

“He has his volunteers,” Li Jun said.

“What about the rest of your team?” I asked. I looked for the others. I recognized their old boss, one of the men we’d saved from the Maestro. He was standing next to the mushroom guy and several of the others, defending one of the four exits.

“They are needed here. We will help best we can and return,” Li Jun said. “It is the least we can do.”

“Awesome,” I said, looking at the three in turn.

I hadn’t had the time to examine, or meet, Li Na yet, but I examined her now. I remembered her as a slight, almost mousy woman. She was taller now, rail thin. Her skin was deathly pale, ghost-like. She still resembled the woman she was, but her face had taken on an odd, demon-like appearance. Her mouth was almost twice as wide as it should be, and her brow was deeply ridged. A short pair of black horns stuck up through her black hair. She wore a flowing, white and red robe with long, wide arms that almost reached the floor. Chains hung from the arm holes, and they dragged as she walked, causing her to jingle. I knew from the recap episode that she had at least four different chains she fought with. One caught on fire and another tossed wind blades when she swung it like a lasso over her head. One could keep mobs immobilized. She was level 30 and her race was something called a Changbi. Her class was the ominous-sounding Slave Driver.

She met my gaze, her dark eyes boring into me. Despite her disturbing appearance, I could see why Zhang had a thing for her. There was something there, deep and alluring. But also terrifying. She had an I-might-murder-you-at-any-moment-but-it’ll-probably-be-fun-for-both-of-us aesthetic.

She bowed slightly. “Thank you for saving me and my brother. Twice.” She turned to Donut and bowed again.

“You are quite welcome,” Donut said, swishing her tail.

“Okay,” I said. “We have a lot to do, and not much time to do it. But the first step is to get to that cart.”

“Maybe you should tell us the whole plan before we dive headfirst into battle,” Li Na said. “In case you die, then we will know what the mission is and can carry on.”

Donut: SHE DOES HAVE A POINT, CARL.

~

Li Na, it turned out, was pretty damn smart. And intense. She reminded me of Chris, Brandon’s brother, who was still in the wind somewhere, mixed in with a little Imani. And Hekla. She did not talk often, but when she did speak, it was usually to point out an obvious flaw in my plan. Both Li Jun and Zhang were too timid to tell me if I was full of shit. Donut wasn’t, but she rarely had an alternate plan. Katia often had good ideas, but she was prone to second-guessing herself. I could tell right away Li Na would not suffer any fools, and if she opened her mouth, everybody around her paused to hear what she had to say.

That, I knew, meant we would probably never work well together as a party. Not after this, not if we wanted to remain friendly with one another. I thought she was pretty cool, but I could tell she was quickly getting irritated with me. That was okay. Small teams that occasionally worked together was still the best way to go. There possibly was a formal way to attach separate parties according to the cookbook, but it didn’t get turned on until the sixth floor. A guild system. It was only mentioned in the 22ndedition of the cookbook, so I didn’t know for certain if it was still a thing or an idea they hadn’t kept. That happened a lot. I hoped it remained.

It was Li-Na’s idea to raise up the Def Leppard cart and then poke at the ass of the province boss on the other side of the noodle. If we enticed it to attack, it’d hit the portal and teleport to the abyss. “It’ll sweeten the pot and give us an additional fall-back point,” Li-Na had said.

It was a fantastic idea, and I told her so. We couldn’t kill the thing, but we could at least get it the hell out of here. We’d have to do this now before we left. I quickly told the others the plan.

The monsters continued to come at us in waves from the hallways. It was constant, though less intense than before. About twenty percent of the people on my chat were just gone, which was a devastating amount, but honestly, it was much less than I anticipated. It turned out the Krakaren monsters had invaded all the transfer stations, but the regular, empty stations that weren’t prime numbers or stairwell stations did not have trap doors in them, and those places all had only a single entrance. Bautista and his group were set up at stations 64, 65, and 66, splitting into three groups. Each station had a short, easily-defensible entrance that was at the top of a thin set of stairs. All around the tangle, others were doing the same.

I warned everyone to keep at least two stations away from either station 12 or 72, the two types of station with soul crystals. We were going to attempt to blow them all at once.

But there were several things I had to do first, starting with this province boss. As Li Na had said, teleporting this thing to the abyss would just add to the pile.

There hadn’t been any Krakaren mobs in the noodle for a while now, but we’d had dozens of reports of the boss from the other side seeping its way into the opposite room, thus occupying both. People who had abandoned their station 36 were fighting their way back to find a giant boss in the room, a boss they couldn’t handle.

The province boss directly across from our room hadn’t attempted to come in our space, likely because of the portal. Li-Na’s idea was to raise up the Def Leppard cart, leaving enough room for someone to lean in and get its attention. We could only lift the cart an additional foot, but that was enough for Donut to carefully stick her head into the hole and peer across the way to the other room to see if there even was a boss there. There was nothing on her map, but that didn’t mean anything.

“Be careful,” I said worriedly. If even a whisker touched the portal, she’d be zapped away to the abyss. We didn’t dare turn it off. We should have used Katia for this, but Donut had insisted.

“It’s there,” Donut said as she peered into the escape tunnel. The noodle. “It’s just hair and quivering skin covering up the hole. It’s disgusting. It looks like one of those guys whose pants doesn’t cover his butt. Like when your smelly friend used to come over and play video games while you two lied about your exploits with women. What was his name? Monobrow Sam? Really, Carl. I don’t know why you had such revolting friends.”

“Okay, pull back,” I said. “Goddamnit, be careful. Watch your head.”

She backed up and looked at me.

“I got an achievement just for looking at it! At the boss, I mean. Not your friend’s butt. But I should’ve received an award for having to see that, too. The monster is glowing blue. And another color. It’s sparkling.”

“It’s a province boss. It probably has a million buffs going at once. Can we get on with this? You’re probably going to get another achievement for hitting it with a magic missile, too.”

“It’s going to be a good one,” Donut said. “I have a full-powered shot stored in my glasses, and I’m going to hit it with a double shot.”

A group of crawlers detached the chain holding the cart up and held onto it. I threatened each and every one of them not to drop it prematurely.

Donut leaned in, shot it, then scrambled back. “I hit it! I hit it!”

The monster bellowed, a thousand mouths suddenly shrieking at once. “Drop it! Drop the cart!” I called. The crawlers groaned, lowering the cart back into place. I locked the chain while I secured the lower chain.

The moment I did, the whole cart shuddered. I felt it. It had worked.

“Fuck yeah,” I said. I turned to Li Na and held up my hand. “High five.”

She just looked at me. “If I touch you with my hand, you will experience excruciating pain throughout your entire body that will cause you to lose control of your bladder and bowels.”

“Okay, then,” I said. “Moving on.”

A blast hit the portal, and the whole thing shook.

Something screamed. Loud and high-pitched, though not nearly as loud as before. Another blast hit it.

“Shit,” I said. “Maybe we only got some of it.”

“I knew this was a bad idea,” Imani said. “We should have left it alone.”

“These portals are pretty stout,” I said. “Nothing can get through it.” I didn’t actually know if that was true or not.

“Hello? Who’s there?” a voice called from the other side of the portal. He had a nasally British accent, like how a spoiled prince might sound. “Show yourselves, you cowards!” A moment passed, and then he screamed. Each cry was loud and short. It was unlike anything I’d ever heard. “You have deprived me of my prey, and I demand satisfaction!”

“Carl, it’s another crawler,” Donut said. “Look at the map.”

I looked over at Katia. “Turn off the portal, but get ready to flip it back on.”

She nodded and rose into the air on stilt-like legs to reach the controls. The portal flickered and turned off. I leaned over and looked down. Across the way another crawler stared down at me, also standing at the edge of the noodle and looking in. We met eyes over the distance.

“Carl,” he said. “I should have known such a colossal fuck-up could only be perpetrated by such a colossal dolt.”

“Hello, Prepotente,” I said.

The goat creature screamed, suddenly and unexpectantly, causing me to almost jump out of my skin. There was no reason for it.

“What the hell,” someone muttered behind me.

Prepotente went on as if nothing had happened. “Oh, hello, Donut,” he said, brightening. “Well met. You are even more delightful in person. I’ve been wishing to meet you for some time now. We are two of a kind, you and I. From what I understand we’re the only two remaining Earth creatures in the dungeon who have gained true sapience. I was so very disappointed to learn you’d obtained access to the Desperado Club and not Club Vanquisher. I do wish to share a brandy with you some time and to discuss our unique circumstances. Now, Carl. Is that other one with you? The murderer? If so, then there are five of the top ten here all at once. That must be a first.”

“We have a few former top tens in here,” I said. “Now what the hell are you doing over there?”

“What do you think? I was about to kill the boss. I had it asleep and entranced, and I was working on lowering its blood pressure enough to initiate cardiac arrest. Another two hours, and it would’ve worked, too. And when it perished, it would have blown multiple soul crystals, thus causing a chain reaction throughout the entire system that would allow our fellows to proceed to the next floor. Instead, I am now looking through a hole in the floor at definitive proof that humans and Neanderthals are related. Where, pray tell me, did you teleport my target to?” the goat asked.

“To the abyss. Why don’t you come over here and call me a neanderthal to my face?”

He screamed.

“Gentlemen,” Imani said, appearing next to me. “Both of you put your dicks away. We don’t need this right now.”

“I could kill you,” Prepotente said. He said it to Imani. “I could crunch on your bones and glory in the sound that they made when they splintered.”

“Bitch, what?” Imani demanded, her demeanor changing on a dime.

He screamed.

Thwap! The goat bleated in pain as he was smacked in the head with a stick. The attack came from someone standing right next to him. He disappeared from view, but he kept screaming, over and over in short bursts just out of sight. e A new head appeared in the hole. A woman.

“I want you to sit there and think about what you’ve said, Pony,” she said over her shoulder. This was Miriam Dom. The human shepherd. The goat lady, they called her. She was about forty years old, a little plump and dark-haired. She carried a long staff with a hook at the end like she was goddamned Little Bo Beep. She had a gentle, Italian accent.

“Don’t you mind him,” the woman said. “He says things like that, but he doesn’t mean them. He was always a little ornery, even before the change. It’s nice to meet you all. Sorry for the disturbance.”

The goat returned to the hole and screamed once again. I didn’t know how the hell she put up with this. Jesus fuck.

“I will kill you tonight as you sleep,” Prepotente said to Miriam as he rubbed his head. I saw, then, that he had human-like fingers, though his fingernails were long and curled and black. Whatever change he’d undergone to make him intelligent was different than the one Donut had undergone.

“No you won’t, sweetie,” she said. She reached over and kissed the goat on the top of the head where she’d whacked him.

“Do it again,” he said a moment later. “It still hurts.”

“Only if you’re a good boy. And apologize to those two.”

He nodded solemnly and looked down at us. “I’m sorry I wanted to murder you.”

“Good Pony,” Miriam said and kissed the goat on the head.

Prepotente screamed.

“I have questions,” I said. “So very many questions.”

“Maybe some other time, Sweetie,” the woman said. “We need to find a different boss monster now. Ciao!”

They both departed from view. A new creature appeared, but only for a moment. It was huge and dark and covered with phantom, black flames that flickered with wisps that drank the light. Three pairs of human-like breasts ran down the monster’s underside. This was another goat, transformed. It was the size of a horse. We’d seen this thing before. Mordecai had called it a hellspawn familiar. It made a wet chittering noise, something I felt deep in my bones. The air crackled with heat as it passed.

I exchanged a look with Imani, and she shook her head. The bizarre exchange told me all I needed to know about that group. We needed to stay the fuck away from them.

“Did you hear that?” Donut said. “He called me delightful!”

~

We had to fight our way to the cart. Imani dispatched a crew to help us grind our way down there. There were still dozens of the Krakaren monsters in the halls and on the tracks. I had no idea how the hell the goat team had survived in this. Reports from around the dungeon were that the waves were still thick everywhere. I knew we could be overwhelmed at any moment, so we needed to hurry.

Both Li Jun and Li Na were ferocious fighters. Li Jun was like a damn kung fu master, flipping through the air and grabbing tentacles and throwing the monsters. Li Na was similar, though she twirled and wrapped the monsters in her chains, paralyzing them, allowing Zhang to cast a spell called Dirt Clod that pummeled them to death with rocks.

All three of them, it turned out, had an immunity to acid attacks. After the incident with the Brindle Grubs on the second floor, it was something all three looked for in their respective classes. I didn’t blame them.

The cart, thankfully, remained where we left it. The monsters had ignored it. It was turned on and facing stop 24, but there weren’t many creatures coming from that direction anymore. Katia set up at the back of the cart, facing backward to take down anything that gave chase. Zhang, Mongo, Li Jun, and his sister stood guard in the middle of the cart while Donut and I took to the cockpit. We had but minutes to get on and get going before a new wave of red dots would descend upon us.

I hit the throttle, and we were off.

My immediate worry was station 24. The last time we passed it, we’d been jumped by Krakaren babies. I knew they’d all gone inside to pull their escape tunnel bullshit, but surely there were more hanging out at the station, just waiting for some dumbasses to stroll on by.

And sure enough, as we blasted past the station, a single Krakaren stood on the platform. This one was huge, a massive octopus thing with swirling tentacles. A neighborhood boss, probably just as big, if not bigger, than the one we’d fought on the second floor. Luckily it was half-slopped onto the track, its giant tentacles casually hanging over the edge of the platform. We hit it with the portal, and it teleported the whole thing away, leaving a wet spot on the tiles as we continued to zoom toward the trainyard. I eased off the throttle after that, coasting to a stop just before we left the tunnel and entered the massive cavern that housed the trainyard.

We needed to get this cart onto the employee line, facing the deeper levels. In order to do that, we had to maneuver the cart to the entrance of the employee line with the portal facing the opposite direction it faced now.

The problem with that was two-fold. One, this cart was a different gauge than the employee line. The wheels were too close together, so we wouldn’t be able to drive it on the tracks. And two, in order to get it there, we had to physically pick up the cart and carry it across dozens of other tracks, all through an area crawling with both ghouls and minions of the mimic.

We eased out of the tunnel and paused, taking in the massive cavern. The main, fenced-in area of trainyard E was still a good half of a mile away. I could see the wrecked remnants of the giant fence. The massive gate still stood, and so did the real administrative building. I could smell the acrid stench of burnt wood and bodies.

The walls here were dotted with dozens of cave entrances, and the ground was filled with just as many train tracks. Corpses lay everywhere, mostly ghouls, but there was a good number of crawlers sprawled throughout.

There had to be five hundred or more monsters between here and the trainyard. Most of them were south of us, near the old building and fence.

The mimic itself was too far away to attack us directly, though I knew from dozens of frantic messages that the monster’s minions and ridiculously-long tongue were causing havoc upon anyone in the area. It loomed huge in the distance, as tall as the chamber, only half-pretending to be a building now. A pair of blimp-sized red eyes glowed. One of the towers in the trainyard collapsed as we watched, though I couldn’t see what had knocked it over.

A group of several dozen crawlers were holed up in that burnt-out administrative building fighting off the waves of ghouls and the mimic’s minions, which were apparently nothing more than giant, car-sized mouths with centipede-like legs. If you chopped them in half, it just made two of them. I could see a few of them from our position in the tunnel. The strange mobs reminded me of those wind-up toys that were nothing but a chattering mouth.

There was another group of crawlers trapped inside of a lone train car in the yard itself, unable to leave because they were within reach of the massive city boss. I only heard about them second-hand, and I had no idea if they were still there or if they had survived.

There was a lot of that, in these last, desperate hours of the fourth floor. Cries for help. Rumors of groups in need.

You will not break me. Fuck you all. You will not break me.

We really needed to deal with this thing. The mimic. It was my goddamn fault it was here in the first place. But other than sneaking past the area, our mission for the moment didn’t involve the monster. I could possibly use the portal cart to teleport it away like we did before. But we were no longer in a tunnel, with the protection that a tunnel provided, and the monster could easily get at us from the side or above or any other angle before we maneuvered the track-based cart at it. It was just too risky.

The plan was to sneak along the wall until we got to the employee line and to carry the large cart in. Hopefully we’d remain undiscovered. We’d need to protect the cart while Elle brought the Nightmare up to meet us. Elle was already in the train, waiting for my signal to come down the track and meet us. She complained that Fire Brandy was being less than helpful and wouldn’t do anything without talking to me first. At least she allowed Elle to move the train.

But then I spied the pair of mantaur creatures guarding the entrance to the employee line, and I knew that plan was out the window. With all the chaos spreading in front of them, they hadn’t noticed us yet. I eased the silent cart backward, slipping it back into the tunnel and out of sight.

“Why did we stop?” Li Na asked.

“Hang on,” I said, thinking. I formed a fist and stared down at my glove. Mantaurs.

Carl: Hey Mordecai. Quick question. If I, uh, accidentally summon the war god Grull, how long do I have before he’s un-summoned?

Mordecai: Run. Don’t fight him. He’s goddamned invulnerable. You can’t kill him. Take my special brew potion. Run. Don’t look back.

Carl: Chill. I haven’t actually summoned him. It’s just a question.

Mordecai: By the gods, Carl. Don’t scare me like that.

Carl: So…?

I actually knew the answer to this already, as it was discussed in my cookbook, but I wanted to confirm it, and I wanted to make sure there was a record of me actually asking the question.

There wasn’t a whole lot about deities in the book. What was there didn’t even warrant its own chapter. I’d found the information stuffed in the middle of the miscellaneous chapter:

<Note added by Crawler Coolie, 19th Edition> There are three types of deity summonings. Avoid all three. Only idiots deal with deities. Some of them are genuine NPCs, but the big ones like Apito and Eris and so forth are always sponsored by some rich prick who basically paid extra to play a game called the Celestial Ascendency. The game is contained on the 12th floor, but the individual gods sometimes get called away. That game is different than the faction wars game and has its own followers and storyline. I don’t really understand, but I do know this. The gods are invulnerable except on the 12th and above floors. They are strong. They kill everything. And there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.

Anyway, the three types of summonings. All three require a physical vessel. Usually a mob. There are celestial boons, which is when a worshipper prays to a god, and he comes to fight for his worshipper. There are indentured summonings, where a powerful mage summons the deity to fight for him for a short time. This is against the god’s will, and they are usually pissed when it happens. And finally there are involuntary summonings. That’s when some poor fool accidentally summons the god because of some trap or spell or just bad luck. The gods are usually pissed about this one, too, but at least they arrive untethered, which allows them to smash everything in sight.

In my short experience, all three scenarios lead to the summoner’s death. Even the first scenario. Don’t trust deities under any circumstance. Just stay the fuck away. That’s my advice.

<Note added by Crawler Forkith, 20thEdition> They may be invulnerable, but they still feel pain. They still bleed. The drivers of these bodies suffer. In honor of my sister, I pray I make it to the 12th floor just so I may slay one. I know this is but a dream, but I will look in the god’s eyes and say to him, “This is for Barkith. This is for my sister.”

Following this was a second note by Coolie, which focused mostly on involuntary summonings, which is what happened when I used my gauntlet. Apparently this was a pretty common thing, a way to collect more sponsorship money. God-summoning equipment was sprinkled throughout the dungeon, allowing for special guest appearances. Oftentimes the deity spots were purchased by celebrities. It was a safe way to get in on the game if one wasn’t part of one of the dynastic families who controlled the armies of the 9thfloor.

At the end of all that, there was one additional note. It wasn’t something I’d be able to utilize any time soon, but it was interesting, and I filed the information away.

<Note added by Crawler Tin, 21stEdition> I have noticed something quite curious. The gods and goddesses are Soul Armor. So when the aliens inhabit the bodies of the gods, they do so like the Intellect Hunters, the Scree, and the Valtay. The aliens are wearing the gods like clothes. That means they can, in theory, be removed with a successful cast of any spell designed to remove biological armor, such as Take That Shit Off and Laundry Day. You’d have to first defeat the invulnerability, of course. Plus it won’t hurt the gods, who will revert to their programing, natural state, whatever you wish to call it, and who knows what’ll happen to the aliens who were driving them. But if you need a god to do your bidding, it might be in your best interest to first shed it of its off-world influence. I have noticed that the aliens are quite unpredictable in their manner.

It took Mordecai an unusually long time to answer my question. I suspected he was consulting with Donut to make sure I wasn’t planning anything stupid.

Mordecai: A deity involuntarily summoned lasts as many seconds as the level of the vessel plus as many seconds as the god’s level. Grull is a sanctum-tier deity, which means he is level 250. Mantaurs are level 40, so it would be for a total of 290 seconds.

That was slightly different than what it said in my book, but the end result was similar. Actually, better. It said they’d last for about five minutes. They probably didn’t know the exact formula. I quickly added it to the book.

Carl: How big will he be?

Mordecai: Why are you asking this?

Carl: Running low on time, Mordecai.

Mordecai: The answer is kind of complicated. The short answer is once summoned, he will grow until he fills the chamber he is in. Like that rage elemental you faced earlier. The real version can change sizes, but if he’s summoned the rules are different. Summoning is a very complicated process that we don’t have time to explain.

Carl: Wait, so if I summon him into a potion vial, he’ll be tiny?

Mordecai: Yes. But he’ll be strong enough to get out unless you build the proper sigil, and none of you are level-20 summoners, so that’s not going to happen.

Carl: Gotcha. One more question. After he’s summoned, how long before I can summon again. Can I summon him again right away?

Mordecai didn’t answer for a long moment.

Mordecai: Once he’s summoned and then unsummoned, you can bring him back right away. There’s no cooldown. You can also steal him from one summoning to a second summoning. So if he’s captured in a sigil, and a worshipper summons him again via a different means, the god will break his containment and move to the new vessel. This… this is very important to know. I learned it the hard way. The hardest way possible.

Carl: Thanks, Mordecai.

Mordecai: Now don’t you even dare think about…

I closed out the chat. I turned to the others. “The plan has changed.”

“To what?” Li Na asked the same time Katia said, “Uh oh.”

“Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out as we go.”

~

I stepped out from the tunnel, loaded the banger sphere in my xistera, and I spun, hurling it at the pair of mantaurs. They were pretty far away, and I honestly didn’t think I could possibly throw the damn thing that distance, but sure enough, the round ball sailed directly at them. My aim was off, but the metal ball hit the ground just in front of them with a plink. One of them reached down to pick up the ball. My second ball was already in the air, and this one hit home, crashing into the creature’s head. He cried out in pain. A distant health bar appeared over him.

Their dots had been the white of NPCs, but the ghouls weren’t attacking them, and I had multiple reports of them attacking all crawlers on sight. Their dots both turned red the moment they saw me there. I waved and waited. They fell forward and started galloping toward us. They moved quickly, but in an odd, halting fashion, straight out of a horror movie.

“They really are disturbing,” Donut said from my shoulder. “They should have two pairs of legs and one set of arms, not one pair of legs and two pairs of arms.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty weird,” I agreed.

"Li Na is really mad at you about this," Donut said. "She called you an idiot."

"That's because I am an idiot," I said. "I've never denied it."

We stepped back into the tunnel to wait for them.

All of us stood in front of the cart. All except Zhang, who now stood in the cart’s cockpit, ready to turn it off if he had to. The portal swirled ominously behind our backs. From the business side of the portal, it looked like a pool of mercury. I had an inexplicable desire to reach out and stick my hand into the pool of magic. And then it would be over. All of this would be over.

The two creatures came galloping up, screaming at the tops of their lungs. They both had their Wolverine-style claws out and ready to engage.

“Hail! The battle is met!” one of them cried just as Katia, who’d been cosplaying as an oddly-placed wall pillar, swung down with all of her might onto the creature’s back, pinning him to the ground like he’d been caught in a mousetrap. She held the powerful creature still the best she could. The creature cried out and scrabbled at the ground with his claws, showering rock.

Li Na bounced off the wall as a glowing chained ratcheted out of her arm on her dress. She flipped in the air, lassoing the chain around the creature’s neck. He glowed blue, called Li-Na a wench, and closed his eyes.

The neighborhood boss fell into unconsciousness. He’d remain that way for a full minute, though she could do it again another four times she said until she had to rest.

Holy shit, she’s something else I thought. How did Li Jun hit the top ten and not her?

And then I saw how Li Jun had earned his spot on the list.

I dropped a smoke curtain as Donut pumped a magic missile into the second mantaur. Katia remained atop the first, but her crossbow appeared and started pumping bolts into him. The creature howled as he stood to his full height. “Kill with power! Die! Die!” he shouted. His clawed hands glinted in the tunnel’s light.

He charged directly in my general location despite the smoke curtain.

Li Jun, standing to my right, had cast a buff onto his hands that caused them to glow red. He slid forward, sliding along the track, and he slammed a fist into the creature’s leg, ducking under a savage swipe that surely would’ve decapitated him. The leg shattered, causing the monster to cry out and tumble forward. Li Jun backflipped as the monster fell, again narrowly dodging a swipe of the claw.

Before I could react, Li Jun bounced off my shoulders and leaped forward. He sailed over the still-falling monster, landing behind him. The creature swiped forward. Mongo, who’d been to my left, dodged and savagely tore at his upper left while a mounted Donut pumped magic missiles point-blank into its head.

“Don’t kill him!” I said, stepping forward. “Get ready!”

“A warrior’s death is a good death,” he croaked just as Mongo tore through his arm, completely severing off the metallic claw. The dinosaur roared, louder than I’d ever heard. Donut was also screaming. She shot one more missile into the creature’s face. Despite all this, that large creature’s health was only about 3/4’s gone.

“Jesus, stop,” I yelled. “Remember what we’re doing here.”

I punched the dazed and dying mantaur in the arm. The one not mangled by Mongo. I felt it break, like a heavy branch snapping.

1.5

I jabbed down with my foot, landing atop the back of the metal blades coming from the top of the creature’s hand. More bone splintered under my heel, bursting suddenly from the skin. The thing groaned in pain. I leaned forward and punched again. And again. I punched until the notification over the creature’s head finally started to blink.

“I feel the power,” he croaked. “He comes. Oh god, my purpose is fulfilled. He is risen!”

A ten-second timer appeared over his head.

“Come on!” I yelled, jumping forward. Me, Li Jun, and Li Na reached down to pick him up. He was heavy as shit, even with our combined strength.

“Grull comes,” he cried. He reached down with his two lower arms and clamped onto the track, making it so we couldn’t push him closer to the portal.

Eight seconds.

“Zhang,” I yelled. We’d anticipated this.

Zhang eased the cart forward as Mongo and Donut scrambled past us, getting out of the way. If we couldn’t bring him to the portal, we’d bring the portal to him. This was dangerous, though, as we had to let go before he got sucked in.

Five seconds.

Carl: On three, we let go. One, two, three drop!

We all jumped back just as the creature’s head hit the portal. The timer was at one second.

He got sucked away.

And at that moment as he disappeared, I realized with horror he’d let go of the track with his lower hand, and he had that same hand wrapped tightly around my foot.

My invulnerability, I thought, as I was also sucked into the portal. I couldn’t feel his hand because my foot is numb. How fucking ironic.

Chapter 106

Entering Trainyard E.

The idea, had it worked properly, would’ve played out something like this:

· We summon Grull, and using the portal to the trainyard, we throw him at the mimic.

· Zhang immediately switches the train portal back to the abyss. It takes ten seconds for this to happen.

· During this time, the war god Grull hopefully kills the mimic.

· Before trainyard Grull does too much additional damage or figures out where we are relative to his position, I pound the second, unconscious mantaur silly in order to initiate the summoning sequence once again. Another ten seconds.

· We throw the second mantaur into the portal, but this time we send him to the abyss. We do it when he has about one or two seconds left on his summoning. That way when he transforms, he’s already on the other side, but it’s before he splats against the pile of the crap at the bottom of the pit.

· The god is now way on the other side of the floor, and he can’t get to us. Not in four minutes and 50 seconds. Possibly—hopefully—he takes his rage out on the multitudes of Krakaren monsters and ghouls and the province boss all piled atop one another.

· With the mimic gone, we get on with the plan, which may or may not be necessary anymore based on what happens at the pit.

For a strategy I’d made up on the fly, I thought it was pretty clever. I suspected most people would have thought that, too.

Had it worked.

Instead, I suspected most of the viewers were instead thinking to themselves: Yep. That idiot was crazy. He jumped right into that portal. Not a surprise he got killed in such a gruesome manner.

All of this ran through my head as I tumbled into the trainyard, spinning painfully next to the glowing mantaur.

A massive pair of red eyes gleefully focused on me. The mimic. Its mouth yawned. Teeth appeared.

The world froze.

Music started to pulse. This was a heavy metal. A deep, pulsing, bass-driven chugga-chugga-chugga.

Ahh, fuck, I thought.

A framed graphic of my face splattered into the air. The words Death Challenge! Stamped onto my face, with blood running from the words.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a treat for you today. It’s the death of a celebrated crawler, Crawler Carl, brought to you live! Who will be the lucky monster to kill him? Who will it be?

On the right, we have one of this floor’s most infamous monsters! A lost soul, some say. The current crawler-killer champion of the floor, with over 23,000 deaths attributed so far. The apex predator of her world, the voracious, the insatiable, the grand impersonator supreme! It’s a city boss! It’s a level 90 Mimic Rex!

The mimic’s portrait slammed into place as the real mimic howled, its train-sized tongue whipping out of it and arcing toward me.

The world froze again.

But will she get to Carl fast enough? On the left, we have nothing short of a god, and while we’re all familiar with Grull, this is the Dungeon Crawler World debut of Grull’s sponsor. Coming to you for the first time ever, once thought dead, thought abandoned by his family, shunned by society, but ready for his comeback. It’s the host of Death Watch Extreme, it’s Prince Maestro of the Skull Empire!

“What the shit?” I muttered as two more portraits slammed onto the screen with digital explosions.

The first was of the Maestro. The hair-covered orc sneered down at me.

The world remained frozen. In my periphery, far beyond the edge of the trainyard I saw movement. It was Donut astride Mongo, galloping full-tilt toward us. She was still far away, and she had dozens of ghouls and minions between her and me. Half were frozen in place, the other, closer half moved toward her. She fired missile after missile at them.

No, I thought. Stay the fuck away. You’re just going to die, too. I tried to send a chat, but it wouldn’t let me.

The portrait of the Maestro became animated for a short moment. It was an interview with him. “Yeah,” he said, his voice echoing oddly throughout the trainyard. “People thought I was on that ship, but my brother had already brought me into the dungeon.” He laughed. “Like I’d be stupid enough to be vulnerable like that. You gotta try harder next time, worms. The Maestro ain’t going down that easily. Oh, and rest well, mom.”

The second portrait was that of Grull. He was a black-skinned, overly-muscular minotaur-like beast, but with a horse’s body. A centaur with the head of a big, pissed-off bull complete with a golden ring in its snout. He held a smoking, double-headed axe.

Frozen on the ground next to me, the mantaur cracked in half. Steam burst forth. It was the only movement in the frozen area of the trainyard. I knew in order to be summoned, Grull had to emerge out of a “vessel” but all that meant was that he would pop out of the body like a chick out of the egg.

The two portraits, of the Maestro and of Grull merged, forming a single picture. The god now had a distinctly Maestro-like face. The portrait sneered down at me from the air.

War God Grull. Level 250. Sponsored by Prince Maestro of the Skull Empire.

Warning: This is a deity. He is invulnerable on this floor.

This god has been involuntarily summoned to this location. Summoning rules apply.

The child of Taranis and Apito, Grull, the god of war, is one of the few trueborn heirs to the Celestial Ascendency. But with an angry streak as long as a horse’s cock, Taranis worries his son may not be the best choice to rule the heavens. Plus his worshippers tend to be donkeys and other equine-themed creatures. It’s a bit unsettling, even to a god.

Grull cannot die. But even if he could, would it really matter? At level 250, he could level this entire floor in a day.

I hope you said your prayers and brought the lube, because you about to get fucked from here to eternity.

The description ended. The portraits all disappeared with a strobing explosion, sprinkling onto the ground like glitter. It was like we were at a goddamned monster truck rally. We were still frozen. The music got louder, faster.

The god has the obvious advantage here, ladies and gentlemen, but the Mimic has the speed, the minions, and the head start. Who will win? Will Carl die screaming? What will be left? Get your bets in now because.

Here.

We.

Goooooooo!

The world unfroze just as light burst into the air from the mangled mantaur body. The mimic tongue lashed at me, fast as a whip, slapping into the still-forming god, tossing it aside. It flew through the air, rocketing away from me.

I rolled and slammed onto the last item in my hotlist. I applied my potion of Invisibility just as the tongue smacked into the spot I’d been.

Dude! Where’d you go? You are invisible for 30 seconds. (Your Intelligence X 2)

Fucking hell, I should have put more points in that damn stat.

The mimic roared in anger. It—she—belched, and a fetid stench washed over the trainyard. A mass of the mouth minions burst forth, chattering. Each one was the size of a rhinoceros. They fanned out, several coming in my general direction.

At the same time, far to my left, trains and rocks and hunks of metal exploded outward as the god formed, rising higher and higher into the air until his head was halfway to the ceiling. I cowered as debris showered around me. One of the minions cried out as it was splattered by a falling rock. The gore sprouted legs and rushed back toward the mimic. On my map, a pulsing and spinning red star appeared, spinning in circles like a buzzsaw.

Grull screamed, his voice as loud as one of those alarm traps. He held the gigantic axe in the air. The handle looked to be a living oak tree, and the metal head of the axe moved, as if it was made of still-molten metal. He swung it up over his head, the axe trailing smoke. The top of the weapon seemed to clear the roof of the chamber by inches. He swung down, hitting nothing. He swung the axe a few times, as if testing the weight and heft of the weapon, which was the size of a goddamned passenger jet in his meaty hands.

The front part of Grull himself stood about four stories tall. Huge. Imposing. Terrifying. Yet, he still seemed small. As if this form was a miniature version of his true form.

The mimic, I realized, was still bigger than the god. But it didn’t seem to matter. It was clear who was stronger.

“Here piglet, piglet,” a deep, rumbling voice called. “You can’t get away from me this time. I’ve been waiting for this.”

I got up to run along the back wall, away from the god and away from the city boss.

Donut: CARL! CARL! WE’RE COMING!

Carl: Donut. Get the fuck away from here. Bring the cart closer and bring that goddamned mantaur. But don’t come into the trainyard. I’m going to angle around and try to run out.

Donut: THE TRAINYARD WALLS MAGICALLY CAME BACK, BUT THEY’RE ONLY HALF VISIBLE. IT’S LIKE THE BOSS BATTLES ON THE FIRST FLOOR. I THINK YOU CAN GO IN, BUT YOU CAN’T COME BACK! YOU’RE STUCK IN THERE. I SAW ONE OF THE MINIONS GO IN, BUT THEN HE COULDN’T COME BACK TO GET ME.

Fuck. Fuck.

The tongue smashed onto the ground twenty feet in front of me, throwing me off my feet. A train car split in half, parts showering everywhere. A pair of the giant mouths made gargling noises as they shuffled forward on their millipede feet. I was about to be cornered, despite being invisible.

Carl: Okay. Forget about me. Continue with the mission. Don’t risk the cart. You need to get the bomb into the abyss. Brandy will walk you through setting the Nightmare up to explode. After, go to Elle and Imani. They’ll take care of you.

Donut: DON’T BE AN IDIOT, CARL. THAT’S NOT FUNNY.

Grull cleaved down with his axe, hitting the ground. The entire world shook. He was facing away from me, but I flew off my feet. The ground all around where he hit buckled and tore up, like it’d been struck with a meteor. The shockwave hit me, and it felt as if I’d been hit with a train. I hit the ground, bounced off the wall, and tumbled and rolled. I hit the edge of a portal. One of the portals the named trains used to go back to the loop. My heart leapt, but only for a moment. The portal was turned off. All of the trainyard portals were off.

Carl: Goddamnit, Donut. I’m fucked. Go. Get out of here before he sees you.

My health was in the red. I took a potion. I turned from the wall and ran along the tracks, running between a pair of named engines sitting cold. I could see the glowing walls of the trainyard, a quarter mile away. To my left, Grull loomed, slowly turning. The mimic’s tongue lashed into the air.

I had but seconds left on my invisibility. I contemplated just staying here, between the trains. I was hidden. But for how long?

A shadow appeared, blocking the exit between the trains. It was one of the mouth things. Huge, slobbering. It was a giant mouth of sharp, needle-like teeth and nothing more, an impossible piece of anatomy.

Jabbering Jibber-Jabber. Level 35.

This is a minion of the Mimic Rex.

Have you ever gone to one of those buffets? One of those absurdly-cheap, all-you-can-slop-into-your-gullet affairs? The price is suspicious. The instant mashed potatoes taste like they’re cut with sawdust. The meat is gray. The surrounding neighborhood is awash with missing cat flyers. You know what I’m talking about. You go, you feed, and as you leave, having gorged yourself to the point of oblivion, you can’t help but hate yourself and think: This is it? This is what life is? A trip from one trough to the next?

The Jabbering Jibber-Jabber is the reanimated mouth of those who frequent such places. They hate everybody and everything and want nothing more than to feed. They are in a constant state of pain, and the only thing that alleviates this agony is the act of feeding. Anything it eats is instantly broken down and converted into stored energy, which it returns to its master after it has fully stuffed itself.

Warning: this monster is a splitter. If killed, there is a chance a smaller version will appear.

Fucking hell, I thought. The monster didn’t see me, but it was just standing there, snapping its mouth up and down like an alligator. The invisibility notification started to blink.

I kept running. I pulled an impact-detonated hob-lobber and jumped and rolled, leaping through the side of the monster’s open mouth like I was a trick poodle jumping through a hoop. I continued on my way and dove to the ground, covering my head as the Jibber-Jabber chomped down on the hob-lobber I’d dropped in his mouth as I dove past. He exploded, showering body parts everywhere. None of the pieces got back up.

“There you are, Piglet,” Grull-Maestro growled. The words were as loud as the end of the world. I’d put a good distance between us, but he was still terrifyingly close. He turned to stride toward me. But the mimic was in the way. He cleaved down with his axe, splitting the monstrosity in half, as if it was nothing. A cleaved-in-two mountain of flesh appeared, slopping guts and strange organs and liquid everywhere.

All around, all the remaining minions looked up into the air and screamed.

I pulled a smoke curtain and tossed it. I started spamming the smoke curtains in every direction, filling the area as much as I could as Grull casually stepped through the gore of the mimic. The centaur god dragged his axe on the ground. All around him, the enraged bereft minions launched themselves at the god’s legs. He ignored them, occasionally stomping them down.

He lifted his axe, and I knew what was coming next. It wasn’t going to hit me, but it would hit close. Close enough to kill me. My Protective Shell spell wouldn’t help me this time. But I did have one last trick.

I slammed the potion. Mordecai’s Special Brew.

It gave me almost-invulnerability for thirty seconds. But I wouldn’t be able to take another potion for eight hours.

Gold-Standard! Your healing is super accelerated!

A thirty-second timer appeared.

The ground underneath me buckled, and I flew into the air as if I’d been launched from a fiery catapult. I crunched hard against the wall of a train. The shockwave caught me, slamming me again. I felt my back shatter, blowing into hundreds of bits over and over, all while getting healed again and again.

Grull, who couldn’t see me in the smoke, stepped right on top of me with his back leg. I cried out in pain as the flaming horseshoe pressed me deep into the ground. My pelvis shattered as I flattened. Again, I was healed.

Grull kept walking. He slammed his axe down again. I remained on the ground, waiting for the shockwave to hit. A train car rolled across the yard, bowling right over me, flattening me once again. Again, I healed. I gasped and gasped, unable to catch a breath.

Katia: Shut up and listen. Run back toward where the portal brought you in. We’re sending help through.

“You can’t hide, meat,” Grull said as I jumped to my feet. Despite the blasting music, his voice cut through it all. I once again rushed along the wall, leaping over tracks and burning bits of rubble. Don’t think. Just run. The billowing clouds, unfortunately, clung mostly to the ground here. It was enough to cover me, but it didn’t impede Grull’s view of the trainyard. “Isn’t it just delicious?” he continued, apparently undisturbed by the smoke. “You can’t even hurt me. Even if you tried to use that magical bolt my cunt of a sister wasted on your friend, it wouldn’t work. You’re not strong enough yet to hurt me. I have a dozen ways to kill you, but I want to pick you up and crush you in my hand. You’re nothing. Your planet was nothing, and after this season is over, nobody is ever going to remember or care there was even a society here. Every single one of you pathetic worms will be forgotten. All of your lives and all of your history will be for nothing.”

He grunted in pain, and I looked over my shoulder, shocked at what I saw.

A second icicle bounced off the god’s head. He grunted with annoyance as Elle shot by, rocketing past him like a bullet. At that same moment, I saw both of the trains barreling toward us. The portal cart rumbled forward on one of the colored-line tracks, and the Nightmare, further behind, chugged toward us on the employee track. I had no idea if anybody was driving either. Neither would reach the trainyard for a good thirty seconds. Neither was on a track that would come anywhere near the god.

Elle passed by Grull one more time, coming dangerously close. I had no idea she could fly that high or that fast. Grull opened his mouth, and a blast of heat shot forth, missing her by inches. The gust of magic was like a death ray. It melted everything in its path. Jesus. It tore through the trainyard, turning trains and awnings into slag. Elle rocketed across the trainyard, landing atop a stopped train that had derailed near the massive gate entrance, a good third of a mile away. When she landed, she stood next to a familiar figure.

Me. It was me.

It was, of course, Katia changed into me. But holy shit, even at this distance, I could see she’d done a good job. I stood there, cloak flowing, heart-covered boxers and all, both hands in the air flipping off the god. Katia turned and jumped off the train and disappeared as Elle took back to the air.

Grull screamed in rage and moved to pursue.

If he’d been even casually following my feed, the trick would be obvious. But the Maestro wasn’t a smart dude, and everything was moving so damn quickly now.

Carl: What the fuck are you doing, Katia?

She didn’t answer.

Li Na, Li Jun, Donut, and Mongo suddenly appeared in front of me, emerging out of the solid wall. They’d transferred into the trainyard via the portal cart, which was still barreling toward the trainyard. They must have all jumped in front of it. They all tumbled to a stop, all staring with awe at the pulsating remains of the mimic, which looked like a jello mold that had been dropped upside down.

“Goddamnit I told you to stay away,” I cried, running up. My invulnerability ran out.

“You’re welcome,” Donut said as Mongo screeched in greeting. The Maestro continued to gallop in the other direction. At any moment, he’d realize he’d been tricked and come back this way.

“Well, what the hell are we doing now?” I asked. There was still a good two minutes left in the Maestro’s summoning. That was plenty of time to kill us all.

Then I saw the almost-human-sized figure on the ground, struggling and wrapped in chains.

“Holy shit, what the hell?” I said.

But I understood, then.

~

Donut: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.

Li Na shrugged. “Similar concept with what you did with that gnoll. I had to waste a few healing potions to keep him alive.”

Li Jun looked ill, but he said nothing.

It was the mantaur, but only his top torso and head. He’d been removed from his horse body at the waist, and his top two sets of arms had also been lopped off. She’d healed him after each amputation, ensuring he’d remain alive.

“He’s much easier to handle this way,” Li Na said matter-of-factly. “And now we can throw him into the portal instead of risking another accident.” She looked up. The portal cart came barreling into the trainyard, Zhang at the controls. He moved perilously close to the back of Grull, but he didn’t turn. The god had given up on his earthquake attack and was now melting through the other side of the trainyard with his heat breath.

“You best get punching,” Li Na said.

~

It only took three punches for the summoning to start. The moment it did, Grull cried out and turned in our direction. He roared and started galloping at us.

“Oh fuck,” I said. We picked up the former mantaur, who mumbled under his breath about killing with honor and drinking mead at the table of kings. “Sorry, buddy,” I whispered at him as we tossed him up at the rapidly-approaching cart. We jumped out of the way as the body, with only one second left, entered the portal and disappeared.

Grull, who appeared to have been readying some massive, body-glowing attack, whiffed away, leaving nothing but a smoke outline in the air.

The music stopped. There was no additional announcement like there usually was. Suddenly the only sound was the chugging of the Nightmare as it pulled up to a stop a few tracks over. Tizquick the dwarf leaned out the window and waved.

A whole page of notifications scrolled by.

“Glurp, glurp, motherfucker,” I said before I collapsed in an exhausted heap.

Chapter 107

Time to Level Collapse: Five Hours.

“I wish we could’ve used my bolt,” Katia said as we carried the portal cart, turned it and positioned it onto the employee track. The wheels fit just inside the wider track.

“It would’ve been a waste,” I said. “He was right. We couldn’t have hurt him. I’m pretty sure Princess Formidable giving it to you was more about sending a message to her brother than about actually getting us to kill him. Don’t worry. We’ll get to use it eventually.”

With the death of the mimic, even more ghoul generators had exploded. After the Maestro hit the abyss, we received reports of a few additional blown generators at a few station 72s, though I suspected and hoped we could do better than that. My guess was the Maestro had bailed on his sponsorship after getting teleported away, thus creating less destruction in the pit than I hoped for.

“I can’t believe that jerk is still alive,” Donut said. “At least you got to humiliate him all over again. I mean, really. He had unlimited power, and completely messed it up. You’re lucky it wasn’t somebody who knew what he was doing.”

“You’re right,” I said. I looked up at the ceiling. “That had to be really embarrassing. I bet even the mom would’ve done a better job. Too bad she died instead of him.”

“What, exactly, are we doing here?” Elle asked. She floated just off the ground. She couldn’t normally fly as high or as fast as she’d just done. She’d wasted a precious scroll on the maneuver. I promised her I’d find another and give it to her. She’d laughed and kissed me on the cheek.

“We’re going to send the Nightmare into the abyss, and it’s going to blow up, and it’s going to kill loads of Krakaren monsters and maybe even that province boss. The whole ghoul system is already overloaded. One more big shock, and hopefully the whole system goes down.”

“But it’s way on the other side,” she said.

“It doesn’t matter. As long as it’s on the same floor.”

Elle cocked her head to the side. “Sometimes I think you’re cheating, Carl. How do you know all this stuff? It’s like you have a manual.”

“He does,” Donut said. “His name is Mordecai.”

She grunted. “You should figure out a way to use that nuke you have in your inventory. I bet that’d clear out the abyss.”

“I’m saving that for something very specific,” I said.

System Message. A champion has fallen. A bounty has been claimed.

We all looked at one another.

Imani: Are you guys all right?

Bautista: You okay?

Carl: Not us.

“What do you think that was?” Donut asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Believe it or not, Donut, there’s all sorts of stuff going on out there that we’re not part of. I’m too tired to care right now. It was probably that shepherd killing the goat because he wouldn’t shut up.”

“I hope it was Lucia Mar,” Donut said.

“I doubt it,” I said. “I really do.”

~

“Okay,” I said to Fire Brandy. “Let’s get you and your babies out of here.”

Tizquick the dwarf, who’d helped drive the train down to the yard exchanged a look with the demon.

“No,” she said. “The dwarf and I have been discussing this, and we’ve decided to stay with the train.”

“What do you mean?” I said. “We’re driving it into the abyss. It’s going to explode. You’ll die.”

“Yes, Carl,” Brandy said. “We’re aware. We’re both aware.”

“Honey, what about your two babies?” Katia asked.

“It’s three babies now,” Brandy said. She smiled sadly. “They gave me three this time. I remembered them. After talking with Tizquick. I remembered my babies from before. Last time I was in a boiler, in an engine that controlled the heat for a massive boat. And the time before that, it was for a castle’s heating system. Each time, I thought it was just a job. A way to earn money for my children. And I’d have them. I’d have one sometimes. Sometimes two. This time it was three. But then they were just gone. But not me. I’m always back. Every time. But not anymore. They won’t use me like this ever again.”

“Nor me, lad,” Tizquick said. “Dontchu worry. I know how this works. I’ll make ‘er blow nice and big just before we hit the bottom of the pit.”

Donut: CARL. IF THEY BLOW UP THE TRAIN AND NOT YOU THEN YOU WON’T GET THE EXPERIENCE.

Carl: That’s okay, Donut. Sometimes it’s not always about the experience.

“Okay,” I said. I have a few more explosive satchels to place at the back of the train, and then you’ll be ready to go. “Goodbye, Brandy. Goodbye Tizquick.”

“Carl,” Brandy said as I stepped off the train. “I understand now. I understand what this is. You gotta help us. I know you have your own people to help, but we shouldn’t be enemies in this.”

“No,” I agreed. “No, we shouldn’t.”

~

The train backed up to the edge of the trainyard, whistled twice, and then sped toward the portal.

“Another floor ending with a big explosion,” Katia said after the train disappeared.

“Spoiler alert, Katia,” Donut replied. “It’s always going to end with an explosion. Every time.”

Zhang climbed back into the cart and turned off the portal. Li Jun and Li Na stood off to the side, talking amongst themselves. I remained there, staring at the empty space where the portal once was. Fire Brandy had just killed herself to save her from losing more children. Tizquick had killed himself because his children had been a lie.

I thought of my own mother, who’d attempted to kill my own father and then herself as a goddamned birthday present to me. She’d only half succeeded.

I thought of everybody here with me now. They’d all jumped into certain death, just to save me. Me. I couldn’t have done it without them. All my life, I’d felt alone. And now, at the edge of the apocalypse, I finally realized how much I needed other people.

Donut jumped to my shoulder. “How long before we know if it worked?”

A line of notifications appeared. Experience notifications flew past, one after another.

“It worked,” I said. “Hey Katia, bad news.”

“Oh yeah?” she said. “What’s that?”

“I’m a higher level than you now. I just hit 41. Got a fan box, too. It looks like we killed lots of monsters in the abyss, and I got at least partial credit for it. Don’t know why, but I ain’t complaining. I don’t think we killed the province boss, but that’s okay. Plenty of time for that later.”

Bautista: You did it. You bastards did it. We just felt the generator explode. We’re going to move in toward the stairwells now. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Donut purred heavily in my ear.

“You shouldn’t have done that, Donut,” I said as I reached up and scratched her. “You risked yourselves and you risked the cart.”

“I wasn’t just going to abandon you, Carl,” Donut said. “Who do you think I am? Miss Beatrice?”

“No,” I agreed. “You most definitely aren’t.”

~

We walked up the employee line and returned to station 36. Ghouls still appeared occasionally, along with full-sized Krakaren monsters. But Imani held the line. The entire group waited for us. The stairwell had been open for some time now, but nobody had gone down yet. They all waited for us.

“Carl, Carl!” Donut cried as we approached the stairwell. “We never tried to sell my hats.”

I had, actually, tried to sell one while she was in the training room. The proprietor had laughed at me and said nobody was buying them anymore. Not even for a single gold. I hadn’t the heart to tell her.

“We’ll try on the next floor. They’ll be collectibles by then.”

Her eyes got huge. “You’re right. We’ll sell them on the next floor. We’ll be millionaires.”

“If I never see another train again, it’ll be too soon,” Elle said as she went down the stairs. “See you guys on the other side.”

“Hopefully,” I said.

I moved to step down the stairs, but they suddenly turned into a ramp. I turned to see a familiar crawler pushing a squeaking shopping cart. Agatha. She was now level 8. It still said she was human and that she hadn’t yet chosen a class.

“Agatha?” Imani asked.

“I see you lot are still kicking,” the old woman cackled. The pink flamingo still stood in the front of her shopping cart. The entire group watched, open-mouthed as the woman moved toward the stairwell.

Imani moved forward to intercept her. I held out a hand to stop her.

“Don’t,” I warned. “We’ll talk later.”

“But,” she began. “What? What is happening?”

The woman disappeared down into the stairwell.

Loita (Admin): Odette is waiting for you. I’ll be joining you in the green room to discuss our new arrangement.

Donut: WHERE IS ZEV?

Loita (Admin): We’ll discuss it in person.

“Goddamnit,” I muttered as we went down the stairs.

~

Here’s the thing. These poor bastards are just as much victims as we are. Not just the NPCs, but the mobs, too. That doesn’t mean don’t kill them. Hell, I realized something today. Killing them is actually the best thing we can do for them. But you know what I also realized? All of you, all twenty-four of you who have come before me? You’ve all failed in one thing. If we’re really going to burn this place to the ground, we need to actually do it and not just talk about it. We need to start killing them, too. I don’t know for sure how to do it yet, but I have an idea.

They will not break me. Fuck them all. They will not break me.

But I will break them.

This is my promise to myself, to my friends, and to you, anyone who reads these words. I will break them all.

<Note added by Crawler Carl, 25th Edition>

End of part 4

***

Ded.