Chapters 70 and 71 (Patreon)

Note and a warning: Chapter 72 isn't quite ready yet for Patreon. Chapter 71 ends on a massive, massive cliffhanger. I know how some of you guys hate cliffhangers. I will try to get 72 up ASAP. It's almost done, but I didn't want you to have to wait any longer.

Chapter 70 

I pulled the rope back into my inventory while I still hung 15 feet off the ground. I was very happy I’d figured out that neat trick early on, before having to invest in multiple lengths of the stuff. Still, I really needed to buy a longer section. 

I crashed heavily onto the debris pile, though it didn’t hurt like it would’ve before. I briefly wondered exactly how far I could drop before I would take damage. Above, the entire structure trembled. The whole thing was going to fall in on our heads at any moment. We had to get out of here. The X of Quill’s body was there on my map, right under our feet, enticing me. We’d have to dig for an hour to get to her and the neighborhood map, which would be super useful right about now. That wasn’t going to happen. 

A sparkle of something caught my eye. A single, charred box sat half-buried in the debris. I picked it up as we fled. It was one of Miss Quill’s glass cases. It appeared unbroken despite being less than a foot from the explosion, which meant this thing was likely enchanted. The char rubbed right off. The stuffed creature within was an armored man atop a black horse. I peered at the tag, which said “Kimaris.” I pulled it all into my inventory. 

The building rumbled as we cleared the distance. We stopped in the street and turned to watch as the rest of the gigantic building caved in. We’d gotten out of there just in time.  

“We know what happened to the prostitutes now. We know why they were falling into the alleys,” Donut said, breathing heavily. “How come the quest didn’t finish?” 

“We know how they got there,” I said. “We still don’t know why. We don’t have the whole story.” I eyed the dark warehouse across the street. It was a simple, square, two-level building. There were no lights with only a large pair of double doors at the entrance. I could sense him there, on the second floor. Remex. “If we want to finish this, we need to go into that building.” 

A crowd of NPCs watched the municipal building and mall collapse from a short distance away. I looked about in the air, but I didn’t see any Skyfowl. There had been dozens of them out earlier, but they were all gone. I had the impression they didn’t like flying about at night. Still, it was unusual. 

A single blue dot of a Crawler stood there in the crowd. I met the creature’s eyes, and he approached us. I focused on the now-familiar name over his head. 

“Don’t let him see that fallen oak bracelet on your back leg,” I whispered. 

“Why?” Donut asked. “He’s not one of those elves.” 

“He’s related to the dead crawler you took it from. He’s also the same guy that killed that boss in the swimming pool. The one that blew up. The Divider.”

“Oh, he’s disgusting,” Donut said as the man got closer. He walked slowly and deliberately. I could see he didn’t have shoes, though I suspected for him this was a recent development thanks to his newly clawed feet. “Someone needs to teach him about muted colors. He looks like someone took Jack’s hat and made a furry costume out of it.”

“Be nice,” I whispered, trying not to laugh. Jack, the man who had peed on the wall and caused all the chaos on the second floor had been very fond of his orange Cincinnati Bengal’s hat.  

“No, I’m serious, Carl. This guy could be the second coming of Chuck Norris, but we can’t have him in the party. People would laugh at us.” 

“You know you’re a Persian cat, right?” I said. 

“What is that supposed to mean, Carl?”

“Don’t worry,” I muttered. “He doesn’t look like he wants to join our party anyway.” 

“Hey there,” I said as he came to a stop before us. The man paused, looking me up and down. I felt my eyebrow raise as he examined me for an extended period.  

Crawler #2,165,570. “Daniel Bautista 2”
Level 18.
Race: Tigran.
Class: Swashbuckler. 

He looked like a rejected character from Thundercats. He was a well-muscled, shirtless man, about six feet tall. He was furry and orange. Very orange. Very furry. He had the head of a human/big cat hybrid, with the orange, white, and black markings of a Siberian tiger. But unlike a tiger, his eyes had the vertical slits of a housecat. His nose and mouth were human, though covered with wisps of the orange fur. He also had a long, absurdly shaggy, tail. The effect would be comical if the dude didn’t look as if he could rip me in half. He held nine neighborhood boss markers. He wore a belt with a longsword hanging in a scabbard. The sword also glowed orange. 

“Were you the ones who killed Miss Quill?” he finally asked. He had an Asian accent. I remembered the three corpses we’d run across several days earlier. Grace, Nica, and Lea. They all had the same last name. I assumed this guy was part of that family. They’d had someone with them who’d looted most of their gear. Donut had picked up that fallen oak anklet, and I’d looted two generic strength rings. If the man knew we had them, would he want the items back? That would be too bad for him if he did. I figured it would be for the best if we didn’t broach the subject at all.     

“Yes,” I said. “I take it you’re the guy whose quest we fucked over.” 

“I am,” he said. “I was supposed to break into her home and kill her. It would get me access to the Desperado Club. But when I went to her home, she rushed off. I tried to follow, but she can fly. She went straight to that building there, and a few minutes later came your explosion and her death.” 

“Did she have more of the stuffed creatures in her house?” Donut asked. 

Daniel grunted. “Yes. Her entire apartment was filled with them. Over a thousand of them. I have taken them all.”

I shrugged. “Well, sorry about that. Like I said, we also have a quest that involved her. It’s not quite done yet, either.” 

He nodded slowly. He wanted to say something, but he was hesitating.

“A few nights back, I saw you on the news program,” he finally added.

“We’re on almost every night,” said Donut proudly. 

“You fought at that circus. You killed the lemurs. Is there nothing left?” 

He was trying to ask about his family, but he was having trouble getting it out. “No. They’re all gone. There’s a stairwell there now.” 

He nodded appreciatively. “There is another three kilometers due east from this village. Crawlers have been writing notes with the stairwell locations and leaving them in the bars.” 

“Good,” I said. I paused. “And yes, we saw them. The other Bautistas. We killed the lemurs responsible.” 

His tail whisked back and forth. “Thank you,” he said. “They were my sisters and cousin. All five of them died in seconds. It happened so fast. I was with my other cousin, and we barely got away.”

I swallowed. There had only been three bodies, but I remembered thinking at the time that there’d been enough blood for more.

Daniel continued. “He died the next day. My cousin, I mean. He’d given up. I’m all that’s left of my entire family. I had four brothers and sisters. Fifteen cousins.” He looked off into the distance. “I don’t know why I go on. I wish I hadn’t chosen this body. I should’ve remained true to myself. We all die anyway. How can we make it to heaven if god doesn’t recognize us?”  

I had no answer for that. 

An awkward silence followed. I shifted uneasily. “Well I’m sorry for your loss. And I am sorry about screwing up your quest.” 

He nodded. “It is no problem. I am happy knowing they have been avenged. I owe you a debt. Call me if you need me, and I will come.” He held out his fist, initiating the chat transfer. I hesitated, then reciprocated the gesture. His name appeared on my chat list. Then he turned and disappeared into the night. 

“That dude is very intense,” I said. 

“I would be too if I looked like that,” said Donut. “Their game guide let him pick that race. And one of his sisters or cousins had been that weird tree thing too, remember? It’s like their guide wanted them to look stupid. And Katia’s game guide won’t help her. And remember that floating brain thing we saw in the recap episode? The one for Frank Q and Maggie My? That thing was talking them into murdering people. I think most of these guides don’t like their jobs very much, and they take it out on the crawlers.”

“I think you’re right,” I said. “Let me tell you a secret, Donut. Back before all this happened, it was considered a rare thing for somebody to find a job they truly loved.” 

“You didn’t like fixing boats? Or being in the Navy?” 

“Not really. And I was in the Coast Guard. Not the Navy. They’re different,” I said. 

“Are you sure? Miss Beatrice always told people you were in the Navy,” 

“I’m sure, Donut.” 

“Well, what would you have done if you could do anything?” she asked. 

I thought about that for a long moment. I thought of the college applications I started to fill out, but never finished. “I would work for the forestry service as a forester.” 

“Doing what? Looking at trees all day?” 

“Yes,” I said. “I’ve seen enough ocean to last a lifetime. I’d be happy alone in the woods, watching for forest fires. God, I would give anything. That would be beautiful.” 

Donut grunted. “I know what I would do. I would write TV shows. Zev and I are going to start a television show writing company when we get out of here. We’re going to remake Gossip Girl but with an intergalactic slant.”  

I chuckled. “Is that right?” 

“Zev says the shows on Earth are better than anything she’s ever seen. We could make new ones and bring them to the universe. Maybe if the television shows are good enough, people wouldn’t be so interested in watching real-life people kill each other,” she said.  

I didn’t say anything for several moments. “You surprise me every day, Donut.” 

She didn’t give me the snarky response I was expecting. 

“So,” she said. “We calling it a night or are we going to fight a lich?” 

I sighed. We still had about three hours until sunrise. “What do you think?” 

~  

The massive door to the Swordsmen depot was not locked. It sat ajar, and I kept a wary eye on it as I climbed the ladder up the exterior side of the building. I was ready to bolt at the first sign of movement. I was more worried about the suits of armor than the lich. If those guys in there woke up, we were fucked. Even though I was now the town’s magistrate, nobody seemed to acknowledge that fact. Before, Featherfall—or I guess Miss Quill—had a very small amount of control over the guardians. I remembered when she tried to have them arrest me, and it hadn’t worked. Something told me I was going to be chased out of my own town the moment they woke up no matter what I did. 

Remex the lich had been quiet this whole time. Donut had braved jumping to the roof, and she’d managed to get a hit on her map. She said it was something regular sized, like a normal Skyfowl. She said it hadn’t been moving, and she didn’t see anything else in the room. Her map’s ability to sense mobs was better than my own, but it was also famously unreliable when it came to hidden mobs, so I was cautious.  

Earlier, I’d peered through the open door of the first level to get a quick view of what was going on in there and to gauge the height of the interior ceiling. Even in the dark, I could see them. The inactive Swordsmen guards. They stood in silent formation, hundreds of them, reminding me of the Chinese terracotta army. They didn’t have dots over them in my map at all. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.  

Their metallic bodies swirled with a yellow aura, all of it leading to a point in the ceiling. There would be a soul crystal up there somewhere. Mordecai said that at night, the guards were in “stasis” mode, and that they were invulnerable. I’d entertained the quick notion of locking them in their warehouse and just blowing them all to hell, including the lich, over and over again until they died, which would result in an obscene amount of experience. But it looked as if that wasn’t going to happen. Not tonight. 

And I couldn’t just roll a bomb into the lich’s chambers, either. He appeared to be the last bad guy standing, so I needed to get the bad guy soliloquy out of him before we killed him. That way we could win the quest. 

We had determined that there was no mute spell in the area, or any other protections that we could see. That didn’t mean there wasn’t a nasty surprise waiting for us, but at least we’d be able to rely on magic. 

I placed the tenth and final stick of goblin dynamite at the exterior joint to the building, using the sticky detonator charge to attach it to the structure. Each stick of hobgoblin pus allowed for up to ten simultaneous detonations with one button press. I was going to use all ten tonight if we had to. I hoped we didn’t.  

Below, half the village stood on the street, watching. They held torches and scythes and other items of medieval weaponry. I hadn’t summoned them, but Fitz the tavernkeeper had raised the alarm after he overheard Mordecai and Katia discussing the idea of a lich in town. Even though it was the equivalent of 3:30 AM, he’d rushed out, shouting that the “night patrol” needed to defend the city. Since half the town was already wide-awake with the collapse of the municipal building, it didn’t take long for a crowd to form.

Before we knew it, we had a group of NPCs gathering around the warehouse. They ranged from orcs to humans to elves to dozens of other more obscure races. But no Skyfowl or the smaller Chickadees. It was as if they didn’t care of the plight of the city, as long as the damage remained on the ground. Across the street, smoke still rose from the collapsed debris of the mall and municipal building. The night smelled of dust and fire.   

After all of our preparations, we now only had about forty minutes left before the armor suits would reanimate. The tops of distant buildings already glowed with the first signs of the faux sunrise. We had to move quickly. 

“That’s the last of them,” I said, stepping my way to the ground. One of the rungs broke off, and I cursed. I spent a quick minute fixing it. I pulled the handmade ladder into my pack. I’d hastily built the thing with crap from my inventory. It was a rickety, slipshod combination of lengths of wood and metal weight bars that would give an OSHA inspector a coronary. It had taken me almost an hour to construct. If we survived past tonight, I was going to build another one of these, but one that was built properly. 

“You ready?” I asked. 

“No,” Donut said. “I don’t like this plan, Carl.” 

Mongo was in his carrier. He’d proven that we couldn’t trust him to stay still when things started to get out of control, and we definitely needed to control the narrative here. And Donut needed to focus.  

We were relying on Mordecai’s advice to keep ourselves alive. 

“Liches come in all shapes and sizes and power levels. You never know what they’re going to be,” he’d said earlier this evening. “But they all have one thing in common, each and every one of them.” 

“What’s that?” I asked. 

He looked up at the ceiling wryly. “They’re just like Odette. They never, ever shut the hell up. They are narcissists to a fault. And they are cowards. Now that they have grasped a handful of life, they will do whatever they can not to let it go again. That’s why they always have minions. They always have elaborate, grandiose plans. That’s why I think you should just blow the building and take a chance at losing the quest.” 

This was earlier, when we still thought that Featherfall was the lich and that his lair was in that building. But since then, Mordecai had changed his mind. He seemed to think that because we’d killed most of Remex’s support system, he would be vulnerable. It was now worth the risk to approach him. Mordecai also said that it made sense that he’d hide above the warehouse of the swordsmen. A magical crystal was used to “recharge” the swordsmen each night, and anyone searching the town using magical means wouldn’t see him there. 

Mordecai: Here’s another wrinkle. This is obviously another boss. And since that one earlier was a Neighborhood Boss, I’d bet my left nipple this one is a Borough Boss. So even if he’s been weakened, you need to come to the fight prepared. 

So we made the decision. We were going to confront the lich while he was weak. He already knew we were coming. It was likely he’d been watching this whole time. So we would slowly and deliberately ring the exterior of the building with explosives, enough to turn the whole structure into dust. 

My original plan was to have Donut stay outside while I went in solo. She absolutely refused. 

“You promised me that I wouldn’t die alone,” she said. “You can’t keep that promise if you die before me. We do this together.” 

I relented, but it required a change to the plans. 

Katia now stood in the crowd. Her face was much better, much more natural. She still looked like a burn victim who fell face-first out of the ugly tree, but I wouldn’t question she was a human now. I summoned her over. 

“Here,” I said. “Hold onto this for me.” I handed her a pencil-like detonator. 

“Whoa, whoa,” she said, backing up, refusing to take it. “Don’t give that to me.” 

“Keep it in your inventory,” I said, shoving it into her hand. “If we die, or if I say so, press the button. No questions. Just do it.” 

“Why don’t you hold onto it?” she asked, looking at it like I’d just handed her a live snake. “Carl, the description says it might click on its own.” 

“Put it in your inventory. It’ll be fine,” I said. 

It disappeared into her pack. 

“Why me?” she asked again. She looked ill. 

“We don’t know if this guy has some sort of mind control. It’s a lich thing. We need someone outside the sphere of influence to hold onto the boom switch just in case.”

“So what’s your angle here?” she asked. “Mutually assured destruction?” 

“That’s right,” I said. “All we want is information. All he wants is to live. It’s a gamble, sure. But it’s not like we’re not constantly on the precipice of death anyway.”  

She shook her head. “Hekla warned me that you were crazy.”

“Just be sure to be about a block away before you press it. There’s enough dynamite in there to blow your weird snowboots back to Iceland.” I raised my voice and called to the crowd. “You are all still in the blast zone. You’ll want to back up. A lot.”  

We stepped into the warehouse as the crowd behind shrieked and started to scatter. I gave the Swordsmen a nervous glance as we quickly moved to the small trap door cut into the corner of the room. I pulled my ladder and began to ascend. Donut remained on my shoulder, trembling. 

“It’s moving. But it’s going to the back corner of the room, like it’s running away,” Donut said. 

“Don’t kill us,” I called as I came into the room. “You kill us, you’ll die too!” 

I took a deep inhalation of breath as I examined the monster quivering in the far corner. 

Carl: Not a lich, Mordecai. Not a fucking lich!

Chapter 71

 

“Do you understand me?” I asked.

“Do not approach. No, no. Stay away. Do not blow me up,” Remex said. His voice came out in rasps. “Please. Do not get closer.” 

Confused, I examined the creature’s properties. Despite all of our preparations and Mordecai’s warnings, he was not a boss.   

Remex – Soul Leech Capacitor. Level 1. 

This is a Bereft Minion of Miss Quill

Have you ever played with a Ouija board and realized that speaking with a lost loved one just wasn’t doing it for you anymore? Perhaps you wanted to kick it up a notch? Maybe bring them back to life? And then maybe make them get a job? A Soul Leech Capacitor can do that for you. 

These fragile, but physically strong undead creatures can only be created by a Necromancer or a Dark Cleric. The spell latches onto the most-loved soul of the spell’s target and yanks that creature back into existence. The resurrected spirit is forever attached to the loved one. But the Soul Leech is like a nick in the plane between life and death, and they exist in neither. A simple scratch from this beast will rip your soul straight from your body. That soul power is stored in the capacitor, allowing the Leech’s owner to access huge reserves of mana points.     

“You know,” I said to Donut. “Every time I think these guys reach a new level of fucked-upedness, they surprise me. If he makes one move toward us, Magic Missile him.” 

Remex looked much like Featherfall had, only this guy was alive. Sort of. He appeared to be a zombified, featherless Skyfowl. His eyes were black, swirling orbs. Hazy black smoke rose off of the body. Ethereal, worm-like wisps swirled about the creature, like a parody of the wings he once had.

A thin, thread-like twist of golden light flowed into the creature’s chest, tethering him to a golf ball-sized, amber-hued jewel that floated in the middle of the room. A stalk of light flowed downward through a small hole in the floor. Additional tendrils of golden light whipped about the gem, flying in all directions, as if it was seeking further items to feed. I cringed as the light ripped across me, but I didn’t feel anything. It seemed the light was harmless to those who couldn’t use it.  

The eagle huddled in the corner, gasping. He appeared to be in agony. 

Carl: What the hell is a bereft minion? 

Mordecai: It’s a minion who is still alive after their controller is dead. It looks like you killed the head bad guy when you blew up Miss Quill. It happens. Quests sometimes look bigger than they really are. Should have known since it was only a silver quest. Sorry about making you waste all that dynamite. Get the information out of him, put him out of his misery, and then get back here before the swordsmen wake up. Otherwise you’ll be stuck in that warehouse all day. 

I quickly examined the jewel. 

Soul Crystal. C-Grade.  

Elf technology. It’s like a wireless charger. Instead of electricity, it runs on the soul power of everything killed within the area. And instead of charging your iPhone, this particular gem tops off the town’s Swordsmen guards each night. Some of that power is also leeching into something else. 

If this crystal is physically touched by living flesh, it will shatter and cease to work. 

Mordecai had already told us a bit about these things. They were indeed worthless once they were activated. Breaking it would stop the guards from charging up, but it wouldn’t otherwise hurt them. They’d eventually run out of juice, but it wouldn’t happen right away. And a new crystal would form in place of the broken one. I returned my attention to Remex.  

“Were you watching? Did you see what I did to the outside of this building?” I asked. 

“I saw. I saw,” he said. “You gave your friend the remote. My wife cast the spell. She has a thousand eyes, all watching at once. Watching, tasting. We see all. She cast the spell through me, and the vision comes through me and into her. But now she is gone, and it is building, building. There is nowhere to go. Her soul is lost now. With the sunrise, the release. The release.” 

He wasn’t making any sense. 

“So Quill would cast the spells, but she would do it through you? Is that what it means for you to be a capacitor?” 

“Yes. So much power, so much power. With the little ones. With the antennae. All of it is gathered. Gathering. She has to siphon it away. She is gone, gone. She is gone. No spell tonight. No siphon tonight.”

“Great, another loon,” Donut muttered. 

I leaned in, trying to make my voice soothing. “Tell us about the little ones. The girls. Tell us about Featherfall and Miss Quill. How you came to be.” 

The creature blinked, as if seeing us for the first time. The swirls of light around him lashed about. The cloudiness of his eyes vanished. “Who are you? Where am I?” 

I repeated my question, but more slowly. He settled into the corner, wrapping his wings around himself, like he was a scared child. 

“You’re here for the story. I understand now. I have waited so long for someone to tell. All I had to do was tell the story, and I would be done.” 

“Please,” I said. “Yes. Tell us, and we won’t hurt you.” 

He nodded slowly. “Please, give me a moment. Don’t kill me before it’s done. I have practiced this. It’s a lot, but I gotta get it out. Here is the story. He… Featherfall. He never liked the guards. He only held a small amount of control over them. He wanted more. He asked me, after I retired and handed the perch to him. That’s right. He asked me what must be done to control the swordsmen. To control them, I said, one must know what they are. How they are animated, how they came to be. Wait, don’t ask about that. That’s not important. It’s a tangent. We have to avoid tangents. Featherfall was short-sighted. He had no ambition other than power over this small town. His kingdom. Skyfowl ruled this world. Did you know that? Before that demon destroyed it all. The Skyfowl were once on top of the world. It’s important you know that.” 

“So what happened?” I asked. “How did he get put into that thing?” 

“You are like him. You only care about what is in front of you right now. You don’t see the larger picture. I think that’s what I needed to say.” 

Donut: Carl. Something is happening. Something weird. The counter is being slow as usual, but I think our views are going really high. I keep getting achievements for views and followers. You probably are too. I don’t understand why. 

I ignored her. “Show me the small picture first. Then zoom it out for me.”

Remex shifted then continued. “Let me finish the story. Don’t kill me. I have to start over if you kill me. The orc, he killed me. Years ago.” 

“I’m going to kill you right here and now if you don’t get on with it,” Donut said. 

He nodded vigorously. “I shall finish. After I passed, Featherfall approached my wife. Quill. Miss Quill they say, but I don’t know why they added the Miss. He asked her to help him cast the spell. He knew bringing another dark cleric like myself from the dim would make an especially strong capacitor, giving him the additional soul power he needed to subjugate the swordsmen. He put himself into the Night Votive position himself, with my wife in the room to assist.” 

I could barely follow his story. “Wait, so Miss Quill knew that you would be ripped from death and turned into what you are now? And she was okay with that?” 

“Oh, yes,” he said. “She’s not really… no, I can’t say that. Remex. Think, think. Oh yes, she also knew Featherfall was making a grave error by casting the spell too close to the Amplifier.”

“Amplifier?” I asked. 

“Oh yes. You are standing before it. The roof is the antennae, and the soul crystal stores the power. It captures the energy from the lost souls in the area. It is this that keeps the swordsmen animated. High Elf magic. They are the ones who… No, another tangent. Wrong path. At night, the swordsmen are recharged. But Featherfall’s quarters are right across the way. When he cast the spell, I was manifested and brought into existence. But he was killed by the feedback. My wife, she planned this. She’d been planning it all along, her entire life. It was exactly what was supposed to happen. I was damned the moment I became her husband. I was now a capacitor for her. She pretended as if the magistrate was still alive, and she took up the duties of running the settlement. She was a powerful mage. She had a forgery spell. It fooled everyone.”

Mordecai: You guys are running low on time. Finish this and get out of there. 

Carl: Almost done. 

“And why did you bring the women in? The prostitutes?” 

“Don’t… Don’t trip me up. You listen. We’re getting there. First, she took control of those fool elves. She cast an illusion, a resplendent Skyfowl from legend to speak to them, pretend to be an angel, make them believe their tree god is coming for them. I could make them fly, manipulate things. The avatars I mean. She never liked getting her hands dirty. So she used them. For intimidation. Corpse removal. My avatars. One looked like my son. My boy. Lost in time. But they couldn’t move far from here. So my wife instead sent the elves about on her task, to bring the women to us. These women just kept coming, searching for a better life. Over and over. Sometimes, I could see it in their eyes. They were like me. A tenner. Don’t get undead, they told us. Don’t get undead. It’s not worth it. Wait, ignore that.”

Getting him to stay on the subject was like trying to steer without a rudder. “Okay, but why did she bring the women to you?” 

“For two reasons. My wife had grand plans, plans set forth long ago. But she needed help, help that couldn’t be fully accomplished by the city elves. The krasue are easy to control. Easy to make if you have the correct materials. They fly, and they are intact and compliant during the day. Plus the act of generating them creates a powerful spike of soul power, adding to my energy. And since the raw materials come from out of town, nobody would notice she was collecting them.”

“Somebody did notice. Gumgum noticed,” Donut said.  

“So you power up every time something dies?” 

“Yes. And my position here allows me to also leech off the souls flowing into the crystal. My wife knew this, but even she couldn’t predict the sheer amount of energy. I can feel it. It is so much. Mana points. That feeling when you drink the potion, of the mana points flowing back into you, but it never stops coming.” 

I felt a chill. I was finally reading between the lines. We needed to hurry this along. “So your wife was building an army? Why?”

“She was a granddaughter of the royal family. Ambition soared through her. She was going to reclaim it all. But you killed her, and you found me. She dies, but I’m never found. But this time. I have been discovered. There was an orc, once. He found me. He killed me before I finished the story.” 

“Focus, Remex. Tell me about Quill. When you say reclaim it all, what does that mean?” 

“Oh yes, of course. The spell. I need to mention the spell. She was preparing The Final War. It is a three-part spell. Heirloom magic. First cast by her grandfather, then her mother, then she was to complete it. Like Scolopendra’s nine-tier attack that ruined our kingdom, she has prepared something that will reclaim the Over City for the Skyfowl.”

“So she was waiting to collect enough power before she could cast this spell, then?” I asked. “And she needed the army to do what? Protect her while she cast it?” 

“That is correct. Before, during, and after. And the krasue would be her lieutenants, her eyes and ears for the battle. But she had enough power. More than enough. She’d already started. She did.” 

“Wait, what would have happened if she’d completed the casting?” I asked. 

“Oh, it is a glorious spell. The third and final act of The Final War is a long, dangerous spell that takes three nights to cast. She’d done the first. Was going to do the second tonight. Thousands. Thousands of mana points. Once completed, the beasts she unleashed would sweep across the Over City and slaughter all but those whose essence she has protected, those she added to the spell.” 

“You mean the feathers?” I asked. “So the Skyfowl and midget Skyfowl, whatever they’re called would be safe?” 

“Chickadees,” Donut said. “I like those guys. They’re cute.” 

“Yes,” Remex said. “Them and their entire families. Everyone else would perish.” 

“Ahh,” I said. I looked at Donut. “So everyone would be dead except the flyers. We just stopped a genocide.” 

“I guess that makes up for you killing all those baby goblins on the first floor,” said Donut. 

“We’re not having this conversation again.” 

Quest completed. The Sex Workers Who Fell From the Heavens.

“Hey, we didn’t even have to kill this guy,” said Donut. “And we didn’t have to blow up any more buildings tonight, either.” 

Remex laughed. It was a dry, almost airless croak. “That’s it. That’s it. I did it. I did it!” The dry laugh turned to sobs. 

“What is he talking about, Carl?” Donut asked. 

“I’ll tell you later.” Pity swept over me. Jesus, I thought, watching the undead thing cry empty tears. “Remex. It’s done. You’ve told us the story. Do you want us to kill you or to leave you?”

“Kill me, let me live, it doesn’t matter now. It doesn’t matter. With the sunrise, I will be gone. As you will be, too. Listen, boy. Don’t be sad. You didn’t know. It’s a lucky thing, a mercy to die here.” He pointed toward the ground with his wing. “And not make it down there. It is so much better. Wait with me.”  

“What do you mean?” I asked.  

The announcement wasn’t just in my head. It came over the loudspeaker, like the daily update.    

New Quest. The Fools Who Broke the Glass. 

THIS IS A GROUP QUEST. All Crawlers currently within the 45 square kilometer blast radius will receive this quest.  

Your party has been designated Host of this Group Quest. As hosts, you will not be allowed to opt-out from this quest. 

What the hell is going on? Am I glad you asked! 

A while back a certain NPC started casting a very powerful spell, a spell so potent, that it had to be completed by a future generation. 

Here’s the thing with old spells. They’re like trees. They grow. They get big. Sometimes huge. Bad shit happens when they get screwed up. The bigger the spell, the badder the shit. And boy was this spell big. Not gonna lie. Your favorite AI was looking forward to it going off. 

Oh well. This will be almost as good. 

Shit is about to go down. For example, you may have noticed every Skyfowl and Chickadee NPC in the area has fallen ill. Most of them have already plunged into a coma, or death. It’s not their fault, but they were tied to the spell, and that’s just the way it is.

Just like it’s not your fault that you happen to be within 45 kilometers of the fallout from this failed spell. Again, not your fault. (Well, unless you’re Crawlers Carl, Princess Donut, or Katia Grim. Then it’s your fault.) That’s just the way it is. Sucks to be you.   

There’s going to be a explosion. The epicenter of the blast is marked on your map. Every crawler within the designated blast area is fucked.   

The object of this quest is simple. Unfuck yourself. Don’t die.  

Warning: This is an event quest. If you do not wish to participate in this quest, you will have sixty seconds from the end of this message to get yourselves into a saferoom. After that, all access to saferooms within the quest zone will be shut off until the event quest is concluded. All NPCs who remain indoors, saferoom or not, will remain safe. All mobs and neighborhood-level boss monsters within the blast radius subject to both physical and magical explosions will be killed. 

Reward: All participants who survive will receive a Platinum Quest Box.  

Oh, by the way. The explosion is coming in seven minutes. 

Run. 

“What the fuck? How is that a quest?” I cried. 

~

Mordecai: Run. Desperado Club. It’s not a saferoom, but the second room is out of the blast radius.

Katia: I don’t have access to the club! I can’t go to a saferoom because I’m a quest host!

Carl: Protective Shell?

Mordecai: Won’t work. Magical blast. Go. 

“Fuck!” I cried. “We have to get to the club. Let’s go.” 

“What about Katia?” Donut said. “That’s not fair. We promised we’d keep her safe. This is our fault.”

“It’s not,” I said. I didn’t bother going down the ladder. I just jumped all the way, hitting the ground heavily. Behind me, the guards stopped glowing. An entire wall of white dots appeared on the map. I knew in a moment, those dots were going to turn red once the Swordsmen noticed me here. Donut hesitated and leaped to my shoulder. Her ears were flattened against her head. 

Shit, shit, shit! I pulled up my map, looking for the fastest route. The Desperado Club was three blocks away. We could make it if we ran. 

“Look,” I said. “This was going to happen one way or another. That’s why they tried to get that Bautista guy to kill Miss Quill too. They wanted this explosion quest to trigger.”  

I had a weird chat notification. I pulled it up, and the window said Quest Chat. 

This was different than regular chat. This was like a Discord chatroom, with a whole group of crawler names on the list. There were about 80 names there. 

Quan Ch: Thanks a lot Carl and Donut you fucking assholes. 

That was the only message. Oh fuck off, I thought. I clicked it away.  

I moved to also close the map, but I paused, seeing something unexpected. A tiny, round star appeared where the explosion’s epicenter would be. I zoomed in tight. 

“Carl?” Donut said. “The guards are waking up!”

Carl: Mordecai, the soul gem is the epicenter. Not Remex. If I break the gem, will that cancel the explosion?

Mordecai: I don’t know. I don’t think it will stop it. Probably make it blow early. The quest is called The Fools Who Broke the Glass for a reason. They want you to do that. Get the hell out of there.

Donut: WE CAN’T ABANDON KATIA!

Katia: It’s okay. Thank you, Donut. I understand. I’m getting the NPCs back into their homes. Run, guys. Go. 

Donut: WHAT ABOUT YOU, MORDECAI?

Mordecai: I’m in my room. I’m safe. Hurry the hell up! 

“Fuck,” I muttered. I turned and went back up the ladder.

“Carl?” Donut asked as we ascended.   

I didn’t answer. I just reached up and scratched her. I had an idea. I doubted it was going to work. 

We returned to the room. Remex remained in the corner, his eyes closed. He appeared to be fading. 

“You returned,” he said. He didn’t open his eyes. “Welcome to the end of days.” 

The soul gem hovered in the room. The entire crystal vibrated. The tendrils of light had stopped shooting from it, including the large river down into the room below and the golden strand leading into Remex.

A red timer counted down over the gem. It was at four minutes and thirty seconds. 

I pulled Miss Quill’s beanie baby from my inventory. It wasn’t hard to find. Kimaris, the stuffed horse-riding soldier was the very top item when I sorted my current inventory by value. 

The second item on the list was the protective carrier it was stored in. The door to the small, glass case wasn’t locked. It was a small, hinged flap held closed by a cheap-looking hook and eyebolt. I opened the little door and pulled the stuffed animal back into my inventory. 

I gave the glass case a quick examination. 

Sheol Glass Reaper Case. 

Forged in the fires of Sheol, the mysterious 15th level of the World Dungeon, these protective, expensive artifacts are built and sold by traveling Spider Reaper Minions. They also sell lollipops, which are said to be out of this world.  

When you absolutely, positively want to keep something safe, put it in this box. It will protect against most—but not all—forms of abuse.    

Warning: Every time you open this case, there is 1.5% chance you will be blasted with the Sheol Fire spell. That’s not a good thing. The item within the case will remain protected. 

I swallowed. I probably should have read that description before I’d opened it to pull the beanie out. I kept the door open now.  

I remembered that moment we’d jumped from the civic building and landed in the debris. There’d been a flash of light. Looking back now, I realized it’d been deliberate. The system had brought my attention to the case. It was just like any regular game. Seemingly random objects were sometimes placed there intentionally, just to keep the game fair. That’s what this was. 

I held the case in my hand, and I approached the pulsing gem. Careful not to touch it with my hands, I closed the case around the floating gem, like I was catching a firefly with my two hands. I shut the door, and I gingerly hooked it closed. 

I tried to pull the whole thing into my inventory, and I received an error. 

Yeah. Nice try, asshole. 

“Oh, fuck off,” I said. I hadn’t expected that to work. After taking a deep breath, I let go. I cringed as the case fell a couple inches, clinking to a stop as it fell against the gem floating within. But it remained there, floating. The gem itself was starting to vibrate faster and faster, with little cracks forming along the edge. That description, that it protected against “most” forms of abuse, did not give me confidence. A magical explosion that was going to flatten 45 square kilometers of dungeon seemed like it would probably be pretty high on the shortlist of attack types that would break this thing. 

We still had two and a half minutes on the countdown.

“Oh my god, Carl. Is that going to work?” Donut asked. 

“I don’t know,” I said. “I doubt it. But it’s worth a try.” 

I sat on the ground, exhausted. Donut jumped into my lap, and we stared at the floating glass case. 

Remex rocked back and forth in the corner, muttering, “I’m coming, son. Any minute now. I’m coming. I missed you so much. I’m coming.” 

“What is he talking about?” Donut asked. 

“He was a crawler,” I said. “He called himself a tenner. I reckon that means someone who got out on the tenth floor. I think he might’ve been famous once. It explains the views.”

“Carl, I don’t want to become an NPC,” Donut said. “I guess it won’t matter if we die.” 

I reached up and scratched her head. Forty-five seconds. “I’m proud of you, you know.”

“Why?” Donut asked. 

“You’ve grown. You being worried about Katia? You don’t even know her, but you’d promised to keep her safe. I was going to abandon her. You weren’t.” 

She laughed. “I just didn’t want Hekla mad at us. We already have that Lucia Mar after us. And Maggie My. And the Maestro’s dad.”

I chuckled. Fifteen seconds. “Can’t say we didn’t try, that’s for sure.” 

“Carl?” she said. 

I looked down into her large, glowing eyes. “Yeah?”

“I’m not as dumb as I pretend to be. I know she’s dead.” 

“I know.” I wrapped myself around her. We both closed our eyes and braced for the end.