Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 89 (Patreon)

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 89

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2200

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I wasn’t prepared to look at a truly, magical civilization.

I mean, I’d witnessed plenty of magic in my life, but nothing came close.

On the battlefield, Mages had been just very, very convenient artillery pieces that I didn’t have access to. Since I fought as a slave, and since the Witches in Ylstu were in training, I was only technically knowledgeable about them on the receiving end. I knew to avoid wide open spaces, block line of sight as much as possible, and mercilessly deal with them first through any means possible.

As the old saying went, artillery was the king of the battlefield, while the infantry was the queen.

Yadda, yadda, the king fucks the queen, if she didn’t take precautions or had a king of her own.

Well, I guess it would technically be in the reverse in this universe, but I wasn’t going to change anecdotes to be correct in this world.

Anyway, my other experience with magic in this world was how it was used in large cities that could afford magic. Municipal magic ranged from dealing with sewage, creating food and spices from nothing, and even creating garments from magic alone. This was usually reserved for the nobility or those lucky enough to live in Kindred cities. Empire towns had less magic than the Kindred, but they made up for it by using Kindred as resources, but the common man over there probably didn’t see a spec of it, just like the peasantry of the Kindred.

In Ylstu, I spent a lot of money handling the issue of sewage with magic, since I knew very little about sewage systems… but beyond that I rarely touched the stuff. There were the Golems, but I considered them citizens with different requirements than others, so they didn’t count. There were also the defensive shields to make sure a mage battalion couldn’t just glare angrily at my life’s work and destroy. However, besides that, there wasn’t much magic to speak of in Ylstu.

The Pharoahs, on the other hand, had plenty of magic and weren’t afraid to show it off.

Sandstone towers with massive, floating crystals acted as their lighthouses. Their harbor’s gate a solid barrier of energy instead of chains that could be raised or lowered. Their woven, reed skiffs glided centimeters off the water. The carts used by the Kindred in the town floated on a cushion of air and was led around with a cord of leather. All the houses and surrounding streets were neat and clean, despite being composed of pounded down dirt.

I was simultaneously amazed and disappointed at the sight.

The lighthouses barely after a few hundred meters from the coast. The harbor gate was either wasting a lot of power keeping water out continuously or not protecting against divers. The floating skiffs made from reeds and the wagons would work just as well without magic. And, finally, the houses were small and squat for one family or a handful of people, but each one was enchanted for cleanliness?

A’Bel took notice of my thoughts as our ship was looked upon with both panic and surprise by the harbor town.

The Demon didn’t say a word, but I scowled when she smiled at me.

A lot of what I saw was wasted potential and flat out excess… but it wasn’t my place to change.

Roseanne sent me to the Pharoahs to re-establish trade routes.

Nothing more and nothing less.

I had no authority whatsoever to tell the Pharoahs how to do their jobs.

Even if I wanted to.

…

After a brief exchange of identities, a procession was called into existence by the Harbormaster.

I was surprised to see a man walking around and giving orders, until one of the dockworkers sidled up to him and took him aside. When he came back disheveled and with a new loincloth, I nearly discounted his existence, until he got right back to work and waved off another Kindred who approached him.

It was pleasant to see a man doing something besides a fucking or being a high-end courtesan with party tricks.

But I didn’t get to ask him a single question before the floating palanquins arrived… along with an Anubis and an entourage of Mummies.

Naturally, I’d spent time making sure that I knew who was who and what was what in Pharoah’s realm.

The Mummies constituted most of the populace of the desert realm. They looked like normal, tanned human woman save for a few tattoos and the fact that they dressed themselves in a lot of bandages, as to avoid the fact that they were incredibly sensitive. The regular citizenry wore a little gold on their person, and some colorful sashes, but servants to the higher castes had dyed textiles and gold aplenty to dress themselves up.

With servants and common folk having colored clothes and gold at their disposal, it was easy to see why Roseanne wanted to trade with the Pharaohs. They had skilled artisans capable of turning fabric into wonderful, colorful cords and a lot of jewelry at their disposal.

She wanted to make sure that I didn’t get a monopoly of the stuff back home.

What a smart boss, I have.

Anyway, the Anubis reminded me a bit of Ashe, if she were smaller, didn’t have near-ebony skin, and wasn’t always a little on fire. So, basically, the powerful official almost looked like a dressed-up Werewolf instead of a powerful official who interacted directly with the Pharaohs. Without the massive, solid-gold serpent staff, she carried around, I could’ve thought of her as a well-behaved Werewolf wearing a harem outfit, but thankfully the gaudy walking stick existed, so I didn’t make any stupid mistakes.

The procession came to a stop right at the foot of our ship’s ramp and the Anubis spoke.

“My name is Baket and I greet you, those who bear the seal of the Demon Lord, as an emissary of the Pharaohs.” The Anubis spoke the same language as Tanis and Kurama. Since I’d been enchanted to be able to interpret most languages and my words were translated by the same spell, I usually didn’t have to bother with such things. “I welcome you all and offer you all rest and recuperation from your arduous journey.”

I was amongst the party listening to the Anubis, but Kurama spoke for us instead of me.

She was far more diplomatic than I was.

Kurama exchanged pleasantries. She introduced herself, declared our intentions, and went through the usual song and dance between two polities better than I could’ve. She managed to smile and compliment the Anubis with ease while she spoke without feeling like she was trying too hard, either.

Her abilities were beyond me, but she was on my side, so it didn’t matter. Her accomplishments were my accomplishments and we were both doing what was expected of us.

The Anubis nodded after Kurama spoke and her canine gaze drifted over us.

I noticed that she was surprised by my presence, especially since I wore Roseanne’s mark on my lapel.

Thankfully, the Anubis was simply curious there was no sign of her feeling particularly hot and bothered by existence. Either she was married, or men were common enough that one showing up wasn’t a cause to drop everything. I was fine with either result.

“Emissaries of the Demon Lord, I am honored to greet you all. Please disembark and enjoy the hospitality offered by the Pharaohs.” Bekat bowed her head deeply and the mummies clad in gold and silk behind her did the same. The palanquins between them stayed hovering, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d bowed too, since all the desert-based Kindred were operating in perfect harmony. “May we speak of trade, matters of the state, and other such things when you are all rested. The hospitality of the Pharaohs for honored guests demand it.”

Kurama graciously accepted the offer and the ship began to move.

Tanis, Reiser, A’Bel, Ur, Kurama and I were the official executives in the party so we went down the ramp first. The normal villagers in the town were attracted by the proceedings and gathered at the entrance of the docks. They couldn’t come any closer thanks to a few guards that popped out of nowhere, but I felt a lot of looks sent my way. Again, a lot of the looks were born of curiosity instead of exceedingly high amounts of lust, which interested me a lot.

If there was something keeping the lust in check for all this Kindred, I was very interested in finding and acquiring it.

I moved with the rest of the party towards the palanquins, but the Anubis stepped into my path.

For a moment, I thought I was going to be propositioned by the Anubis barely tall enough to reach my sternum.

Then, she knelt with reverence I wasn’t at all prepared for.

“Demon summoner and formal representative of the Demon Lord a more suitable for of transport is prepared for you.” Bekat raised her head, but didn’t stop kneeling. Though I was used to being respected, I found out that I wasn’t at all used to being honored. I was practically frozen as the Anubis looked at me with complete respect. “I ask for your forgiveness because of the delay. The chariot for your people has not been used for centuries and we wished to ensure its efficacy.”

The moment the Anubis mentioned “chariot” a slender shadow came forth from the sky.

A slender, wooden ship gilded with gold floated down from the sky. It had white sails that acted as wings, a square cabin in the center, and a long rudder that somehow steered it through the sky.

It set itself right next to my ship.

Hah.

So… that was the name of the game, huh?

Even if my ship’s impressive… I couldn’t make it fly, while they had mothballed boats that could that they never used.

Yeah.

Alright.

I was starting to like these people.

In fact, I was starting to like them enough to show them how ass-backwards they were out of the kindness of my heart.

…

The Anubis joined me on the flying wooden boat, while everyone else was just levitated off the ground like peasants. She instructed the mummies tending to the “sails” and the “rudder” to take us higher and soon enough we were lazily circling the harbor city… and capable of seeing the massive, marble-covered pyramids on the horizon.

As far as powerplays went, I had to admit that it was impressive as hell.

I could only imagine what the first Demon Lord felt when they came here centuries ago. After banding together tribes of Kindred into a cohesive force, creating noble houses, and starting to make her own city… she visited the nearest nation and found a land of magic and wealth. A place where the rulers and the peasantry were all untouched by death and sickness, where the common peasant used magical tools every day, and the nobility could all luxuriously take flight to look upon their works.

I came from a modern world filled with innumerable conveniences and I was intimidated.

That first Demon Lord had no fucking chance in getting out of this without any sanity loss.

But, in the end, I managed to gather my wits and start gathering information.

I debated on trying to be cultured and gentlemanly, but I was sure that the Pharaohs thought we were uncultured barbarians, so I didn’t bother.

“So, what are you interested in? Exotic fruits? Prisoners from the Empire? I’ll be honest, I don’t see this place wanting much of anything.” I reclined on the cushioned sofa on the flying boat provided by the Pharaohs, while the Anubis leaned against the squat, square cabin in the center of the boat. I spied a few Mummies in there without their wrappings and wearing less than most Kunoichi did. The Anubis had barely lifted an eyebrow when I waved them off. “The Demon Lord sent me over here to re-establish trade routes, but I don’t exactly think there’s anything you could want from us.”

Bekat didn’t refute my words, in fact she nodded and agreed to them without hesitation.

So… this is how it feels to run straight into a brick wall after doing everything you can to prepare.

Neat.

“The Demon Lords of old offered payments of gold, silver, and jewels to the Pharaohs in exchange for knowledge, acknowledgement, and weapons.” So, the usual affair whenever it came to a developing country, reaching out to a superpower. Precious commodities local to the region sold for stuff that the country could give away for “free.” “You are correct, Representative of the Demon Lord, that the Pharaohs now wish to exchange our own wealth for knowledge that only your lands have.”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on, even if the Anubis had one hell of a poker face.

There was only one thing that Roseanne’s lands had that the Pharaohs didn’t.

War.

“Pftahah.” I couldn’t help it. I gave a low laugh that made the Anubis blink in surprise. When Bekat raised her eyebrow my way, I sat up from my chair and looked towards the horizon. “Alright, hit me with it… which Pharoah’s the problem?”

By all means, my words should’ve gotten me killed.

I just asked which of living gods of the desert needed to be dealt with.

But no reprisal came… only a single worded-answer.

“Those who call themselves Apophis.”

Those.

Oh jeez.

Roseanne’s going to have a fit.

She sent me over her to reestablish diplomatic channels and a trade route, but a fucking civil war’s about to pop!