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Single chapter today, but it's kind of a long-ish one. If you're avoiding reading the book, I'd probably skip reading beyond this top part because the map is pretty spoiler heavy. I'll put the update here at the top.


Hi Y'all! I hope you're doing well. I appreciate all of your support. Hard the next thing I'm doing is DragonCon! Though there is a possibility I will be doing a book signing for the hardcover re-release somewhere in Atlanta on that Thursday before DC. Also, on the Sunday of DragonCon we are having a massive LitRPG party. Unfortunately, this is now an official DC event which means you'll have to be a ticketed DC attendee to get in. More details on that soon.


Also, I'll be doing a signing at University Bookstore in Seattle on Thursday September 5th. https://www.ubookstore.com/Dungeon-Crawler-Carl


Kickstarter books are coming along nicely. Hope to have an update on that soon too. Thanks all!



Chapter 56



Remaining Teams along with remaining Estimated Troop Strengths.

 

 

  • The Bone Clan in Spots 1 and
  • Unaffiliated
  • Estimated Strength: 40K Troops


  • The Princess Posse in Spots 3 and
  • The Good Guys Alliance
  • Estimated Strength: 75K Troops


  • The Dream in Spots 5 and 6
  • Unaffiliated
  • Estimated Strength: 30K Troops


  • The Madness in Spots 7 and 8
  • The Bloc
  • Estimated Strength: 30K Troops


  • The Reavers in Spot
  • The Bloc
  • Estimated Strength: 15K Troops

  • Team Retribution defending Larracos
  • The Good Guys Alliance
  • Estimated Troop Strength: Unknown


Eliminated:

  • The Democratic Sortion
  • The Prism Kingdom
  • The Operatic Collective
  • The Blood Sultanate



Time until Phase Three: Two Hours.


After the battle that temporarily shut down Club Vanquisher and eliminated The Blood Sultanate, the battlefields went quiet for a few days. Everyone spent the time licking their wounds, rebuilding, and waiting for the true horrors to begin.

We did have a few minor skirmishes. The Dream set up additional artillery on their border with the former Blood Sultanate and started lobbing rocks at us as we prepped for the coming fights. I led a quick raid to wreck their trebuchets, and Rend managed to make his first few solo kills, including a very unfortunate incident with a zebra mount that was much too big for him to swallow whole, despite his very eager attempts.

But other than that, we’d gone into a wait-and-see-what-happens-next mode.

At least that’s how it looked for the cameras. While we outwardly prepared our defenses, we worked tirelessly in secret, prepping for what we prayed would be the biggest, fastest, and—hopefully—final major offensive of Faction Wars.

We called it “Operation Ruin,” and it would kick off the moment the Open Hostilities phase began. 

We now held three fronts. Florin’s 101st Crocodiles occupied sector two, formally of the Operatics, but now owned by the orcs. We moved our front line north to the hilly border with the Skull Empire, whose castle sat nestled in the only mountainous region of the battlefield. The border here was designated by the region’s only river, which flowed directly into Larracos and was the source of the cascading waterfall into the city’s depths.

Even though we now owned sector four, formerly of the Blood Sultanate, we maintained our southern front lines at the existing trenches between sectors three and four. This was defended by Tran’s 102nd Bulwark battalion.

We did this because once the Ramp Up phase expired, the borders stopped having any real meaning, and the enemy could advance from anywhere. It was impossible to guard the entire length of the border at once. The land of the former Blood Sultanate was nothing but miles and miles of gently rolling hills. We turned this area into a horror show of traps. We’d know the moment any large force moved in, and we were far back enough to pivot and meet them.

The third front was now the round border of Shanty Town.

Juice Box, who’d been fairly stingy with her support, seemed to have had a sudden change of heart and was now lending us ground troops to occupy the town. These troops, mostly Semeru dwarves and the regular citizens of Larracos were now mixed in with Li Na’s 107th White Dragon Urban Defense battalion, forming an impressive ring around the lip of Larracos. None of our enemies could yet freely enter the city, not until three teams remained, but Shanty Town itself was still vulnerable and would be a prized target.

Now, with two hours left until go time, we were just about done with our final “defensive” tower. The sun was setting against the distant horizon, and it would be pitch dark out here the moment the timer ticked to zero.

The plans for Operation Ruin were set, but the biggest wildcard was the enemy’s plans, if any, for the moment the third phase began.

Our biggest, most immediate threat was the orcs. Thankfully, they were currently at odds with the Reavers on their opposite border. I held out hope that those teams would occupy each other, but now that the stakes for them were real, I knew that was unlikely. We had reports of skirmishes between the other groups, especially the Dream and the Madness, but my hunches told me it was all a diversion. I felt it in my bones.

While the Skull Empire was currently on everyone’s shit list, they all knew their best escape was to kill all the crawlers. And even though they all hated each other, it didn’t make sense to me that they still wouldn’t work together to eliminate us as soon as possible.

“Is it too late to paint it a different color? This drab gray isn’t really working for me,” Donut said as we sat at the base of the Nest tower in Shanty Town. She sat regally upon Mongo while Rend, now about ¾’s the size of his former self, sat on the ground next to them, gnawing on the side of a cart containing a pile of the granite blocks.

High, high above, a pair of former crawlers scaled the outside of the tower, rapidly building the top parapet. I could barely see them in the fading light, but Donut glared up at them with her newly added Perfect Night Vision. That skill was added thanks to a hat, which she in turn had drained and added to her Tiara of a Thousand Lights. The tiara currently had 32 of 99 skills and upgrades added onto it and would have two more by the time the timer expired. The tiara itself glittered brilliantly like a star upon Donut’s head, which I didn’t like. She, predictably, loved it.   

I turned my attention back to the crawlers finishing the tower. The speed in which they built this was akin to that of a video game. It had still taken almost two full days to build this thing, but out in the real world, this would’ve been a project that would have taken months with a team of a hundred workers and a whole lot of cranes. As far as skyscrapers were concerned, this wasn’t that big, but here, surrounded by the one and two-story hovels, this was, by far, the tallest structure outside of the sunken funnel of Larracos.

Tall enough to give Donut line-of-sight of the entire battlefield when she perched upon the very top.

Toyotomi the rhinoceros, who’d spear-headed the rapid construction of the synergy tower, grunted at Donut, who scowled back at the former guard for the Prism.

“Oh, don’t give me that look. All I’m saying is a nice purple would’ve been a better choice. Gray is just so clinical. Boring. It’s not like we’re trying to blend into the background. We can’t hide it. So we might as well make a statement. And we need flags. All towers should have flags.” She gasped. “We should make a new unit patch for just the tower. We can put Mongo on it!”

Mongo screeched with agreement, waving his arms.  

“It is already built,” Toyotomi said. “It is the color of granite because it is made of granite. If we paint it now, we won’t have time for the mages to coat it with their protection spells. Plus, assuming the build as a whole is considered master quality, it will glow gold the moment it is done.”

“I still think a nice purple would enhance the effect,” Donut grumbled.     

I reached forward and put my hand against one of the lower blocks.

Master Quality. This fortification is at 150% Strength.

This edifice is currently under construction.

1/15 Enchantments active.

Current Enchantments:

Increased Strength.

“Only 15 protections?” I asked worriedly. “You said it would be 20.”

“I said there will be at least 20 on each block, which is true. Fifteen is the maximum for the individual blocks, but several of the protections we’re using bleed to nearby blocks, and we will be creating a net pattern,” Toyotomi said. “And as soon as the men up there place the last block and the tower is complete, the bonus will activate and the strength will increase to 200%. And after that, I will cast Edifice Shield which doubles that. With Princess Donut’s Sentry and Flak spells, most incoming fire should get deflected.” He indicated one of four, smaller towers nestled amongst the other buildings. “We also have four additional deflector towers when we only need one. Those plus the multiple mages you plan on placing in the lower floors will make this the safest place on the battlefield, even if the entire might of the Skull Empire’s war mages target it.”

“They will target it,” I said. “What about the ground? What if they tunnel underneath?”

The large rhino appeared as if he wanted to strangle me. This was the third time I’d asked him a version of this question, and his answer hadn’t changed. “As far as we’re aware, the Larracos army owns the subterranean passages. But this tower will be so encased in protections, it will float if the ground underneath it disappears. It is more protected than the stronghold itself.”

Ahead, a group of newly-arrived mages moved to start the process of protecting the tower’s individual pieces. They’d just finished shoring up the stronghold, and they would spend the next two hours painstakingly moving up the tower, creating a lattice pattern of protection spells on each individual block. Nearby, I had two more crawlers, members of Elle’s team, carefully watching them, making certain the mages weren’t spies or worm heads.

A new cart pulled up, and the large form of the driver, Jurgen, lumbered out, his muscles bulging as he placed another granite block on the ground. “This should be the last of them,” he said. He looked over his shoulder. “Yes, Heidi. We are now on our way to the front.” He looked at me and shook his head. “She is always nagging, but we can’t choose who we love.” He shrugged and jumped back in the cart.

Donut watched it rumble away. “Carl, have you noticed that Jurgen guy is always talking about this Heidi person, but she’s not really there?”

I didn’t answer. I was distracted. Everything depended on this tower. But what was worse was that there was no way to hide our intentions now that it was built. Everyone could see it from any part of the battlefield. Every long-range spell and weapon would be pointed directly at it.

That, of course, was the point. Still, I did not like the fact Donut would be sitting, open-air, at the very top of this thing when it all started. Especially since she wore a glittering, here’s-where-my-head-is tiara.     

It filled me with an incredible amount of anxiety even though this had all been my idea. I kept thinking of new levels of protection we could throw on there. “We need to remember to get a second set of teleport traps she can keep in her inventory in case they manage to disable the ones in her escape hatch.”

Donut jumped to my shoulder and headbutted me. “I’ll be fine, Carl.” She raised her voice. “Especially if the tower is painted purple.”

“Don’t distract Toyotomi,” I said. “He needs to concentrate on this last part.”

Me?” Donut asked. “I’m just asking about the color. You’re the one who keeps asking him the same questions over and over.”

“You’re both distracting him,” Katia said, walking up to stand by us. She patted Mongo on the head, pulled out a piece of bacon she’d saved from her food box, and tossed it in the air. He squeaked with joy and snapped it away.

Rend saw this and immediately turned from the cart he was slobbering all over and started whining like an untrained dog. Katia produced a second piece of bacon. “I’m only going to give this to you if you promise to not try to eat my hand off like last time.”

Rend started to vigorously giggle as Donut scoffed.

“You shouldn’t spoil him like that,” Donut said, eyeing Rend. “He’s big enough now to eat more than your hand.”

Katia tossed the bacon in the air, but Mongo, quick as a whip, snatched it before Rend could grab it.

To my surprise, it was Donut who corrected the dinosaur. “Mongo! Bad!” Donut scolded. “We don’t steal!”

Mongo squealed in protest as Rend sat heavily on the ground, his little elephant legs splaying out in front of him. Tears started to form in his massive, bulbous eyes. Katia laughed and produced a third piece of bacon and balled it in her fist, presenting it to Rend, whose massive tongue snaked out and started slobbering all over her hand. She opened it, and he gently slurped it away.

“Disgusting,” Donut said as Mongo whined at Katia for a third piece.

I smiled at seeing Donut and Katia together, but my chest ached, too. If the next few hours went well, this was it. If we finished off the enemy, we weren’t going to wait any longer. The moment we were done, Katia was going to sit down in the stronghold and eat the Orchid of Eileithyia's Grace.

The moment Katia ate it, she would basically fall into a coma for an hour. Assuming she survived this part, one of three things would happen next.

Per our deal with Huanxin Jinx, what was supposed to happen was that Katia would be whisked away to the 12th floor where she would become a celestial attendant. If this happened, then all the requirements of the Sepsis Whore deal would be met, and Donut would be allowed to leave the ninth floor.

If the alien didn’t honor the deal, then Katia would either be made pregnant and kicked out of the dungeon, or she would have her still-formidable constitution massively enhanced.

I knew the pregnancy prize was not what Katia wanted. Not anymore. But a part of me thought that would be better. She’d be literally kicked out of the dungeon like the Popov brothers. She would be free.

I didn’t want to think about the third option, which would mean only one of them, Donut or Katia, would be able to go down the stairs. And in fact, it was more insidious than that. Neither of them would be able to go down the stairs as long as the other was still alive. I refused to even entertain the thought.

Katia grabbed a strand of my hair and raised an eyebrow. “I see we’re not tying our hair back any more.”

“I’ve gotten used to it,” I said. “Besides, with my new hairbrush, it’s easier to keep it out.”

She laughed. She, too, had received a celestial box from the fight in Club Vanquisher.

Nearby, Baroness Victory and Drick—the adjutant for Team Retribution—stood together, side-by-side, talking into the open air. They were doing a live update of our progress for the viewers. They had a privacy bubble around them, and we couldn’t hear what they were saying. Louis stood there awkwardly, waiting to be called into the bubble.

Apparently, Victory was supposed to have been doing these live updates, but it was something she clearly hated, and “they” were leaning on her to do more. I’m still not sure who “they” were since it was clear the AI had completely taken over everything. Either way, her updating responsibilities included interviewing individual members of the army, and poor Louis had been tasked for today’s interview.

Dong Quixote, Splash Zone, Bucket Boy, Doctor Bones, and a group of flesh golems approached. Bomo and the Sledge were with them as well.

“Did you find them?” Donut asked.

Dong shook his head. They were just in the Desperado Club, looking for some sign of the two missing strippers, Anaconda and Damascus Steel.

Dong had Spunky Jefferson, his crust sock flail, dangling over his shoulder. He liked to keep the nickel end of the stinking sock near his ear, even though I was pretty sure the thing was talking to him in his mind. “The new concierge says he hasn’t seen them at all. Clarabelle says she hasn’t seen them, either. Are you certain you saw him? Because Mr. Jefferson says that in high-stress environments...”

“Yes, I saw him,” Donut snapped. “He’s in there somewhere. He didn’t disappear. And you will not be having discussions about me with your disgusting sock. It makes me very uncomfortable.”

“He said you would say that.”

“The Penis Parade has re-opened,” Splash Zone said, interrupting before Donut could snap back. “All new dancers. Same with Bitches, and we don’t know where the old ones went. When this is over, I need to go back in there and keep looking for them.”

Donut jumped to the shoulder of the Sledge, who reached up and gave her a gentle pat.

I regarded the two cretin rock creatures. They would be going up into the tower with Donut. “Both of you need to keep her safe.”

The Sledge grunted.

“What does it look like I’m made of? Pudding?” Bomo asked.

He wouldn’t stop saying weird shit like that, but I took that as an affirmative.

Across the way, Louis was now in the privacy bubble, talking with the two adjutants. I felt guilty when I looked at him, too. His part in all of this was especially dangerous.

“Have you talked to Prepotente?” Katia asked.

“Yes,” I said. “He’s with Rosetta and Mordecai, and they’re ‘interrogating’ the prisoner.”

We’d tried multiple times to talk Milk into coming with us, especially since the club was certainly about to be closed for an extended period, but she refused. We tried to hire her, but the system wouldn’t allow it. I’d sent a quick message to Rosetta, and she point-blank told us to kidnap her. To tie her up and take her with us. We wouldn’t be able to keep her in a saferoom, and we couldn’t let her out of our sight, but apparently, kidnapping and “torturing” guildmasters for their information was not only allowed, but encouraged. She was being held in the stronghold.  

Katia paused. I could tell she wanted to ask more about my relationship with Milk. That reaction I’d had, basically throwing myself into Milk’s arms, was clearly on her mind. Prepotente hadn’t even seemed to blink at it. But Katia, Li Jun, and Zhang had all clearly wanted to talk about it. But they were all smart enough not to say anything.

Baroness Victory: Apologies, but Zev is saying Louis isn’t hitting the right numbers and you and Katia are now required to be interviewed. Now.

Carl: Fuck off. I’m busy.

Donut: WHAT ABOUT ME?

Zev: Sorry guys. I know you’re busy. Donut, depending on what happens today, we’ll get you tomorrow by yourself if Li Na goes as we expect. Carl, the AI is demanding we do this. It’ll be two minutes. Don’t be difficult.

“Come on,” Katia said, tugging on my arm as Louis, looking frazzled, exited the privacy bubble.  

I put my hand on Louis’s shoulder. “Get to Area 52 and make sure everything is properly loaded. If I don’t see you, be safe. Keep in contact with Donut to coordinate. Low and fast. In and out.”

“Dude,” Louis said. He seemed a little out of breath. “They just showed me a video of me and Juice Box together. I was having her do Erza and, man. It’s great when you’re doing it, but watching it back is something else. I’m a little freaked out right now.”

“Louis, focus.”

He looked at me, tears in his eyes. Clearly there was more to it than them just showing him a sex video.

I paused and exchanged a look with Katia, who looked equally concerned. Now was not the time for him to be having a breakdown. I didn’t want to be dismissive, but some much was going on at this moment, I didn’t have the time to deal with it. Still, we needed Louis’s head to be clear.  

“Look, man,” I said. “Change of plans. Just hang out for a second, and we’ll talk, okay?”

He straightened. “No, no, you’re right. I gotta get to work. I’ll see you guys.”

Carl: Imani, Donut. Louis is having some sort of crisis. Please talk to him. Katia and I gotta do an interview really fast.  

We entered the bubble, coming to stand between Victory and Drick, and all thoughts of Louis immediately fled. Drick swayed where he was standing. He smelled like he’d been spending a little too much time with Ferdinand at the bar, which I found kind of interesting, since he was a Valtay worm.

The moment we entered the bubble, a window materialized floating in front of us, and Kevin, the orange announcer of the show appeared.

“We are now joined by Carl and Katia,” Kevin said, sounding pleasantly surprised. “Yesterday we talked to Li Jun about his celestial tier robotic eye and Zhang’s new cape with the target on the back. Victory and Drick, tell us what you think about the two celestial tier items Carl and Katia received.”

Drick grunted, his voice only slightly touched by the inebriation. “Katia’s kneepads are a bit of a waste, considering that she’s planning on leaving the dungeon—one way or another—pretty soon. This was clearly awarded to her in hopes that she’ll give them to Carl to replace his existing kneepads. They even look similar.”

“Can we see the kneepads? Are you wearing them right now?” Kevin asked.

Katia gave me a quick, panicked look, and I reached over and squeezed her hand for reassurance.

“I don’t have them equipped,” she said. “I left them in the guild. I, uh, didn’t know we were getting interviewed. I can go grab them real fast if you want.”  

Outside the privacy bubble, Rend and Mongo both walked up and their faces pressed against the bubble like it was a shield. Mongo appeared to shriek in outrage because he was blocked from passing, but I couldn’t hear anything outside.

Just past them, the tower completed, and a golden glow appeared around the entirety of the synergy tower. Everyone started to cheer. I couldn’t hear that, either. The mages immediately went to work.   

“That’s okay,” Kevin said after a moment, and an image of the kneepads appeared, spinning in midair.

“As you know, a financially devastating seven celestial boxes were awarded during the attack on Club Vanquisher,” Kevin said. “Five awarded via a Celestial, Who-Let-The-Gods-Out Box to crawlers Li Jun, Zhang, Carl, Prepotente, and Katia, and we will discuss the other two tomorrow when we interview Li Na, who recently just shot up to number two on the top ten list, passing Prepotente and landing just behind Carl. The Valtay and the Borant Corporation were in court today, claiming that the AI’s recent, uh, takeover should release them of their financial obligations regarding awarded loot. We will have more on that tonight. But in the meantime, let’s take a look at the description of Katia’s award.”

The paragraph appeared, floating in mid-air. The show read it out in the AI’s voice.  

The Enchanted Spiked Kneepads the Munificent Goddess Kina.

This is a Unique item.

This is a Divine Item.

These are kneepads. They are literally made of the eyelashes of the sea goddess Kina, who is really just a weird, horny—and when I say horny, I am using both versions of that term, sea-urchin-like, bottom feeder of a goddess who is into some really weird stuff that makes even me blush.

This item imbues the following effects:

Plus 25% Damage Reflect for melee attacks.

The Breathe Underwater benefit.    

Level 15 Swim skill.

Level 10 Iron Stomach skill.

Level 10 Eater of the Dead skill.

As a divine item, These kneepads will imbue additional, varying benefits when they are in the presence of divine entities.

I shuddered as the AI read out those last two benefits. The Iron Stomach skill was apparently something new this season because Mordecai had never heard of it. It basically allowed one to consume magical items. The item would be destroyed, and if you ate enough, it would permanently raise your intelligence by one point. At level 10, it was a one-to-one ratio, and it also allowed you to eat cursed items with no ill effects, which was a pretty big deal. Apparently, Prepotente already had this skill.

Still, literally eating most magical items was out of the question. The system made no distinction between a magical ring and a magical jacket. Though for Katia, it wasn’t as big of a deal since she could make herself large enough to swallow anything whole. She, before she’d unequipped and given away the kneepads, had managed to gain 20 levels to her intelligence by eating random, throwaway items before it became too much.

Eater of the Dead was the same thing, but it was with corpses, which was even more disgusting. The bodies had to be over a certain mass that decreased with each level, but you had to eat several more than the magical items in order to raise a stat. The skill raised your constitution, strength, and dexterity randomly.    

“So, Baroness Victory,” Kevin asked. “It’s almost unheard of for two separate crawlers to have divine items in the same crawl, especially when they’re working together. Will the benefits Carl receives from his divine Scavenger’s Daughter patch vary from the benefits Katia receives from these kneepads when they’re in the presence of the same deity? And what of Prepotente’s saddle on Bianca?”

“That’s actually a great question,” Victory said, her voice taking on a strange, newscaster-like persona I hadn’t heard from her before. It was a bit surprising. “And the answer is, generally, the benefits or debuffs will be identical. But there are some exceptions. Since these kneecaps are from the goddess Kina, Katia’s benefits will be significantly more powerful than whatever happens with Carl if she’s in the presence of Kina. And the same goes with certain enemies of Kina, not that she has any that I’m aware of. Same goes with Carl, though his patch is associated with the Scavenger, so it’s not like we’ll ever see that in action.”

“Wait,” I said, but Kevin’s laugh was too loud.

“Certainly not. Certainly not,” Kevin said. “But if Katia does end up giving a second divine item to Carl, will the benefit double?”

“No,” Baroness Victory said. “The more powerful of the two benefits will occur. While this hasn’t happened before as far as I’m aware, I do know there are matched sets of armor that are supposedly all divine items, and this was prepared for ahead of time.”

“Very interesting,” Kevin said. “Now, let’s take a look at Carl’s, uh, very different Celestial item, which is now his third, behind the Scavenger’s Daughter patch we were just discussing and the potion that gave him his Gloom Wraith Phase skill.”

The hairbrush appeared floating in the air. I sighed. Unlike Donut’s magical hairbrush, which looked like a regular hairbrush, this one was made of shining gold with a jeweled handle. And every time I pulled it through my hair, it screamed. It screamed like a group of women squealing and cheering at a rock concert. And when I stopped brushing my hair, the brush would shout “Encore! Encore!” for two minutes straight until the voices finally faded away.  

The Enchanted Hairbrush of the Beefmaster.

This item may only be used on a male with an average hair length of 25 centimeters or longer.

This item may only be used on a single person, once per day.

Samson. Fabio. Michael Bolton. Jim Morrison. The entire band Stryper. Yanni.  

Your history is filled with luscious men whose power resided in their lovely locks. Now, it’s your turn.

If you use this magical hairbrush upon your head for five minutes straight, you will receive the following benefits for the next thirty hours:

The Shining Charisma benefit.

The Speedster benefit.

Plus 25% to your constitution.

Level 10 Entourage.

Plus your hair will be shiny and healthy, and it will goddamn glisten.

Shining Charisma was a good benefit, though it wasn’t all that useful on this floor. It basically gave everyone in my party an additional 20% of my charisma. Donut’s already god-like charisma would only be boosted by six points.

Entourage was a spell that Donut already had, though for her, it was a bard skill. It was an illusion spell that mirrored party members, and it would be something good to have.

The 25% boost to constitution was huge. That alone made the brush frustratingly invaluable. It was just like with my boxers. It was now too good to give up. I’d been planning on cutting my hair after the tonic’s regrowth effect finally ebbed, but now I would have to keep it long.

The Speedster benefit was also great.  

The benefit was similar to Donut’s Twinkle Toes spell, though instead of casting it on Mongo, it worked on myself. I could already run super-fast thanks to my strength and dexterity, but Speedster basically allowed me to move short distances very, very quickly. I wouldn’t be quite like the Flash superhero, but I was still impressively quick. And while I couldn’t do it long distance, I could flash across the battlefield in seconds. And best of all, I could combine it with my Gloom Wraith Phase, allowing the distance I could travel while phased to be much further.  

 Mordecai said he’d never seen the Speedster benefit awarded like this before. It was usually something someone could sometimes get when their dexterity naturally reached 100, though even then, it was rare. The crawler Osvaldo, who was not a member of the Princess Posse, supposedly had the benefit.

Kevin started to drone on about the hairbrush. Meanwhile, a group had formed outside the privacy bubble. Samantha, Kamal—with his new legs, and Bigs the sluggalette had all also approached and were all at the edge of the bubble, trying to get in, like they were all drawn toward me.

I looked about at the silent group of workers outside the bubble, all rushing about, all preparing.

I was reminded of the fifth floor and the bubbles. Of the crawlers in the subterranean level. I’d asked them to do something, and they had died. Each and every one. I was reminded of my thoughts then, on the fifth floor. What gives me the right? What gives me the right to lead so many into what will surely be their deaths?

What was coming... Multiple attacks from all fronts, all at once. We were going to attack from above, from below, from the land, and from within. All at once. We were going to sweep across the entire battlefield, and we were going to slaughter them all.

But at what cost? Our victory in Club Vanquisher had given us a sense of hope. A false sense of invulnerability. Even our best case scenarios predicted heavy losses.  

Across the way, Donut entered the Nest for the first time, still riding on the shoulder of the Sledge.  

All of it was going to depend on her. Even if we were successful—especially if we were successful—I feared the toll on her most of all.

It’s going to get worse before it gets better. We’re going to lose more friends. We’re going to have to do some pretty horrible things just to survive.

When I’d said that, this was what I’d been talking about. This moment that was coming in one hour and forty-five minutes.  

What gives me the right?

  ********


This map is far from complete and am not certain if I want more or less detail. I still have to get an official one made. I'm exploring ways to possibly link the maps in the books so readers can get to hi-rez versions.


Map of the Princess Posse Troop Positions at the start of Open Hostilities.

Comments

Andrew Gerber

Thank you for the update Matt!

Dana Rydeman

I was just wondering if you would post more soon! Yay! 😃

Paul pollard

Thanks for the update and I can’t wait for Dragoncon

PerfectYarn

See you at Dragon con again this year.

John Coyle

Ominous foreshadowing. This Inevitable Ruin. Callbacks to the subterranean quadrant. I’m getting very, very nervous.

Tom

Suhweeeeet!

username here

Always love new chapter day. I know they're not your favorite to write but I'm really missing the post Club Vanquisher fight achievements. What did Carl get for blowing himself up?

Nancy E

Amazing work, as always. I'm on the edge of my seat. Reading this book is an addiction, I need more!

Duke GIJOE

Love the update... but disappointed that we didn't get to read (or hear Jeff say) all the "New Achievement!"s :-(

Jeffrey Newman

Just wow. The hairbrush is my favorite things so far. F'ing Yanni.

dinniman

Btw, you WILL get the achievements from that previous fight. They’re weaved into the beginning of the next chapter

Parker Cobb

I have a bad feeling about Louis. Seems like he's going to die soon, hopefully in a blaze of glory Firas would be proud of.

Christine Brown

I'm so glad Milk is safe. When did Bomo start making odd jokes?

Alice

Excellent chapter, I will definitely come see you at the singing in Seattle!

Stephen Greenwood

Really hoping for a Ghost ship style wire trap. That'd be sweet, especially if it got one of the opposing team's leaders.

Sabe F.

You know I'm trying and I understand this is pretty much a first public draft thing, but the end of part 2 and the jump into part III just feels like watching my 5 year old play with his toys in his room: He set things up carefully amd get things poised, then there's a period of chaos that's rather difficult to follw the thread of then he slows down and starts setting them up another way. But if you ask him details to tie the chaos together it's hard to get them out because he already did all that and he's busy playing. I'm still not sure about all the ramifications of skipping the after battles scenes after club vanqiusher, and it certainly felt like Carl wasn't even sure what all happened in there at the end of part II and it would have been helpful to get the achievement/notification context with him because I felt as lost as he was, and honestly I'm not looking forward to dollops here and there like the quasar convo on the hunting grounds, or the residual encounter across floors 8 and 9.

Ilya Taytslin

"It was usually something someone could sometimes get when their dexterity naturally reached 100, though even then, it was rare" The sentence has some redundancies in it. I would re-phrase it a little: "It was usually something one could get when their dexterity naturally reached 100, though even then, it was rare"

StoveTop

Great chapter! Can’t wait to see the celestial items in use and all of the insane magic spells and teleportation

Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles

Woooo, Seattle! :) I'll be in town around that time - can't wait to meet you in person!! Quick thoughts and impressions: "We turned this area into a horror show of traps." But what would stop the enemies from setting off all those traps with their own Tripper spell? I know you mentioned way earlier (in book 5?) that that spell won't set off *every* trap, but still. Ditto for the bad guys activating Justice Light's traps if they find a way to amplify their Tripper spell thingy. "but some much was going on at this moment" Typo: I think you meant "so much" :) "Zhang’s new cape with the target on the back." Nice one lol. I'm still a bit surprised the AI didn't arrange an "accident" for him when he was inches away from leaving Club Vanquisher. :P Really curious to hear about that cape's properties! Pony's Iron Stomach skill - huh, so he converted his ring of divine suffering into an intelligence point? Or had his skill already been so high (level 15?) that he absorbed the ring's properties?.. Because in that case, his one-goat genocide campaign against the Naga troops would've given him all the stat points in the dungeon. O_o re: Eater of the Dead skill - welllll, we already saw Carl and Donut gulp down smoothies made out of Krakaren fairies. 🤣 Dump them into a blender, then close your eyes and open your mouth, eh? "his patch is associated with the Scavenger, so it’s not like we’ll ever see that in action.” Ooooh, foreshadowing! ;) Chekhov's patch hahaha Also, I wish we could've seen the hilarious achievements the AI must've given them (and especially Carl) for surviving the Naga battle. Also also, reeeeally curious what Donut had been doing all that time... (Surely she didn't get left behind just to swap out the magic hats on the charging device?) I guess that'll come as a flashback in a later chapter. 🙃

darrel shand

Instead of listing the battalions in numerical order you should list them in a way so the lines don't crisscross

Jeremy Gray

Must have missed it somewhere along the line, bone clan/skull empire same faction

William Keith

The beginning bullet points are formatted weirdly on mobile app. Names of teams and their info not grouped together well.

Ryan

I’m racking my brain to figure out what Donut spell they are going to unleash. Did we get a description of her “war crimes” spell?

Laura H

I'm really glad to see the map, even if it's not an official version. Just trying to keep everything straight in my head is nearly impossible without the visual to help me. So thanks very much for it. The whole battlefield is so big and crazy! And some of those new abilities are ... just plain weird and gross! You have SUCH a fertile imagination. I think that's a good thing. I still have no idea how you will EVER wrap this whole crazy adventure up; it's too mind-boggling for me.

Shakespeare

Agreed, Donut would be safer if the tower were purple.

Joshua Galaise

I like that Donut has not so secretly fallen in love with Rend lol also I'm very worried about Katia and how that's all going to play out

FossilWreckers

That suspicious. Could be a Worm. Could be a Changeling. Could be Bomo, who knows!?

FossilWreckers

Do we think Team Retribution will render all these plans moot? Do we think Carl will get his Ring a few more levels soon?

Lauren J

Sadly ATL is still so far from FL. Hoping some events bring you closer this way

Rane Wallin

Nice lull following club vanquished sequence. I can really feel the tension building. Hope Louise is ok.

Mike Rylander

Did we ever find out how all the gods got let out? Was it just them cause chaos and pulling the basilica guards away from their stations?

Daniel Cassidy

Damn. Now I want that brush.

Steven Perry

Im guessing minion army, being casting about 5 minutes before hostilities reopen.

Sabe F.

Small nitpick, how can any of the armies only have "estimated strength" when the team enrollment is tightly controlled and monitored to stop collaboration with unaffiliated participants? I would think that the AI and Adjutants would have exact counts and be capable of tracking all allegiances. This isn't like battle from Earth's history, this is all happening in a computer controlled environment that can track the fates of millions of individuals (as seen in book 1), so those should probably be expanded to exact numbers. Also this would be in keeping with previos numbers at the beginning of chapters (views/followers/favorites, hunters killed, level progress, etc.)

Big I

I think at the beginning of this floor she got a spellbook for "You're Not Done Yet", which is the spell that makes war mages by turning corpses into skin monsters that eat skeletons.

Geekdumb

Anyone else thinking of the bit from Roundhouse on Nickelodean that was for the fake product of Michael Bolton's hair?

Joel Denning

I think a map on the book could be created by Milk since they just kidnapped a cartographer guild master. Could be a fun immersive thing, but again, loving this book! Keep up the great work!

Tien

They also have color lines going to them calling out the names of the units.

Mike Rylander

Are you saying it was her dialing into a bunch of temples and they all got out that way? Hopefully it will get clarified a bit in the next few chapters.

Samantha C

It's a grand theft auto easter egg, as was Sledge saying 'Surviving is winning, everything else is bullshit'. I think they just really, really like the game.

Andrew Bartlett

Well it's probably the estimated strength as per what information the Crawlers have. Or what information is being shown to the viewers. The AI obviously knows almost everything that happens in the dungeon. EDIT: Or it's just Matt not wanting to put a fine point on it for either: A) Dramatic Tension B) Avoiding nitpicking regarding other statements he's made about troop numbers previously Or both!

Andrew Bartlett

Some traps, like the ones used in Laraccos by Carl in Butcher's Masquerade, are still dangerous regardless of when and where they are triggered. I'm sure there's teleport traps, homing missiles, landmines, magic resistant traps, and traps laid by extremely high level trap makers all over the place.

Andrew Bartlett

Yeah as Samantha C stated the rock monsters are just being heavily influenced by too many video games. The pudding line, surviving is winning, and crashing the Twister in Butcher's Masquerade are all as a result of rock monsters playing GTA.

Big I

Ha, I knew what happened at Club Vanquisher would screw Borant financially, but I thought it'd be from all the betting.

HT

There was a line about some special club vanquished door guards that usually stay at the 12th floor entrance. They had an “untouchable” buff meaning they could usually stop the gods just pushing into the club through the front door. Thing is, Li Na’s dreads caused so much trouble that they left their posts then Carl removed their buffs so the gods could kill them and push their way into the club whenever they liked.

Riyon Hutton

I’m thinking it’s the sniper one since she’s on top of a glowing golden tower with sparkles above her head 😭

Storm Monette

I love that Rosetta kidnapped Milk! I'm glad they got her out of there.

Runae Lee

All I can say is….LET’S GOOOOO!!

Sabe F.

Better the little nitpicks than the big ones, like how the skull empire's stronghold placement is either impossible or problematic on the map. It should be nearer to the middle, unless the AI added the extra territory to their slice in between their preexisting castle and Laroccos, and didn't for anyone else. Not like they can move that castle, or unless there's now a preexisting castle in the middle of their territory that they're not using for their stronghold.

Daniel Fraser

And that’s all the A.I’s doing! He created a fake boss battle, set the prize boxes and betting against Carl. For the first time since the 3rd floor, the Borant corporation is taking the L and Carl keeps winning.

William Magee

Thanks a million Matt! Also, would be great to get an update on everyone’s stats soon :)

Bear Fender

matt posted below that theyre gonna be woven into the beginning of next chapter :)

Bear Fender

my understanding was the traps were simply a deterrent to buy time, its really just an alarm system. even if someone sets off all of them, some are still dangerous, and it gives the main group a heads up to turn around and defend

carl richards

Love the change up of how we learn of the items they got.

Faisal

Perfect!! I, too, was thinking of commenting that. For, even though the scope of the events in this book is larger now, these original contain the charm

Kaitlyn

Top right corner is the bottom left corner of the previous map from the beginning of the book

Melissa Glisan

Thanks Matt <3 I had the worst Monday, so I held off on reading just in case. Can't wait for Heidl's secret to come out so Donut can have her purple tower of power!

Ranen

Few thoughts: First- I can understand the difficulty in writing this book: there’s a whole lot of moving parts so I commend you for what you’re doing. I like it. Second- while I echo other’s sentiment about enjoying the reveal of the celestial box, I was really looking forward to the achievements: dude scraped himself up from being pancaked into nonexistence, fought back a god, and ended the 8 book plot of the sepsis whore- among many other accolades. While an appreciate your ability to go back and forth as seen in the past, I was left waffling. The immediacy of phase “all out war” takes away from the importance of the naga defeat- IMHO. 3rd: while I love the brush I was really hoping (especially after the book cover reveal) that Carl would be rocking a 1980’s punk style glued Mohawk in future books, but with the average hair length requirement I don’t think that’ll happen. Regardless, I fucking love Carl’s saga and look forward every week (or every other week) to updates. Keep it going, Matt!!!

Joshua Ingersoll

I hope milk has maps of lower floors so we can get some fun with the gate

G Stephenson

Stryper Matt? Of all the Hair Metal bands in the world, you went with Stryper? They'll do I guess...

Jamal Jahabar

We're losing Louis aren't we? Louis saying everything is fine is the equivalent of a cop saying he's retiring in 2 days in an action movie or someone showing a picture of their kids in a war movie.

dinniman

All the maps are gonna be rotated properly with the Skull Enoire’s team at the top

Sabe F.

I'm curious, how, with the expansion of the playing field, does the permanent fortification the skull empire is using for a base end up at the edge of the map? Did their territory not expand? Did the new territory form in the middle of their area pushing it back?

xTriceracopx

A 25cm liberty mohawk!

Laura H

How about Tampa? Or St. Pete -- somewhere on the Gulf Coast!

Mist Sparrow

Wait , is doughnut gonna do a supercharged minion army cast or something. Exciting, looking forward to more

Mist Sparrow

That or he'll become a one armed sky captian haunted by the past 🤔 death or major character development

FauxLegs

I'm sure there are a boatload of achievements to sift through after the end of chapter 55. Honestly, I'm surprised only 7 celestial boxes have been dished out thus far. I'm excited to hear the other ones for sure. Matt always integrates previous chapter achievements or events well.

FauxLegs

Thinking Katia could always use Carl's Mob Morgue Inventory to rapidly consume 100s of mobs with "Eater of Dead" skill... or that the Mob Morgue will be used by Donut's "You're Not Done Yet" skill to lob those bodies onto the field. It was supposedly a deadly skill by the War Mages on the Iron Tangle level (dismemberer train?)

Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles

Not thus far - that's just for this single battle. Carl and Katya and Quan Ch had each gotten a Celestial earlier, and we don't know if other crawlers have gotten Celestials "off-screen" on the 9th floor. :) Basically, at least 10 Celestials have been given out that we know of, and there were probably more than what we've seen.

tehlu

I wonder what the awakened npc’s think about their insane god (Crawl AI)

Joshua Galaise

I've had it in my head this was all going to work out but something about this chapter really got me thinking it's not going to work out at all. Katia is going to get the constitution buff and Carl is going to have to kill her. I suppose it just really hit home for me like it hasn't before

torrey purnell

I agree! Even though it wasn’t really a “cliffhanger”, I was really anticipating the cathartic aftermath of such an important event.

Joseph Harris

I think she is going to be deciding where the troops attack because of her enhanced sight. She’ll decide who gets put in danger. I think Carl is worried about what that’ll do to her.

Joseph Harris

Remember. There is still an hour and 40ish minutes before hostilities begin. They can recap then.

Joseph Harris

It was teased in the last book but now, more than ever, I want to see Li Na vs Lucia.

Mist Sparrow

Maybe, I'm re-listening to the anarchists cookbook and it just seems like it'd fit really well, she has great sight lines and mordecai has mentioned before that it's more of a battlefield sabotage spell than a conscription spell. That it locks her in place while it's cast would also explain Carl's nervousness

william brown

She also has her sniper skill and her puddle jumper is leveled up so can puddle jump anywhere in line of sight. Also if they kill a large number of enemies or she masses laundry day she could use her spell that animates loot to reanimate the army with her sniper skill, or her war spell. It would also be cool if we found out she got Elle's war spell through the tattoo kit and could use it.

Mist Sparrow

No matter what happens , she's gonna be a majestic eye of Sauron, even if it's just for a little bit

E13design

Erza? Missed the reference. Can only find a character from Fairy Tail when I google.

FauxLegs

I wonder if we are going to get a Mohawk? Hair would technically still be long and it would seem in line with the punky anarchy getup

J-me

OK so which does the AI have a bigger fetish over? Carl's hair or his feet?

robert hartwell

Mohawk is still easily doable while meeting the greater than 25cm requirement. Those are rookie numbers. My IRL mohawk exceeds that quite abit. Even when back brushing/teasing to make it thicker (reduces maximum mohawk height), it's still more than a paltry ~9 inches. Hair talk aside... I need me a post "blown up" chapter talking about the immediate resolution and prizes/achievements from the god fight. I suspect its coming.

HT

That was a sponsor box though so borant/valtay weren’t on the hook for the tab on that one. Still Carl has now equaled Odette for the number of celestials and is one behind the all time record for a single crawler. Over all were more than half way to the 18 given out during the last Naga season.

Ophir Nemtzov

Good luck, Donut. Be safe <3

Sint Janskruid

Erza Scarlet? and is the AI trying to wierd them out via interviews?

Paulamarie Young

I really like milk. She had to use her skill 333 times and she only has used it six so she has 327 left. I really hope Matt incorporates her into the story and has her be freed from her indentureship.

Dragan

Her sniper skill makes it so all her spells have absurd range so it could be anything. But the tower being called a nest makes me think a very, very large amount of minion spells like the “ware crime” spell and “minion army”

fightnerd

I'm terrified Carl is going to have to kill Katia. I really don't want that.

Dragan

After reeding Louise’s reaction to the interview my immediate worry was Carl and katia getting shown all the occasions and “evidence” (heavy questioning) of them being close and people thinking Katia’s cheating on Daniel.

Joseph Harris

A part of me thinks Donut is the one Katia gave her knee pads to. If anyone else had them people would be able to see them. Maybe when one of her minions eats something she also gets the benefits. It would be even cooler if Mongo was the one wearing them. That guy eats everything.

George O'Neill

Yea I agree I feel like this brushed over the sepsis whore storyline, I assume we will revisit it but it feels a little jarring to not be debriefing on it straight away

worldSeries

Remember that Carl picked up the celestial cloak and got an alert that if he does that a few more times then something cool will happen…

Douglas Erdman

The spell didn't get to be used at it's full effect in Bedlam Bride due to Elle's Graupel spell working so well with Samantha's enhancements. She'll have Bomo & Sledge protecting her, she'll be in the tower with the 4 other deflect towers, her Sentry and Flak spells, AND I'm guessing Donut's probably wearing Katia's kneepads, which is why Katia couldn't bring them out to show them.

Douglas Erdman

but do you really brush a mohawk? Remember his hair has to be brushed every day for the buff to work.

Konlin Gappmayer

I really hope some how they get the knee pads on Rend. He eats everything whole so he would get both benefits. Plus I'd love to see rend get smart enough that he's quoting Shakespeare as he eats people. 'So shalt thou feed on Death, that feeds on men'. It would be great if he got to the point that he could get in arguments with pony.

Konlin Gappmayer

The Ai should have the item change his hair daily. You brush it today and it’s a perm. Today it’s a mullet. I still really liked the hair length thing but I feel like the ai would totally do this.

FauxLegs

Nope, but you can reapply the Elmers Glue mixture daily to keep those liberty spikes glorious >.<

FauxLegs

I figured he was just freaking out with the suicide mission to come

Sabe F.

I love the theory, but Rend is right there at the interview. You would think they would notice.

Ross Nibur

I’ve got 2 guesses… 1) he is somehow in in the NPCs larger plans and is cracking under the pressure 2) (more far fetched) Juicebox is pregnant. He’d def be freaking out.

Obar

and get smart enough to avoid his weaknesses without having to be told each time

David Harr

Hahaha. I’m sure others have mentioned it, but I can’t stop laughing about Zhang’s cape with the bullseye on it.

ScatteredDandyLion

Sooo Good!!! Now I'm just seeing Carl with his wavy hair running on the cover hehehhehe