Wrecking the Database 5 (Log Horizon/Oreigaru) (Patreon)

Wrecking the Database 5 (Log Horizon/Oreigaru)

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Commissioned by: Weise

Wordcount: 2599

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Human beings are worthless alone, and exceptionally worthless when amongst other human beings. 

Take for example, an ant. 

Ants are exceedingly valuable in large groups. Each one is a productive member of their society, whilst also being decent while alone. They can forage, scout, and find food on their own with relative ease. Particularly, to the point where they can support a society with ease.

Humans, meanwhile, have to learn, adapt, and then hope to high heaven that whatever they’ve learned or adapted couldn’t be done better by another human being. 

Am I saying that I’d like to be a nearly-mindless drone who solely follows its instincts and doesn’t think for itself?

You bet your ass I am.

And, I think it’s the best for the rest of humanity to!

Do away with shitty hierarchy! Get everyone and everything working right away. Take away free thought, choice, and speech, so that there’s some damn order, and everyone can do something worthwhile in their lives. 

Is the idea tyrannical?

Absolutely.

However, allow me to put things into perspective.

Currently, I have the job of training several individuals to become not worthless. Even whilst aided by the fact that they all have certain skill sets, it’s still a terrible process?

Why? 

Because, as I said before, humans are worthless, especially when you’re trying to teach them yourself. 

For example:

Yukinoshita is better off being a healer or a mage, yet she’s a ranger. Indeed, while Neko-girls have been Japan’s equivalent to Elves in the West in terms of Archery, that didn’t translate well for the Ice Queen, who has returned to her regular looks, barring her new bestial appendages. Let it suffice to say, while she can shoot straight, she can’t shoot straight against monsters. Even when those monsters are eating my face, and she’s completely safe.

Iroha, meanwhile, is the healer of our group. Again, choosing to keep her bestial appendages as a Kitsune, my Kouhai from both school and work is ideally suited for being a tricky fox. Indeed, given her cutthroat attitude and hidden penchant for devilish tactics, she would make for the very best rogue. I can see her stealing all the loot without shame from me, our whole party, and everyone else she could possibly steal from, while everyone else tried to stay alive, without everyone noticing in the slightest.

Yuigahama is Yuigahama, that alone validates my argument about humanity being trash. 

Still, I suppose, there’s still some light in the pitch-black, murky abyss that the blight of humanity is upon reality itself.

Totsuka is Totsuka again. Totsuka Tosukas during all of Totsuka’s day. Totsuka is the best Totsuka. Ah, he’s wearing paladin armor that’s so slim, and he’s using that rapier so well. Totsuka the warrior. Totsuka is doing well. Totsuka is helping me out, since Totsuka used to be the tennis captain of his club. Man Totsuka is the best. You know what? Even if humanity is a pit of nothingness that will either swallow itself whole, or engulf all of reality, it’s existence is validated by the fact that it led to Totsuka.

In fact, Totsuka’s so great that this internal essay can be put away and forgotten.

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“If you’re finished staring at Totsuka-chan, Onii-chan, you can tell me what you’ve been planning every night while the rest of us slept.” Ah! Komachi! What are you saying? And, what are you doing sneaking around like that? Seriously, did you take the Stealth skill while I wasn’t looking, or something? Because, if you did, I’m sorry to say that skill’s pretty shit at the endgame… but, it might have new uses now. Hmmm… “Neh, Onii-chan, do you think you can pretend to not notice I’m here? As your Imouto, not only do I know you’re pretending, but it’ll also hurt my feelings to be ignored, you know?”

On one hand, I’d have to admit that I was staring at Totsuka for the sake of his training to the point where I didn’t notice Komachi coming to my side. On the other hand, I’d have to ignore Komachi and potentially invite her wrath. It was hard, dangerous decision for two entirely different reasons. The second choice would make my beloved little sister peeved. The first choice could easily be mistaken by other people… wait, no. Why would I care what people thought about what I thought about Totsuka? I had nothing to be ashamed of. More importantly, being ashamed about my thoughts meant that Totsuka was someone to be ashamed of! 

That cannot stand!

I had to stand my ground!

For Totsuka!

“Ah, sorry, Komachi. I was focused.”

“Ah, my Onii-chan has fallen so far that he’s shameless about his desires. Don’t worry, Onii-chan. Even if society rejects you, your Imouto will always love and cherish you. I’ll be sure to plant flowers on your grave once a week.”

“Oi, don’t kill me off so quickly!”

“Your Imouto will always miss the sound of your dead, serious voice, Gomi-chan!”

“Oi, that’s not proper mourning at all!”

“Teehee!

Sticking your tongue out and winking isn’t going to get you out of all your problems, Komachi! 

“Anyway, Onii-chan, your dear Imouto would like to help you out. Everyone else is busy training, and you’re busy training everyone, so your great little sister shall both train and help you do whatever else you’re doing!” This “help” sounds suspiciously like the “help” countries who have vast quantities of oil get from the rest of the world upon its discovery. Not only that, but little sister is quite selfish, even if she was part of the student council in both elementary and high school. If you’re really Komachi, I demand you tell me what your favorite meal is! If you say burgers and fries, I want the next words out of your mouth to be where my little sister is! “Neh, Onii-chan, don’t you hate working hard? Shouldn’t you rely on your little, trustworthy sister, so that she could lend a helping hand?:

“You mean help you help me make sure you don’t die.” Well, there isn’t a point in dancing around the subject, Komachi. Being frustrated about his little sister declaring that she’ll do something dangerous is simply a big brother’s duty, so you shouldn’t be surprised that I’m frustrated. I mean, the reason why I have to train Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, Iroha, and Totsuka, is because I was to make sure that you’re as safe as possible. That’s not exactly easy. If this were just a game, with everyone talking over headsets, it would be very stressful to teach four people how to properly use skills, let alone how to properly build for the late game. Now, we’re in another world, you want to keep it safe, and they need to learn everything from scratch with their bodies. Needless to say, I am a just a little frustrated, and there’s no way I’m pretending to be otherwise. “Komachi, I just need some time. You don’t need to do this.”

“…” 

Being angry with Komachi was a strange affair.

I don’t recall us having many troubles, but most of those ended with either of us apologizing to one another. Not just me, but her too. Still, I can count either occasion on one hand. Some might say we’re especially close siblings because of that, but as I always say, we’re simply the closest strangers possible. I understand completely that she’s different me, and she knows the same, but we know as much about one another as we can regardless.

Komachi was the sort of person who liked to help everyone. She’s a nice girl. Normally, I hated nice girls. They treated strangers as they would family, and family as they would strangers. With equal kindness, without an ounce of guilt, they stride into the world like individuals who everyone else could only gawk at, worship, and/or misunderstand.  

Even here, in a world where she’s practically without her family and amidst strangers, she chooses to fight and hold her ground, instead of hiding and looking for a way to stay safe. Though she’s weak, she trains to be stronger for the sake of people she’s never met, instead of training to keep herself strong. Instead of being only kind to her brother, who would like to see her safe, she instead chooses to be kind to as many people as possible and risk her safety completely.

Without a doubt, if we weren’t family, were of the same grade, and forced to interact with one another, I would hate her immensely.

So, needless to say, I needed some time to settle my frustrations.

I can neither apologize, nor make an argument to convince her otherwise, in my current state.

Because, if I tried to do either, I knew that something irreparable would break between me and Komachi if I did.

…

“Ah, the great Zai-chan returns to the venerable stronghold to tremendous applause!” 

“Ah, the great idiot has returned to be a worthless freeloader to everyone’s dismay.”

“Hachiman, you’re supposed to support me! That’s not how you’re supposed to treat friends!” Friends. What a strange word. Neh, you genderbent, loli trash straight out of a gacha game, do you think you deserve friends? “W-what a gaze! H-hey, Hachiman, is that supposed to be a forbidden technique that you’ve held back from using? O-or have you been possessed by some sort of Demon!?”

For a moment, I considered going along with the flow, but decided against it.

Letting Zaimokuza do what she wants is a crime against humanity.

No, I needed to let out my frustrations through utilizing Zaimokuza in another way.

“I need a break. We’re going to farm.” Ah, look at that terror. Normally, the terror Zaimokuza makes is something that’ll make me ill, even with my favorable disposition towards causing it. Being a pudgy, grown Otaku, who never outgrew his Chuuni stage, seeing him act scared in the real world was a good way to get sick. Here and now, in her current circumstances,  seeing her back against the wall and shiver and shake, was actually appetizing. For once, Zaimokuza’s only social contact being anime was actually pleasant. I could almost forget that his very existence was poison for my mental health. “And, check out if there’s anything new we need to be aware of.”

“Oh? Ah! I knew it, my glorious friend from another life, you intend to figure if we have cheat skills!” That was one way to put it. Generally speaking, while not being able to die and being able to do magic are already cheat skills, they’re not cheat skills when several other thousand people has them as well. Zaimokuza’s guild of no-lifers would’ve been helpful in speeding up our progress in finding out any mechanics that we could exploit, but Zaimokuza would do. Again, she is a no-lifer amongst no-lifers. She’s about as able as 1 decent, well-rounded person when viewed in such a lens. “Bwahahaah, truly, we are meant to be together! With your cunning and wits coupled with my power and charisma, we shall be truly unstoppable in this new land!”

“Alright, first we need to figure out how killing works.”

“Eh? Hachiman?” Now, even with that high-pitched, loli-trash voice of his, Zaimokuza’s concern was palpable. Heck, if anything, his new small form made it ever clearer that my words were incredibly misconstrued. “You don’t mean—

“No, I don’t want to kill people. I want to be absolutely sure that we can’t die, and that we’re not endangering our lives out there.” Would I do anything to keep Komachi safe? Yes. However, as with real life, I’d really rather not have to confront the issue of really killing someone to keep her safe and sound. I had to weigh being an elder sibling who needs to protect their younger sibling, in dangerous situations like this, but killing and being killed is still a concern I’d rather not face. I only wanted to clarify something. “Our very first objective, what we need to make sure of in our current state, is that we can really play this like a video game and not die.”

“Ah! Of course, of course! As expected of the reincarnation of a Bodhisattva! Hachiman, you truly have the wisdom to protect our people!” Oi, oi, oi, don’t act so girlish. With that musketeer-magical girl style, silver clothes you’re wearing, your anime-derived figure and features, and your troubling acting ability, you can been seen as cute, Zaimokuza. However, you’re not allowed to be cute. Otherwise, humanity will be killed off via a species-wide Dead End. Please, Zaimokuza, accept your place as a nearly worthless human being. Thank you very much. “We can’t carelessly endanger our lives! Though, I’ve died and returned, it would be troubling to continue fighting if there’s a possibly that permanent death is possible. Going into battle assuming that we’ll be able to respawn will be the death of us, if we leave an avenue unexplored!”

“Exactly.” Anyway, Zaimokuza probably had a firm grasp on this setting more than I did. I am only semi-worthless. I have contributed to society, whilst Zaimokuza merely propagates Otaku culture wherever he used to walk and breathe… and it’s remained the same even now. Still, I could probably count on him to investigate this. In fact, he was probably the only person I could count on to investigate this. Out of everyone Komachi invited, he was the only other experienced player in our group, and who I could trust to come back. Much like a cockroach, Zaimokuza is a buzzing annoyance that grates on the nerves and causes disgust amongst human beings. Oh, and he’s also hard to kill. “So, while the scrubs reinforce what they’ve learned by teaching the newbies, you and I are going to do a new quest.”

“Huh? A quest? But, there’s no more quests!” 

Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, buddy.

Politely, I’d asked for a job different from my typical jobs from the mayor. Naturally, given my stellar reputation in these parts, and the fact that I didn’t lock myself away like a neat like all the others, my request was tended to. Instead of seeing me as a bothersome machine that suddenly didn’t want to do its job, the now-living NPCs saw me as an asset. A reliable asset that once did only a rote task, but now asked for more work for some more pay.

In short, whole there was more to the world, it still remained the same.

“A… a mystery in the mines!? Looking into monsters in the mines!? But, there’s never been a mining stage here! This is just a place to show off graphics in the trailers, at best!” Yep, yep. Here, in this town, there’s never been focus. Not only was this new content, but coupled with how I’d been called by the regional government, I had every reason to believe that the world still remained a game, despite being real. Like a shitty LN, with game levels and the like because an author can’t be bothered to make a power system, this world was still perfectly suited to accommodate Player Characters… whilst no longer being limited by the limited budgets and need for grinding of the game company. “Hachiman! Do you know what this is!?”

Indeed, I did.

It was our way of accessing funds, material, and drops that no one else did.

And, perhaps, some that were never seen before in the game.

Our definitive edge… as well as a means to research our new world.