Somehow, the Countryside is Different 8 (Patreon)

Somehow, the Countryside is Different 8

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Commissioned by Arksoul

Wordcount: 2500

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The medical check-up happened without a hitch.

Unfortunately, for some reason my body became incredibly stressed by dying and being put into numerous situations where death was fast approaching. Gensokyo, apparently, didn’t get the memo that normal people in supernatural situations should be tougher than normal. 

Still, surprisingly, being revived by magic didn’t come with drawbacks besides actually coming back from the dead. Given how ancient literature went, I’d expected coming back to life, with my heart getting restarted, meant a greater price than just immense, bodily trauma… but I’m certainly not going to complain about paying less than I’d expected to return to life, especially when I’ve just gotten a girlfriend, learned magic is real, and, again, got a girlfriend.

Did I mention having a girlfriend?

Because, no longer being single, and being with the girl I’d liked since I was a kid, raised my desire to live by a substantial amount. 

However, all of that is beside the point.

The problem is that while the medical checkup told me that I needed to get rest, eat a more balanced diet, and become more active, there was no news whatsoever about my other, big issue.

“He has no magic, so it is not an instinctive response, or awakening to hidden abilities.” Yagakoro had white hair, and wore an outfit that alternated between red and blue. And, but that, I mean that the doctor/pharmacist had a half-red and half-blue hat, shirt, and skirt. The shirt alternated the two colors, in contrast to the hat and skirt, so she somewhat resembled six spaces on a checker board in pattern from head to toe. In short, she looked like a total fashion disaster, but Reimu was running around with detached sleeves, and I was wearing something from the Victorian Era. Neither of us could say a word in regards to fashion. “Someone, or something, is casting the spell upon him… apparently the day after Yakumo Yukari first met him.” 

“Tch. It’s not her. She’s been helping me find Hachiman, since I’d asked her to tell me wherever he popped up.” Huh. So, the strange ojou-sama that walked through the boundary of reality was how Reimu kept finding me easily, despite how vast Gensokyo was. That begged the question as to why she just didn’t ask that individual to keep me safe, but plucking me out from anywhere I popped up, back to Reimu’s side. Then, I remembered that no one should willingly make deals with individuals who travel through fields of darkness filled with disembodied eyes. Yeah, Reimu made the right call just asking for a little help. “Eirin, are you sure that you haven’t heard of anything like this before?”

“No. Not at all. My people have weaponized spatial magic and teleportation, but there’s no sign of such techniques being used on him.” Hello? Did you just say “your” people and teleportation in the same sentence? I know this place’s genre supposed to be supernatural and not sci-fi, so would you like to clarify your words further, please? You can’t possibly be implying that this world is actually some sort of kitchen sink of tired, old genre, right? I saw the rabbit people outside, but that doesn’t give you the right to involve sci-fi into this, y’know!? “There’s no power source on this planet, even the Fusion Plant powered by the Yatagarasu, which could sustain the number of activations your lover has managed today.”

“Well, at least that narrows out any technology. Thanks.” Hello, Reimu-san? Why are you taking these words in stride? Did you forget to tell me that there’s sci-fi, aliens, and advanced technologies beyond current science in Gensokyo, too? Also, uhhh, you not correcting her about us not being lovers is pretty embarrassingly amazing. How can my Miko girlfriend be this cool? “Hachiman, I’ll tell you about the Lunarians later. Or, I suppose you can ask Yagakoro, if you want.”

My doctor with a very questionable fashion sense looked at me with a raised eye, when I shook my head and decided to wait.

“You’re a great doctor, but I’d rather hear about this sort of thing from someone I’ve known practically my entire life.” You’re free to fiddle with my body, and find out what I’ve got wrong with me, because I presume that you’ve earned your title as a doctor. However, if you’re asking for me to trust you over Reimu, you’ve got another thing coming. Besides, you’ll just look worse later, if you decide to omit any facts that Reimu’ll tell me anyway. “That’s Reimu and not you. Obviously.”

A silver eyebrow was raised at my words.

“I’d wondered how the two of you got along, until you opened your mouth. I see now that you’re both the types to set the land ablaze without hesitation to destroy your foes.” Eh? What’s with that super-archaic reference? I thought you’re supposed to be some sort of freakin’ alien!? Pick a theme and stick to it, woman! “Gensokyo will truly be put through its paces with the two of you, and your children, taking control of the Hakurei Shrine and its responsibilities to this closed space.”

Reimu choked on air at the suggestion, especially when I didn’t hesitate to say nothing to deny the doctor’s words, even if I the heat stretching on my face told me that I was just as red as my girlfriend.

“C-children!?” Reimu choked the word out, and my physician did not hesitate to answer the rhetorical question.

“Indeed. The two of you are young adults in a relationship. You ought to speak to one another about this, as well as your plans in the future.” The silver-haired woman produced a laminated sheet from her clipboard and presented it to the two of us. The words “family” and “planning” stretched across the top of it in large, bright letters with Japanese Flags before, between, and after the words. Abe would be proud at the patriotism of the very aggressive sheet. “Question 1: How many children do the two of you plan on having?”

Reimu’s clenched fist, red face, and super-saiyan-like powerup told me that something crazy was going to happen, so I spoke for the both of us.

“We haven’t spoken about that, but will in the future.” Politician’s answer: go! It’s time to obfuscate, lie, and try to get away as much as possible. It’s a bit difficult, since I have to keep Reimu’s embarrassment in check, while keeping up a good relationship with the only Doctor in Gensokyo that was worth my time. “Next question.”

“It will be prudent to do so earlier, rather than later. The number of children can be a “deal breaker,” so the two of you best speak of it, if you intend to pursue a serious relationship.” As far as I could tell, Yagakoro was really just doing her job. If a couple showed up to a doctor, and were young and might be together, then they’d should intervene somewhat in regards to making sure the two would be safe. Omitting information can be detrimental to health, after all. Of course, she was likely enjoying herself, and hiding that fact behind a poker-face, but who could fault her for enjoying a little teasing. Besides Reimu. And, me, if I ever acquire the services of another physician. “I must also inform you that contraceptives are a must, if you do not intend to have children. Physical extrication before release of ejaculate is a poor way to prevent conception. The two of you are also young, so I personally suggest waiting for at least a year.”

On the scale of “Reimu is happy and content” and “Reimu is about to blow someone up,’ my girlfriend was currently “Reimu wants to pick a fight, because she’s too embarrassed to do anything else.”

Once again, I had to intervene, but this time I took hold of Reimu’s hand as added insurance that she wouldn’t fly towards the Dr. Fashion Disaster with a point-blank Kamehameha. 

“Thank you, we’ll keep that in mind, and would personally like for you to keep your personal suggestions to yourself.” Do you hear that, my girlfriend who is nearly crushing my arm and grinding her teeth? I’m telling the doctor with the best medical equipment in Gensokyo to mind her business. It’s not with a clenched fist filled with superpowers, but I’m still telling her off. You can stop wanting to attack her for being too damn nosy and sing her job as an excuse to tease, now! PLEASE! “Are we done? Because, professionally speaking, I’m the only reason your face isn’t getting punched in, y’know!?

“Yes. I am aware of that, and I am glad that you are. The Hakurei Shrien has needed a negotiator, or at least someone capable of becoming one, ever since this one took over. Her power is immense, and there’s hardly anyone who can fight against her, but the time for power and power alone has passed.” …Goddammit, woman, pick a genre and stick with it! First, it was doctor. Then, you were an alien. Then, a tease. And, now, you’re some sort of insightful elder!? Dammit, are you actually schizo, or what!? Even if you’re not, I suggest getting some mental help, because the lady who feeds people to her flowers was saner than you! “You may go now. Take care of yourself, stay alive, and make sure to keep her calm and composed, Hikigaya Hachiman.”

I took those words to heart, but standing up, keeping my hold on Reimu’s hand tight, and making a swift exit out of the building. 

…

By calling in a favor from the woman who can travel through the boundary of reality, Reimu managed to get us a meal from a convenience store out of Gensokyo. While I had a large, European meal courtesy of the Vampire Loli Baba Estate, dying, panic, and lots of walking took its toll, so we were both partaking in a very necessary meal, that could easily be packed up and flown away in a jiffy, if I disappeared while we were eating. 

It never happened before, I we couldn’t exactly leave things to chance, even if I did want something more substantial than rice-balls, tea, and MAX coffee. 

I thought Reimu felt the same way and had her brow furrowed in trying to make our meal more substantial through sheer will, when she decided that it wasn’t fair that other women tried to kill me, while she hadn’t even tried. 

So, she did. 

“I want at least four kids.”

If I was drinking something other that MAX coffee, I would’ve probably choked to death. Thankfully, due to the fact that I was drinking MAX coffee, the drink decided to evacuate my lungs very quickly the moment it realized that it was going the wrong way down. Thank you for leaving me to protect me, MAX coffee. I’ll be sure to remember you forever, if I somehow survive this conversation. 

“W-what?”

“Four kids. That’s as much as I’m willing to have, and as much as I want.” Reimu crossed her arms, as if challenging me to say something. “If you want more or less, you’re going to have to argue hard—

“1 kid takes at least 30,000,000 yen to raise.”

“I want 0 kids.”

“That was quick.”

Reimu tried to keep a stern grimace on her face for a bit, before giving a half-hearted chuckle. 

“I was beating myself up about it, but you’re right. That’s way too early for us to think about. We’re teenagers.” Sitting cross-legged, my brown-haired Miko girlfriend shook her head and scratched her scalp in irritation. “I shouldn’t have brought it up, because that idiot doctor did it to piss me off, anyway.”

“People who want to get on your nerves do it by hitting something important to you, so it’s not a surprise.”

“So, why were you so cool when talking about it, Hachiman? Didn’t you care enough about your girlfriend?” Reimu raised an eyebrow, but there was a strain in her voice that I didn’t like. So, I knew I had to act quickly. “No, I didn’t mean to say that—

“I love you.”

“Bwuh.” Reimu’s jaw dropped, a blush started forming on her face, and her eyes widened to dinner plates, but I decided to keep talking, because I was sure I’d never talk again if I stopped.

“You’ve been my only friend since we were kids. I looked forward to meeting you every summer, and can’t imagine not seeing ever again.” The doctor, even if she’d been a bitch who decided that we didn’t know any better than her and needed her help, had a point. Reimu and I needed to know where we stood with one another. And, since she’s doing so much for me already, I could at least be somewhat of a man by being brave and telling her what I think, even if it’s all sappy shit. “When I got hit by a car, you’re the only one who visited me, and stayed with me until you couldn’t. I feel like the most stupidly lucky in the world to be your boyfriend, since I’m sure you can get any guy you want.”

“Hubwah.” Reimu seemed to be not functioning properly, since her face was stuck in a state of perpetual surprise, but I kept going because there were a few splotches on her face that wasn’t tinged with a blush yet.

“As far as I’m concerned, if you want me to be a wage slave that sends you money from Tokyo, I’ll do it. If you want me to be some Shinto priest, who actually studied at a temple, I’d do it. Heck, if you want me to spend the rest of my days just working in the town and bringing you food, I’d do it.” As far as future’s went, I’m pretty convinced that I’ve already made it. There’s nothing better after this. I’ve freakin’ won at life with my childhood friend deciding that she wanted to be with me. Anything more is just extra, and I’m not the sort of guy who goes out of his way to get more, just because there’s more. The world has enough inconsiderate, unfulfilled freaks ruining the planet already. “So, the answer I’ve got for that doctor’s question is: how ever many you want, I’ll raise as my kids the best as I can. That’s that.”

After my little speech, I kinda wished that my little Slider issue would turn up, because I felt like a match doused in gas and thrown into an oven. Every word I said somehow echoed in the back of my head without stopping, like the moment between realization and regret was nonexistent. 

“…Idiot.” One tiny, small fist collided softly against my chest. 

Really, I was sure that if I had any less of a great girlfriend, I’d be single after dropping that load of heavy shit in a single breath.

“You absolute moron.” It reared back, then collided again, only to stay and be followed by a head that could only stare at the ground.

Instead, I had Reimu.

“Y-you… trash… how am I supposed to respond to that, huh!?” Reimu raised her face, absolutey red and with something between a smile and an attempt to be angry on her lips. Both her hands gripped the shitty, stuffy suit that the pedophile bait stuffed me into. “Hachiman, how am I supposed to tell you I love you just as well!?”

Tired, and feeling like I’d been set on fire by embarrassment, but with a distraught, cute Miko on my lap… I decided to be just a little more manly one more time.

“I can think of one way.”

“…F-fine…”

Her face was just centimeters away anyway.