Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 67 (Patreon)

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 67

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Commissioned by shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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A’Bel pouted.

“How cruel, my dear summoner. You would truly leave me behind here, instead of allowing me to sea the mortal world’s oceans for the first time?” A’bel’s voice was sickeningly sweet as she spoke. Her “begging” after I told her she needed to stay behind for this mission was just playing around. “Can you not be more considerate of your poor, poor demon? I would very much like to see if pirates in this day and age are as fearsome, brutal warriors as they once were.”

“I’m taking along Ashe, so you’re staying here. That’s final.” While the Empire was busy building up their defenses, and wasting their time and money-making things that I could blow up at an incredible discount, I didn’t want Ylstu to be undefended while I was gone. The last time I left, I took A’Bel along, and this time was I bringing Ashe. The Hellhound needed more experience. “So, stop squirming. I need to focus.”

There was a lot to do in Ylstu before I left for Henri’s expedition.

First of all, the Goblins were coming in at a faster rate than I expected, and even with an increase in residences being built at the current rate there was going to be a shortage of homes in the near future. If I didn’t do anything, I’d return to Ylstu with shantytowns or camps outside of Ylstu’s border and protection. Camps that would have people living on my land, unregistered, and so I wouldn’t even know if they were paying taxes in exchange for the protection and services Ylstu offered.

So, I was having modified housing built for the Goblins, with a few of their carpenters and community leaders involved in the project. Within the framework of the original, self-sufficient apartment blocks, modifications were going to be made so that numerous Goblins could reside within the same space as a handful of other Kindred. Since they were big on communal living, more so than most other Kindred, they were happy with everyone save for their “leader” sharing a big dorm just stacked with beds.

The plan looked sound enough as it was, but I wanted people to look into converting a few of the existing apartments into the same configuration in the near future.

It would be a good stopgap in case some arrived earlier than expected.

Secondly—

“The incoming Oni are not to be feared. They are loud and boisterous, but they respect strength and talent.” A’Bel demonstrated her ability to read my mind by addressing my latest issue before I even began fully considering it.  As I focused on the papers involving the wave of immigrants approaching Ylstu, A’Bel leaned over the back of my chair, looming over to look at my work as I did it, and of course casually covering me in the shadow of her bosom as she did so. I did my best to ignore it. “I am sure those you come have been attracted here by news of the craftsmanship of your artisans. They are a competitive race, much like the Cyclops, and those who are here will most likely be aspiring journeymen who wish to spread their name far and wide.”

“So, there’s no need to start a cadet academy for the Amazons, I just need to make sure there’s enough workshops for them to fill up.” The Amazons weren’t short staffed as of yet, but I anticipated that it was going to happen eventually, especially with more and more people coming in. Wyverns and Werewolves were my pick for the cadets, though a few Dwarves were interested in the venture as well, during my last rounds asking the communities about it. “Well, that’ll be cheaper than expanding the police force, and we can use all the applications to make neighborhood watches that’ll work with the Amazons.”

A volunteer force that I don’t have to pay to outfit in armor and gear, and who’ll make my existing police force better?

I’ll take that any day of the week.

“With their strength, there is no need for them to be placed near the waterwheels. A well is enough for them… or perhaps a pump, if you manage to ascertain its eldritch mechanisms.” A’Bel teased me without mercy. Yeah, I get it. I have knowledge that can revolutionize everything further in my head. The problem, Demon, is the fact that I’m not a repository of all knowledge. That was my cell-phone’s job. “But you are so close, my dear master, I’m sure that if you try a few more times you will figure it out!”

“Tch. I’ll keep thinking about it while I’m away.” Was there a bucket inside the pipe? No, that makes sense, the water wouldn’t be able to get out. Did it have something to do with vacuums? Straws worked by sucking up the air inside, and there’s the thing where you put your finger at the end and water stays inside the straw. Gah. Physics and science. I was a humanities student on my penultimate year of high school. Give me a break for not having everything there is to know about infrastructure in the back of my head. Most of what I’ve got is just applying modern work ethics and philosophies to everything that I could touch. Nothing more. “I just hate thinking about it. It makes me feel stupid, because it’s probably obvious.”

“Simply think of all the hours your laborers would save, my dear summoner. You work your hardest when you know that you directly profit from what you’re doing.” A’Bel had a point. The wells used in Ylstu took a bit of time to use, even when considering the innate strength of the Kindred. The time it took to ferry water from the river, or one of the wells, added up since it took place every day. That was time my workers could spend resting, so that they could work better for me later. Therefore, by not solving this problem, I was losing out on money… and not selling the idea to the rest of the Kindred was making me lose EVEN MORE MONEY. “Yes, my dear summoner, just like that.”

Alright, dammit!

I’m going to try and make a pump, or at least set the scholars on the right path towards making one before I leave!

I can accept myself being too dumb to make something.

However, I can’t accept myself making me lose out on profits, just because I didn’t want to try.

I might be a willing to give up and never try on a lot of things, but I’m not going to quit on something that I know that I can do with just a little more effort, especially if it’ll get me more money in the future!

While I’m sure that I should get a handle on the fact that a Vampire’s cordially invited me to a ball, and make a decision about ignoring her, or sending a gift and a refusal due to time constraints… but I can entrust Kurama to handle that particular diplomatic issue rather than do it myself.

There’s no way my wife would make me accept that invitation, right?

She’s my wife.

She wouldn’t send me off to meet an unmarried Kindred with stupidly strong powers, right?

A’Bel this is the part where you nod and agree.

A’Bel?

A’Bel I don’t like why you’re smiling and trying to look innocent.

Dammit.

I’m not going to get any sleep tonight, because I need refuse that Vampire, and figure out how a water pump works, don’t I?

…

Reiser trained against the Kunoichi, while I watched.

Unlike the two or three Kunoichi guarding me, who were very much being their typical exhibitionist selves, the ones Reiser were facing were actually dressed for battle. Well, as dressed for battle as Kindred went anyway, but they had armguards and greaves, as well as a few weapons hanging off their sleeveless, high-cut “gi.” They weren’t wearing pants, nor anything below that, but I knew better than to expect anything like that from Kindred.

Anyway, back to the fight.

Reiser was facing off against five Kunoichi who were after the individual she was guarding. The disguised human was protecting a bag of straw, which represented me, against Kunoichi who weren’t interested in using their usual tactics of seduction to get their mission done.

So, they were using actual weapons, instead of their bodies.

It was an interesting fight to watch.

Reiser looked as though she were alone in the clearing, but every so often she would suddenly shift from her position, swing her blade, and suddenly a projectile, or three, would be stopped before they reached the sack of straw she needed to protect. Then, as soon as that attack was stopped, she’d move again to block the two “real” attacks sent by the other two Kunoichi, who used sickle-chains, talismans, or some other exotic means to try and succeed.

The clearing was rapidly filling with scattered weapons, the Kunoichi were running out of ammunition, and soon enough Reiser was going to be able to do more than just defend.

As that time neared, one of the Kunoichi keeping watch over me descended from the tree-line, wearing only body point, and handed me my lunch.

I was consuming a sandwich from the basket as the five Kunoichi strode out of the tree line, each quite far from one another, and rushed towards their target from different directions. Each one of the Kunoichi threw all but their final daggers towards the target, while charging forward. Therefore, Reiser had to deal with five sets of projectiles and five suicide attacks all coming in from the same direction at the person she was protecting.

The Reiser that I knew before would’ve hesitated, and would’ve been frozen with indecision, but not the one I knew now.

This one was far more cunning and dangerous.

Without hesitation she went to the straw man she was protecting, reaching it well before the projectiles, grabbed it, and then threw it upward into the sky.

The projectiles missed completely, or were parried by Reiser, leaving her with five foes to deal with before she had to catch the person she was supposed to protect before it reached terminal velocity.

And, given her combat abilities, the fight was over the moment it was left to that.

Five assassins against a trained, battlefield veteran?

Yeah.

Unsurprisingly, after dealing with all the projectiles and tricks the Kunoichi had, Reiser wiped the floor with them in direct combat.

Still, there were improvements that could be made, and I intended to share them after I finished my lunch.

…

Reiser frowned as she listened to me. The Kunoichi she fought against, and my guards, were seated in a circle around us and eating their own lunches as I spoke to her. The disguised human’s meal was barely touched, as she was still taking time to consider the adjustments, I was telling her to make to her mindset.

“I should have… run away? Retreated? Acted craven?” I hadn’t told Reiser to stay in the clearing with Straw-kun. Even though she succeeded in protecting him, thanks to his brief experience being ten stories tall, there was still a flaw in her in her execution. “I defeated them handily while achieving my goals, Lord Hikigaya.”

“Yes, but you could’ve defeated them more easily, by taking to the woods, finding cover, and defeating them at their own game. You can find them, you can track them, and so you should’ve done that at the start.” I was still working through a lot of stupidity in her head. There were things that she still found important courtesy of years and years of mental conditioning. Dying gloriously in combat, letting your skill show in battle, and being a symbol in battle were all expected of the Empire’s Knights, since they were meant to rally the Empire’s armies in the most trying times. I didn’t care for that idea in the slightest. “You don’t need to show off your skills, please the you’re protecting, or prove that you’re brave. You needed to get the job done in the safest way possible.”

Reiser’s brow furrowed at my words, and I took a moment to take a bite of a pudding.

Sugar was still mostly made through magic, but I didn’t have any intention of growing sugar beats or anything like that. The “Spice” spell was something even I could do, and I could barely make a liter of water or start a fire.

What was I thinking about again?

Ah, right.

Reason number 11495 as to why the Empire should be destroyed, its culture forgotten, and where it stood being nothing more than building grounds for future civilization’s sewage systems.

“I… somewhat understand. I will keep your words in mind, as I train with the Kunoichi while you are away, Lord Hachiman.” Reiser didn’t react to my explanation with a flash of insight, or a sudden bout of gratefulness in regards to being told she didn’t need to look good, and risk her life, while she fought. She just received new information, and was now working to change her entire mindset, bit by bit, in order to do as I said. It shouldn’t be so difficult for her, but it is. “I will do my best.”

I was almost tempted to explain, but in order to explain I’d have to ask about what she felt, what she thought, and think more about her than I wanted to.

She was improving, but I still remembered what Reiser did.

Even though I was seeing more and more that it wasn’t much of a choice for her back then, I couldn’t exactly just start forgiving her. The fact remained that she could’ve said no, and unlike the rest of us, she wouldn’t have died the instant she refused.

So, even though she was better now, it was going to be a long time before I cared enough to do more than tell her what to do, watch her slowly progress, and keep her at arm’s length.

“Good. You do that.” I finished my meal and stood up. My Kunoichi bodyguards stood up as well and disappeared into the trees, as I began to make my way back home. “Show me your progress in a few weeks, when I return, Reiner.”

“Understood, Lord Hikigaya.”

Personally, I thought I was being plenty nice to her already.