Chapter 55 (Patreon)

Chapter 55

Time to level Collapse: 6 days, 23 hours.

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I awakened to find a long message from Brandon just hovering in my field of vision. I put it aside for the moment while I let myself wake up. As usual, Donut had insisted we share a room. But instead of sleeping on my neck, she slept upon her newly-erected cat tree, which barely fit in the room. It’d taken me the better part of an hour to put it together using the paper instructions and provided Allen wrench. It seemed so surreal, so ridiculous to be completing such a mundane task in the middle of all this. But the tree was light, and we’d be able to store it and bring it out each night. While Donut slept on the top platform, Mongo curled up at the bottom. I also lit the cheap candle for her. It filled the small, rented room with the scent of home.  

I watched Donut for a bit, and I could tell what she was doing. She wasn’t really asleep. She was just closing her eyes and pretending that she was back home in favorite spot. After some time, I blew out the candle and went to sleep myself. When I woke up, Donut was back in her usually place on my shoulder, and Mongo had jumped onto my legs, sinking the whole bed in.  

We’d also purchased a room for Mordecai, though when I wandered out to get breakfast, he was passed out at a round table with a still-full glass of something that smelled like mead. Gordo the Bopca was also passed out at the table, snoring so loud it sounded like a chainsaw.

“Gordo, wake up! Wake up immediately!” Donut cried as we entered the main room. “I need my breakfast, and you need to brush me!” 

“Hold yer horses ye blowhard,” Gordo said, sitting up. He wiped the drool off his face. He shook his head and mumbled something under his breath. “I need to freshen up a bit, and I’ll get you fed, don’t you worry. And you can brush yourself, princess.” 

“Well I never,” Donut said, looking appalled. She looked up at me expectantly. “Carl, do something.” 

“Mordecai teach you the finger-breaking trick?” I asked, sliding into a chair next to the still-asleep incubus. 

“Finger breaking? No. He made me a potion,” Gordo said. The short gnome stood and wiped himself off. “I told him I didn’t quite feel myself since you two arrived, and he offered to mix me a draft using a few things behind my bar. Something that’ll allow me to regain my dignity.” He glared at Donut. “It’s not right, taking advantage of me kind nature like that.”

“This is an outrage!” Donut said as Gordo disappeared into the back. “Mordecai, I wish to speak with you. Wake up!” 

“Where am I?” Mordecai said, sitting up. He looked about wildly. He settled when his eyes met mine. “Oh,” he said. The incubus smelled like booze and vomit. I got up to change seats, but Mordecai grabbed my arm, preventing me from moving. 

“Do you always drink this much?” I said. “Why is it we’re just seeing this now?”

“You’re my manager, Mordecai,” Donut said. “Why are you turning the help against me? Now who’s going to brush my hair!”

Mordecai: Listen up both of you. Don’t say anything out loud. I had to make him a potion that would knock him out so I could go into his kitchens and find the newsletter.

Carl: Newsletter? 

Mordecai: Yes. Bopcas and shopkeepers don’t have access to the feed, so they get a physical newsletter delivered after each recap episode. Once he passed out, I went into the back so I could read the brief. I also stole a few items for potions. I don’t have an inventory like you do, so take this.

He pulled several items from his pockets and handed them to me under the table. I pulled them into my inventory without looking. Almost all of them were loose herbs.  

Carl: Holy shit, Mordecai. Is that cheating?

Mordecai: Managers only have one rule. We can’t engage in direct battle with mobs. Everything else is fair game. 

Donut: YOU ARE LIKE A SPY. I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T BETRAY ME.

Carl: So, did you learn anything? 

Mordecai: Yes. The brief is regional, and it warned of a potential major battle event happening in this area today or tonight. If they’re taking the time to warn the Bopcas about it, then it’s a big deal. It’s likely related to your elite friend. So you two need to eat your breakfast and hightail it to that town, and never come back this way. No dawdling. 

Carl: Okay. 

“Don’t forget to assign your stat points,” Mordecai said as Gordo returned with what looked like a bowl of lumpy oatmeal. He plopped two bowls on the table. 

“I did last night,” I said. “I put all three points into strength.”  

Donut’s magical brush appeared on the table in front of me. “You’re going to have to do it,” she said. I sighed and picked it up. I still needed to do my foot routine. While I brushed her, I pulled up the note from Brandon. 

Brandon: Carl. You there, buddy? We were really happy to see you two on the recap tonight. I wanted to let you know we’re still dealing with selection. It’s slow going. None of the residents can choose human, lest they remain in their current condition, and there is a lot of pushback. The ones with cognitive issues have to pick some really weird races in order to remain viable. I’ll tell you all about it later. I stayed human. Chris and Imani did not. Most of the residents are still level one, but you would not believe the loot boxes they got for hitting the third floor without killing anything or dealing any damage. They all are getting Legendary Pacifist Boxes along with a ton of other ones. It’s ridiculous how much magical gear we now have. Some of these bastards are going to be more powerful than Imani pretty soon. Anyway, Mistress Tiatha says we’re likely pretty far from you now. I wanted to thank you again for your help. I hope we see each other again.   

I sent him back a quick reply, asking him to stay safe. I contemplated telling him about Agatha, but I decided against it. I didn’t want anything to do with that, and I feared putting it in writing would be a mistake.

I wrote back, asking him if he knew what Donut’s new talent, Scutelliphily, was. Or if he knew what Cesta Punta was. 

I also gave him a piece of advice, the same advice Odette had given us. If they weren’t done yet, and somebody had that manager ability, he needed to talk them into choosing it. Despite Mordecai’s raging alcoholism, I could already tell that benefit was the best chance we had at survival. 

A half-hour later, Donut, Mongo, and I headed back out into the Over City ruins. The artificial sun had just risen, leaving long shadows throughout the wooden streets. Lazy wisps of smoke rose from random places throughout the city. The world smelled of sulfur and something else, something acrid, like an outboard motor that was burning too much oil. The air was cooler in the morning, though still warmer than the previous level. I took a deep breath of the smokey air. Mongo squeaked a few times, and Donut leaped to my shoulder. 

I pulled up the first dungeon locator we came across to make sure I hadn’t gotten myself turned around, and we turned toward the Skyfowl settlement. We had a good 30 kilometers to go. 

“Look, the blood is all gone,” Donut said as we passed a place where we’d killed a lemur the day before. Mongo had made a real mess of the body, splattering blood everywhere.

“Remember what Mordecai said? Every floor has a janitor mob. The rats, then the brindle grubs. We haven’t seen the ones for this floor yet. They might only come out at night.” 

“Are we really going to do everything Mordecai says?” Donut said. 

“Today we are,” I said. “He may have some issues, but he knows what he’s doing. He was right, and I was wrong yesterday. We should never have kicked up that hornet’s nest. Especially now that we know how those elites work. We need to stay as far away from those assholes as…” 

You have been stunned!

You have been paralyzed!

You have been rendered Unconscious!   

Why do you got to get killed? You ain’t so little as mice.

I didn’t bounce you hard.      

~     

My head felt as if a pickup truck had rolled over it. I groaned. Multiple, increasingly-frantic messages from Mordecai appeared in my vision. I mentally waved them away. I sat up, looking around frantically. I was in a darkened room. I’d been placed on a ratty, old couch that stank of mildew. I still had all of my equipment. My health was full. 

Donut? Where’s Donut? 

My chest pulled with fear. No, I don’t want to be alone. 

“Donut?” I called. “Where are you?” 

No answer. 

Carl: Donut? Fuck, please answer me.  

There was no answer. I pulled up my minimap, but I didn’t see her at all. I couldn’t see anything. But she was still there in the party menu, which meant she was alive. Only slightly relieved, I called for her again, this time louder. 

I heard something. A screech. It was distant, but it came from another room. The moment I heard it, an orange dot appeared on my map. Mongo. Mongo was still alive. 

Calm down. Take a deep breath. Think about this for a moment.  

What had happened? I tried to remember. We’d been walking and talking. We’d barely just hit the main road. I hadn’t seen anything. Mongo didn’t warn us of the attack. I’d been stunned, then paralyzed, then knocked out. 

The AI seemed to think I was about to die. It’d read a quote from Of Mice and Men. As a kid, I’d had to read that damn book three times in school, as result of constantly moving around. Later as an adult, I kept a copy with me in my bunk. I’d read it over and over. It was one of my favorite books, not because I liked the story but because it felt so familiar to me, like comfort food. It was kind of a fucked-up scene for the AI to quote, but it almost felt like it was supposed to be soothing.

Carl: Mordecai, I just woke up. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where Donut is. I don’t know where I am. 

Mordecai: Oh thank the gods. Are you tied up? In a cage? In a web? 

Carl: I’m on a couch. I’m not tied up, and I still have all my stuff. It’s dark in here, though. I can’t see anything.

Mordecai: Okay. I can see Donut is alive. I can’t see where she is. If you just awakened now, she’ll probably wake soon. You’ll see her on your map when she does as long as she’s not too far. Spend a few minutes looking around, gather all the info you can, and tell me what you see. 

The level countdown had gone down significantly. I calculated in my head. I’d been unconscious for fifteen hours. Holy shit. It was a kick in the teeth. Even if I somehow got out of this, whatever the hell this was, I’d lost fifteen fucking hours. When every second counted, that was a serious setback. 

I checked my notifications to see if there were any clues. I received three achievements. One for getting stunned, a second for getting paralyzed, and a third:  

New achievement! Lazarus!

You have been hit with—and survived—an offensive spell that was higher than level 15. The fact you are not a quivering stain of meat on the dungeon floor right now is testament to your sheer luck. It’s either that or you’re banging the producer. 

Reward: You’ve received a Platinum Lucky Bastard Box! 

It didn’t tell me what the spell was, but the moment I read it, I was certain I knew who had cast it. 

“Signet,” I said. “Are you here?” 

“You hurt my feelings,” she said, whispering in my ear. I felt a warm hand on my upper leg, between my boxers and kneepads.  

“Fuck,” I said, practically jumping out of my skin. Had she been next to me the whole time? Goosebumps crawled across me. 

“You called me an asshole,” she continued. She practically bit at my ear. Her breath was hot on my neck. I tried not to shiver. She was level 60. If she wanted me dead, there would be nothing I could do about it. “You were leaving. You had promised me you would come back.” 

“Where is Donut?” I said. 

“She is safe. Don’t you worry. I even saved that little dinosaur of hers. Your friend is still asleep and will remain asleep.” 

“I want to see her,” I said. 

“Of course, of course,” Signet said. “We shall see her on the way out.”

“I’m not going anywhere without Donut,” I said.  

“You will do exactly as I say,” Signet said. “I followed you and your pet this morning. I wanted to see if you would abide by your promise. You lied to me, Carl. I was tempted to just melt the both of you right then. But I can be forgiving. I have a forgiving nature. My mother was a Naiad, and she taught me that grace should always be observed, even in the face of betrayal.” 

“Your mother sounds very smart,” I said. “But I will be grabbing my cat, and we will be leaving now.”

Her hand remained on my knee in the dark room. I felt her palm rustle unnaturally as something moved by just under her skin. “Like I said, your cat is asleep. My mother taught me more than just grace. She taught me magic. Heirloom magic, which is the strongest. The spell is called Water Lily. Isn’t it a beautiful name? She was a princess, once. My mother, I mean. Before the confederacy usurped the crown. I would be tsarina were I full-blooded. I told this to Grimaldi, once. He changed my name to Tsarina Signet after that.” 

Holy shit this bitch was crazy. “What does the Water Lily spell do?”

“It puts you to sleep, of course,” she said. “And you don’t wake up until I cancel the spell. If I die, she dies, too.” 

A new wave of fear swept over me. “What do you want me to do?” 

She smiled. “Just fulfill your promise. That is all.”    

“I promised you we would help you assault the circus. I can’t do that without Donut.” 

“You’re going to have to try. This is my deal. My grace. This is how you win back your life.”

Shit.  

~

The bottom floor of Signet’s building was an empty shell with broken walls on three of the four sides. Outside, the sun had made a full journey across the sky. It sunk now behind the distant buildings. Donut lay asleep in the middle of the room, placed upon a rotting, cushioned chair. It was the only thing in the room other than a large cage containing Mongo, who hopped up and down and screeched at my approach.

“Donut,” I cried, rushing up to the cat. I went to a knee and stroked her soft fur. I remembered brushing it earlier. It was hard to look at her like this. She’s so small, so vulnerable. She had Unconscious hovering over her body. 

I reached over and opened up Mongo’s cage. The dinosaur jumped onto the chair and pushed his head questioningly against the cat, who did not wake up. He let out a worried screech.

Signet stood nearby, her hands clasped in front of her. Her small, bare breasts would’ve been a distraction at any other time, even with her ghastly face. Her tattoos seemed to congregate on her body, facing whatever direction I was in, all of them staring at me intently. 

“We can’t leave Donut here,” I said, looking about the room. We were practically outside. Any wandering mob would find her. I worried about the janitor mob, whatever it might be. 

“She will remain,” Signet said. 

“No. Fuck you,” I said. I reached to pick her up. A health bar appeared the moment I lifted her. It started quickly falling. 

“Carl. I would return her immediately to her place. A water lily must not be removed, lest it die.”

I quickly put her limp body back in the chair. The bar stopped moving down. A moment later, and it began to ease its way up. 

“Come, Carl. It is almost time for me to cast my summoning. We have much to prepare before the assault.” 

“Just a minute,” I said. “Watch out, Mongo.” I started pulling the last of the redoubt pieces from my inventory. I had multiple pieces of wood and metal in my pack. I erected an ugly, quick and dirty shelter around the cat, like a pyramid. I worked as quickly as I could. 

“Carl,” Signet said. “Now.”  

“Jesus, you’re worse than Bea,” I said as I put the last piece in place. The obstacle wouldn’t protect Donut from a determined mob, but this was better than nothing. Mongo jumped to the top of the neck-high, haphazard pyramid. He looked down through the jagged hole in the top and then back at me. 

I put my hand against the side of the dinosaur’s head. He was still small, but at level six, he was now bigger than Donut. “I don’t know if you understand me, but you have to stay here, and you have to protect her. It’s the most important thing you’ve ever had to do. I gotta go now, but I will be back. Do you understand?” 

Mongo screeched, looked down at Donut through the hole in the top of the pile of crap and screeched again. 

I turned and followed Signet out the door. I was giving Mordecai a running commentary of everything that was happening. I had a plan. A loose plan I’d formulated on the fly. But I couldn’t do it on my own. I asked him what he thought, and he told me I was batshit crazy. I took that as a good sign. 

Carl: Zev, are you there? 

Zev: Hi Carl. I’m watching. The whole universe is watching. We’re all rooting for you. 

Carl: That’s what I’m hoping for. I need your help. 

Zev: You know I can’t interfere.

Carl: No, not like that.     

I explained what I wanted her to do. She told me it was impossible. I told her to try anyway. 

“I’m sorry it came to this, Carl,” Signet was saying as we walked. “You surprised me yesterday when you survived. I won’t make that mistake today.” 

“Why are we doing this, Signet? Why do you attack the circus every day?” 

“Of the entire crew, I was the only one who made it through the attack without being altered by the poisonous cloud. And the one who got the worst of it was Grimaldi.”

“Grimaldi? So the guy who owns the circus? Last night you said you loved him.”

“I do love him. He is the love of my life. He saved me when I was a child. He took me in when nobody else would. He protected me from the high elves, took me from the Hunting Grounds, gave me a life. But most importantly, he gave me a family. As I became an adult, I grew to love him as more than just a father. We were going to share our lives together.” 

“So what happened?” 

“You have to understand how horrible it was, the cataclysm. Scolopendra’s poison cloud was a Nine Tier attack. It attacked you in nine different ways. The lucky ones simply died. The others were transformed, all in different ways.” 

This was the second time I’d heard that name, Scolopendra. It sounded like this was the monster at the bottom of the volcano. I filed that information away. 

She continued. “Grimaldi was more than just the owner. He was also the circus’s ringleader. We were nearing the end of a show when the cataclysm came. He stood in the middle of the center ring. The others were all out there, taking their bow.” Signet took a deep breath. “He transformed into the bloom. All the others in the tent, no matter how they transformed, were soon infected with the mold spores from the bloom. This put them under his control. The lemurs, the clowns, almost everyone. They do as he says. And if they die, the spores return to the bloom, and they are reborn the next day.”

“And that’s why you attack the circus every day? Why did you survive and the others did not?”    

She didn’t answer my question. “Last night I cast my spell, expecting you to perish. Tonight I am putting my faith in you. You will have to be the one to defeat the sacrifice. I have captured Heather multiple times, but always for the purpose of making her kill the sacrifice. I have yet to use her blood to summon my team. I am trusting you tonight to kill Heather. While her blood won’t be as powerful as yours, it’ll be some of the most potent blood I’ve used.” 

We rounded a corner and stopped. Laying asleep in the middle of the road was an unconscious… something. She was under the same Water Lily spell as Donut.  

“That’s Heather?” I asked, feeling sick. 

“Yes.”

“And you want me to kill her so you can take her blood and summon your people?” 

“Yes again.” 

I stepped forward. “Okay. Cast your spell before she wakes up. I’ll kill her now.” 

“It doesn’t work that way, Carl. I can’t influence the battle, or the spell doesn’t work.” 

“That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.” 

“If it wasn’t like that, I would’ve just killed you last night.”

I swallowed. I examined “Heather.”  

It—she—appeared to have once been a black bear. She wore a tattered, pink clown hat and a pleated, clown ruff around her neck, both of which appeared to be physically attached to her body. Like the lemurs, she had no skin on her face. Above her neck was nothing but exposed skull and a pair of round, red eyes. 

The horrors didn’t stop there. Her two front paws had been transformed to white worms, like her claws had been replaced with mops. These were different than the worms that made up the lions’ mane. Even in sleep, they moved and undulated. I felt my gorge rise at the sight. 

But most absurd of all was the bear’s two back legs, which had a pair of roller skates attached to them. She also wore a pink tutu. 

Signet took a step back. “Okay, Carl. She’s going to wake up. The moment she’s up, I will cast my summoning spell. Then you go kill her.”  

Admin Note: Boss Battles that arise concurrently with secondary productions or as parts of a Quest may present themselves differently. You will still receive awards commiserate with the boss’s proper rank. If you survive, of course.   

“Oh fuck,” I said.