Somehow, The Countryside Is Different. 5 (Oreigaru x Tohou) (Patreon)

Somehow, The Countryside Is Different. 5 (Oreigaru x Tohou) 

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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Reimu is apparently adorable while she’s irritated. Now, being a sane human being, I naturally question my sanity when such an idea enters my brain. My childhood friend, who just turned a large mansion into rubble and defeated a vampire that managed to give me a heart attack by simply glaring at me, shouldn’t look cute while she’s irritated. If a WMD is feeling particularly angry, then it’s only natural that you’d want to placate them and throw whoever pissed them off into a dumpster. 

So, not only should I be trying to fix Reimu’s irritation, but I should also be throwing myself in the dumpster.

And maybe, set that dumpster on fire. 

However, here I am enjoying myself, while Reimu pouts and crosses her arms, as we walk towards Gensokyo’s village for humans.

“You died. They shouldn’t get off so easily, Hachiman.” Reimu protested as we walked down the dirt road from the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Well, the Scarlet Devil Crater now, but that’s semantics. Her glare should frighten me, since she is a being of incredible power, and who also defeated the person who killed me with a stroke and a heart attack with a glare. However, I couldn’t even control myself as I poked her cheek, even as I felt the pangs of almost dying course through me. I’m being an absolute idiot, yet I can’t help myself. What the hell. “S-stop it! I’m being serious, Hachiman. They shouldn’t be allowed in Gensokyo anymore for what they did.”

“If Scarlett could be sent away by herself, I’d agree, but they’re a package deal. So, wouldn’t it be for the best if we keep Knowledge, in case I need help?” Right, there’s some semblance of reason to why I dictated the terms of the victor to the remains of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Not that anyone died, despite the amount of power being thrown around, but there was certainly a lot of injured and shell-shocked individuals. Logically speaking, I should’ve just let Reimu do what she wanted without interfering. My life had been risked and I’d been hurt, therefore the Vampire should be kicked out of Gensokyo, in accordance to the Hakurei’s rules. Following those rules, however, would get in the way of solving my problems. “Maybe, if they don’t help us with my problem, you can throw them out… but if they can help, don’t you think we should exploit them as much as possible?”

“…I guess, if you put it that way it makes sense. I thought you were just being an idiot to be nice.” Goodness, what is this? A reasonable idea has changed the mind of my girlfriend? I don’t’ need to tip-toe around her like some sort of second-rate MC that’s suddenly afraid of someone after they show off their power. Can reason and logic actually reach Hakurei Reimu without any need for shitty Shonen battles before, during, or after the argue? “Knowledge is reasonable. She can keep everyone in line, while helping us. If… if she helps us enough, I suppose I’ll let them stay, but they’ll be rebuilding their mansion themselves!”

“Spoken like a true corporate manager, Reimu. Why fire someone when they can work harder once they’re truly afraid of you? Well, for as long as someone like Scarlett could stay afraid anyway.” Mhmm, from my understanding, Remillia Scarlett has done nothing to change my opinion about her not being anything more than a generic, vampire loli-baba. So, once a semblance of normalcy returns to her situation, she’ll probably go ahead and start causing trouble again. “If gets bad again, then feel free to throw them out. Three strikes are for kind people. Everyone should only get one freebie, right?”

“I suppose.” Huh, so Miko girlfriends have the secret ability to have their cuteness multiplied ten times over when they’re grumbling. That’s a very unfair, broken trait to have in this Hachiman Mobile game. How am I supposed to stop her from using this technique, especially when she’s not angry at me? This is an overpowered skill. Please, game-devs of my life, don’t remove it. It’s a feature. Not a bug. If you get rid of it, I’ll probably cry. “So… how are you feeling? You’re not being dumb and acting manly, right? I can carry you to the Human Village, if you’re hurt.”

“Being manly is overrated, while being pampered is the best, so you don’t ever have to be worried about me picking manliness over being spoiled.” Reimu give a little, amused huff at that. Oi. That’s supposed to be an arrogant, maybe even annoying noise, so you have no right to make it sound so cute. Also, the amount of self-worth I’m getting from having you make that noise is too high. If I keep this up, I’ll probably get a big head and make a mess of my life, so I’d appreciate it if you make it a little harder to make you happy, Reimu. It’d just be the absolute worst if I take you for granted, y’know? “If I couldn’t walk, I’d probably complain until you carried me. That’s a fact. Source: me.”

“Good… but just in case, I want you to hold my hand.” Eh, what’s this sudden progression? Did I miss a few chapters of character development and worthless romcom shenanigans while I was dead? Isn’t hand-holding reserved for the epilogue or at least after the climax of a story? My confusion must’ve shown on my face more than I expected, because a blush formed on Reimu’s face. “L-look it’s not strange for us to hold hands. We’re together, and I don’t want you disappearing without me again. We were lucky this time, but you could have died if we weren’t. So, hold my hand, because I want you to… and because I want to keep you safe.” 

To be honest, I’d told Reimu a little white lie earlier.

I’m at least a little manly and I wanted to be the one offering to hold hands. 

However, after all those words and all that honesty, there’s no way for me to refuse.

Man, without a doubt, my girlfriend is far too cool for me. 

…

The Human Village in Gensokyo’s a dump.

“Wow, this place is a dump.” I informed my girlfriend of this fact, while we both looked upon it from atop a hill. “People actually live there?”

“Gensokyo is a place where humans can only exist in a certain state of being, due to the fact that they reinforce the ability of Youkai to exist.” Reimu’s answer was pitch perfect, but she sighed and shook her head after stating the script lines. She looked upon the feudal Japanese village without scorn or disgust, automatically making her a better person than me. That’s not a very difficult achievement to get thought. It’s only worth 1 point to be honest. “They’re a superstitious, religious lot who are wary of all outsiders because that’s what they need to be for the Youkai to keep flourishing in Gensokyo. They’re not hurt, and any Youkai who harms them will get kicked out, but…”

“It’s still keeping down a whole village worth of people for other people. What a shitty system.” Sure, the Gensokyo kept Youkai alive in a world that no longer believed in them, but having a whole village exist solely for the sake of being afraid of them is less than ideal. Can a person be called a person, if they’re meant to only exist and provide a single, certain mindset for other people to exploit? No matter how I tried to think about the situation, I couldn’t find a way to get it to come up positive. The most I could do was make it equal parts shitty and half-decent. “ But, if you can’t do anything about it without fucking over Youkai who did nothing wrong, there’s no point in complaining about it. Let’s go.”

Reimu took a moment to follow after me on the path to the village after I said those words. Damn, I should’ve looked at her instead of trying to be cool. I could’ve found out how she acted when she’s surprised. Did she blink rapidly? Did her mouth open and close. Or did she simply look at someone with shock? All three would’ve been cute, so I’ve undoubtably lost the battle by trying to be cool. Damn. 

She had questions while we walked the rest of the way to the feudal, Japanese village, though.

“You’re fine with the Human Village?”

“No, but I understand why it exists.”

“And, that’s good?”

“No. It’s shit. But if it can’t be fixed without fucking over more people right now, then we should try to fix it yet, right? It’ll just have to be a problem for later.” Given how she was worried about how I thought about her for her family’s part in Gensokyo, I decided to convey to her some of my own family’s fucked-up teachings. Thanks in advance for your help, corporate-slave progenitor. “To work is to lose, y’know? So, if we’re going to lose, we might as well lose doing something worthwhile. There’s no point in working just to mess up, right?” 

It took a moment, but Reimu laughed and shook her head.

“Is that right? Maybe I’ve been doing everything wrong when I keep worrying about Gensokyo and all its incidents. Just handling things as they come, or when I can do something about it, sounds pretty good.” Yes, Reimu. Adapt to the situation. Take all the lessons passed down by the previous generation and implement it into your own life. Who truly benefits from exceptional work ethic and good habits? CEOs and stockholders that’s who. If everything went as they wished, they’d like for all their employees to be model citizens and morally-upstanding individuals, because all they’ll do is work, obey, and spend. Be selfish, because that’s the only way to be happy. “I guess a girl out in the country wouldn’t know all these things, huh? I guess I’ll have to rely on you for advice on how to stay sane with everything’s that’s happening here, huh?”

“Oi, I just helped you out, but you’re delegating a bunch of work on me already!?” Jeez. You give someone advice one time and they expect you to help them for the rest of their life. Now, since it’s Reimu, I can’t exactly complain, but I need to be more careful in the future. Not everyone who wants advice is a cute, brown-haired girl in a Miko-outfit, let alone actually Hakurei Reimu. Normies can fuck right off. Maybe, I’ll consider helping out other Miko, if they’re containing a bunch of gods and creatures in Closed Space. However, I’m absolutely sure that Reimu’s the only one I won’t regret providing advice to every time she asked. “You learn quick. I approve. You’ll definitely survive corporate wage-slavery until you retire and are thrown away by society and the family you’ve never been with!”

“You complain about the Human Village being shitty, but life in the city honestly sounds terrifying, Hachiman.”

“Honestly, I’d prefer a life in the country with barely any interaction with other people, besides you.”

“Is that proposal, Hachiman?”

“No. My heart isn’t ready for that.”

“YOUR heart isn’t ready?”

“I’m a pure and delicate maiden don’t you know?”

Reimu laughed again, as we continued to chatter meaninglessly on our way to our next destination. 

Her hand didn’t leave mine the entire way from the Scarlett Devil Mansion to the Human Village.

If there’s any perks to my inexplicable, random sliding to places that’ll get me killed, it’s definitely getting no excuse whatsoever to let her go. 

…

Unsurprisingly, the Human Village’s doctor wasn’t much help. Even if his office was more modern than the rest of the Human Village, it wasn’t going to suffice for what Reimu wanted. On the outside, which the doctor can evaluate and examine just fine, I seemed fine. On the other hand, my insides could be a mess, especially since I either had a stroke or a heart-attack from my dinner with the Mss. Pedophile-bait.

I had to admit being looked over by a real, elderly doctor was a good experience though. 

“You’re a fine, healthy young man, but if Hakurei-sama is worried, you ought to listen.” I didn’t catch his name, but he’d let me in without question and began a check-up almost immediately. Surprisingly, it reminded me of a regular, annual checkup. I suppose that it’d be downright cruel and malicious to keep a village in the Feudal era in terms of medicine and medical practice. The only thing truly missing from the small clinic were machines more suited to hospitals or large clinics, which Reimu wanted me to be put through to be sure. “Be sure to be patient with her, young man. Women are usually only insistent if they care for you.”

“Oh, stop trying to tease me, old man. Hachiman already knew all of that.” Reimu stood from the waiting area the moment I left the small examination room. Leaving the near-modern clinic room, into an assembly of bamboo and wicker furniture was jarring, but I handled it well enough that Reimu didn’t notice. “But thanks for your help. I’ll make sure to threaten the rabbits a little to make sure they don’t do anything stupid with your medicine supply.”

“Please do not do that. They’ll be angered enough to consider it, if you do.” Oi, old man, you were old sagely and wise while we were talking. What happened to that guy in front of Reimu? You’re sweating bullets on that liver-spotted head of yours. Is my girlfriend really that terrifying? Sure, she beat that a Vampire, but there’s worse creatures in Gensokyo that she has trouble with, right? “And, there is no need for payment. For the protections you offer us, I believe that the least I could do is ensure that the Youkai have kept their word when they say they’ve healed your companion.”

The old man gave a deep bow to Reimu. 

I expected my childhood friend to blush and stutter at the display, but she merely took it in and nodded at the old man after he raised his head. It was the same everywhere she went in the Human Village. Though I received a few curious stares, Reimu was treated almost like a princess, probably because of how the inhabitants feared the Youkai and how she regularly defeated them. According to Reimu, though, their awe and respect doesn’t exactly equate to funds for the Shrine. They had farmland and trade within the town, a sort of mini-economy, but couldn’t give her anything beyond food… and that was limited to what they could produce in their little plot of land.

That solved the mystery of how she managed to get through the years, but opened up another. Mainly, if Reimu recognized the fact that she could actually change the Human Village or didn’t, given the amount of respect and influence she had. One look a my childhood friend, as she disregarded the respect thrown her way to offer me her hand, told me that she didn’t.

Unfortunately, while she didn’t notice, I did.

And so, did the old man. 

Damn.

Since they can’t get her to help, they’ll be going after me now, huh?