October & November Update (Patreon)

This is a bit of an update, sorry for the lack of posts, I'll be posting art throughout today from what I've made during the month. I'm still working on more, but this will go into December to continually catch up.

Here's a dropbox link for art to be continually added: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/me69ybxjbgdz6xm/AAAEpDkcqPCYDVFEF0LmQk-Ya?dl=0

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I don't know where to begin with this, but the my heart just broke the past 2 months.

My cousin passed. He had been fighting cancer for awhile now and when he suddenly passed it hurt. He had just gotten the date to start his chemo therapy for the upcoming therapy. At his funeral, I heard alot of talk about how atleast he wouldn't have withered through chemo. I fought through the emotions, but it was even harder when I was also visiting my hometown. Seeing old friends at a restaurant with all my family. The friend who still owned her restaurant offered to sell it to me after telling her how much I always enjoyed the food. I got introspective over it all... really made me feel down.

Then someone told me that my cousin did not die from cancer, but from a blood clot that caused a stroke. It went missed through all the screening and scans he went through. I broke down from that... he didn't get a chance to fight, it was just taken away.

I burried my head in work to try and run away from emotions after the funeral.

Then my cat, milkshakes, started showing weird personality changes. Within 24 hours he wasn't able to use the restroom anymore, he would cry out as he tried to curl up in various places around the house.

I took him to his veterinarian after calling them in the morning about his situation; they didn't accept walk-ins except between scheduled visits or during cancelations. They told me that I would be seen because I was the first walk-in to show up today, but it would be a wait. It didn't matter, I wanted him to be seen by his veterinarian. Milkshakes began to writhe in pain in his crate and I grew frustrated. We sat in the car as we waited to be seen; they assured that they'd call me when it was his turn.

They never saw him. They feigned that they had called me, but I never received a call nor a voicemail. I was mad at them and they quickly asked the doctor what I should do.

The doctor only told me he would die.

He didn't see him or examine him, he only told us that he would probably die in the next few hours, especially if we were waiting so long already. I couldn't accept this. The callousness of the tone when they strung me along. Time was a factor and they could've told me this sooner when I explained in morning call that it was an emergency along with the symptoms.

We searched quickly for an emergency vet and took him there. Before even signing in he was being treated; all I could feel was in a fog. The staff came to us about pricing. The doctor then about where he stood and his chances of living.

It's hard to explain... but I've had past trauma regarding the deaths of pets and all of this was pulling bandages off of old wounds that I've tried hard to keep covered. During this entire time, I was mentally preparing for his passing. 

He made it through, sparing details, we caught him early on and after extended stays, he was back to himself.

I've been an emotional wreck. I've been a financial wreck. Already having to find money to travel home for a funeral, I've had to now find money for a vet bill. A friend told me, that it may have been better to let him pass, but I couldn't accept that. Even if I was mentally preparing for it, I didn't want it to happen. I've been spending alot of my time raising the money, trying to keep my head upward, but I neglected my art. It wasn't until this past week that I was able to even pay for the software subscriptions that I rely on.

I'm already walking a tightrope, mentally and financially. All of this really nearly toppled me over, or maybe it has and I can't see it yet... I've had to ask a friend to help me with my kitty. He agreed, but he discovered he might not be able to as much as he thought. I've had to dig into job searching and I've received an offer. Not a jobwhere I was before or where I would like to be in a career, but it offers, travel, occasinally working from home as well as non-busy season. I'm getting nearly 2 weeks off for winter break, paid, so that's nice to look forward to and get art done then. I do like that, especially that it allows me to keep working on my art during the workday.

The month seems to pile it on more and more, with even our car needing a car battery this month. Through this all, I've let my art slide again. I want to pick it up and get back to doing what I enjoy. I'm terribly sorry for leaving you all suddenly. I have a few posts from october to get through, and even less for november. Let me make december a good one, if you'll have me still. I hope this gives alittle insight to how straining the past month has been.

At the least, because of my new request forms, I don't have to gather much in the way of what to work on again. I just need to hit to it again. This month's work is so little so I'll be including another dropbox link in case any of you wish to cease support but still receive something for this month. If you do want to continue support, I really appreciate it... I know this seems like a broken record, but I do hope you understand that things have just been really hard.