May 2021 Reading List (Part 1) (Patreon)

I've had a bit more a chill week than the intenseness of the end of April with all the merch stuff so when making this reading list I decided to scroll all the way to the end of my saved articles in Pocket and actually start to make my way through them, and they're all mostly about sex!

Articles

Sex Doll Sales Surge In Quarantine, But It's Not Just About Loneliness - I read this to see if I could open up my mind a bit more about sex dolls because I definitely fall into the 'it's loner men who buy them and it's creepy and weird'-mindset. Which this article shows, is some of the demographic of sex doll buyers but lots of women buy them too and couples looking for novelty in their sex lives.   I still struggle with what it does mean for loneliness though, social skills, anthropomorphising hypersexualised dolls.

The Guys Who Were Disappointed When They Finally Had Anal Sex with Their Girlfriends - I love the car horn story and the pretty accurate "the human body does what it does".

Um, Is Lesbian Bed Death A Real Thing?  - short answer: no it isn't. But decrease in sexual desire in any long term relationship, no matter the gender of the people in that relationship is a real thing. The LBD trope is some patriarchal bullshit rooted in obsessing over frequency instead of quality and defines sex as penetration.

Yes and No: Consent in sex scenes - my assistant Megan shared this in my newsletter when she took over briefly last year when I was wedding-ing and honeymoon-ing. I'm ashamed to admit I've only just gotten round to reading it now - it's a long one though! KJ Charles (author of Think of England) writes about writing consent and I learned about the hilarious "condom crinkle" phenomenon and now if I ever read that in a romance novel that features a condom crinkle I'll be able to have a little giggle to myself. But in this article she dissects some sex scenes she's written and how consent isn't a tick box exercise but a tool for writers to explore character and relationships.

Are queer women being failed by our healthcare system? - lots of similar stuff in here as in the Doing It episode released recently with Laura Clarke from the National LGBT Partnership about health and wellbeing inequalities for LGBTQ+ people.

The art of tantra: is there more to it than marathon sex and massages? - short answer: yes. I'm really intrigued by why is it that in the west we take these philosophies (tantra) and books (kama sutra) and extract just the sexual component? We're a society of sexual taboos and erotophobia but we're obsessed with sex. How else do you explain the western mainstream perception of tantra and the kama sutra being about slow, intense sex and different sexual positions? Is it because those are the parts we can commercialise and sell to a society that fears sex and so the mainstream just ignores the rest of it? Only questions, no answers here.

Who Decides Who Gets a Hysterectomy?  - I just want to leave you with some quotes from this one because oooofffff.

It’s a tale of two hysterectomies: In one, American citizens have been repeatedly denied access to a surgery they desperately want in an attempt to improve their quality of life. In the other, women of color and criminalized women have historically been forcibly sterilized and stripped of an organ that many women still consider central to their identity.

As long as women’s bodies are viewed as potential baby incubators, institutions will continue to wield their power to lay claim over their bodies—whether by mandating that they carry life or by stripping away that choice before it is even conceived.

Queer people are sharing what confuses them about straight dating and... well... yeah - are the straights okay?

My Bisexuality Might be a Phase... And That's Ok - I really loved this article and the acknowledgement that for some people sexual fluidity, development and discoveries happen over time. My favourite quote because it sums up how I feel about my own sexuality:

I was born these ways- and I haven’t encountered them all yet.

I Really Miss Missing My Partner - I don't even remember what it's like to really miss Dan at this point. And I think my whole perception of missing him is completely off kilter because of spending basically every second of the day with him, when he goes into work, I miss him and I'm so grateful when he gets home. I think that's some unhealthy levels of missing someone and I should probably get out more.

Videos

Let's Talk About (The Politics Of) Sex, Baby - one of Owen Jones' livestreams with a bunch of very clever guests talking about why and how sex is political.

Elizabeth Day on letting go of failure - I rationally know that failure isn't a catastrophic thing but I still feel the intense fear and shame around failure in my body so conversations like this help, even if for a moment.

I Wasted the Last 6 Months of My Life - somewhat related to failure too. I really loved this video from Ali talking about how he'd spent 6 months working on a book and when he sent it to some people to read and for feedback the unanimous response was 'it's a bit shit'. OOOFFF. It hurts me physically to hear that and it's not even happening to me. But I'm so impressed with Ali's ability to take that failure, disappointment and shame and put a voice to it in a video. Our fear and shame of failure is exacerbated by not talking about our failures so I'm very grateful to him for sharing his.

What's The Point Of Labour? - another Owen Jones video from a while ago but with the elections yesterday and some headlines I've seen so far saying it's not looking good for Labour it reminded me of it. This past year has been such an opportunity for Labour to really be a bold opposition to Tory mishandling of the pandemic, corruption, hypocrisy etc. and yet, wtf do Labour even stand for right now? I've no fucking clue. Dan literally just said to me, "Labour's just so limp dick it's unbelievable"

What's Not in the Frame - I'm having deja vu of already sharing this video but it's not archived in Pocket yet so I'm going to trust my system. Love this video from John Green about what we don't see from people on YouTube and social media. 99% of my life is not in the frame.

Why Lil Nas X Gave Satan a Lap Dance - love this video from Kat Blaque, she talks about her own experiences growing up in the church and in a religious family and historical depictions of Satan/hell etc. Also the lighting and costume editing between the angel and devil in this video are just divine

Promising Young Woman: A Bittersweet Ending - my subfeed is still full of PYW video essays but I really liked this one because it says good things about the film whilst also acknowledging the potential disappointment of the ending (that's all I'll say because no spoilers)