New Year, New You! (Patreon)

Darby trekked through across the snow-laden evergreen forests of the mysterious winter wonderland he found himself in. He was not properly dressed for such an environment and frantically waded through the snow drifts looking for shelter to avoid freezing to death. He saw a light up ahead, deep within the woods. He made his way toward it where he found a cozy little cabin made of what appeared to be peppermint and gingerbread.  Darby knocked on the door and was welcomed by a strange androgynous glowing sprite. 

"Come in out of the cold, my child." the sprite told Darby, "Make yourself at home. Bask in the radiance of my flames."

Darby thanked the ephemeral creature and made his way to the fire place. Darby asked the sprite for its name and they told him they were called the Glimmer Child and that they were the spirit of youth and rebirth. 

"How could I ever repay you?" asked Darby.

"I think you'll find that my gifts are free, whether the recipients want them or not." and with a snap of their fingers Darby's body was surrounded by ribbons of golden light. Darby felt himself shrinking, the cabin around him growing in size. 

"Wuh-what you do? Tuwn me back!"

Darby's hands shot to his mouth in shock after hearing the baby talk escape from his mouth. He felt weaker and his coordination felt clumsy. The Glimmer Child smirked, looking down at the diaper-clad baby sitting on the floor.

"Sorry, my gifts can't be returned. Childhood wonder is what gives this realm its magic. I've given you a new you for the new year, a second lease of youth!" 

A wet fart escaped from Darby's diaper as he started to tear up. The Glimmer Child levitated a pacifier into his mouth and picked him up.

"Let's go find you a mommy, you little brat."