Your Money Update #26 (Patreon)

Thus far, in April, I have received $694.77 in Patreon subscription donations. Of this, $127.91 was taken up by Patreon's Payment and Platform fees, leaving me with $566.86.

My first expense of the month was to catch up on the credit card minimums from the previous month — something I had neglected. These are five extremely low-balance, high-interest cards I am foolishly trying to use to build my credit back up after my RTX 3090 purchase a few years ago. So, five cards, $25.00 apiece from your Patreon subscription donations — that's $125.00.

$215.00 of your Patreon subscription fees went to keep the lights on, which is absolutely essential for my "work." At least I can write off 100% of the expense on my taxes since I'm self-employed and electricity is essential to my job. I wouldn't mind getting that sweet 20% write-off on all the other bills — but thanks to doctors and lawyers abusing the write-off with their TV couch offices they never really use — the IRS requires you to have a dedicated room with a dedicated computer for home office work. (Scum of the earth, I tell you.)

$92.54 of your Patreon subscription fees went to pay my mobile bill for both me, my Aunt, and my large amount of hotspot data — which turned out to be quite beneficial this month as my modem crapped out on me and it took several days for a replacement to arrive. Money well spent, in my opinion.

Not going to lie, a new Magic set came out this month for MTG Arena, so I devoted a discounted $52.98 of your Patreon subscription fees to a pre-order of 50 packs. I tell myself I'm saving money in the long run because Magic keeps me so satisfied I don't buy other games — and that maybe one day I can win some of the investment back in digital swag or tournament play — but it's a longshot and... like most Magic players... I'm probably lying to myself. (I'm just glad @Unpause has been talked back into the game by the Timeless Format... maybe I'll have someone else to bitch at in the #mtg channel.)

$36.44 of your Patreon subscription fees went to keep my water running. We are a river town, and our water is remarkably fresh and unpolluted. There are no real problems drinking it out of the tap. It will be a good place for Fallout World when it finally arrives.

The remaining $44.90 of your Patreon subscription fees went toward a grocery delivery bill, which I use because my roommates are extreme homebodies who resent everything I ask. I am too scatterbrained to drive a 2,000-pound death machine.

For April, I also received $380.98 in Discord subscription fees. 10% was taken off the top. The fees were removed before I was made aware of the gross amount.

A full $356.00 of your Discord subscription fees went to pay the IRS, which really takes a chunk for Medicare and Social Security because I am self-employed and my employer is not handling that expense on my behalf. I don't mind, though, because my life has essentially been sustained due to government largesse for many years.

In fact, it makes me proud that I can contribute taxes again. I also feel like it gives me the right to complain to my stubborn, cowboy-wannabe, corn-eating, tobacco-chawing neighbors about how our government is run since previously they claimed because I don't pay Federal Income Tax, I don't have that right. Dickbags.

The remaining $34.98 of your Discord subscription fees probably went to DoorDash deliveries. Sorry about that.

Please remember that the Jolly Co-Operators server will be fully de-monetized by May 15. Subscriptions via Discord will no longer be available. Likewise, all of you with vanity roles tied to your Discord subscriptions will lose them by the end of this week (week of Monday, April 15). To maintain your Elite status, please migrate your Discord subscriptions to Patreon.

I think I will pass on the personal details this time. Things continue to go well, and I am improving as a person with each passing day. Stop by the server for frequent updates to all of my modlists, which also continue to get better and better with each revision.

• caco