Hardcore Confidential Informing (DC Comics) (Patreon)

Poll Winner

Themes: Rough Sex, Big Dick, Mind Break

Summary: No one would expect Harley of all wackos to be Batman's confidential informant. That's why its so perfect! She supplies him with info about what anyone else planning in exchange for getting pounded by bat-dick. And that's it. That is the extent of their relationship. It's not like she's in love with him and would do anything for him anyway. Or at least that's what she tells herself. 

-x-X-x-

Gotham City was a shithole. There was no getting around that fact. No matter which way you looked at it, no matter how you tried to cut it, Gotham was the worst of the worst. In fact, to call it a shithole was sort of an insult to perfectly productive shitholes everywhere. After all, at least a shithole had a purpose. At least it had a use.

What was Gotham’s purpose? To spread misery and despair? Yeah, that sounded about right. The place was a garbage heap with a bunch of stubborn rats scrambling around on it for sustenance. Heh, rats and one particularly stubborn bat, anyways.

Still, it wasn’t all bad. One of the upsides to Gotham City’s shithole status was that there was always plenty of free real estate if you needed to find a place to squat! Though, you needed to have some skill in the fine art of squatting to make it work really well. There was free real estate… and then there was free real estate. The trick was all about timing, in Harley’s VERY professional opinion. As one of Gotham’s Serial Squatters (on account of all the crime, NOT because she was broke, thank you very much!) Harley knew full well how best to handle the issue of accommodations.

You didn’t squat in an abandoned warehouse unless you were really desperate. Making a warehouse a home was always way too time consuming and expensive, especially when you weren’t likely to get to stay for longer than a couple of months. You also didn’t squat in any apartments that had been condemned for longer than half a year either. Not only were they more likely to fall down on your head at that point, but they were also probably covered in bugs and roaches.

The best places to squat were the recently abandoned… but not SO recently abandoned that the police were checking them for squatters. It was something of a careful balancing act that one had to make, and Harley Quinn was one of the best at it!

Laying flat on a bed in the room of her latest place of residence, Harley kicks her feet in the air idly, humming a small tune to herself as she flips through a magazine she’d pilfered from a nearby drug store. If anyone asked, she definitely bought it for the articles… but really, these days the former psychiatrist didn’t really have the attention span to do much reading. So honestly, she was just looking at the pictures.

She-

“Harley.”

In an instant, the crazy female clown hides the Playboy Magazine as though she’s been caught by her parents… rather than the goddamn Batman himself. Spinning around, Harley lets out a nervous giggle, even as her pet hyenas belatedly react to the intrusion, lifting their heads… except, when they see who it is, neither of them even so much as yips. They just stare drowsily at the Caped Crusader for a moment before laying their heads back down.

Harley’s eyes widen at the complete and utter betrayal and for a moment she forgets all about Batman’s presence.

“Oi! You two! What gives?!”

In response, her pets just yawn loudly, before smacking their lips and leveling unimpressed looks in her direction. Feeling heat rising to her cheeks under her face paint, Harley pouts mightily and glares at the hyenas, pointing to the door.

“Alright you two! Out! I gotta talk to the Bats! Out I say!”

After a moment, the hyenas finally climb to their feet and slink their way out of the room, though not before throwing one last pair of looks over their shoulders at her. Maybe she’s humanizing them a bit too much, but Harley reads the following from those looks: ‘Really? Talk? Yeah right.’

Blushing profusely now, though it’s mostly hidden by her signature white clown makeup, Harley looks over to the silent Batman, beaming as she plants her hands behind her, lounging back and crossing and uncrossing her legs.

“Heya, Mistah B. Fancy seeing you here~”

Rather than move to apprehend her or anything like that, Batman is quiet for a moment before letting out an almost inaudible sigh. Harley hears it though! Oh yes she does!

“… Staying out of trouble, Harley?”

Gasping, feigning offense, Harley plants a hand on her chest.

“Of course, Mistah B! What do ya take me for?!”

Silence reigns for a moment, and it’s clear exactly what he takes her for… a crazed criminal. Still, Harley was reformed! Sort of. Nobody else knew it, but she and the Bats… they had a deal while her pudding was still locked up in Arkham.

“… Do you have any information for me, Harley?”

Yep! That’s right! HARLEY QUINN of all people had become Batman’s confidential informant! A crazed giggle leaves her lips just at the thought. It was patently ridiculous, wasn’t it? But that was what made it so good! No one would ever suspect anything, not even the Joker himself! Ehehehe!

Still… Harley smirks as she reaches up and twirls one of her blonde pigtails on a finger.

“Oh yeah Mistah B. I got tons of good information for ya. The real question is… do you got the goods?”

There’s another pause… and then a more audible sigh from Batman this time around. The Caped Crusader hesitates briefly and then reaches down and grips at his codpiece, pressing in at certain points in a way that makes the crotch of his body armor snap and hiss… and come right off.

Unfurling out from its confines is Harley’s ‘payment’… the goddamn Batman’s goddamn amazing cock. Her eyes light up and she’s off the bed in a flash, dropping to her knees in front of Batman’s huge, fat, growing dick. He’s not even half hard yet, but he’s already SO big. Licking her lips eagerly, the crazed harlequin reaches out and grabs hold of his member in her gloved hands, stroking it up and down as he grunts but otherwise doesn’t react.

“Oh yeah baby… come to mama~”

It’s okay that he doesn’t react. Harley has everything she wants right in front of her. With just a few moments of effort from her hands, Batman’s cock is nice and hard, stimulated to full mast by her expert technique. Then, without further ado, Harley leans in and opens wide, taking him past her lips and into her waiting maw.

Immediately, she feels the strain on her jaw as she has to stretch and stretch it to manage to take all of that glorious, fat Bat-Dick past her lips. The Caped Crusader is hung like a fucking horse… frankly, Harley doesn’t know how he manages to be so stealthy when this hefty slab of meat should be slapping against his inner thigh with every step he takes.

He’s probably got some kind of system in his costume that straps it down or something so that he can move around, because otherwise he’s basically a damn tripod with a ‘third leg’ of this size! Still, Harley doesn’t let that stop her from getting every last inch of her ‘reward’ crammed into her stretched mouth and tight little throat.

“Huuuuuuulghk!”

“… Harley…”

His gruff, growled warning just makes Harley look up at him with a twinkle in his eye. D’awww, he did care! But that wasn’t going to stop her either. Making a show out of slowly pulling back, the female clown swirls her tongue this way and that, gurgling as she does so, until just her lips are kissing his cockhead and her tongue is pushing against his glans.

THEN, just when he least expects it, she strikes, shoving herself back down his mammoth-sized member and taking him ALLLLLL the way down her throat and into her esophagus.

“Gagkh! Gagkh! Gagkh!”

Bouncing her head up and down his shaft like there’s no tomorrow because HE certainly isn’t going to do it, Harley Quinn gurgles and gags, choking on Batman’s big fat dick. She wishes he would just take hold of her blonde pigtails and force himself on her, that he would piston his cock in and out of her throat of his own accord and just use and abuse her to his heart’s content.

Unfortunately, Batman wasn’t like that. He wouldn’t hit her and knock her around, even though her pudding assured her that that was what a stupid bitch like her needed. No, Mistah B was nothing like Mistah J. And that was fine. She loved Mistah J, really. So she didn’t mind that Mistah B was different. It was better this way. So she didn’t get attached.

“Glughk! Glughk! Glughk!”

In fact, as Harley skull fucks herself on Batman’s humungous schlong, the Caped Crusader does the exact opposite after a little while. Reaching down and grabbing hold of her pigtails, he uses them to rein her in rather than to fuck her face even harder. He forces her to slow down, to take her time a bit more… honestly, it kind of ruins it for her. He’s just too damn nice! She doesn’t like all that lovey dovey stuff! Honest! She doesn’t!

And so, Harley finally pulls back off of Batman’s cock altogether. Never mind that she’s panting noisily, never mind that her face is definitely bright red under her clown makeup. Looking up at the cowled vigilante, she licks her lips eagerly.

“G-Give it to me, Batman. Fucking pound me!”

If she couldn’t have him pound her throat, then they’d just move onto the main event. Hopping to her feet, Harley hurriedly strips off her top and then spins around, shimmying out of her shorts as well and exposing her puffy pussy lips and her cute derriere to the Caped Crusader. Bending over the bed, she spreads her legs wide and reaches down to use her fingers to splay open her cunt in offering.

His gloved hands fall upon her hips a moment later, and his spit-polished cock finally, FINALLY thrusts into her. Harley squeals happily as she’s stretched out in an oh-so-satisfying manner upon Batman’s cock. Her eyes threaten to roll back in her head and she gurgles giddily as she arches her back like a particularly satisfied cat. Giggling to herself, she frigs her clit and mewls and moans, even as Batman begins to thrust harder and faster by the moment.

Here, he doesn’t hold back. He knows she can take it. And more than that, she’s found that once she gets him going, he’s got some measure of… violence in him. He doesn’t hit her. He doesn’t strike her ever. Not like the Joker. But he definitely knows how to properly fuck her.

“Yes! YES! Harder Mistah B! So good! SOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!”

After just a little while, Harley’s eyes DO roll back in her head. The harlequin’s tongue lolls out of her mouth as she moans up a storm, crying out in ecstasy. Her entire body shakes and spasms in Batman’s ironclad grasp. He grunts in response, the only sound he ever makes during their… transactions with one another.

Yep, Harley Quinn is the goddamn Batman’s confidential informant. She gives him dirt on all of her fellow rogues, and in turn he fucks her silly with his big fat Bat-Dick. It’s a great arrangement, as far as Harley is concerned. Purely transactional, of course. Harley doesn’t LOVE Batman or anything. She just likes his dick. Really.

Honestly, he’s not even her type. The Joker is her type, her one and only. Oh, and Poison Ivy, but she’s pretty sure the other villainess isn’t a lesbian, so Harley isn’t about to let on about her crush on the plant controller. Still, she doesn’t ever give Batman any information about Ivy. That’s the one villain that stays out of Harley’s bean-spilling. If the Caped Crusader has noticed, he’s been nice enough to not bring it up at least.

Meanwhile, Harley is having the time of her life. Cumming on Batman’s cock, moaning up a storm, squealing as she creams herself again and again and again… alas, all good things come to an end, don’t they? She loses track of just how many times she orgasms before Batman’s gloved hand suddenly grabs hold of her hair again.

His massive member comes sliding out of her incredibly wet, stretched cunt, and he yanks her back off of the bed and onto her knees. Well used to the end of their little encounters by now, Harley happily kneels down in front of him and lifts up her tits with her hands, sticking out her tongue and opening her mouth nice and wide.

Batman never cums inside of her. Probably prudent to be honest, and she wasn’t about to ask him to do it, no sir. Theirs was purely a business relationship and nothing more! And so, as the conclusion to their ‘business’ together, Harley takes the Caped Crusader’s load all over her face and tits, moaning and mewling all the while as he cums and cums and cums.

His seed is always so thick and voluminous. It’s all Harley can do to make sure none of it winds up anywhere but her body. By the time he’s done, she’s positively dripping with the stuff in fact.

As he finishes, letting go of her hair and carefully tucking his cock back into the crotch of his body armor, Harley moans happily, rubbing his seed into her chest. It makes for the best moisturizer, honestly. She’d swear by it. So warm and sticky and-

“Harley. The information.”

Oh right. Perking up, Harley spins around, reaches under the bed, and pulls out a box. She eagerly holds it up to him, grinning like a mad woman all the while… and sneaking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth to slurp up some of his seed from her own face as she does so. Batman pauses and narrows his eyes as he stares down at the box.

“… Where’s the USB drive.”

Pouting, Harley insistently holds the box aloft.

“It’s in there Mistah B! I wouldn’t make ya pay if I intended to betray ya, would I?”

She would totally betray him if she had to. And at some point she probably would have to. But she wouldn’t let him fuck her first. That’d just be crass! After a long moment, Batman seems to accept this and takes the box, carefully opening it. After a moment of staring at the contents, he pulls out the USB drive tucked into one corner and pockets it. Then, he pulls out the heart-shaped box of chocolates with “One Year Anniversary” emblazoned on the front and holds it up while staring at Harley.

“… Harley, what is this?”

Trying not to let her embarrassment show, Harley continues to beam at him.

“One Year Anniversary Chocolates, Batsy! It’s been one year to this day since I became your confidential informant ya know!”

And it definitely wasn’t anything more than that. She was JUST his confidential informant. Nothing more. And only until the Joker got out of Arkham Asylum. Though, this last year HAD been nice… it was the longest that her pudding had ever stayed locked up too. Perhaps because Harley had decided she was on strike. She’d made zero attempts to get the Joker out in the past year. To be fair, he usually got out all on his own.

… Either way, it definitely wasn’t anything more than that, and Harley crosses her arms over her cum-covered chest and pouts at Batman.

“Don’t make anything more of this than it really is, Mistah B! Got it?”

Finally, mercifully, Batman slowly nods… and tucks the box of chocolates away.

“… Until next time, Harley.”

And then he leaves. Harley feels a strange pang in her chest after he’s gone, but mostly she’s just happy. A warmth spreads through her and she hops to her feet, flopping backwards onto the bed behind her. Ahh… another delicious transaction complete.

… She hoped he enjoyed the chocolates~