Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 87 (Patreon)

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 87

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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A’Bel wore a light purple sarong over a black bikini as she shielded me from the sun.

Was the very tall, horned Demon standing between me and the sun in order to do so?

No.

No, she wasn’t.

She was standing behind me and the shade being provided was atop my head.

“You’re going to break my neck woman.” I growled her way, but I didn’t look away from my ship. Any movement I made with A’Bel’s current positioning had a high chance of being buried in cleavage. Her usual, skintight fantasy latex-analogue typically ensured I wouldn’t get trapped by a wrong move. The black squares and heroic strings across her chest now could easily be the death of me. “My neck’s barely managing to keep my ego upright. Stop making its job harder.”

A’Bel giggled and the weight upon my head lightened… but the pert softness upon my head did not abate.

It answered a few questions that I had.

How did A’Bel walk around in such thin clothes and didn’t jiggle unless she knew I was looking?

How did so little Drider Silk constrain weapons of mass destruction capable of casting a long shadow upon both men and all cutting boards?

How did even a Demon not have backpain from compositions of mans dreams upon the A’Bel’s chest?

Ladies and gentlemen, the answer was that the power of flight was being abused.

“My dear summoner, I’m simply worried about your complexion. You were about to get a tan.” A’Bel giggled. Not only did the sultry tones invade my ears, but due to proximity I felt each elastic, smooth giggle on the top of my head. “I am merely a summoned creature caring for her beloved master.”

It was times like this that I wondered what would’ve happened if I was less lucky and didn’t get a primordial Demon who name had been forgotten. Why? Because A’Bel was born for war and destruction, but was still stupidly seductive. If I’d summoned a modern Demon, I’d have a stroke before they even managed to convince me that they could be useful to the point I was willing to tolerate them.

“Ah… to be tolerated… I will do my best to be worthy of your tolerance, my dear summoner.” A’Bel giggled again, but I managed to bring up my defenses against her physical wiles. Now, she could only easily read all my thoughts and peruse my deepest, darkest secrets. Take that. I totes win. “Fufu… well… I suppose that’s enough skinship for now. I ought to tell you all the things that the Kindred have forgotten now.”

I grunted in assent and split my attention between A’Bel and my appreciation of my ship.

“The Pharaohs are a strong, powerful people. Their afterlife is of their own creation. Most are immortal monsters content to lord over their immortal peasantry whenever they see fit to return from their paradise into the corporal world.”

A’Bel explained.

I appreciated the Lua’Kona’s maritime traditions removing all the gaudy gold and white from my ship and spiffing up its looks. Kindred silver shone upon the weapons and engraving now, while the hull turned a shade of dark blue. Some sort of paint, courtesy from Kindred beneath the waves, had been applied, which had a lot interesting qualities like anti-fouling, waterproofing, and magic resistance.

I’d thought about acquiring it, until I found out it was made from castaway shells of specific undersea Kindred and cost an eyewatering amount of money… even for someone like me.

The gift was accepted and never thought about again thereafter.

A’Bel poked me in the cheek after a spent a little too long admiring my black-and-silver magical warship.

“As cute as your appreciation is, there are several points of decorum that must be addressed. I have checked the path of your journey and corrected it, so that you do not sneak past their outposts. The Pharaohs have little interest in the oceans, so their maritime innovations are very few in number.”

“Hm.”

A’Bel correctly discerned what my “Hm” meant and explained further.

“Their lighthouses are small and their maritime patrols are few. Visitors coming through the sea will be expected to stay near the shore as they did in the olden days.” A’Bel explained and I got the basic gist of things. The very powerful civilization that reached a form of utopia got too lazy to innovate, while everyone else who was struggling kept going farther into the tech tree. Basic stuff. “Indeed. I imagine this massive ship, the existence of astrological tools of navigation, and many other things will be of great shock to them… not that they will show it without a proper showman explaining with the right frame of mind at the right time.”

I might have lost a few brain cells relying on A’Bel’s thought-reading abilities, but I was more than capable of understanding what she was getting at.

“So, Kurama and Tanis will handle the soft stuff, while I show off what they need to be worried about.” Roseanne was going to have me be the mailed fist, while Kurama and Tanis were going to be the velvet glove. The fact that I was approaching an isolated nation with a black ship armed to the teeth, new technologies, and several powerful Kindred raised a few memories of history in my mind. Man, it would’ve been nice to do this with four black ships and not just one. “Well, lucky for Roseanne, I guess. I’m good at being threatening, even when I shouldn’t be.”

“Indeed, my dear summoner, you have quite the talent at running your tongue and getting away with far more than you should. Perhaps it’s because of your good looks?” A’Bel giggled and moved away. I sent a glare up at her only to find a ferocious grin on her face and faint wisps of hellfire around her eyes and sparking around her head. A circlet of white-hot hellfire much like massive horns. Tch. She was getting far more excited about the prospect of a fight than I wanted. “I must admit that I do so wish to fight these Pharaohs. I wish to put them to the test. They felled many legions of Hell with their magical might and many nations besides… but I wonder… has their peace defeated them?”

This was the part where I’d threaten her to not do anything stupid, but when I considered her perfect track record… I decided to let her off with a warning.

“If you do anything stupid, I will punish you. Thoroughly.” The contract between the two of us allowed  me to see into her as much as she did into me. However, since she accepted the ancient contract meant for lesser Demons because of my presence, she was bound to me like one of her lesser kin. Meaning, of course, that I can kick her around and even banish her to Hell. The latter was a one-time thing, though. “You only get to cut loose and wage war if they do something stupid first… like try something incredibly stupid or hurt anyone from Ylstu.”

“Of course, my dear summoner, your will shall be done.” A’Bel’s feelings of excitement and zeal for combat abated slightly at my words, but it was still there. I considered making the entire affair more formal, but decided against it. Her track record was impeccable and I’d already warned her. Anything more would just be stupid and paranoid on my end. “All your enemies and foes will perish before me according entirely to your will.”

I wasn’t particularly satisfied with the statement, but I let it go.

There were others things to deal with before my latest expedition began mere weeks after my last one.

…

The ship was a bit bigger on the inside than one expected, so most officers and particularly powerful people could get a bedroom. The Lua’Kona and their patrons initially wanted to make some sort of massive bedroom for the captain, but I managed to talk them down and get a few, separate cabins for everyone and some extra space for the crew.

My desire for privacy was interpreted as some sort of wicked desire to have my officers wondering if I’ll be visiting them in the evening.

No one bothered to listen when I said otherwise, and I knew better than to yell into the storm of lewdness that made up the Kindred collective subconscious, so I decided against trying any harder than putting my words into writing and filing it away.

The present might be on their side, but history will be on my side.

Because not only will I be the winner in the end, but I’ll write the shit out of it too, while revising anything I didn’t like.

But future revisions can wait until I handled my current revision.

“Lord Hikigaya.” Reiser bowed deeply from the waist after letting me into her cabin. It was one of the smaller ones with just a bed, a chest, a table, and a personal washbasin tucked beneath the bed. The outfit I had made for her received a few modifications while I was away. Stronger materials, better armor plates hidden in key areas, and a few enchantments here and there. Nothing close to the armor she had from the Empire, but good enough to her to barely match Ur. “What do you require of me?”

“Ur and all the other Amazons will be guarding Kurama and Tanis.” Ur and the Amazon’s reputation spread quickly thanks to their achievements in Kurama’s hometown, as well as my own interest in making them out to be legendary warriors. A few gold pieces here and there to some wandering bards paid off, especially when the Amazons kept piling on the feats and the common folk kept paying the bards to sing more about them. “You’re with me and A’Bel for this trip.”

The Kunoichi constantly shadowing me were also present, but they were less of a threat to Reiser than A’Bel. I still wasn’t going to tell her about them, because their threat level increased when they could surprise someone.

Anyway, my statement gained a nod from Reiser.

“I understand. I will protect you with my life.” Reiser raised her head only to give me a deep nod of acknowledgement. The disguised Hero might as well have just stayed bowed. “Will there be others attending to you, Lord Hikigaya? Am I to oversee any additional guards? Is there anything you wish for me to do in addition?”

If I had anything nice to say about Reiser, it was the fact that she knew to ask questions instead of leaving me to assume she knew what to do.

“A few Amazons will be cycling in every now and then, so that they don’t get bored. You’ll be seeing Sayuri a few times. Maybe.” The Onimusha was usually beside Kurama most of the time, but she sometimes floated over to me, since there were plenty of Kunoichi in Ylstu nowadays. The Undead warrior had some trepidation in regards to sailing, so I didn’t expect to see her during the voyage, but she was definitely going to come around once we made land. “As for anything extra… I want you to look out for any possible recruits while guarding me. That’s all.”

“As you wish, Lord Hikigaya.” Reiser once again raised her head only to bow again. “I will not fail you.”

A part of me was tempted to tell her to stop it, but that part of me was a moron.

Reiser’s subservience and displays of loyalty were necessary.

Nether she nor I could afford to go back to what you used have.

So, without another word, I turned away from her after giving her a single nod.

There was no left to say between us.

…

I’d honestly considered giving my recently-acquired pedobait Dragon the helm of the ship. On paper, she seemed like the ideal person to handle it, since she could power the thing, had experience sailing it, and knew all of its secrets. Given the fact that I had A’Bel, Kurama, Reiser, and Ur aboard, I had little to fear from any attempts to rebel.

Alas, Cellphone-chan decided that my newest communications device needed an update before I could use her and took her away for some re-education.

The two were apparently related somehow, even though I couldn’t see the relations.

I was getting my volunteer back for sure, so I was more than happy to have her get mindcontro--I mean re-educated by the Demon Lord.

Anyway, without the former pirate captain, powering the ship was left to A’Bel… and I regretted giving it to her the moment she took the helm

The moment her barely-covered bottom touched the chair the ship was changed.

A palpable sensation of power rippled through the ship. The wood groaned and an echo resounded through the vessel as power flooded through it. Small cracks filled in with newly-grown wood. The silver ballistae gained a malevolent shine. The sails unfurled by themselves and filled without the aid of the wind to take the boat out of the harbor.

Then, finally, a thin circle of white hot-flame emanated from the crow’s nest and expanded into a circle of hungry fire around the ship.

The turtle-girl at the helm gave me a teary gaze, while the rest of her kin and fellow grew made themselves scarce in the transformed ship.

I offered her a shrug, before heading into my cabin.

My cabin was situated right behind the ship’s wheel and Kurama’s cabin was right next to mine. Thanks to the space expansions of the ship, there was enough crew, officers, and supplies aboard to keep the ship going 24/7, especially since A’Bel could give it enough power in a hour to go for an entire day. Kurama and I were “officially” the captains, but we both had every intention to leave the goings on of the ship to experienced sailors provided by the Lua’Kona.

In my cabin, there were several windows that offered me a look at the dock funded by myself and Roseanne.

It was hard to believe that barely three months passed since my trip here, since the Lua’Kona threw themselves at the trading port with gusto.

The harbor had a dozen ships waiting to enter while the docks were servicing four others. Lua’Kona tribespeople operated the dock efficiently by using my warehouse strategy, and were becoming a stop for international trade by allowing foreign merchants to set up bulk trading in the port. Massive warehouses were being erected, while residential and commercial districts were being set up away from the industrial area.

Roseanne was putting all the technical manuals I sent her way to good use… and I was sure by the time I returned from my current expedition the port was going to be larger, wealthier, and receiving a lot of foreign attention.

Man… Roseanne’s going to be pissed when she finds out I cashed in my loans for partial ownership.

Good thing I’m going to be off doing important business very far away, eh?

Tee-hee.