Elf Ojou-sama (Alf/Hachiman Transdim AU Fluff) (Patreon)

Elf Ojou-sama (Alf/Hachiman Transdim AU Fluff)

Commissioned by Gopher

Wordcount 1000

…

Between the two following individuals, who is more of an idiot?

A: The princess who chooses to stop living a life on a lap of luxury.

B: The princess who decides the best way to learn about the world is via a Dungeon that took literal gods to defeat and seal away?

The answer is quite simple.

They’re both idiots, but the one who’s both is the biggest idiot of the two! The power level of an idiot who chooses to do both things is immense. It’s not cumulative growth, where two idiot levels are just added to one another. It’s multiplicative! Or, exponential! Whichever gives a bigger number, because I’m bad at math!

Whatever the result, it’s without a doubt that the woman who saved my life, only to bring me along to Orario, is the biggest idiot to ever be an idiot on a planet filled with idiots!

And, I’ve been on two planets filled with idiots, so that comparison is twice as bad!

“Oh, ho, Hikigaya-kun. Have you come to visit Alf-chan--Eep.”

Given that I had an idiot to talk to, I could not waste time with anyone, even a god.

“I’ll apologize to you later, but for now I’m throwing you out of the window, Loki-sama.”

“W-wait, I’ll walk away, I swear--AAAAAHHHHHHhh!”

With the only threat of eavesdropping on our conversation gone, I went ahead and entered the Loki Familia’s medical wing to give an earful to my the stupidest bitch of rescuer to ever fucking exist.

“Riviera Ljos Alf, if you’re not fucking dead already, I’m going to kill you myself!” 

“Ah, hello, Hachiman. You’re late.”

There she smugly was in, lying smugly in her bed of smug, and reading a smug book about being smug that she closed to smugly smile at me.

Royalty is supposed to be calm, considerate, and controlled. Nonesuch traits existed in the viridian-haired, tall elf who was now resting due to a myriad of injuries that she had to heal off because she decided to go and get herself almost killed!

“If you must ask, I did no such thing. I simply went to gather some funds. Nothing dangerous.” I didn’t need to say a word, all I did was walk before her and cross my arms. Someday, I will be pleased with my ability to exert disappointment without saying a word, but not today. It was a skill that was born of stress and pain. I didn’t like it one bit. I needed at least one timeskip before I can call upon the skill without any personal harm. “I simply didn’t expect to be ambushed by uncouth individuals… who I presume are all crippled and incapable of adventuring now?”

“Don’t pretend like you have anything to be proud about. If you made a single mistake, because you didn’t have the foresight to bring someone to watch your back, you’d be dead, idiot!” I ignored her praise about my abilities to beat up anyone who hurt her and how she believed that I could. Ignoring praise was one of my 108 Hachiman Skills. It was pretty rusty, but it existed and was able to provide me with resistance! I might have been blushing, but I was still angry, dammit! “You should’ve brought me along, dammit!”

I was ready to yell, to be angry, and to really, really let loose.

Naturally, that’s when Riviria decides to give me that smile of hers and say what I feared what she would say… since I had no protection against it.

“Ah, but that would’ve defeated the purpose of surprising you with a gift, no?” Dammit. What the fuck. Why does this always happen. I am a man. More importantly, I’m a man who was spurned in middle school, who had nearly no friends in highschool, and was sent into another world through means unknown and had to have his life saved instead of getting a cheat skill. I should be filled with spite, hatred, and vile, spiteful hate. But, with those words, all of my anger slipped away. Come back, dammit! Let me have this! “By all means, I’m glad that you punished those Adventurers not because they hurt me, but because they spoiled my opportunity to surprise you with a gift, Hachiman-kun.”

“D-Do you seriously think that gets you off the hook!?” Dammit, voice! Don’t break! Cheeks, stop going completely red! You too, ears! Legs, what are you fucking doing!? Why are you bringing us closer to Riviera? Arms! Stop that! Keep yourselves crossed. Don’t reach out to take her outstretched hand--Ah, fuck you’re doing it! Dammit, you stupid hormonal body! She’ll never learn if you keep letting her do what she wants! We need to be firm, strong, and competent--Oh, wow her hands are pretty soft, huh. “W-well you’re wrong, Riveria!”

“I am sure that I very wrong, but you’ll have to punish me later, I’m afraid.” This is unfair. My body is rebelling against me, and now you’re pressing my hand against your cheek. Dammit, what the heck is a man supposed to do to reprimand an idiot in this world!? Every time you try to do something wrong, and get yourself hurt, this happens. I fix whatever’s gone wrong, then I go to you to fix things permanently, and you do this. Always with the smile, the handholding, and the cheek-touching… I’ll have you know that this absolutely disgusting and doesn’t entice my in any way whatsover! “But… until then, would you mind staying with me? I did feel afraid for my life then, as you’re probably aware and approve of… so, I would very much appreciate your company, Hachiman-kun.”

I didn’t appreciate this one bit. 

She was using everything at her disposal in order to escape justice.

Riveria Ljos Alf deserved nothing besides chastisement and reprimanding for being an idiot who went into the Dungeon by herself.

Nevertheless, I found myself only capable of complying.

In this other world, where I had no one and nothing, she’d rescued me without reason and gave me power to stand on my own two feet.

That alone meant that I should protect her with my life.

When she talks to me with such affection, asking me to stay with her after she feared that she was going to die, how the hell could I say no?

My otherworldly adventure, where I was rescued by an Elven princess, is unfair.

As I expected.