Home
Artists
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register
Partychan Telegram Find&Fuck Waifus ThePornDude
Home Artists Posts Import Register

REMEDIAL SEX-ED: CHAPTER 26 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-01-14 16:26:03
Edited:
2022-03-22 12:38:28
Imported:
Tags:

Downloads

Content

Yo, Turkey, I actually proofread this one!

BTW, next chapter's gonna be almost entirely horror in genre.

...Huh?

Files

Comments

Turkey

Missing word on page 7 https://i.imgur.com/D4ELiRs.png

sparticus_37

some constructive criticism One consistent thing I've come struggle with in your works is the way you handle time/scene transitions. To use the last 2 chapters as a example, we go from daphney writing on a whiteboard in school at the end of 25, to being in another characters house at the start of 26, and we the reader are given no context clues to answer how we wound up there. when that happens I end up going back to the previous chapter because I feel like I missed something that I should have picked up on. It has made those transitions feel very disjointed or disorienting when they do occur. Since you have mentioned that you aspire to greater things, I would suggest that when you do scene transitions you start asking yourself "how does the reader know how this character got 'here' from where they were the last time they were seen by the reader" To use another example, image if you were watching Fellowship of the ring and went from Frodo leaving Rivendell, and 2 minutes later they are in the mines of Moria. Your first thought is "wait what just happened and how did we get here?"

SigmaGalTG
>>75673214

I like this. I'll put some special consideration into that for next chapter. I imagine it'll take a few attempts to figure out the right strategy.

sparticus_37
>>75673214

There are two general techniques to handle this 1. using stage prompts like from a "narrator" like you commonly see when someone goes "meanwhile, in another location" 2. weaving the answer to the transition as part of the dialog or internal monologue of the characters in the story The learning curve will be when you have to figure out which technique to apply for where you are in the story. The goal of any writer is to keep the reader immersed in the story, while also making the transition feel "natural". It one of those things you build from experience and not by going "I will always do XYZ for when I do ABC".

SigmaGalTG
>>75673214

To be honest I thought I was doing technique #2 at the start of this chapter. But my perspective is unhelpfully warped in comparison to the audience, so I have to rely on feedback for how things are actually working.

Turkey
>>75673214

I think the transition from last chapter to this one works fine. Daphney herself lost track of time and the last panel of the previous chapter is the last part of her stream of consciousness that she remembers. We as the audience were already told they were going to have a slumber party to cheer Daphney up from having detention, so it is easy to infer what has happened. This might just be a case of reading chapters as they come out with weeks in between and having a harder time remembering stuff. But when binging it, the transitions feel much more natural.

SigmaGalTG
>>75673214

I mentioned to Manic that I wish I'd included another mention to the slumber party in the latter half of chapter 25. I think I only had the characters bring it up one time total, and that was two chapters ago. I could easily imagine that being missed or forgotten, which could cause the start of this chapter to be jarring.

LeWorms
>>75673214

So I totally agree that in some other scenes throughout the story there have been some of these inconsistent moments but in this particular scene I think it works out as it makes the reader feel the confusion that the character is feeling. Daphne had no idea how she got from the classroom to this new house. A Page explaining her confusion and the fact that she was invited for a sleepover more specifically might be nice but for this the readers own inference might be a useful tool to create interesting storytelling. Food for thought 😄😵‍💫

solar

Jun is doing sick skateboard flips on her way to this sleepover like “I heard you weren’t suffering and got here as fast as I could”

solar
>>76371190

With how far gone Daphne is I’m wondering how Jun’s going to get her embarrassment-fix.

SigmaGalTG
>>76371190

I wonder..........................................................................................................................

solar
>>76371190

It’s telling that your comic is the only one I’d say actually has ‘plot points’ that I want ‘closure’ from. Very fun comic.