LSRO: Chapter 97 - Heavy Consideration (Patreon)

Okay so. This is a very... probably half way introspective chapter. We've had big ... huge reveals and Quinn hasn't dealt with very large news.

I'm unsure if this will be a chapter on its own when I go back through and edit everything or if I'll try to intersperse her process into other chapters (let's face it, I'll probably leave it mostly as is) but I felt it was very important for her growth as a person, as a future all powerful Librarian to realistically sort through her experience.

Hope you enjoy it.

I loved writing it (not a cliffy)

~~

Chapter 97

Heavy Consideration

One of Quinn's favorite things about her office was its ability to morph. Essentially, it was a Library treat. The Library could become anything she needed or wanted at any time, depending on what she asked of it.

Quinn sat on a daybed on the far wall of her office, looking up at Siliqua, who had her arms crossed. Her wood elf features narrowed as she studied Quinn.

Quinn could feel myriad emotions emanating from the elf. There was a sense of trepidation, a cautiousness about her. Quinn wasn't entirely sure why Siliqua suddenly felt so uneasy around her. If she were to venture a guess, it probably had something to do with the synchronization and all the revelations it had brought to all of them.

Not to mention it had now been days since Quinn had very definitively not addressed the whole elephant in the core room.

"What?" Quinn asked her.

Siliqua paused, bit her lip, and then took a breath. "Are you really okay with everything?"

Quinn raised an eyebrow, and deliberately misanswered. "Well, I thought this was my idea, so we should probably see if it's even going to work to help the Library in the way we need to."

"No, that's not what I meant," Siliqua said. "You know that's not what I meant."

Quinn let out a sigh and mulled over exactly what she knew Siliqua meant. She thought about it while Siliqua busied herself in the office to prepare whatever it was she needed. Quinn grew quiet even as her thoughts tumbled over one another. "I mean, that's a loaded question, like super potatoes with everything loaded sort of question. It's not easy to answer."

Siliqua nodded as she continued her preparations, and Quinn fell into thought.

Was she okay? Ever since the synchronization, she just kept going, because that was the choice she made. It was pretty easy to keep doing something she'd already been doing. Was it shocking to realize the real reason behind why she had all of these magical affinities? Yes, yes it was.

But the synchronization had taken days. And at first she'd felt a little bit pissed off, floating in that weird abyss of stars in her head. How could people have lied to her her whole life? That made her angry. But realistically, had they lied to her? No. They just hadn't told her.

But as time went by during the synchronization, and she amalgamated more to the core, learning more about how the Library functioned, and what elements of it she could control, well, she sort of mellowed.She'd been at the Library for two months. That was barely a blip in her own life, let alone in the vast entity that was the Library. That was like a fraction of a fraction of a second. And what did it change? What did her getting angry about a situation that was beyond everybody's control change?

Absolutely nothing.

Even if her parents weren't actually her parents, they'd acted as such. They had shown her affection. She could still remember her sixth birthday. She'd really loved that vanilla cake. It was amazing, with strawberry mango frosting. She remembered her father very vaguely having some of that frosting on the tip of his nose and pretending, for all he was worth, that he didn't have frosting on his nose. She had laughed so much, it almost hurt to remember. Those smiles, they'd been genuine. Those interactions were what she'd built her entire life on. They weren't manufactured memories. They were experiences that she had had.

How did that make her any different from a couple who had just really, really wanted a kid and had to go above and beyond to get one, to adopt one? The Library really needed a Librarian. In desperation, a group of people had helped make 100% guaranteed a Librarian. Quinn wasn't entirely sure what that entailed, but she guessed that that meant she had been wanted and needed by a lot of people, in a lot of ways. And that was more than hundreds of thousands of kids ever got.

Her parents helped her form goals and morals, things that she still lived by right now, that helped her become a person that she didn't think was too bad. Her mother encouraged her to do what she loved and to make sure that she took care of those who were less fortunate. They had essentially equipped her in her first dozen years with the know-how to make decisions that would affect her for the rest of her life, to make decisions that would shape her into the person that she would become.

That she was a last-ditch effort to save the universe from basically devouring itself - didn't change how she'd been raised.

It didn't change who she was or how she'd become that person. She still had her mottos, help those who have less, don't pick on the weak, and don't be a dick, which was basically a tenet to live one's life by, no matter who you were, who you were raised by.

Frankly, if she'd gathered everything right, not everybody in the Library had known. Lynx didn't originally know what she was. He just knew that they needed the Librarian's signature, and that's what he reached for. The Library, with all its holes and its memory, hadn't been part of the council plan when it was put into action. When she was retrieved, they didn't know. They hadn't known. Because she still had a choice. She could always still say no, and that's what was important. Just having these affinities, it didn't make her the Librarian.

Choosing to become the Librarian, that was her choice alone.

Technically, if Quinn wanted to, she could take all this power she'd been given. She could absorb every single piece of knowledge in the Library and then abandon it. If that was her choice, that's what she could do. Frankly, it was an option. But she didn't want to do that. She loved Dottie and Misha, and all of the golems. She'd grown so attached to them after giving them their names. She liked Hirish and Siliqua. Malakai had become a friend-cousin sort of person. She even liked Narilin and her oddly willow-esque ways. And Aradie, now. There was a bond, infuriating sometimes, that she had truly grown to appreciate. Aradie gave her that closeness that she had been missing in her life back on Earth, here, in the Library.

Quinn had access to worlds. She had access to knowledge. And frankly, she had access to power to do whatever it was she dreamed of. And these people, these beings and species that she had met in this Library, they were all individuals with the same dreams as her. And without the Library, everything would cease to exist. So she could leave it, but that would make her not the person she wanted to be.

Was she okay with being the universe's answer to the next Librarian?

Yeah, you know, she really was. Was she a little pissed at Milaro because he had kept this from her? Sort of. But how do you insert into conversation, "Oh, by the way, you're kind of sort of genetically related to the Library completely, with maybe a little bit of DNA from some other species, including my own. Hi, I'm sort of kind of like your grandfather, but not really." Yeah, that wasn't exactly everyday conversation. And she got that.

Would there be some emotional upheaval for her? Probably. She was pretty good at pushing emotions back. But for right now, for where she was, where they were, this was where she needed to be. Being the Librarian was who she needed to be. But that didn't define who she was or how she did it.

That, that was all Quinn.

"I'm so sorry," Siliqua said, pulling Quinn out of her contemplation. "I shouldn't have asked you that. That was intrusive and very disrespectful of me, Librarian. I ask for forgiveness."

Quinn laughed. "Why on earth would asking me if I'm okay require forgiveness?"

Siliqua shrugged. "We... we did what we had to do. We had no idea if it would work in time."

Quinn nodded. "Yeah, I know. I understand that. That's the whole sapient sentient thing, you know? I understand. And I mean, if I wanted to, I could just pick a door, any door, go anywhere and never come back, right?"

Siliqua frowned. "Yes. Yes, you could do that."

"But I'm not going to," Quinn said. "I kind of like it here. It's calming and fun."

Siliqua's expression softened and she smiled. "That is very welcome news, Librarian."

"Anyway," Quinn clapped her hands together. "I am okay. So how do we go about this idea that I had, that I have no idea if it's actually going to work or not?"

Siliqua laughed. "Well, we're basically going to be grafting a portion of your sequence, I guess, to the Library."

"And what does that entail?" Quinn asked. Not entirely sure that she liked the idea of grafting. Wasn't that like peeling skin off and then putting it over other destroyed skin? She didn't think that sounded like the most painless thing to do.

"Well, we need to delve into the Library sequencing and see if we can actually identify the specific areas that have been infected. And because we have yours to compare to, we should be able to establish a baseline." The excitement in Siliqua's voice was contagious.

"But aren't I a mix? I'm not just Library, right?" Quinn asked, hoping not to dampen that enthusiasm.

"True, but we can separate out that sequence so that hopefully it gives us a round view."

"Okay, I get that."

"And once we have that figured out, we should be able to technically, theoretically," Siliqua qualified her statement, "be able to readjust it back to its previous state."

"Well, that doesn't sound difficult at all," Quinn said, sarcasm peeking through.

"Well," Siliqua said, like she didn't want to admit what she was about to say. "This requires a certain type of healing. I am not a healer. It's not actually my specialty. Identifying foreign elements in an already established sequence is something I am fantastic at doing, but healing them and bringing them back to their former state of glory, when it doesn't just require a basic disinfecting wash, is something I am not equipped to do. Would it be okay if I call in a colleague to assist?"

Quinn watched her. "Why are you just bringing up this colleague now?"

Siliqua hesitated before speaking. "Because they might be a slightly controversial choice to assist you at this point in time."

"Slightly controversial, how?"

"As in, their species is not one of the Library's immediate allies."

"Oh," Quinn said, "let me guess, they've got a sort of snakey vibe to them."

"Sort of," Siliqua said, "not Serpensiril, but they are related to the Serpensirill, and thus partially hostile to the Library."

Quinn thought that over. She couldn't condemn a people based on association only. "What about this person in particular? Are they hostile?"

"Oh no, oh no, Cadre is very different from the rest of his species. He's, shall we say, an odd duck, I think, would be the way to describe him."

Quinn smiled. "And how's Milaro going to feel about this?"

"Actually," Milaro said, stepping into the room as if he'd been summoned. "Cadre is one of the few people I would have no problem bringing into Library business."

"Well now," Quinn flashed him a scowl, wondering how long he'd actually been there. "that sounds intriguing."

Siliqua glanced between Quinn and Milaro. "I'll go and contact him then, shall I?" she asked the mostly rhetorical question.

"Sure." Quinn said, flashing a smile in Siliqua's direction. "Do you have what you need from me to get started?"

She nodded. "I do. Thank you, for everything. I mean it."

With that Siliqua disappeared, leaving Milaro with Quinn in the office. He paused, like he wanted to say something, but wouldn't meet her eyes.

"You know this reaction makes me angrier than anything I learned in synchronization." Quinn said somewhat flippantly.

Milaro let out a chuckle, but it sounded forced. "I wasn't sure if we'd succeeded when I first saw you. For all I knew, we'd just gotten lucky. I had no idea what to expect."

"But you were fairly certain, right?" Quinn asked.

"Yes. I was. There is such a thing as coincidences, but a human, from Earth, with all the affinities? That would have been too big even for a coincidence." He sighed and ran a hand through his ridiculously long hair. "I'm sorry I didn't inform you sooner."

Quinn accepted the apology, but found it mostly unnecessary. "It wouldn't have changed anything, you know? Not really. Except for the fact that now I feel there is more purpose behind my having all the affinities."

"Does it feel like a weight?" He asked, almost whispering, like he didn't want the answer.

Quinn gave the question heavy consideration. "Maybe? No more than my college making me choose a major before I felt I was ready. There I could just drop out. Here, I can technically just take a magical doorway somewhere and choose never to return. So no... on second thought, I don't feel like it's an obligation. It's not weighing on me."

Milaro raised an eyebrow and smiled genuinely this time. "That is good. A burden is never fun."

"Nope." Quinn said standing up and stretching her arms above her. "It's not a burden, it's something I can do. And if I don't, then I don't get to play in this magical world anymore. And that? That would suck."

"I like your logic." The tension had leaked out of his shoulders now and he seemed much more Milaro. "So, we're good then?"

Quinn nodded emphatically. "We're really good. But you owe me a Milaro cooked meal."

"Oh that's easy..."

"A week..."

He scrunched his brow. "Okay..."

"For the rest of your life." Quinn flashed him a grin and darted out of the room. She didn't hold a grudge, but she'd milk it for some of his amazing food anyway.

~~

He can't get off scott free now, can he ;) 

Much love

KT