Chapter 74 - Welcome Aboard the Iron Tangle. (Patreon)

Part 4

The Iron Tangle

Chapter 74

Time to level Collapse: 10 Days.
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Bounty: 100,000 gold 

Red Line. 

Welcome, Crawler to the fourth floor. “The Iron Tangle”
Your title has reverted to Royal Bodyguard.
Sponsorship bidding initiated on Crawler #4,122. Bidding ends in 45 hours. 

The world rumbled. The ground shook. I stumbled backward the moment we appeared, but I was held upright by a metal wall. Lights flashed in a quick staccato, pulsing on either side of the long, thin room. I felt the thump, thump, thump under my feet. We were in a long, plastic and metal tube that vibrated and thundered. The lights in the room blinked out then turned back on. 

Mongo screeched in anger and fear. Donut jumped to my shoulder, trembling. Katia clutched onto a metal pole rising from the floor to the ceiling. 

New achievement! I’m on a train!
Choo Choo, Motherfucker.
Reward: You’ve received a Train Conductor’s Souvenir Hat! Wear it with pride! 

“It’s a subway car,” I said. We hurled through the tunnel, racing toward some unknown destination. 

A double aisle of seats, facing inward, filled the train car. The seats were made of beige, molded plastic with brown cushions that were ripped and tagged with marker and spray paint. The words were in nonsensical letters in Russian. The floor was dingy and pocked. Scorch marks dotted the plastic walls. Poles rose to the ceiling at regular intervals and also ran the length of the car. The whole place smelled like a pile of dead rats. 

The train car was empty except for our party. 

“It’s a Metro car from Moscow,” Katia said. “But the ones I rode were in much better condition than this. And cleaner.” Her face had returned to the mostly-human, blond-haired form she’d held earlier. Her nose had been knocked halfway around her face the last time I’d seen her in her doppelganger form, but she’d willed it back into place. 

At the end of the subway car was a closed door with no window. Above the door hung a small, electric sign with red words scrolling across the top. 

Red Line Train 15A, Car 20. Next stop: Sirin Station (81) in 12 minutes and 32 seconds.  

“Everybody get dressed,” I said. I sat down in the chair and quickly began the process of putting my gear back on. I briefly examined the stupid train hat we’d received, and it was junk. It wasn’t magical. It was a simple, blue and white hat one would see on a toddler. It had the words “I rode the Iron Tangle” embroidered on it.   

“Carl, it says I have to pick a new class because of my Character Actor skill. I only have six minutes to choose, or I will get a ‘random’ one,” Donut said. “The list is full of new stuff. Not the same as before.” 

Carl: Mordecai. Help Donut pick a class. She’s going to read off some choices. We’re in a moving train car. I think it’s a subway system-themed floor.

Mordecai: Welcome back. Donut, hit me with the suggested list. 

Donut: I DON’T LIKE THESE CHOICES, MORDECAI.

As Donut rattled off a list of options in the chat, including things like Alley Cat Brawler and Nec-Cat-Mancer, I moved to the window and peered outside. 

We moved swiftly. The exterior wall of the tunnel was right there, barely inches from the window. It appeared to be made of dirt or rock. Lights flashed by occasionally, as if electrical lights were built into the tunnel walls at random intervals. 

“Why does she always type in all caps?” Katia whispered as I peered out the window. “Is it because she’s four-legged?”

“No. It’s because she’s Donut.” 

“She’s quite the handful, isn’t she?” 

I remembered what Odette had said about Hekla wanting to steal Donut away. 

“More than you know,” I said. 

We had 10 days to complete this floor. Our first priority would be to find a stairwell. If we were constantly moving, that was going to provide a unique challenge. There were only 9,375 stairwells this time. If the level truly was subway or train-themed, and this wasn’t just taking us to some random location where the floor was really going to begin, we needed a map. Even if there was a stairwell at each and every stop, that suggested this system was beyond huge. Finding a stairwell wouldn’t be enough if we didn’t know how to circle back.  

My Escape Plan skill couldn’t find any directions or maps, at least not in this car. The skill worked great, but you had to know where the hidden maps were before you could utilize it. 

“Wow,” Katia said. “My constitution is double what it normally is. I’m at 102. I have an active momentum bonus even though I’m not moving.” 

“Good,” I said. That means you’re our meat shield, I didn’t add. “I hope that’s by design. Otherwise, I wouldn’t get used to it. If the showrunners didn’t mean for that to happen, you can bet it’ll be patched out tonight.” 

If we were going to be doing a lot of close-quarters fighting this level, that meant I needed to work on my hand-to-hand. Last floor had been all about explosions. I suspected that was going to take a backseat here. 

Donut: SO, SHOULD I DO THE FOOTBALL HOOLIGAN OR THE FIRECRACKER CLASS? QUICK, I’M ALMOST OUT OF TIME. 

Mordecai: Hooligan. If you’re going to be stuck in a series of tubes, it’s the best choice. It comes with a momentum bonus and several team buffs. Plus the Mascot skill, which gives a bonus to Mongo.

Donut glowed for a moment.     

Donut: I DID IT. I GOT THE MASCOT SKILL! BUT I DIDN’T GET GROUP CHANT OR MOVING RIOT. I GOT THE 10 POINTS TO MY CONSTITUTION THOUGH. 

Mordecai: Damn. Chant would’ve been good. Okay you three. I just peeked my head out of my room, and I am in what appears to be a train station settlement. It looks as if the stores and inns are placed at these stations. This is a bigger one where you can switch between three different train routes. One of the trains is a subway like you described, but another is much larger. Like a regular transcontinental railway train. Get off at the next station, and see if you can find a saferoom or inn. 

Carl: 10-4. By the way, thanks for telling us about the bounty. 

Mordecai: So you made the top 10, huh? Find a saferoom, and we’ll talk. 

I looked at Donut. I tried to remember what she’d lost by switching away from Artist Alley Mogul. The only noteworthy benefit was the 15% bonus to item sales. Also, she’d received a few extra coins when we went down the stairs, but it wasn’t much. “So what do your new skills do?”  

The ground rattled as we went around a bend. The lights flickered. 

“I only got a couple of new ones. It came with a skill that would’ve raised my damage if we were moving, but I didn’t get it. The best one is Mascot. If Mongo deals damage to an enemy, everybody in the party receives a bonus to dexterity and constitution. If he kills a mob, the bonus lasts for a couple hours.” 

“That is a good one,” I said. 

“Also, my Constitution went up by 10 points. Oh, and I got a skill called Guinness that doubles my strength if I’m drunk.”  

“Are you serious?” 

“Quite,” she said. “So if we’re going to be doing any fighting, we’ll need to stop at the club first so I can get another dirty shirley.”

Carl: Mordecai, is it me or are these classes better than what we were offered before? 

Mordecai: It’s an unintended benefit. A lot of these rarer classes weren’t available because she didn’t meet the minimum requirements. But as her stats increase, the classes she’s offered on each level will be better. There’s another benefit I hadn’t anticipated, too. She’d received a level-5 Negotiation skill with that Artist Alley class. Before you guys left the third floor, she’d raised the skill to level 7 thanks to all that selling you did on the last floor. When she lost that class, the five levels went away, but she retained the two she’d received, including the skill experience, so it actually bumped itself up to four on its own. 

Carl: Wait, I don’t understand. So if she gets a temporary skill, she keeps it the next floor down? What about the stat point increases? 

Mordecai: She won’t keep the stat points. But as long as she uses a skill enough to level it at least once, it looks like she’ll keep it, minus the levels she received as being a part of that class. Skill experience is a complicated, under-the-hood metric crawlers can’t see. It takes a lot to break the cherry, so to say, and obtain level 1. But once you’re in, you’re in. So in other words, use Mongo as much as you can, and you’ll keep that Mascot benefit. Also, from now on, we should keep an eye out for classes with rare spells. If she levels the spell at least once, then I think she’ll keep it. 

Carl: That seems like a bug. 

Mordecai: I think it might be. So don’t talk about it out loud or bring attention to it. They probably won’t notice until she manages to keep a spell from one floor to the next. Now get to work. I’ll look for a map, but you should, too.  

“Katia,” I said. “You have the Pathfinder skill. Do you see anything?” 

“The skill is only level 3. It was level 1 when I got it, and it’s hard to upgrade. I have to keep my map open all the way to train it. My old game guide said I needed to find a training guild to really boost it. I can zoom my map out really big, but when I do, I don’t see much. There are tubes everywhere, like a mess of noodles. Though a minute ago, I saw another train rush by in another direction on another track on the other side of this wall. As for this train, there are 20 cars, and we’re on the last one.” 

“Can you see any mobs?” 

“No. It usually doesn’t show monsters. But if we’re close to a stairwell or a saferoom, I’ll get a notification. But I can see car number 15 is shaped differently than this one. I can’t see what it is. It’s not a passenger car like this one.”  

I looked on my own map, and it showed the first half of car 15. I knew normally my map zoomed out a little bigger than that, but it shrank while we were moving. If Katia could see all 20 cars, then that skill really did make the map a lot bigger. The map also helpfully labeled the cars for me, something I hadn’t seen before. We were in Cabin #20 – Passenger Car.

“What does the label say for that 15th car?” 

“It just has a question mark.”  

I examined the back wall of the train. Normally there’d be some sort of emergency exit. Instead, it was just a solid, metallic wall. I wondered what would happen if I attached an explosive to it, breached the wall, and jumped out onto the track. Considering how tight the tunnel was, we’d probably get squished by the next train in a matter of minutes.   

“Okay, guys,” I said. “Let’s go check it out.” 

I moved down the center aisle. Donut jumped to my shoulder. Mongo pushed his way to my side. He had to struggle past the vertical poles. If he got much bigger or the aisles any tighter, it was going to become a problem. We came to the door, which seemed out of place here. There was no glass window. I sensed this door was something added by the dungeon, and normally there’d be a short, open gangway where one could walk the length of the train unimpeded. Above, the timer to the next stop was at five minutes. 

“I’m going to pull the door open. Katia, your Constitution is four times mine, so you go in first. You okay with that?” 

She swallowed but then nodded. I could see she was trembling. “I guess that’s my job, isn’t it?” 

“Don’t worry, sweetie. We got your back,” Donut said. 

The door slid to the side, revealing a small, enclosed space between the two cars. The gangway floor bounced up and down. The walls connecting the two train cars were a black, accordioned material that looked like reinforced fabric. The distance between the two cars seemed longer than it should be. Below my feet was a panel that I could presumably pull up to get to the connector. A second door appeared, leading to the next car, and I put my hand on it. Behind me, Katia now held a small, glowing axe. 

“Have you used that thing before?” I asked. 

“It’s a good weapon,” she said. “But my strength isn’t high enough, and it doesn’t do a lot of damage. Though I killed some lumber monkeys with it.” 

I nodded. “Here we go.” 

I slid open the door, and she leaped inside. Mongo jumped in with her, snarling, causing her to faceplant. I stumbled back at the pet’s sudden, unexpected forward motion. 

“Goddamnit, Mongo!” I yelled, examining the room for threats. 

Empty. The car was identical to the last. 

“Mongo! Bad!” Donut cried. “Be nice to Katia!” 

“Okay, let’s try that again,” I said. “Mongo. Don’t be an experience hog.”

The dinosaur squawked as Katia grumbled and pulled herself to her feet. She’d dropped her axe, and it’d skittered ten feet in front of her. She ran to retrieve it.   

The next car was the same. Empty. But at least Katia didn’t fall on her face when we breached. The next car after that was similarly unoccupied. 

By the time we reached car number 16, the timer was almost out. I wanted to at least peek into 15 before we tried to find a saferoom. The cars beyond that one were more of the normal passenger cars. Katia said cars ten and five were also different, but not the same as 15. Plus the entire first car was just a solid block on her map. She said that usually meant it was behind a magical door.   

“There’s gotta be something in this one,” I said, indicating the door to train 15. It was different than the previous ones. It was still a sliding door, but it appeared to be made of a thicker, more stable material. 

“Looking at the map, 15 almost the same shape as this one, but there aren’t any doors to the outside,” Donut said. 

“You’re right,” I said as we approached the metal door. It was definitely thicker, but the handle was the same as the others. The door was not locked. I slid it open and moved onto the gangway. The next door was the same. The train started to slow. The high-pitched squeal of brakes filled the air, along with the stench of oil and smoke.

A static-filled voice crackled over a loudspeaker. “Coming up on Sirin Station, folks. Station number 81. Next stop will be Mora Station number 82 followed by a Traveler Transfer station number 83.”   

“Monsters,” Donut hissed. “Smaller sized, but there are a lot of them.” 

I lifted my hand off the door to car fifteen. “Okay, we’ll back away for now until…” 

“No, not in there. At the train station!” Donut said, just as the platform eased into view. To my left, a simple landing area appeared. A sign Sirin Station - 81 hung from the ceiling. 

“Oh god,” Katia said. 

The station teemed with several hundred fat, wrinkly monsters, clambering over each other as they surged at the door. The creatures looked like demonic, grey-skinned babies with sharp claws and giant mouths filled with much too many teeth. Each stood on two legs, and they stood about knee height. A few were attached to the concrete pillars, climbing up them on all fours, like goddamned spiders. They wore nothing but tattered loin cloths, and they leaped and scratched at the doors, some jumping as high as the car’s ceiling. They screamed as one, their cries unsettlingly baby-like. They surged against the train at the sight of us through the windows, crashing like waves into the glass.

The train continued to roll forward, but it would stop at any moment. And when it did, those doors were going to open, letting them in here. 

I examined one of the monsters through the glass. 

Drek. Level 6. 

Everybody loves babies, right? What kind of asshole doesn’t love babies? How about demonic, ravenous, berserking babies who travel in packs of at least 50? It’s rumored these lil’ rascals can devour a full-sized elephant down to the bone in less than five seconds. And you’re a lot smaller than an elephant. 

“Shit, shit,” I said, pulling at the door to cabin 15. “Close that door behind us!” I slid the heavy door open, and we piled into the humid, dark train car. The room stank of rotten meat.  

Behind us, the doors to the train station hissed open, and the squealing monsters poured in. Katia slammed the first door. She rushed into the dark, windowless rail car and slammed the second shut just as Donut cast Torch, illuminating the room.  

“Oh for fuck’s sake, I said, seeing the new pair of monsters. 

Jikininki. Level 17.

Of all the types of ghouls one may find in the Iron Tangle Rail System, the Jikininki is the most common, the most well-behaved, and the most insatiable. Their voracious appetite for flesh makes them the perfect janitors. They’ll generally leave you alone as long as you’re not bleeding, as long as you don’t litter, and as long as you don’t trespass into their personal space. It’s rude. 

On the map, the system helpfully replaced the question marks on the label with Janitor’s Lair.

The hunched, thin monsters appeared to be grown-up cousins of the Drek babies pouring into the train behind us. These white, emaciated creatures were about seven feet tall with arms that dragged to the ground with serrated, black fingernails that clinked like porcelain as the monsters stood to their full height at our intrusion. Their faces were all sharp teeth and white, bulging eyes. The mouths on both creatures started chattering up and down like a wind-up toy, making the sound of an industrial shredder.

Both of the creatures wore tattered and threadbare double-breasted suits with golden buttons. Under the dark suits were white, blood splattered dress shirts. One had a bowtie. Both wore conductor-style hats with golden letters across that said, “Janitor.” The one without the bowtie had a pinback button on his breast that read, “How may I hurt you?”    

Other than the two monsters, the rail car was empty save for a pile of bones and two brooms and dust buckets.

“Double Shot!” I yelled.        

Two full-power Magic Missiles rocketed out, each one a headshot. The creatures staggered, their health moving into the red as Mongo roared. The raptor leaped half the length of the car, landing on one of the humanoids, feet first. Donut jumped from my shoulder to Katia’s as I rushed at the ghoul, forming a fist. The monster hissed as I reared back and punched it in the face. To my left, Mongo had decapitated the monster and was in the process of swallowing the head. My target hit the ground. I stepped onto its chest, caving it in. Black, tar-like gore spread out in a v-pattern from where I stomped down. The action felt odd on my foot, but I didn’t have time to think about why. 

You have received a temporary five percent bonus to Dexterity and Constitution thanks to your team’s mascot.  

We didn’t have time to revel in our victory. I took a few bones and looted a handful of gold coins from each ghoul as I rushed back to the end of the room. 

“They’re trying to get in!” Katia cried, backing away from the door. Donut remained on her shoulder, fur poofed out. We could hear scrabbling and scratching and screaming coming from car 16. They hadn’t yet broken through the first of the two doors. All they needed to do was pull the handle down and slide, but it appeared they didn’t know how.   

I looked nervously at the door at the other side of the car, the one leading to car number 14. That one was also presumably filled with the Dreks. We were surrounded. 

There was no sign in this car, but I remembered the announcement had said the next station was called Mora or something like that. But the one after that was something different. A traveler transfer station. Hopefully that meant a safe place like Mordecai had described. But there were no doors to the outside in this car. How could we get out there? 

I prepared a smoke curtain. I also moved the Fireball or Custard ticket to my hotlist. I had three scratch-off spots left. If they broke in here, we were screwed. I wouldn’t be saved by a glob of custard this time. What the hell were we going to do? Would all the stations be filled with mobs? 

I feared I would have to resort to explosives, but that seemed like a really bad idea. Even if we threw it toward a rear train car and slammed the door, I feared a derailment would be deadly to the entire train. 

I also had my Protective Shell, but I could only cast it once a day, and it only lasted 20 seconds. Actually, thinking about it, Mordecai had told me something about that spell a long time ago that might just be helpful here. But if that next station was also filled with mobs, I’d have to wait to use it, otherwise it would be a waste.

Okay. Calm down. It’s okay. You’re okay. They put these cars here on purpose. We’re using them as intended. 

I took a deep breath and went over my options, combing through my inventory. Now that the initial panic had eased, multiple options presented themselves to me. 

“We need to hold out until we get to station number 83,” I said. “Katia, if they start opening the door, hold it closed! Donut, do you still have those two ready-to-go trap modules?” 

“Yes. You want them?” she said, pulling each out. She’d received them in a gold sapper’s box she’d received for our battle with the Rage Elemental all the way on the second floor. 

One was a Spike Module and the other an Alarm Module. Each of them were tiny cubes about the size of a pair of dice. I examined the Alarm Module. 

Alarm Module. 

Two items for the price of one! A favorite of the paranoid and the rich, you can use this module to either add an alarm element to a trap you’re building, or it can be used as a ready-to-go trap for those who can’t be assed to sit down and make their own. When triggered, it will play a Very Loud song. And by Very Loud, I mean Norwegian Black Metal loud. You may program the song at a Sapper’s Table. If you do not or are unable to pick an alarm tone, a random, culturally-important song from the past US Billboard Hot 100 will be chosen. 

You have the ability to imbue Fear upon this module, but your current level of Trap Engineer (Level 1) only allows this action to be done at a Sapper’s table. 

If untriggered, your Backfire skill allows you to remove this trap after it has been set with a 100% success rate.  

The spike module had a similar description, but it would cause 50-centimeter spikes to pop out of the ground at two-second intervals in a one meter-square area. Friendly NPCs and crawlers wouldn’t set it off, but once triggered, it would keep spiking up and down forever, so we had to be careful.

I wondered if the spike trap could be affixed to a wall. Or a door. I was about to find out. 

“Keep on this door,” I said. “We can’t guard both sides, so I’m putting the alarm and spike trap in the fore gangway. That’ll give us time to run up there and block out the door if they’re coming at us from that side.”   

I turned and sprinted for the other side of the car before they could respond. The truth was, we could probably guard both sides. Katia could hold one door closed, and I could hold the other. Donut wouldn’t be able to do it. But I didn’t trust Katia’s strength of 11 to be good enough, even if they were just level 6 monsters. Plus I didn’t want to split the party. Not now. 

I ran to the far door and put my ear against it. Sure enough, the rabid babies were screaming and attacking the door on this side, too. But they hadn’t broken into the gangway yet. I eased open the door. 

The handle to the door for car #14 rang as it was jangled up and down, but they hadn’t yet figured out how to slide it. At any moment, one of the little assholes was going to get an arm in there and figure it out. I took the alarm module and set it on the ground. I mentally clicked Activate, and a transparent rectangle appeared on the ground, blinking. The box was about the size and shape of a shoe box. An informational tooltip appeared over the now-set trap, similar to what I saw with bombs. 

Placed Trap
Set by you.
Effect: A loud-ass alarm.
Delay: None.
Target: Red-tagged mobs.
Duration: Until the heat death of the universe.

In addition, I had four options under the info panel. Trigger Now, Set Delay, Set Target, And Remove Trap. 

I left it alone and turned toward the door into the janitor car. I slid it shut, enclosing me in the small space. I placed the spike trap against the door and activated it. It allowed me to place it vertically. I slid open the door to see if it moved with the door, and it did. I moved back into car 15 and slid the door closed.

Now we would know if they breached the door behind us, and the spikes would hopefully keep them off that door for a short time. I returned aft. Mongo remained in the center of the room, gnawing on the corpse of the janitor. The train swayed as it moved around a curve. 

“Mongo, stay with Donut,” I yelled as I rushed past. “And stop eating gross shit. You’re going to make yourself sick again.”  

Mongo grunted and followed me back to the door. 

My mind raced with possibilities and defenses I was going to have to build. If I knew the dimensions of the cars, gangways, and doors, I’d be able to fashion multiple defensive structures to place within the cars. But we had to survive this, first. 

“Keep your eye on that map,” I said to Katia as I rushed up. “Let me know the second you see a train station coming up.” 

“I already see one. Station 82 will be coming up in a minute,” she said. 

“Okay, hopefully they’ll get off. But if they don’t, or if more monsters get on, I have a couple ideas.” 

I opened up the door to train 16. They still hadn’t figured it out on this side, either. “Donut, tell me if that door starts to open.” 

Mordecai: Okay, I just watched a train pull up, and two crawlers got off. There were mobs on the train, but they were magically prevented from getting off. So don’t get disembark until you get to a transfer station.

“Yeah, thanks for the tip,” I grumbled as I went to my knees and pulled up the panel in the gangway floor. Below, I’d find the train’s electrical system and hopefully controls for the car couplers. I had no idea how this stuff worked in real life, but I was confident enough in my own electrical systems knowledge that I’d at least recognize what I’d find under there. 

The top panel came off easily. But under it was a small metal door with a lock, similar to a breaker box. I placed my hand on it and received an error. 

This service plate is magically locked. You need a Red Line Engineer’s Key to access this area. Do you have a key? No you don’t. So back off. 

“Damn,” I said, putting the panel back. That meant we’d have to go with the nuclear option. 

The loudspeaker crackled. “Coming up on Mora station number 82, home to the Psycho Stickers. Watch out for those guys.” The announcer chuckled. “Next stop is the transfer station number 83 where one may access the yellow line and the Nightmare Express. After that is Rusalka station number 84. Thank you for riding the red line.”  

“Carl!” Donut cried. I looked up to see the door start to slide. I leaped back as Donut blew her wad, spamming Magic Missiles into the hole. One of the babies chomped onto my foot, which wouldn’t do anything because of my…

…I cried out in excruciating pain as I fell back into car 15. Katia slammed the door shut. The baby remained attached to my foot, gnawing furiously on the meat of my sole. I pulled myself up and slammed my foot down. The level-6 monster exploded like a tomato soup-filled balloon. I spread my toes to make sure they were all there, and I cast Heal on myself. What a disaster that would’ve been. 

“Ow, ow, ow,” I said as it healed. That had fucking hurt. It’d been a long time since I’d allowed my pedicure kit buffs to expire. I was so used to having rock-solid feet, I’d forgotten what it felt like to be vulnerable down there. We really needed to get to a saferoom.    

The train eased to a stop. 

“I see more monsters,” Donut said. “But not as many. There’s only a few on the platform. But they’re big. A lot bigger. One is going into train 16 and another two into 14.” 

The door handle started to jiggle. I grasped onto it and held the door closed. Squeals of outrage came through the door. A moment later, the train started to move again. 

“Hey,” I said. “Do you remember if we left the doors open all the way down? The ones to cars 17 and 18?” 

“We did,” Katia said. 

“Okay, let me know the moment you see that next platform. In a couple minutes we’re going to…” 

Peaking at Number 2 on January 13, 2007, it’s "Fergalicious!"   

The announcement was so loud it rattled the walls. 

“What in god’s name is,” Katia started before she was drowned out. The song started, louder than I expected, despite the description’s warning. My ears immediately rang in pain.  

Carl: It’s the alarm trap. They made it through the first door. 

Katia: Do you want me to hold the other door? 

Carl: No. We don’t have time anymore. We’re running aft. Back, I mean. We’re going in about fifteen seconds. We are going to run all the way back to car number 20, and we’re shutting every door we pass. When I say Go, we run. 

Katia: How is that is going to work? I don’t understand. 

Donut: JUST GO WITH IT. WHEN CARL SAYS TO DO SOMETHING WE DO IT. ALSO, I LOVE THIS SONG.     

The door at the far end of the car rumbled. Shrieks of pain exploded from the other side. Experience notifications started rolling in as mobs were impaled on the door spikes. 

I looked at the map to make sure the track was straight, and then I clicked on Protective Shell.  

The large, semi-circle shield formed around us, expanding outside the width of the train car. The shield wasn’t effected or fettered by solid objects. 

I had no idea how fast the average subway car moved, but that didn’t really matter. I knew this train was going fast, and I also knew that the spell’s barrier would be impenetrable by mobs for 20 seconds. 

And more importantly, the spell remained static in the spot where it was cast. 

The magical shell disappeared the moment I cast it, rocketing away toward car 16, then 17, then 18, then 19, then 20, and then away, stuck in that same place along the tracks it’d been when I cast, pushing all the mobs along with it like a bulldozer, squishing them into paste against the first surface they met. 

Carl: Go!

I threw open the door just as the door at the other end of the train ripped open, revealing a hedgehog-like ogre creature, so large it couldn’t get through. Only its arm reached in, stretching all the way from car 14. The Dreks poured in around it, running and clambering at us. Several jumped to the ceiling and crawled just as fast as they ran, their mouths open in cries I thankfully couldn’t hear. I slammed the door behind us, then the next. 

Car 16 was completely filled with blood. Body parts were splattered around the seats and walls where the Dreks had gotten stuck. Each corpse had dropped about five gold pieces. The ogre creature, apparently called a Psycho Sticker, had been so obliterated it didn’t register as an X on the map.

I looked over my shoulder at the sign, and the next station was only four minutes away. I relaxed as we jogged toward train number 17, looting the gold as we ran. We were going to be okay. For now. 

Carl: Don’t slip on the blood! It’s easy to trip on their heads. Believe me. 

Katia: I’m going to be sick. Oh my god, Carl. I’ve never seen anything like this. 

Donut: YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT.