Chef's Kiss Ch. 5 (Fate/Grand Order) (Patreon)

A/N: In case it wasn't already obvious, a major theme of this fic is going to be humor. I hope that people enjoy that~

-x-X-x-

She was really doing this. Biting her lower lip, Ritsuka shifts her weight from foot to foot for a moment. She’d had every chance to back out after deciding that even if it wasn’t her place to go looking for answers, she was going to do it anyways. First, she’d gone to the kitchens to see if she could find Shirou Emiya there.

But no, the kitchens had been closed down for the time being, and the cafeteria had been completely dark. Ritsuka supposed it made sense. Not only was it late at night, but they’d all just been through a lot. The whole of human history had been wiped out and Chaldea was all that was left. She couldn’t exactly begrudge the kitchen staff an early turn in, could she?

And yet… and yet, she hadn’t taken the out offered to her. She’d tracked down where Chaldea’s new Head Chef was quartered and made her way over there. Curiously, she’d found out at the same time that all of the kitchen staff, Shirou and those three women she’d seen with him earlier in the cafeteria… they were sharing an apartment suite instead of having their own individual quarters.

Meaning that, as she stands outside of said apartment suite, she’s not just risking bothering Shirou right now, but all of the kitchen staff. Did she really want to piss off the people who made her food? Did she really want to get on their bad side?

… After a moment, Ritsuka reaches out and politely knocks on the door.

“Mister Emiya? Mister Emiya, I need to talk to you!”

In for a penny, in for a pound. She keeps knocking and keeps calling out… but no one answers. Maybe the sound just doesn’t transfer very well? Maybe she should be finding a different way to communicate. But… then Dr. Roman might find out she’d gone to confront the new Head Chef. And then Ritsuka would get in trouble.

No, she had to do this by herself. She had to… only, it didn’t look like she was going to get any results. Perhaps this was it. Perhaps this was where her journey ends and her attempt for answers dies.

A cute growl leaving her lips, Ritsuka smacks the door panel next to the door in one final fit of exasperation and frustration. Then, the crimson-haired Master of Chaldea begins to turn to walk away, fully expecting the gesture to be a futile one. Which is why she’s so surprised when the door panel chimes… and the door slides open right in front of her.

Ritsuka’s eyes damn near bulge out of her head and she quickly checks the door panel’s screen. Apparently… apparently her new status as Chaldea’s only Master had increased her privileges quite a bit. She doesn’t have access to EVERY part of Chaldea, but she does have access to all nonessential rooms and most essential rooms to boot.

… That seems to include the living quarters, which HAS to be a massive oversight. She definitely shouldn’t have total access to the private quarters of all of Chaldea’s skeleton crew of staff! That’s way too abusable! And unsafe! Ritsuka takes a step back from the open doorway, fully intending to let the door close on its own. She would report this issue to Dr. Roman as soon as possible, though she’d have to figure out a way to explain what had happened without telling Chaldea’s Acting Director what had ACTUALLY happened.

She would-

“AIIIEEEEEEEE!!!”

Ritsuka’s eyes widen, as what sounds like a feminine scream of pain reaches her ears from within the apartment suite. Immediately, her desire to help overrides her common sense, and Chaldea’s sole remaining Master rushes into the apartment hallway just as the door slides shut behind her. Racing down the length of the hallway, she turns the corner into a living room, along which there’s another hallway that leads to the open doorway of a bedroom through which-

A startled squeak leaves Ritsuka’s lips, and the red head hastily backpedals, disappearing back around the corner that she’d just turned down. Her eyes are wide as her heart races from what she just saw through that open doorway. B-But… s-surely not, r-right?

“S-Slow down! Shirou, it’s too big! You’re going too fast! Eeeee!!!”

As the same voice from before reaches Ritsuka’s ears, her face goes as red as her hair. In the end… in the end, her curiosity gets the better of her. She can’t help it. Carefully, moving much slower than before, Ritsuka peeks out around the corner, sneakily moving so that she’s able to see what’s going on with just one eye.

There, framed perfectly by the open doorway to one of the apartment suite’s bedrooms, Ritsuka can see Shirou Emiya, Chaldea’s Head Chef… fucking one of his staff right in the ass. The young woman is face down, ass up on the bed, and at first Ritsuka fears she’s stumbled upon something truly awful happening, based on the scream and the words she’s heard.

But then she sees the young woman’s face, and she begins to doubt it quite heavily.

“T-Too much! A-Ah! It’s too much~”

Despite acting like Shirou is going too fast and it hurts… the young woman currently taking it up the b-butt has an expression of pure, utter ecstasy on her face. Her eyes are crossed and her cheeks are flushed. Her tongue lolls out of her mouth, wiggling across the bedding beneath her. Her hands are pulled back behind her by Shirou, who is gripping her wrists securely as he drives down into her from above, crouching over her quivering, shuddering ass.

She’s loving it, Ritsuka silently realizes. She’s loving getting fucked in the ass by Shirou Emiya. By this point, Ritsuka’s blush feels permanent. Her face is bright red and incredibly hot, and it almost feels like steam is wafting off of it. She stares from around the corner in her hiding place as Shirou continues to rail his… his what? His staff? His lover? His girlfriend? What exactly has Ritsuka stumbled into?

It takes several minutes and far longer than it probably should have for Ritsuka to realize it doesn’t matter what she’s stumbled into. She’s definitely intruding. For all that the girl getting butt-fucked is acting like she doesn’t want it, she very clearly does. Or else she wouldn’t be squealing about how she’s ‘cumming from her ass’ right now.

Needless to say, Ritsuka knows she has to leave. She’s definitely going to leave. She’s just… making doubly sure. So yes, she spends a few more minutes peeking around the corner before finally pulling back. She has every intention of sneaking out of there. No one needs to know. She can always ask Shirou her questions at another time, like maybe in the cafeteria or something. She definitely doesn’t need to know what’s up with him right now while he’s having butt sex with someone else.

Reluctantly, but also shamefully, Ritsuka starts backing away towards the exit to the apartment, still listening to the noises coming from the bedroom around the corner. Flesh slapping against flesh, a squelching anus… and of course, the young woman’s repeated cries about definitely not enjoying it, even as she so clearly enjoys it.

She makes it five feet before running smack dab into something. But that doesn’t make sense, there should be another dozen feet or so before she reaches the door. Reaching back, Ritsuka tries to find the door panel, unwilling to turn around and take her eyes off the other end of the hallway. But all she ends up groping is air. Until she moves her hand around and gropes something that is definitely NOT air. Or rather… some-ONE.

In an instant, Ritsuka whips around, a squeak leaving her lips as she finds herself staring at a naked woman with purple hair and glowing eyes standing there in her path, staring her down. Another one of Shirou Emiya’s kitchen staff, Ritsuka correctly identifies… and yet, in this moment, the girl looks like something straight out of a horror movie!

“Hello. You’re Ritsuka Fujimaru, aren’t you?”

Swallowing thickly, Ritsuka’s eyes glance past the purple-haired woman, to the door behind her. Except… the door isn’t there anymore. Or at least, it’s not visible. The entrance she’d used to come into this apartment in the first place is now covered in pitch-black darkness and most definitely does not look like a way out anymore.

“U-Uh… y-yes. That’s me. Who… uh, who are you?”

Tilting her head to the side, glowing eyes still focused unerringly on her, the woman hums and instead of answering her question, asks another question.

“Do you make a habit of intruding on private moments between lovers, Ms. Fujimaru?”

Blanching, Ritsuka can’t help but take a step back when the purple-haired woman takes a step forward. She’s trying desperately not to stare too much at the other girl’s nudity, but it’s hard not to. And she thinks she sees something white coming from down below, between her thighs.

“W-What? N-No! I promise, I’m not like that! This is all just one big misunderstanding! I thought I heard someone in pain!”

D-Damn it all… she never should have come here. Sakura continues to stalk forward, and Ritsuka continues to stumble backwards… until she stumbles into the living room and hits the back of a couch, only for Sakura to keep coming. She only really realizes she’s being corralled by the time it’s too late and she’s already turned to continue walking backwards… right in the direction of Shirou Emiya’s bedroom. Distantly, she hears the sounds of rough anal sex coming to a stop, but truth be told… in this moment, Ritsuka only has eyes for the horror movie villainess approaching her!

She wished Mash was here! She wished she’d never decided to snoop on Shirou in the first place! She wished for a lot of things!

“Is that so, Ms. Fujimaru? Or is it possible that really, you’re just a pervert who’s lusting after Senpai like the rest of us?”

W-What! No, that wasn’t true! Ritsuka shakes her head in a panic, only to freeze as the doorframe suddenly comes into view in her periphery. She’s really allowed herself to be corralled all the way back here! Ah, this is the worst! She’s going to die! She’s going to- wait!

It’s then that Ritsuka remembers… her Command Seals! She’s a Master of Chaldea now, and that comes with some small amount of power! She and Mash have a b-bond, so shouldn’t she be able to use her Command Seals to ask Mash to come and save her? Even if this situation is a terrible one, even if this isn’t something she ever wanted Mash to see her in… she doesn’t really have any choice! She’s going to have to-

“… Ritsuka? Sakura, what do you think you’re doing?”

In an instant, it’s as thought a light switch has been flicked. The purple-haired girl in front of her, who Ritsuka now knows to be Sakura, goes from being a horror movie monster to looking panicked and downright apologetic in less than a heartbeat. The glow in her eyes disappears, as do the shadows that were coalescing and following in her wake.

“A-Ah! Senpai! Please, it’s not what it looks like! I definitely didn’t kidnap Ms. Fujimaru and bring her here as a sacrifice to your lusts!”

Wait, what? Was that even a possibility? As Ritsuka blinks dumbly at Sakura, Shirou’s voice comes from behind her, sounding rather exasperated.

“When you say it like that Sakura, it sounds rather bad… my darling kouhai isn’t being naughty, is she?”

“No Senpai! I promise! She’s the one who’s been naughty! She was spying on you while you were having your way with Rin! All I did was stop her from sneaking out once she’d had her fill of watching you plow my sister in her uptight ass!”

“H-Hey!”

The offended party, who Ritsuka now knows is named Rin, is promptly ignored by all involved. Ritsuka, meanwhile, finally turns to look behind her, blushing at the sight of Shirou standing there with his hands on his hips… and his dick out, looking quite… well, tasty. Ugh, down girl. Just because you’re a LITTLE bit of a pervert doesn’t mean you need to let that aspect of your personality control you!

Ritsuka can only blush as she looks up to see Shirou raising an eyebrow at her questioningly.

“Is that true, Ritsuka?”

For a long moment, she considers lying and throwing Sakura under the bus. But… no. That would never work out well, not in the long run. So instead, Ritsuka turns to face Shirou properly… and promptly bows to the Head Chef, folding herself in half as she bows at the waist with her hands at her sides.

“M-My apologies for the intrusion. I did not intend to spy on you, but when I accidentally discovered that my status gives me access to your apartment, I heard a woman screaming before I could leave and acted without thinking! I realize now that I should never have entered your apartment without permission. Please forgive me!”

Behind her now, Sakura pipes up.

“See Senpai?! I told you! She’s the one who was being naughty! I-!”

“Enough, Sakura. I believe Ritsuka. She didn’t mean to intrude or spy on us. She only wanted to save Rin. An admirable goal for someone who doesn’t know about Rin’s weak spot.”

“Grrr… s-shut up. J-Just because you all insist on calling it my weak spot doesn’t mean it is!”

“Ah… but you always make such strange faces when Shirou fucks you there, Rin.”

“Et tu, Saber?”

Ritsuka’s eyes widen as she finds herself glancing over at the fourth person in the room. How did she fail to notice her presence until now?! Also… this confirmed that Shirou was in a sexual relationship with all three of his staff members! They were all very pretty, but even still… h-how did he manage them all so well? A glance down at his cock makes Ritsuka’s face steam even harder. She supposed she knew how he handled them, didn’t she?

“But… Ritsuka. That doesn’t quite explain everything. What brought you to our quarters in the first place?”

Shirou’s question is not accusatory, but merely curious. Still, Ritsuka bites her lower lip as she considers how to respond. Finally though… she can’t hold herself back any longer. She came here for one reason and one reason only d-damn it! And she’s not going to pretend like she didn’t!

“I want… I want answers! You’re all very mysterious, a-and normally I wouldn’t mind, but now we’re all that’s left of humanity and you managed to save Director Animusphere and that seems like something that a simple Chef shouldn’t be capable of s-so I want to know exactly what you’re all about!”

There! She’d done it. Now all that was left… was to see how they responded…

-x-X-x-

A/N: Question for those FGO fans out there. How does summoning work exactly? Because I imagine it'll start coming up really soon. Which Servants can be summoned right now? All/Any of them? Or just a very small select few?

Consider this your opportunity to submit suggestions for topical Servant Summons as well~