Chapters 89 and 90 (Patreon)

Chapter 89

I awakened to find a message from Elle and Imani. 

Elle: Hey Hotshot. Your instincts were right. There is a secret way out of the robot rooms. It’s a long tunnel, leading downward at an angle. It doesn’t look like it opens up until after the robots wake. And the robots don’t wake until the monsters start their withdrawal symptoms. Luckily we don’t have to fight the metal bastards. I can’t believe you blew two of them up. We’re following the tunnel right now to see where it goes. It sounds like there’s another train track down there. It’s far. Will update later. 

Imani: Beware of the monsters once they transform. They’re much more powerful. 

That had only come in about ten minutes earlier, so I wasn’t expecting an answer for a while. I was hopeful for what they’d find. If that secret, down-the-line train existed, people stuck on the tracks could flee to the nearest robot rooms and hitch a ride. 

“Carl! Carl! I realized something,” Donut said excitedly as I sat up. I yawned. I still couldn’t get over how perfectly rested I felt after sleeping only two hours. 

“What is it,” I said. 

“Remember that spell book I got a long time ago? That tome of Minion Army? It wouldn’t let me read it because it costs 50 spell points to cast.” 

“I remember,” I said. She’d gotten the spellbook from a “Beguiler Box” way back on the first floor. I started to do the math in my head. Donut’s base intelligence was 40, giving her 40 spell points. But she added one intelligence with her butterfly charm and another three with her new tiara, bringing it up to 44. However, with the Good Rest buff plus the buff from the shower, our stats rose another 20%. The stat increase was calculated before any of our equipment buffs, and it didn’t actually show on the list, either. Mordecai had said it was a persistent bug that had been around for a few seasons now. Nevertheless, we knew the buffs were active because while our intelligence stat said one thing, our spell points reflected the actual number. Mordecai had said he put in a ticket, but we shouldn’t hold our breath on it getting fixed. 

Anyway, with the 20% buff, Donut’s 44 in intelligence was now actually 52, giving her a total of 52 spell points. 

“I take it it’ll let you read the tome now?”

“Yes! I didn’t think it would because of that bug thing, but I thought of it before we took our nap, and I remembered when I woke up. And I looked.”

“And you read it already, didn’t you? Mordecai said we needed to talk about the spell once you got enough points to use it.”  

“Of course I read it, Carl. That’s why I’m telling you this. Mordecai isn’t here, so we’re talking about it now.” 

I sighed. “Okay, just don’t go casting it unless you know what you’re doing. Remember what Mordecai said? It takes five minutes to cast, and you get stuck in place while it’s casting.” 

The Minion Army spell was simple on the surface, but the spell’s specifics were convoluted. You cast it on a group of enemies, and some of them would turn and fight on your side. Mordecai had said it was a powerful spell, but only in certain circumstances. It was almost impossible to train up because the conditions in which one used it were rare. The mass-charm spell had a casting time of five minutes, which was outrageous. At level one, it also had a cooldown of five hours. Its base area of effect was a thirty-meter diameter circle, though that went up—a lot—based on her Charisma.  

It only worked on intelligent mobs. That plus its five-minute casting time made the spell almost useless. At level one, once cast, every mob in the area of effect had a two percent chance to turn and fight against their friends. 

All of that for only a two percent chance to turn someone? It didn’t seem right to me. But Mordecai had insisted that it could be a great spell. I took his word for it.  

“I can’t wait to try it out,” Donut said. 

“Goddamnit, Donut,” I said. “Don’t cast it unless I tell you to. You’ll get frozen in place for five minutes. If we’re in a situation where a two percent chance to turn someone on our side is our only hope, we’ll be running, not waiting five minutes.” 

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Carl.” 

Our training cooldown hadn’t reset yet, so we decided to head out right away. We left our personal space and entered the food court. I grabbed another corndog before we proceeded outside. 

“Stop,” Donut said just before I opened the door to the transit station. “There are mobs out there. Lots of them.” 

“What?” I said. My portal skill didn’t work on this door. I didn’t see anything on my map. Monsters weren’t supposed to be in the transit stations. “How big?” 

“Human sized,” Donut said. “Maybe a little smaller. There’s dozens of them. They’re bouncing all over the place. I think they’re really fast.” 

“That’s new,” I said. We couldn’t use Donut’s Hole spell on saferoom doors. But we were safe while we were inside. “Step back. Let’s see what we’re dealing with.” 

I opened the door, but I stayed inside the room. 

“What the hell, man,” I said, examining the screeching, frothing bedlam in the small transit station. 

The squealing chaos abruptly stopped. About forty pairs of eyes turned to look at me. 

“Howdy fellas,” I called. These were baboons with wide, disconcertingly-human faces. The actual features, like the eyes, nose, and mouth were much too small for the broad, fleshy faces. The rest of their bodies were completely simian. I focused on the closest of the creatures. It was wearing a ripped t-shirt with a cobra on it. It had a backwards baseball cap on its head. Another had an equally-ripped shirt with the phrase, “Welcome to the Gun Show” written on it in English. There were arrows on the shirt, pointing to his arms. A third wore a shirt that read, “It’s not going to suck itself.” That shirt also had an arrow. The mobs all had red exclamation marks over their heads, something I hadn’t seen before. It was some sort of buff indicator. 

Babababoon. Level 17.  

Warning: This mob is suffering from the DTs. It is in stage two of three. 

In stage two, this mob’s strength is doubled. Intelligent mobs lose the ability to speak and reason. They will attack anything that is not also suffering from the same condition. 

(I should note that with this particular mob, you probably won’t see much of a difference between a normal one and one suffering the DTs. These guys are something else, even when they’re not suffering from withdrawal.) 

The Babababoon is the king of idiotic chaos. This exclusive mob was created by taking a standard earth baboon and crossing it with the population from a Florida jail drunk tank. Not gonna lie. I’m pretty proud of this one. These guys ruin just about anything we put them in. 

“If this is stage two, I wonder what stage one is,” I said. 

“By god, they look like living Botero paintings,” Katia said. 

Some of the mobs were attempting to break into the small general store. I could see the face of the mole man proprietor through the barred window, looking out worriedly. The monsters had vomited and shit all over the place. One of them appeared to be passed out on his back. Another was scratching at his own face while he teabagged his unconscious companion. Half walked on two legs, and the others rushed about on all fours. Their bright-red asses flashed in the light as they jumped about.   

They screeched at my appearance at the door. The first one with the cobra shirt lunged at me, barreling into the saferoom. It roared, swinging. Crack. The monster teleported away. A second, then a third rushed into the room, also teleporting away the moment they attacked. They didn’t seem to notice or care that their fellows weren’t able to do any damage. 

“Where did they come from?” Katia asked. 

“I think they’re from Purple 282,” I said. “But I don’t know why they’re allowed into the transit station. Maybe the ones suffering from withdrawal aren’t blocked the same way the regular mobs are. Or maybe since they walked here, it’s different.”

Another three rushed into the room, screaming and disappearing. From the back, the bopca with the stupid hotdog hat started yelling for us to close the door. 

“Come on,” I said, forming a fist. “We need to get them before they all teleport away. And we need to keep them from fucking with the Nightmare.” I’d locked the door on the train, but they could still climb on the engine and get into the cab through the broken window. I punched one in the head just as he lunged at the door. He grunted and barreled back. My stun effect activated, but only for a moment. The mob was dead before he hit the ground. Hell yeah, I thought. My upgraded Powerful Strike absolutely destroyed these things. 

Katia returned to her spiked She-Hulk form. It was about as big as she dared go and still be able to—barely—fit through most doors. Donut jumped onto the back of Mongo. 

“Ready guys?” I said. I cracked my neck. I cast Bang Bro onto my gauntlet. It hissed with energy. “Let’s do this.” 

~

Donut cast Second Chance on a dead Babababoon. The thing was wearing a top hat for some inexplicable reason. The zombified creature roared to life and started tearing at his companions climbing up the side of the Nightmare. 

It didn’t appear as if any had gotten into the train, but they were crawling all over the outside. A few bounded off down the track, disappearing into the darkness.  

At the top of the stairs, the one remaining Clockwork Mongo chomped down on a screeching mob. Donut glowed as she drank a mana potion, and then she fired a three-way laser at a group of mobs at the end of the platform. They all cried out and fell onto their backs. Their health went down, but only about a third. The power just wasn’t there when she split her Magic Missile into three or more beams. 

I released my gauntlet and formed my xistera. I hadn’t gotten to use it much this floor because of the close-combat nature of the trains. I called one of my new “Banger Spheres” into my hand, loading it into the curved device. I spun, and the metal ball rocketed away, blasting down the long platform. It hit one of the three recovering Babababoons in the neck with an audible splack. It fell, dead. 

“Damnit,” I muttered. I’d been aiming for between the eyes. 

The ammo was nothing more than spheres made of a dwarven robot scrap metal, but I’d spent some time at my engineering table making a few hundred of them. I’d made a few different sizes before settling on the baseball-sized ones. The system automatically labeled them Banger Spheres, but only the ones I made at that specific size. I had an idea for a few additional designs, including spiked balls, but I hadn’t had the chance to implement them yet. 

Mongo, with Donut still on his back, leaped onto the train engine and lunged at another mob. Donut hissed and jumped off, bounding once before landing on my shoulder. Katia meanwhile had another in a bear hug and was smashing him between her arms as the baboon pummeled at her. Her eyes were clenched tight. I could tell she was terrified, but at least she was actively fighting. 

These monsters were exceptionally strong, and they moved fast, but their speed didn’t translate well into precise movement. This buff, or debuff depending on how you looked at it, was similar to being hopped up on PCP. I paused to watch Katia grapple with her opponent. For a moment, it looked as if the mob was about to power his way out of her arms, but her body jerked to the side, twisting at an unnatural angle, taking the babababoon’s top half with her. It cracked and stopped moving. A blood-soaked baseball cap fell to the floor. Satisfied, I returned my attention to the two mobs on the other side of the platform. I tossed two more Banger Spheres, killing them both. 

After another minute, the fight was done. Mongo returned, squawking happily. 

“I think you need more practice before we battle while you’re mounted,” I said to Donut. If she’d been a human-sized rider, she’d have been brained on the ceiling of the tunnel when Mongo had leaped atop the train. 

Katia stood there, looking at her blood-covered hands, breathing heavily. She had an odd expression on her face I couldn’t read. 

“You good?” I asked. 

“He was hitting me really hard,” she said. “I mean like really hard. But I think I figured out how to move the metal around inside of me. It’s slow still, but it I think it hurt him more than it hurt me. I think… I think I can make traveling spikes, so monsters using their hands will impale themselves on me. I just need to keep practicing. When I do it really fast, it feels like I’m breaking my own bones. It’s hard to explain the sensation.” 

“There’s more up in the main area,” Donut said. I started jogging toward the three at the end of the platform, so I could loot their bodies. So far, none had anything of interest except a few handfuls of gold. “They keep coming. There are some on the tracks too. The nightmare tracks. I don’t know where they think they’re going.” 

“Let’s get out of here,” I said when I was finished. I took all of their hats, but not their shirts, which I’d have to physically remove. Screw that. “Something tells me we’re going to be seeing more mobs like this from now on.” 

~

“There’s another one,” I muttered as we barreled down the rails. “He got far.” A moment later, the train gave a barely-perceptible stutter as the cow catcher crashed into the babababoon on the track. The creature was thrown sideways and was sucked between the train and the wall of the tunnel like he was being eaten by a paper shredder. 

As I suspected, my message system was filled with people reporting encounters with mobs suffering from the DTs. All second stage. For whatever reason, once they got sick, the terminals were no longer safe. 

Elle and Imani still hadn’t reported back. Bautista would soon arrive at 433, which was called Terminus Station.   

It took less than twenty minutes to reach the switching station now that I was more familiar with the trains’ controls. Katia had to remove all of her mass to fit into the cab, and we ended up storing Mongo. I had the key to the passenger car directly behind the engine, but it was filled with the gore of some unknown mob from when I’d blasted the train. We all decided to crowd into the engine cab instead. 

Flame Brandy remained in her boiler, not coming out at all. I figured that was a good thing. The less the others knew about the nature of her presence, the better. 

I pulled the train to a stop just before the “Station Repair” switch. I wanted to make sure the massive portal was what it claimed. I exited the train and walked right up to the portal so I could examine it. The description was virtually identical to the portals that led off into the abyss, with one difference. 

Type: Pass-Through two-way portal. Gated by conveyance type and to key holders. 

Can you pass this portal? Yes* 

Warning: You must be on a gated conveyance and/or a key must be equipped or held outside of inventory, depending on type. Compatible keys have been marked in your inventory. 

Environment on other side of portal: Compatible. 

Visual Analysis? Yes/No. 

The previous description said they were “One-way” portals. As I stood there examining it, trying to puzzle out the exact definition of “Pass-Through two-way portal” a loud clank, clank, clank noise emanated from the other side of the gateway. I stepped sideways to get a better view of the threshold's flip side, and I realized that the track actually ran through the swirling portal. The track on the far side looked like a root system with dozens of tracks diverging off of the main. That sound I’d heard was track switches activating down the line. They were being controlled from the other side of the portal. And if they were switching now, that meant… 

I took a step back as a steam engine rolled out of the portal, screaming loud and faster than I expected. It was a steam engine almost identical to the Nightmare, but painted red. It only towed six cars behind it plus a caboose. The train clunked loudly as it switched off the main track and then onto another, then another, before disappearing into a random tunnel. 

I backtracked, looking at the “Auxiliary Tracks. Warning” switch. It led to a long track that entered the root system. That basically meant I could jump onto a different track without going through the gateway if I wanted, though with the switch controls on the other side of the portal, we’d be stuck with whatever track the last train had utilized. In other words, we’d be on the same track as that red-colored train. 

The “Recycle” switch clearly led off to the abyss. So our only real choice was station repair. 

I took a screenshot of the portal, and it was the same massive train yard as before, still filled with zombies. This one appeared to be on a different side of the yard as where the subways entered. I looked worriedly at the closest zombie creature. I couldn’t examine its properties using the picture, but I recognized the monster as a zombiefied Cornet, one of the sound-attack rabbit monsters. The skinless monster was covered in sores that exposed bones, as if worms had erupted from the inside. It reminded me of the parasitic worm things that had infested Grimaldi’s circus crew. I shuddered. 

I returned to the train to find Fire Brandy sticking her head out of the door, chatting away with Donut and Katia. 

“I’m a mother, too,” Donut was saying as I entered the train. “My boy is named Mongo.” 

“That’s a good name,” Brandy said. “I have two children so far. We don’t name our young until they’re presented at the altar. What about you?” she asked Katia, who’d retreated to the back of the cab to escape the heat. 

“No kids,” she said. “I was about to adopt, but aliens destroyed my planet.” 

“Ah, that’s too bad, honey,” Brandy said, sounding genuinely sincere. She looked at me. Her face scrunched up, as if in pain. Another child was born. “We heading out?” 

“Returning to the station,” I said. “I don’t suppose you know if they’ll let us just drive the train out of the yard?” 

“Don’t know. We usually just go in circles all day long. Try not to blow the train up, okay? I have two little ones to look after.” 

“I’ll do my best,” I said. 

Chapter 90

When we entered the portal, every car on the train made it through. The world flashed, the train bucked, and we entered a massive train yard. A notification appeared. 

Entering Station and Repair Hub E

“Station E?” Katia said. “Does that mean there are more of these giant things?” 

“Probably,” I said, looking over the massive yard. It just went on and on. “Remember there are nine thousand-something stairwells out there. When we saw that clip with Lucia Mar, there were several bunched up in that one area, but that still means there has to be hundreds of instances of each one of those stairwell stations. There’s no way they can fit all of those trains into a single trainyard. This place is big, but it’s not that big. I bet there’s at least twenty of these yards. There might even be more than one of those Abyss places I saw earlier.” 

“Do you think they all have zombies in them?” Donut asked. 

“Maybe. Who knows?” I said. 

We were still in an underground area, but the ceiling was very high, higher even than the fake sky of the Over City. The place was lit with random spotlights, giving the whole area a surreal, washed-out look. The train clunked as it moved over several switching tracks, and we angled forward, pushing into a long, straight length, straightening out the long length of cars behind us. 

I marveled at the sheer size of the fenced-in area. It had to be at least a full mile from the portal to the fence. The stone wall of the chamber blocked the area behind us, and I couldn’t even see how far the yard went from left to right. Thousands of zombie creatures milled about. They gave no heed to our sudden appearance. Most were congregated in the far distance, up against the high wall that led out of the yard. 

The entire fence was shaking, I realized. They were pushing it back and forth. It would collapse at any moment. 

Dozens of freestanding towers dotted the railyard at regular intervals, like watchtowers at a prison. At this distance, I couldn’t see the creatures inside of the fortifications, but there was definitely movement in the closest one, about a quarter of a mile away. 

“Ah, crap,” I said as we were automatically routed into another track, one with a dead end. The sign above the track read Service Bay 32. A shadow fell over the cab as we went under a corrugated metal awning. I had to slow and stop. I knew the train could go backward, but I was hoping to find a way to unhook the broken cars behind us and steam out of the yard and onto one of the other tracks. “It looks like the road ends here.” 

“Maybe not,” Katia said, peering out the other, broken window. “It stops here, but there’s a roundabout system.” She pointed forward, and I saw what she was indicating, a vast, baseball-field-sized section of ground that appeared as if it could spin like a turntable. Track sections on the circular platform were designed to line up with these service bays, allowing trains to proceed forward. You could pull the engine onto the platform, and it would spin, lining up with another track. One of the odd watchtowers was situated at the edge of the disc. I assumed the controls for the turntable were up there. 

“Hey, those aren’t zombies,” Donut said. She had her face smushed up against the glass, looking out into the yard. 

I followed her gaze out the side window to the pair of monsters shuffling by. She was right. One of them was speaking with the other. Zombies don’t talk. They hadn’t noticed us yet. These were a pair of moss-covered, bark-skinned creatures. They were covered with the same sores as everyone else, though with their wooden skin, it looked like gunshot wounds. 

Festering Ghoul – Level 18

One of the unfortunate side effects of the Rev-Up Amazing Cure-All Vitamin Immunity Shot is the possibility of addiction. If a customer becomes addicted to the vitamin shot, and they do not get their dosage in time, they oftentimes start suffering from withdrawal. The effects of withdrawal ravage the addict’s body, and if they are not treated in time, they begin to suffer from a dreaded condition known as the DTs.  

Once the DTs start, there is no cure. All die. Or worse. 

At stage one, sufferers are overcome with violent tremors. They are barely able to think, or to move. Their mind starts to rot out from within. Only fifty percent of sufferers survive this stage. Half move onto stage two, which allows for increased mobility. The other half drop dead. 

They don’t stay dead long, however. They soon transform into what you see before you now. A Festering Ghoul. 

Important note. A Festering Ghoul is not a true Ghoul. It is not undead. It is simply a new lifeform reborn in the shell of the old. As such, anti-undead attacks will not work on them. Still, a double-tap on these guys is not a bad idea.  

A Festering Ghoul has two purposes. One, to devour as much organic material as possible, and two, to find more of its kind. These particular ghouls have been born with the knowledge on how to get to this area. All they need now is enough of their kind to arrive before their purpose becomes clear.  

“That sounds vaguely threatening,” I said. “So I guess all those babababoons we fought had survived stage one and got to skip the ghoul stage.”

“Unless they turn into something worse if they die at the end of stage two,” Donut said.   

“How are they getting here?” Katia asked. Even though the mobs appeared to be able to talk, everything else about them screamed mindless zombie. There were hundreds of different types, but they all moved in that same, plodding, aimless manner. 

I thought of those robots and that secret tunnel. “I think I know what’s happening, but Imani and Elle are about to discover for sure. The real question is, what happens when enough of them show up here?” 

“It’s obviously something awful, Carl,” Donut said. “We need to get out of here.” 

We heard the echo of a detonation. It sounded like a cannon blast. A moment later, there was a mighty crash directly over our heads. Whatever it was, it had hit the corrugated awning covering the train. Then came a click, click, click sound of something being ratcheted tight. 

“I think someone’s shooting at us,” I said.  

“Look,” Katia said. “There’s a chain. It’s coming from that tower.” 

She was right. The closest watchtower, the same one at the edge of the turntable, had shot some sort of chain at the roof over our heads. Whatever it was, it connected with the roof, and it was now ratcheting itself tight. 

“Do you think they’re going to pull the roof off the awning?” Katia asked. 

“No,” I said. “Look. There’s a little dude up there. In the tower. He’s going to use the chain to get to us.” 

Sure enough, once the chain was tight, the small creature attached a little basket to the length. The basket hung off the chain by a pair of straps. It looked like and was the size of a large, woman’s purse. The little, furry man jumped in. The basket bounced wildly as it slid down the length of chain toward us.

His white dot appeared on my map. The creature eventually disappeared over our heads as it landed on the awning. A moment later, the tiny, furry man swung off the edge of the corrugated roof and landed deftly on the front of the engine. He had something large and metallic attached to his belt, and it clanged loudly when he landed. He scrambled up the walkway and approached the broken, port-side window. We all moved to look. 

He was goblin shaped and proportioned, though instead of clothes, he was covered in black, bristly hair. He was much smaller than a regular goblin, about the same height as Zev. He wore a little railroad cap and a toolbelt that dragged a wrench three times his length. It clanged and dragged against the metal of the train as he approached. When he jumped, the wrench didn’t appear to impede him at all. 

Widget – Grease Gremlin – Level 19

Iron Tangle Steam Engine Train Technician.

This is a non-combatant NPC. 

Not all gremlins are bad or evil. Not all of them glory in the tearing of flesh and the rending of bone. Some prefer more quiet activities, such as boiler repair and heavy engineering. Then there are Grease Gremlins, who could go either way. The only thing keeping this guy from attacking you is that “Sensitivity Training” class human resources made him take in order to secure this job. As long as you don’t abuse him or his beloved trains, you’ll probably be fine.        

“I told ye last time dis here station is closed,” the creature ranted. “First the Raven Blade Unlimited and now the Nightmare? I don’t care if you lost the beasties on your backside. Don’t you see we’re suffering from a ghoul infestation? They about to reach critical mass. Now I gotta risk me life just to get your stupid butts out of here. We’re not giving ye a resupply, that’s fer sure.”

I could barely understand what he was saying. His inflection was like a French guy poorly attempting a cockney accent. His head appeared in the broken window opposite Katia. He remained frozen like that for a long moment. 

“Oh for fig’s sake,” he eventually said. “Yer crawlers? Ye took the train? Where’s CrackJack? Didja kill em? Don’t care about the warmage cunt. I hope for yer sake ye didn’t hurt Brandy.”

I saw no point in lying to the little creature. “If CrackJack was the engineer, then yes, we killed him. Brandy is fine. We’re just trying to get to one of the stairwells.” 

Below, a pair of ghouls finally noticed us. One of them screeched and pointed. All around the trainyard, the mass of ghouls turned in our direction. 

“Stairwells?” Widget said, either oblivious or uncaring by the sudden ghoul attention. He laughed. “Then why d’hell you come all this way? Why not take the Escape Velocity train? It goes to all the stairwells. He rapped on the metal on the window. ‘Ell, this train stops at 83 Tangerine and Plum. You take the Tangerine up to 89 and hop right on the Escape Velocity. It’ll take you straight to a gaggle of stairwell stations.” He laughed. “Silly crawlers. Always making it difficult. Well I reckon no real harm done if’n Brandy’s okay. She’s to be a mum, ye know. CrackJack was a cock. CockJack.” He laughed at his own stupid joke. “And nobody has no love for the warmage kind, either. Out with ye. We about to abandon the yard. Gon all move over to yard A. Ain’t no ghouls at yard A. Ye can catch any numma’ of lines up to 12, I reckon. Or 24 might be better for you lot. Twelve got them janitor ghouls. But all the trains from this yard is done. They ain’t opening the gate for nobody. We gotta use the chains to get out.” 

A ghoul, this one some kind of multi-limbed monstrosity, scrabbled up the side of the train like a spider. 

“Get ye filthy paws off ‘er!” Widget cried, turning to face the ghoul. He pulled the gigantic wrench off his belt and waved it threateningly, using two hands to hold the massive, oversized wrench like a halberd. 

Thwap!

Through the broken window, Donut fired a Magic Missile directly into the ghoul. It didn’t die right away, but it was blasted onto its back. Its legs curled up. Unconscious appeared over it. A moment later, the notification went away, and it turned into an X. 

“Oi, nice shot lassie,” Widget said. He licked his lips and looked a Donut appraisingly. “I like a lassie within’ meat on ‘er bones. Especially ‘em with fight in ‘em.” 

“Excuse me?” Donut said. “Did you just call me fat?” 

“Why are the ghouls here?” I asked. 

“Some cunt done buggered up the system. Cheaped out. Tryin to combine systems and that there why it broke down. Never worked right. The ghouls are supposing to get all caged up, hop on the service conveyor back to the yard. And then get wheeled onto the Terminus Direct. Shoulda just build a second conveyor system right into the abyss if ye ask me. But nobody ever asks Widget what he done thinks. Too many came at once. Sometimes them Wrath Ghouls are in the cages, so the cages are broke when they get here. Or they spill out. The system broke down. Ain’t no stopping it.” He pointed to another ghoul. “Lassie?” Donut obliged by firing another missile. This one rocketed off the train. 

“That’s m’girl. What’s a fine lass like yerself doing with this lot? I get off shift in a couple of hours. Got a place up at 60. M’wife will cook us a nice stew.” 

“Your wife?” Donut said, incredulous. 

“She no mind one bit. She’d liken a smack of you too, I reckon. Plus she cook. We got a drop of fresh fish in our food boxes, we did.”

“Wait, what kind of fish?” Donut asked.  

“Yo. Focus. How are we supposed to get out of here?” I asked. 

“You gotta abandon ship. Up me chain. Into tower. Then we do a bit ‘o hopscotch. We got a system. One that works.” He grinned. “As long as yer climbin’ skills is up to snuff.” 

I eyed the chain dubiously. Below, another group of ghouls were attempting to climb up the side of the train. A single ghoul had discovered the ladder behind the cab, and it was now scratching at the door. 

Widget leaned in through the broken window and pointed at a red spigot with his wrench. Katia had to jump back from the unwieldly thing. “Turn that one right quick, will ya. Then turn it back.” 

Brandy had told me never to touch that one. I turned the spigot, and the train hissed. Steam spilled from the side and rose all around us. Below, the ghouls screamed. I quickly tightened it back up. “It’ll teach ye right!” Widget yelled down at the monsters. Several scrambled away from the side of the train, but they soon returned. “I reckon I better open a hole in the ceiling before ye get overwhelmed. It’ll take me a good…” 

He didn’t finish. In the distance, a mighty crash reverberated throughout the trainyard. A section of the colossal wall that separated the yard from the conductor staging area collapsed in a mighty heap. The crowd of ghouls surged out of the enclosure. Below, the ghouls who’d been advancing on us turned to regard the new exit. A few shuffled off toward it, but most remained at the base of the train.  

“Oi. That no good,” Widget said. “Plan change. Now the wall is gone I reckon it don’t matter if we use the gate. I’ll unhook ye, then I’ll get into me tower. Get on the turntable, and I’ll get ye onto the employee line. There’s only a station over at 60, and it loops back after, so no 72, but there’s a service entrance at every station between ‘ere and back. Go slow and ye’ll see ‘em. They come quick. The distances are much shorter here. The Homeward Bound is locked up tighter than an octoid’s cunt, so you’ll have the track all to yerself.” 

He disappeared, scrambling over the top of the cab. He dropped into the space behind the cab and the next car. That one ghoul remained at the door, but Widget dropped him with a bonk to the head with his wrench. Less than ten seconds later, there was a mighty clang that shook the whole train. A few moments after that, and he returned to the window. Behind, three additional ghouls discovered the small ladder that led to the back of the cab. They stood at the closed door, banging on it. 

“Oi, you did a mighty nummer on them cargos. No matter now. They’s unhooked. Now I’m going to climb up the chain and get into me tower. Imma turn the table to yer bay. You get on. Make sure you get all the way on. I’n spin it up right and stop at the right track but don’t be leaving yet. Imma come down and we ride out together. Sounding good?” 

“That sounds great,” I said. I wondered if he was genuinely this accommodating, or if this was a result of our charisma. Either way, I wasn’t going to complain. “Better than I hoped for. I appreciate your help.” 

“Oi. You a good lot.” He winked at Donut. “I’ll be back and we talk some more about that fish, okay, luv?” He turned and ran to the edge of the engine. He paused to wave. 

And that was when the spider ghoul, the one Donut had killed, turned from an X back to a red dot. It lunged forward and grasped the small, furry gremlin. It ripped the mechanic’s head off in one, smooth motion and started to devour his body. The whole thing happened in less than a second.  

“Well that’s going to be a problem,” I said.   

“We have a few choices,” I said as Donut shot the re-reanimated spider ghoul off the engine. “We can abandon the train. If we do that, we either fight through the ghouls and make our way up one of the tracks on foot, or we can try to go back through that same portal and return to the switching station, also on foot.”

“Neither are very appealing,” Katia said. 

“Or, I can try climbing that chain up into the tower. I can figure out the turntable controls.” 

“That’s not going to work, Carl,” Donut said. “You’re the only one who knows how to drive the train. I’ll go up the chain and see if I can figure it out.” 

I exchanged a look with Katia. “I don’t know, Donut. I don’t like the idea of you doing that alone. You might need hands to control it.” 

“If that little pervert can work the controls, then I can figure it out,” Donut said. “Besides, do you really think you can climb that chain? It’s quite long. Mongo will be ready to graduate college by the time you get up there. I can do it quick. I can Puddle Jump if I have to, but I’d rather save it for coming back.” 

“Okay,” I said after a moment. “Just be careful.” 

“I’m always careful, Carl,” Donut said, shooting another missile. “I’m going out there.” 

“Wait,” I said. I pulled a hobgoblin smoke curtain from my inventory and tossed it through the window. It ricocheted off the side of the engine and landed on the ground between two ghouls. Thick smoke started to billow around the train. 

Donut leaped through the window, traversed down the walkway to the very front of the engine. She turned and leaped up to the top of the awning, flying easily into the air. A moment passed, and then I watched as she nimbly rushed up the chain. Twenty seconds later, she disappeared into the tower. 

Donut: WOW. I CAN SEE REALLY FAR. THERE ARE A BUNCH OF SUBWAY CARS AT THE OTHER END. I CAN SEE THE GATE WHERE THE TRAINS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO THROUGH. THE BUILDING THERE IS ON FIRE. THE GHOULS THAT WENT THROUGH THE FENCE ARE CHASING THE DWARVES AND THE TALL GUYS WHO GIVE OUT THE PRIZE SUITCASES. CARL, WE NEVER GOT KATIA A SUITCASE. I CAN’T BELIEVE WE FORGOT!

Carl: We didn’t forget. We decided the prizes weren’t worth the risk. Are you good? Do you see what to do? 

Donut: HONESTLY, CARL. GIVE ME A MINUTE. THERE ARE MULTIPLE CONTROL PANELS. IT ALSO SMELLS AWFUL IN HERE. JUST AWFUL. WIDGET WAS A VERY MESSY CREATURE. HOW MANY LOTION CONTAINERS DOES ONE GREMLIN NEED? I CAN’T IMAGINE HIS WIFE WAS A VERY GOOD COOK CONSIDERING HOW MUCH TIME HE OBVIOUSLY SPENT UP HERE. 

Carl: Make sure you loot everything. You never know what might come in handy. 

Donut: WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A PUN? 

Carl: Just hurry up. 

Donut: DON’T PRESSURE ME, CARL. 

A loud clanking filled the trainyard. In the distance, a freight car sitting by itself on a track toppled over on to its side. 

Donut: WHOOPS. WRONG PANEL. 

Carl: How in the hell…

Ahead, the massive turntable rumbled. It started to rotate. Multiple ghouls standing on it tumbled off their feet. The track spun, stopping in front of us. I peered through the window at the track. It didn’t match up. 

Carl: Great job, Donut! But move one more slot over. That track isn’t the right gauge. 

It moved again, clanking into place. This time, the rails matched up. I pulled the brake, knocked on the window to let Brandy know we were moving, and I eased the train forward. We had almost a dozen ghouls climbing the exterior. If they got near the window, Katia speared them with her hand. They stumbled as the train lurched. A few fell off. 

The train detached from the other cars as it moved. Thank goodness. I pulled as far forward as I dared, making certain we were fully on the platform.  

Donut: NOTHING IS LABELED. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT ONE TO TURN TO IS. 

I searched the line of trains sitting under the awnings. There weren’t too many actual steam engines here. Most of the trains and train parts were random cars. I did catch sight of one engine sitting on a track adjacent to the awnings. It was attached to a single passenger car, and the train was facing the wrong way. It was also painted blue. I followed the line of tracks, and it curved toward the distant exit. Most of the tracks sized for steam engines curved back toward the portal. 

Carl: I think I know which one. I’ll tell you when to stop. Now see if there’s a control up there that will open the gate. 

Donut: I ALREADY OPENED IT BY ACCIDENT AND MORE GHOULS STARTED WALKING OUT. I DIDN’T TELL YOU BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GET MAD. 

~  

Donut used Puddle Jumper to return to the Nightmare. I opened up the back door and pummeled down the ghouls on the small landing, clearing the area for her return. These guys weren’t nearly as quick or strong as the ones suffering from stage-two DTs. Like with zombies, their danger was in the swarm. Luckily only a few dozen remained interested in us. Donut leaped down, getting gore on her paw. She grumbled as we returned to the cab, locking the door. 

From there, we steamed our way toward the massive, double doors that led out of the trainyard. Dozens of tracks converged side-by-side as they pushed through the exit. The archway reminded me of that giant entrance in the Jurassic Park movies. 

We moved slowly. The ghouls mostly got out of the way, but the cow catcher sometimes caught one of the monsters, causing it to spin away. Sometimes they died, but I suspected if we didn’t get them in the heads, they’d just get right back up again in a few minutes.

Just outside of the gates stood a hulking, concrete building that was now fully engulfed in flames. The sign above the three-story building read The Iron Tangle Substation E. The thing reminded me of a Soviet-era government building in its simple, efficient brutality. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a repurposed structure from that era. Dozens of dead dwarves and grapples lay on the ground where they’d been congregating. Since the trains had stopped coming, the conductors and porters were lining up, waiting for trains that would never appear. As I watched, a dwarf and a pair of porters materialized, popping right out of the brick wall. They looked dazed. A moment later, they were set upon by ghouls.    

Almost all of the tracks led to the front of the substation, running along the loading area for the workers. Our track, however, led along the backside of the building. We eased our way around the wide turn. There was another, smaller landing here on the back of the building. The track eventually led to a cave entrance against a distant wall. 

As we moved, a single figure popped out from the back of the flaming building and ran directly for us. A human! She waved her arms frantically as I eased the brakes. She had a white dot, meaning she was an NPC, not a crawler. She screamed as a flaming wolf ghoul lurched from the building.

The woman wore a white, business dress that was now covered in soot. She only had one shoe on, a black heel. She shuffled as she ran toward us, shrieking. She was in her mid-forties, and she looked like any typical, suburban soccer mom. She was absurdly out of place here.  

“I’m going to let her on,” I said. 

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Katia asked. “This has got to be some sort of trap. Or something. I mean, look at her.” 

“I don’t think so,” I said. “We need her. Check out her description.” 

Madison – Human. Level 10. 

Iron Tangle Human Resources Associate

This is a Non-Combatant NPC. 

Madison’s real name was probably something like Jennifer or Ruth, but she had it legally changed to something more trendy right around the same time as her divorce. After multiple rounds of breast augmentation, Pilates, and labiaplasty, Madison has emerged as a new woman. She don’t need no man. While only a human resources associate—after all, she started her career late—she still walks the world with new confidence. She won’t tell this to any of her friends at her book club, but she relishes the power she has over the other Iron Tangle employees. She feels an almost sexual surge of gratification when she tells those dwarves that overtime is mandatory. 

Madison cried out as the wolf ghoul leaped and caught back of her hair in its ravening mouth. She tumbled backward.   

“Donut,” I said. She leaped through the broken window, jumped to the top of the cab, and shot two quick Magic Missiles at the ghoul. The former wolf monster hissed and dropped. The woman scrambled to her feet and ran to the train, pulling herself up the stairs. I eased off the brakes, touched the throttle, and we steamed away just as more flaming ghouls emerged from the back of the building. They gave chase, but we quickly outpaced them. 

“Thank you, thank you,” the woman said when Katia opened the door for her. We entered the tunnel. Just a few moments later, I caught sight of a glowing sign. There was a ladder against the wall, leading up to a doorway. The sign read Transit Station 11. I wondered if there’d be a Desperado Club at this one. The glowing sign for station 12 was only a few hundred meters further down. I remembered what Widget had said, that station 12 was where the janitor ghouls congregated. Sure enough, the little sign read Jikininki Peak Station 12. Let’s skip that one for now. 

“Wait, I don’t recognize you,” the woman said. “How did you get in here? What’re your employee numbers?”

“My word. Do I look like someone who would work for a trainyard?” Donut said. 

The woman was a mess. It appeared as if she’d spent a lot of time getting her hair perfectly placed this morning, piled atop her head in bun. Now it hung in frizzy tatters where the festering wolf ghoul had lunged at it. That giant bun of hair had saved her life.   

She looked scandalized. That looked instantly reminded me of Bea’s mom. The woman even had the same my-facelift-is-a-bit-too-tight catwoman glare. “Customers are not allowed in the train engines! I’m going to have to alert the transit authority. This is most irregular.”

Station 13 whipped by. It was also a transit station. I laughed. “Lady, we just saved your ass. If you don’t like it, I can stop and let you off right here. I’m sure those ghouls will take fine care of you.” 

“Where are we taking her?” Katia asked. 

“You’re taking me to Yard A,” the woman said. “It’s the headquarters. There you can turn yourself in.” 

“And how does one get there from here?” 

“I don’t know,” she said. “Have you seen the full map for the Tangle? It’s impossible to figure out. Plus I’ve never actually seen Yard A. We need an engineer to lead the way. Isn’t there a map or something in here?” 

Station 14 and 15 whipped by. “We’re going to stop at the service entrance for 24 to check it out and see if it needs to be cleared out,” I said. “After, we can take her up to sixty and set her free. Widget said there’s a loop after that, and the train can turn around. If that’s true, then we can stay in the area until it’s time to go down.” 

“Set me free?” Madison said, incredulous. “Are you suggesting I’m a prisoner? And station 60 is where the lower employees stay.” 

Yep, I thought. Bea’s mom. “Where do you live, then?” 

“I have an apartment in the executive quarters outside of Yard A.” 

“Wait, what? You just said you’ve never been to Yard A.” 

Station 17 was another transit station. Eighteen was called Barren Station. I wondered if these had monsters similar to the higher stations, and if there was a Krakaren boss at 20.

The woman didn’t answer. I looked back over my shoulder to regard her. She was staring off out the window, a strange look of confusion on her face. “I’ve been putting in a lot of hours. Mandatory overtime.” 

I was starting to suspect there was no Yard A. I was also suddenly curious about what we’d find over at Station 60. Before, when Vernon the dwarf conductor had told us about his wife, I’d assumed his wife had been a made-up phantom. Widget had a similar story, but it was clear he’d actually been living in that tower. “You’ve never been to your apartment, have you?” 

“Of course I’ve been to my apartment. It’s just been… It’s been a few days.” 

I nodded. When they’d programed this floor in, they’d give all these NPCs a bunch of false memories, but they hadn’t set up a proper foundation. All the stories were paper-thin, like the background of an NPC in a real video game. This was probably the first time since the floor started that Madison had left her office. I thought of Brandy and her two new babies. When this floor was done, would she be able to keep her new children? 

A crawler named Herot had written the 16th edition of the cookbook, and she had a long essay in the back about the nature of the NPCs. She had a theory she called “The Worn Path Method,” which suggested success in quests and puzzles was much easier when you deliberately broke through the fourth wall. She believed the NPCs were the weakest link in this world because they were biological and not autonomous. I’d only read the first few paragraphs so far. She claimed that breaking them out of their reverie was cruel, but also necessary if one wanted to survive. Ask them questions, and then challenge them when they don’t know something they should. Be kind but firm. There was so much in the cookbook I still needed to study, and my reading time was at a premium. I made a mental note to go back and finish through the essay. 

“You’ve either been to your apartment or you’ve never seen Yard A. It can’t be both. Which is it?” I demanded. 

“I… I don’t know,” she finally said. “This is most irregular.” 

I saw the sign for station 24, and I slowed the train. We stopped, and I set the brake. I turned to Madison. “Look,” I said. “I have several questions. Answer them for me, and we’ll take you to station 60. If someone there knows how to get to Yard A from there, we’ll take you.” 

“Okay,” she said after a moment. She leaned up against a bulkhead. She looked exhausted. “What do you want to know? If it’s about the trains, I don’t really know much. I’m in charge of telling employees that overtime is mandatory. They come out to get on the Homeword Bound, and I tell them to get back to work. Oh, and I am the benefits manager for all the Kravyad and the six Station Mimics.”

“That what?” I said. 

“Terminus. The Station Mimics. There are six of them, and boy do they get cranky if we don’t send enough passengers into them. Those things are ravenous. We tell the workers to always tell the customers to get off on 433, but you’d be surprised at how awful dwarves are at following instructions. And don’t get me started on the ManTauRs. They can’t keep their paws to themselves.”   

Carl: Bautista. Do not get off at the Terminus Station. It’s a goddamned trap.

***

Sorry for the slowness everybody! My house has been overrun with people, and I haven't had my usual free time to get everything put together. But my problems are minor compared to some of the others in the world. If you're in the Texas/Louisiana border area, I hope you're keeping safe and dry. That storm is no joke.

I've finally settled on a title for Book 2. I'm actually going with a theme for the rest of the titles. Each individual book's title will have meaning and be obvious in that book's context, but there will be a further meaning at the very, very end when all the titles are put together. One of my favorite books is an 80's vampire horror novel titled The Light at the End that does this, and I've always wanted to do something along those lines. Fingers crossed I can pull it off. Book 1 is Dungeon Crawler Carl. Book 2 is Carl's Doomsday Scenario. Book 3 will be The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook.