It's Time For A (Games) Comeback (Patreon)

When I founded Colin’s Last Stand in March of this year, it represented a massive left turn in my life, a turn that deviated entirely from the previous 14 years of my existence. From ages 18 to 32, I wrote about games professionally (and made videos, and podcasted, et cetera). But earlier this year, I had this itch to pursue an entirely different love that I was never able to see through, and so I took the opportunity before me. I founded CLS, revolved it around my adoration for politics and history, and have since made 53 episodes of the show (plus 9 episodes of a newer podcast). It’s been an awesome ride, and I intend on continuing my journey, because I’m having a blast. I know many of you are, too. I’m immensely proud of my little corner of the Internet. It isn’t going anywhere. Weekly historical and political content will continue.

But I’m also not deaf or blind. I’ve not been oblivious to the rather loud call for me to return to games coverage, for it’s how many of you got to know me to begin with. It’s where thousands upon thousands upon thousands of you created a relationship with me (and vice-versa). When I was offered my IGN freelance position at age 18, I was about to start college. When I graduated college at age 22, I was offered a job at IGN (one of my proudest accomplishments, as I never even applied). A few years later, I was Senior Editor of the site. A few years after that, I decided to leave in spite of the kind and generous offers I was being given to stay. I co-founded a YouTube company, did that for a couple of years, sold my shares, and now find myself here. That’s quite the labyrinthine path, and it's somewhere in there that you and I likely met.

Yet, I can’t completely escape echoes of that past. IGN will always mean a lot to me, and I'll always owe the leadership there everything (and will always consider myself a part of the site). Podcast Beyond and PS I Love You XOXO are two wildly popular products that I will always be immensely proud of. And Colin Was Right, which had a short life, was probably the best work I had ever produced in the games space. I feel like, when you cut through all of the bullshit, that’s a pretty decent track record.

With all of that said, though, I guess I never thought about how all of that resonated with people, and I think the purely political (and personal) attacks I found myself experiencing earlier this year made me feel like if games media didn’t miss me, then gamers probably wouldn’t, either. I believed that for a long time, actually. I was beaten into such a pulp by that space -- for pretty much nothing, mind you -- that I incorrectly extrapolated the data. I thought, “well, if many of my former colleagues suddenly hate me, and many of my peers in games media never liked me, then certainly they’ll be able to convince the audience that they should feel the same.”

But they failed. As time has passed -- as I’ve begun to heal and think and figure things out in my own head -- I came to realize that perhaps I walked away prematurely, and let the pain speak for me. It’s interesting, because I walked away completely on my own terms, and yet feel like there’s much left unsaid and undone. In some ways, it’s nothing more than a self-inflicted wound, but I was too wrapped up in the moment to really realize that. Either way, I think it might just be time to rectify the situation, for I feel this calling to return in some way to my old life.

Every day, I receive messages from folks telling me how much they miss me covering games. Every CLS video has at least a few comments about the same. People in the industry have told me privately and publicly that they’d wish I’d come back; I’ve had two meals with two prominent developers that told me just that in the last two weeks alone. Combined with the fact that I now finally have time to breathe, think, and reflect, and taken in conjunction with the thousands of messages I’ve received, I’ve started to come around to doing something with games again, some day, at some time. But questions remain. How? What? When?

Unbeknownst to many of you, I wrote a message to my Patreon community last week asking if I should return to games, even if it meant I had to shutter a CLS episode every week to make it happen. 1,276 paying Patrons voted in a poll on the subject; 91% said I should return. Hundreds gave detailed feedback on what that comeback should look like. I didn’t expect that resounding level of support, at all. It simply cannot be ignored. And so I will not ignore it. Truth be told, I was actually dashing down a particular comeback path for a short time very recently, but things didn’t quite square the way I had hoped, so I’m figuring out alternatives. That’s where you come in, and where your feedback becomes essential.

Here’s what I can tell you: Whatever I end up doing will be under the CLS umbrella. I won’t start a new Patreon, I won’t be trying to sell you shit in whatever I do, and the content will be regular. Will it be a video? A podcast? Something else? I don’t know yet. Will it launch this year? Maybe. I don’t know yet. All I know is that I’m ready to come back to do something, somehow, some way.

There are so many people in the industry still doing great work, and they should be celebrated. Jason Schreier, Patrick Klepek, Austin Walker, Keza MacDonald, Chris Kohler, Jeff Cannata, Brian Altano, Destin Legarie, Lucy O’Brien, Kristine Steimer, Ryan McCaffrey, Danny O’Dwyer, Andrea Rene, Jeremy Parish, Jim Sterling, Marty Sliva, Alexa Ray Corriea, and others (sorry if I missed you) are powering through and doing gamers proud, while the industry sorely misses voices ranging from Mitch Dyer, Brian Albert, and Scott Bromley to Anthony Gallegos, Jared Petty, and Mike Drucker.

Some of the people I’ve mentioned here don’t even like me, but that doesn’t matter. They do good work. I feel like I can contribute something within that realm that will resonate with someone, somewhere, somehow. I don’t expect -- or even want -- a large following. I don't expect that everyone will suddenly like me, or that everyone will suddenly care, or that everyone will suddenly be glad that I'm returning to the space. I just want to speak again about a hobby I’ve loved for 30 years, a hobby that I allowed to be ruined for me, but am ready to reclaim. Because, at the end of the day, long before any of this -- long before a single one of you knew who I was even back in my GameFAQs days as a high schooler -- I loved video games, and I had a passion for playing them.

So, think of this letter as acknowledgement. I have much to think about. Your feedback, whatever it might be, will be taken into account. And I will figure out a way forward that makes the most sense.

When I figure everything out, you will know. Until then, nothing changes here or with my content output, and let me be clear just in case there's any confusion: Political and historical videos and CLS: Fireside Chats will continue regardless of what games content I decide to undertake.

Thank you, as always, for your love, your support, your kindness, and your understanding. I hope you have an awesome weekend. -Colin