Somehow, the Countryside is Different 7 (Patreon)

Somehow, the Countryside is Different 7

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Commissioned by Arksoul

Wordcount: 2500

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Given how my last interaction with a dangerous Youkai went, I made the decision to simply answer questions as reasonably and logically possible, as to ensure that I didn’t die.

Again.

Unfortunately, Kazami Yuuka was about as crazy as expected.

How’d I realize this?

Well, it was based on the fact that she was interrogating me, keeping me, and risking facing off against Reimu because I might be a possible, future danger to her plants. She is risking what happened to the pedo-bait vampire happening to her… because I might one day step on one of her sunflowers. 

Lady, my ancestors decided to fight the entire world, instead of taking up capitalism and getting to where we are today with less people dead, so please listen to me when I tell you that you need to consider mental help.

Yes, ma’am, this is a Japanese, young adult recommending therapy to you.

Please heavily consider it.

This tea is fantastic though, so it deserves a compliment, even though you’re staring at me and planning to kill me for the sole fact that I might step on a weed that’s in your territory.

“Thank you for the tea. It’s delicious.” And, most likely has some living plant involved in it that’s filled my stomach with a creature that can burst through my intestines without mercy. However, it’s also delicious, free, and accompanied by fresh, delicious bread. A simple, tasty meal is appreciated right before imminent demise. I have a lot to say about the loli-baba, vampire mansion, but I will admit that the food I’d been given was delicious. “So, what do you want me to say, so that you won’t kill me?”

Woops.

Tee-hee.

It looks like my plan to be manipulative and conniving to survive has failed.

Can I get a re-do?

“The tea that you have drank held a leaf, which will detect any lies that come from you. I can also use it to kill you, if you lie to me.” Oi, oi, oi. Isn’t plant manipulation supposed to be about growing massive things, maybe tentacles, and crushing people? Or, maybe having some sort of Senzu Bean that lets you heal people? What sort of OP plant lets you detect lies? My SOD is broken. Author-san, I request that you make your characters in this Youkai Containment Zone be less OP. “So, if you don’t wish to die, the you will tell me the truth: why have you appeared in my Garden?”

“Because, I’m currently being teleported around without my permission everywhere. I don’t know why, because I’m being zipped around everywhere, while trying to figure it out with Reimu.” Ah, well. Might as well enjoy the meal in front of me, if I’m already pseudo-poisoned. I’m feeling rather hungry from all my hiking and dying today. Given my future job as the Shrine’s handyman and maintenance worker, I need to look after my health and body, so some nutrition is in order. “I wanted nothing to do with you, your garden, or anywhere in Gensokyo. You’re all scary, terrifying, and people I don’t want to deal with. I’m happy enough knowing you just exist, while not having to do anything with you.”

Kazami-san’s red eyes narrowed at me, as she rested both her hands on the table we shared. The cabin she lived in was a single-room affair. It was a place to eat, sleep, and maybe cook some food, but nothing more. She probably spent more time tending to her massive field of sunflowers and her greenhouse. 

Mmmm, freshly baked bread filled with things that can murder me.

Tasty.

“Explain what you mean by being “happy” knowing Youkai exist, while not wishing to do anything with us.”

“Uh, I think it’s great that supernatural things exist, because I’ve had escapist fantasies my entire life. So, even if I want to die admitting it, I think that monsters and magic existing is pretty great.” Does the softening of your glare mean that you’ve decided to just kill me and be less frustrated? Or, were those words really true, and you were content with them? Because I’m not sure if those words were true. I was just doing my best to explain why I tolerate your existence, and don’t want Reimu just do away with you all. “Yeah. That’s it. I think.”

“The answer was adequate. Now, tell me what is your true relationship with Hakurei Reimu.”

“She’s my childhood friend, who is now my girlfriend, and the only woman I’ve thought about being with for the rest of my life.” Mhmm, yep. Reimu has an immense number of Hachiman points. Childhood friend, caring hospital visitor, and cute girlfriend pretty much nails the top spot in my life. It might just be male hormones talking, so please forgive my Kaa-san and Komachi. You’re both still 3rd and 2nd place in my heart respectively. Please, be content knowing that there’s a vast gap between you three and everyone else, while you’re all very competitive with one another in completely different, platonic ways for you two, compared to Reimu. “I’d like to not talk about her, because it’s embarrassing to say aloud, to the point where I considered lying.”

“If you lie, I’ll kill you.”

“Yeah. I know. That’s why I warned you.”

“You… you are warning me that you may kill yourself, instead of being embarrassed?”

“Yes.”

“That was true!?” Oh, huh. It appears that the green-haired, red-clad plant manipulator can actually lose her composure. Should I be scared or not scared? The sudden blooming of flowers on the wood table, as well as the slight shaking of the bread in my had tells me the I should be. On the other hand, my keen, Hachiman-senses built off of years of social isolation are telling me that shouldn’t. Yep. I should totes be scared. Terrified, actually. “Are you using some power against me—

“No. Not at all. I’ve always been a regular, human being without powers, until this teleportation thing.” Tch. Damage control time. As lackadaisical as I wanted to be, I couldn’t deny the fact that I didn’t want to worry Reimu again. True, while talking about my dreams to a total stranger made me want to die, it was less than my desire to see Reimu sad. Only a complete bastard would let that happen, and I’ll beat that person up. So, since I can’t beat myself up after I’m dead, the best course of action is obviously to not die. “And, even if what I said was true, it’s also true that I don’t want to die, because I want to be with Reimu, no matter how embarrassed I feel. Is that more understandable?”

“It… it is an acceptable answer.” Alright, good. The wooden cabin’s stopped shaking. The bread in my hand has stopped moving. There’s less of a serious trembling feeling in my stomach reaching for my heart. Great. I’ll score that as a victory for myself, awarded by me, and backed by I. Truly, today is a great day for Hachiman. “Then, tell me what you intend to tell Hakurei about me.”

“That you are a fanatic about your plants, threatened me for your plants, and wanted to kill me because of your plants.” Right. No lies, but the truth will probably get me killed. Wait. No. That’s satisfaction and understanding being drawn across Kazami-san’s face. Seriously, what a weirdo. Right. Now I need to tell her that, because I’m definitely going to tell Reimu about her. “I also think you are a weirdo, never want to see you again, and want nothing to do with you forever. That is all.”

So, I waited for a bouquet to sprout into my stomach, throttle my brain, and maybe crush my heart past the point of return after my admission. Even though I told her nothing besides the truth, she’ll undoubtably think that I’m a threat to her, given how I think about her—

“I see. Then, that’s fine. You will wait outside to be picked up by the Shrine Maiden.” I blinked. Multiple time. Confusion filled me, as well as the need to answer questions. However, instead of questions coming up my mouth, it was a series of seeds that crawled up my throat and leapt to the table. It hurt. I gagged, but in the end, I contained my questions and pain, while standing up and making for the door. “If you wish to walk, then you may do so, because I have opened a path to outside my territory. Leave me be forever, unless for a good reason, and do not touch my plants, and I will tolerate your existence.”

The feeling of something coarse and rough traveling up my throat lingered, but I preserved and made my way out of the house.

The urge to say something in return, something pithy about her being a fucking psychopath who shoved plants down people’s throats and forced them back up, instead of just letting them pass through like a decent individual. However, given the fact my throat ached more fiercely than it had ever had before, I elected against that course of action in favor of just leaving.

If I ever see that woman again, it’ll definitely be too soon. 

…

Reimu arrived an hour after I left Kazami’s little psycho, green space. 

“Yo.” My throat was more than a little sore after the little, excruciating event that had happened to me. However, after a little introspection, I figured that leaving a freak made for tentacle doujinshi with just a sore throat is a pretty good deal. If I was unlucky, I’d definitely have a few more sore spots all over me, as is likely the tradition within the Kazami household of one. Or, well, however plants count. “Have you noticed that I haven’t been sent back, since we’ve entered Gensokyo?”

Yeah, in the midst of all that was happening, a rather important fact went unnoticed by everyone, until I had time to think about it. When my little jaunts across space started happening, I’d be somewhere for a few minutes, before being sent back to the Hakurei shrine to do something else. However, in Gensokyo, that wasn’t happening. I was kept wherever I was, until Reimu came along to rescue me. 

“You look terrible, Hachiman. What happened to you!?” Oi, don’t answer my statement with earnest concern. Do you know how easy it is to forget things when you have a cute girlfriend fussing over you, Reimu? Wait, scratch that. You wouldn’t, since I’m not a cute girl. “If that green-haired idiot did anything—

“She fed me some plants, threatened to kill me if I lied, and took them back when I answered her questions. It was terrible and I never want to see her again.” Operation calm-down-my-girlfriend has begun. Commencing virtuous mission. Good news, commander, Reimu is weak towards headpats. My extensive, platonic training with Komachi is paying off immensely by making sure my girlfriend, as strong and powerful she is, is blushing like a lunatic instead of picking a fight with a psycho-bitch. “So, I don’t want to be here. Let’s go see that doctor and get me checked out, yeah?”

Reimu batted my hand away, before sending a pout in my direction. The pout, scarlet cheeks, and concern in her eyes combined into something that stood as peer with Totsuka. Wait a minute. Is thinking about Totsuka cheating now? No. He’s a guy. That means its okay, right? Will Reimu make me pick between her and Totsuka? It’d break my heart, but I really hope she’ll let me confess, and be rejected properly first. 

“…You’re right. You need help, before I yell at you… even though you got yourself out of trouble…” Reimu muttered, before grasping my hand. I didn’t get to even ask why, before she gestured at me with Gohei, and stuck one of her ofuda on my person. There was brief shimmering about my person, which she looked upon with a critical glare, before looking upward. “Don’t bite your tongue. We’re taking a shortcut, Hachiman.”

Oh.

H-hey.

I know you’re frustrated by the entire situation, but doing this isn’t going to make you feel better—

“AAAAAAHHHHH!”

…

There’s a lot to be appreciated about the modern conveniences of flying, but I’ll readily admit admit that I’ve never had any interest in it whatsoever. Going to live in the countryside was fine with me, but I’d never thought of going abroad my entire life. Given my lack of ability to function properly in Japanese society, I lived under the assumption that my life would just be worse somewhere else.

So, I utterly lack the imagination, and mental preparation for flight, therefore my reaction to flying is entirely reasonable. 

“Please, never do that again.” I clung to my girlfriend, while she smirked at me, as I desperately tried to remain standing. My legs shook, my body shivered, and my teeth chattered. By all means, the entire experience was shitty. The land had been omnipresent below us, rushing by and inviting me to fall face-first. The winds had been tempered by magic, but even then, it’d been stronger than anything I’d ever had blast across my face ever before. “Reimu, promise me that’s not happening again.” 

Hm? What’s that? You expected me to make threats and swear to uphold my dignity?

That’d be stupid. 

Reimu wouldn’t even feel bad about making me go through that, if I got frustrated at her. Meanwhile, if I told her the truth, and convinced her that I hated flying…

“Get used to it. It’s the best way to make sure you’re safe. If you got shifted from a hillside to the valley, and won’t get teleported back to where you started, we can fly around, so we won’t waste any time.” Damn you, logic! How dare you make my girlfriend reasonable! Do you know how much suffering you’re going to cause me, yet potentially stop me from having to endure, by having her fly me everywhere!? A lot of both! “Look, Hachiman. This is getting more and more dangerous. So, even if you don’t like it, we need to do it. 

Seriously, logic, you’re a cruel friend to have, y’know?

“Yeah. Yeah. It’s fine. I get it.” After taking a breath, I managed to control some of my shakiness and nausea. There was a lot of things to dislike about my situation, but Reimu was just doing her best to mitigate the really, really dangerous portions of that as much as possible. Queasiness and shakiness are a small price to pay for a decreased possibility of meeting another crazy, ancient Vampire. “Thanks, Reimu. Let’s get this over with as fast as possible.”

Reimu nodded, before bringing my arm over her shoulder, and helping me towards the mansion amidst the bamboo leaves where Gensokyo’s medical specialist resided. 

Isn’t the boyfriend supposed to help his girlfriend into the hospital when everything’s gone wrong?

Well, whatever.

My girlfriend’s incredibly reliable, so I’m not going to complain.