Chef's Kiss Ch. 12 (Fate/Grand Order) (Patreon)

A/N: Shirou makes Saber and Saber Alter make-up. Rin and Eresh finally arrive. Things finally get underway~

-x-X-x-

In the end, it’s a matter of practicality more than anything. If he fucks them both at the same time, then they can get back to the whole ‘saving the world’ bit all the faster. With that in mind, Shirou pulls out of Saber Alter and thrusts INTO Saber, fucking the blonde King of Knights from behind as she moans on top of her other self.

In response, Saber Alter lets out a whine of disappointment, the most embarrassing noise that the darker version of Artoria has made yet. With the original Saber now the one getting fucked hard and fast, her mouth comes away from Alter’s tits, her head tossed back and wanton groans leaving her lips. This in turn puts her own chest right in front of Alter’s face, giving the other woman ample opportunity to return the favor.

Neither of them are particularly well-endowed in that department, but that doesn’t mean their nipples aren’t still quite sensitive. Lifting her head up, Saber Alter latched onto one of Saber’s teats and nibbles at it in the same way she’d been doing mere moments before. In response, the original Saber gasps, shuddering as she’s caught between the two of them, the center of a sandwich all of the sudden.

Despite being the one that’s suddenly helpless, it’s not like Saber isn’t enjoying herself. She moans and groans, her body shuddering and flexing in the middle of Shirou and her alternate self. As for his part in all of this, Shirou’s hands remain affixed to Saber’s ass, squeezing her toned derriere as he drills into her from behind for a few minutes.

Then, having decided that he’s spent long enough with her, he pulls out again and changes back to Saber Alter. This draws a muffled groan from the darker King of Knights, even as she once again finds herself being drilled on her back right there on the cafeteria floor. Hm, a little unsanitary Shirou can’t help thinking, but it’s probably fine. It’s the cafeteria after all, not the kitchen. Now there was a place that needed to stay clean.

Regardless, Saber is quick to recover now that he’s not fucking her directly. Of course, his thumbs are back on the edge of her pussy lips, toying with them and making her cunt flex and clench around the absence of his cock. He can’t help himself… he wants to drive her wild. And he knows that this is as much about laying down the law and setting some ground rules as it is about their pleasure.

Sure, Shirou can threaten to withhold his cooking from them, and sure that might work with any versions of Artoria he comes across in the future… but at the same time, there might one day be an Artoria Pendragon who was actually willing to call his bluff. Because that’s what it was after all. A mere bluff. Shirou doesn’t think he could ever truly withhold his cooking from any of his loved ones for very long.

So before someone came along and let Saber and Saber Alter know he was bluffing, he needed to get them hooked another way! And since he’d already figured out he was a harem protagonist, he might as well do it the tried and true method… sex!

And indeed, he can definitely tell he’s getting somewhere with the two of them, as his cock pistons in and out of Saber one moment, and then in and out of Saber Alter the next. The two have even stopped alternating between suckling and biting at each other’s breasts and are just clinging to one another now, moaning and staring into each other’s eyes. Until finally…

“S-Shirou… please… harder…”

Shirou blinks as Saber moans out those words. A moment later Alter speaks more… bluntly on the subject.

“You’re… edging us you b-bastard… not fucking… either of us… long enough t-to let us cum…”

… Oh. Huh, he hadn’t realized. Shirou blushes a little bit in embarrassment and with a grunt and the use of Reinforcement on his dick, picks up speed. It makes all the difference, the extra strength, speed, and durability. Probably because he was, as Alter had said, already edging them both anyways. He hadn’t meant to. He’d really been giving it his all. But… Shirou was only human in the end.

With a truly wanton moan and a toss back of her head, Saber finally cums upon his cock, orgasming explosively all over his member. In response, as soon as she’s done riding out her climax, Shirou pulls out and thrusts into Alter once more, giving her the same exact treatment and smiling as she too rapidly tips over the edge that he’d unknowingly had her on for so long. Both women cry out as they finally reach the heights of ecstasy he’d kept them back from, their bodies shuddering and twitching beneath him.

The sight, as well as the feeling of their cunt walls wrapped snugly around his cock and trying their best to milk him dry, is enough that Shirou feels himself approaching the edge as well. He’s going to cum… but the only question is, where should he? In the end, he comes to a conclusion… one last way of having Saber and Saber Alter show him that they’re going to get along now.

Pulling away from their crotches, Shirou shuffles around the two Servants, up to their heads. Kneeling there as they look at him, he slides his cock between their faces… and smiles as they both go to town on his dick once more. There’s no fighting over him this time. No scrambling to try and steal him from the other. Saber Alter slides her tongue back and forth along the underside of his shaft, while Saber moves along the upper half of his member. Alter continually slips her tongue across his balls as well, and Saber swirls her own tongue over his cockhead and glans.

Finally, Shirou lets out a heartfelt groan and proceeds to blow his load all over their faces and chests, coating them both in his seed right there on the cafeteria floor. DEFINITELY not sanitary… but it was fine. They were both Servants after all, and he was a magus. And if that didn’t cover it, well, he WAS living in a harem comedy now, wasn’t he?

Letting out a contented sigh, Shirou pulls away and finally stands up. Saber and Saber Alter don’t quite do the same, and after tucking his cock back into his pants, Shirou looks down to see the two are ravenously devouring every drop of his seed from each other’s faces and chests. Blinking at the sight, he can’t help but pout a little bit.

“Really? You’re acting like I don’t feed you two or something.”

That gets their attention. In fact, the moment the word ‘feed’ leaves his mouth, both sets of eyes snap to him, staring him down intensely. Shirou chuckles nervously and rubs a hand across the back of his head through his red hair.

“Err… let me guess. You both want a meal before we head out, don’t you?”

“… That would be greatly appreciated, yes.”

“… It’s the least you can do, after trying to emulate That Man.”

Shirou sighs and nods.

“Alright… fine.”

-x-X-x-

That’s how Rin and her own summon, Ereshkigal, find them. In the cafeteria, with Saber and Saber Alter eating more of Shirou’s food. At least by the time Rin and the Goddess of the Underworld show up, the two versions of Artoria Pendragon have cleaned up their faces enough to be presentable. Why, unless one happened to look at a certain… messy spot in the cafeteria, one wouldn’t know anything had happened at all!

… Which of course means that Rin’s eyes fall upon the spot where he fucked Saber and Alter almost immediately upon entering the cafeteria, causing her to come to a dead stop and Ereshkigal to nearly collide with her from behind.

“Wha-! Mistress! Why did you stop moving?! Oh! Food!”

The moment the smell of freshly cooked food hits Ereshkigal’s nose, the blonde divinity all but floats over to the counter, while her summoner continues to stare. Shirou finds himself a little nervous as he places a plate of food in front of Ereshkigal, having once again made FAR more than anyone could ever eat… if they weren’t versions of Artoria Pendragon that is. As a matter of fact, both Saber and Saber Alter let out matching growls as Ereshkigal takes her plate and looks at it curiously.

The blonde blinks at this… and then hurriedly pulls her plate closer to her, shielding it with an arm when she sees the matching hungry expressions on her fellow Servants’ faces.

“Shirou…”

Meanwhile, Rin has finally broken out of her stupor and has taken that tone of voice with him that Shirou is well-familiar with at this point. Giving his tsundere girlfriend a wavering smile, he clears his throat and holds up a fourth plate for her.

“Hungry, Rin?”

Unfortunately, he can’t control Rin Tohsaka with food in quite the same way he can Artoria Pendragon. Oh sure, she still loves his cooking… but at the same time, she’s not as beholden to her food addiction as Saber is. Stomping over, Rin yanks the plate from his hands and then glares at him, not immediately taking a bite. Before she can speak however, Shirou overrides her, lifting his hands in defense.

“Look, Rin… it’s fine! I’ve figured it all out, okay?”

She pauses at that, and then looks at him curiously.

“Figured… what out?”

Shirou opens his mouth, fully intending on telling Rin about his epiphany. That he was a harem protagonist. That more than that, he was a comedy harem protagonist. But before the words can leave his mouth… he realizes that telling a member of his harem what he’d figured out might not be the best of ideas. He imagines in his mind’s eye Rin’s reaction to being told that not only is she a member of his harem, but he’s pretty sure their entire world is a comedy. Then, he imagines her leaning over the counter and biting his head off, literally.

In the end, letting out a nervous chuckle, Shirou decides to take a… different tack.

“Err… how to get Saber and Saber Alter to get along, of course! Look! They’re not even growling at each other anymore!”

Rin glances over at the two Sabers, both of whom are still scarfing down his food side by side. In fact, they MIGHT be racing… or it might just look like they are. Shirou can’t say for sure. Either way, Rin frowns and then shakes her head, glancing over at the mess in the cafeteria again as well.

“… By fucking them? Is that how you got them to get along, Shirou?”

Beside her, Ereshkigal proceeds to do a spit take, having been not to surreptitiously listening in on his and Rin’s conversation. The two Sabers on the other hand, don’t hear a single word. Or at least, they don’t react in any way.

Shirou, for his part, freezes up for all of a second before deciding to hell with it.

“Yep. That’s exactly right. Want me to do the same for you and Ereshkigal, Rin?”

Both of them freeze up at that, with Shirou smirking, happy to have caught Rin off-guard. The tsundere sputters in response, shaking her head wildly.

“W-What?! N-No! Of course not!”

Hah, that was fair. In fact, maybe this was a bit of a wake up call. Not every girl that Shirou interacted with would wind up in his harem after all, he was pretty sure. No, it would probably only be-

“I told her she has to earn it first!”

Wait wha-?!

At Shirou’s stupefied look, Rin blushes.

“What?! We let Ritsuka in… it seems obvious that containing this is going to be impossible going forward. Still, Ereshkigal and I had a little… talk. We’re on the same page now. She’s going to be a good Servant going forward. Aren’t you, Ereshkigal?”

The Goddess of the Underworld, who has devoured a good half of her plate by this point, slowly nods with wide eyes.

“I didn’t understand at first… why my new Mistress was dangling you in front of me like some sort of treat I should desire with all my heart. But now… now I get it. If you’re half as good in bed as you are in the kitchen…”

She trails off, blushing and unable to finish her sentence. But what she’s left unsaid is pretty damn obvious. Outwardly, Shirou blushes as well as he slowly nods. Inwardly? Inwardly, Shirou is pumping his fist up and down. He knew it! Comedy Harem Protagonist, CONFIRMED! Even Rin Tohsaka was not immune to the effects of the genre!

Still… he definitely has to keep a level-head about all of this. And so he lets all four girls finish their meals wordlessly, before the five of them altogether make their way back to Acting Director Roman and the Rayshift Chamber. They find Ritsuka and her own Demiservant Mash already waiting for them there as well, and as soon as they’re all inside, Roman speaks up, barely paying Saber’s presence any mind.

“Alright. I hope everyone has had time to get properly acquainted now. Are you all ready to work together as proper teams for the sake of the Grand Order? We’re not going to save humanity without your help.”

When everyone nods, the good doctor sighs and turns to his monitors.

“Great… because there’s something you all have to decide now. Essentially… how are you going to do this?”

Wait, what? Shirou tilts his head to the side, while Rin is the one to actually ask the question suddenly on their minds.

“You’re the Acting Director, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be the one telling us how to do this?”

Letting out a laugh, Dr. Roman raises his hands in surrender.

“Oh, of course. I’ll be helping out all along the way and guiding you to your objectives. Let me clarify… there are two routes we can take from here. There are numerous Singularities that need to be explored and resolved before we can fix what that bastard did. So our options are to either divide and conquer… or bum rush each Singularity with overwhelming firepower. Basically, do you lot want to split up and cover more ground, or try and rely on one another all working together to complete each Singularity faster?”

Oh. That made sense. Shirou hums, scratching the back of his head and looking at the others. Hmm, what WAS the best choice here? Each set of Master and Servant going into their own Singularities, or all three pairs doing the same Singularity together to make it a guaranteed thing?

On the one hand, the first option meant they had a better chance of getting this done faster. On the other hand, the second option meant they had a better chance of getting it done at all…