Swirling Chaos Ch. 32 (Naruto) (Patreon)

A/N: Naruto and Tsunade make a wager~

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“Before we begin, let’s make a wager, you and I.”

Tsunade pauses at that, and to anyone else, gives what might have been an incredulous, slightly amused look.

“Excuse me?”

But Naruto isn’t anyone else. He knows at least one version of Tsunade Senju pretty damn well and while this version might have come back to Konoha a fair bit earlier than the other version, she’s still got a gambler’s heart. He knows this because even as she looks at him incredulously, her fingers twitch with the desire to hold cards or dice.

Smiling cheerily, Naruto shrugs.

“I know for a fact that I’m perfectly fine. You’re not going to find anything wrong with me, Lady Tsunade.”

Her eyes narrow at his confidence. No doubt to her, it looks more like arrogance.

“We’ll see about that, brat. Shirt off!”

But Naruto just shakes his head at her barked order.

“That’s the wager, Lady Tsunade. I’ll submit to every single test you want to run… but if you find nothing wrong with me, you have to do me a favor. Just one favor. Sound good?”

Again, the Slug Princess pauses. Her lips thin out as she considers him more closely for a moment.

“… And what if I do find something wrong with you, hm? What then, brat?”

She doesn’t even bother asking him to tell her what the favor is. No doubt she looks at him, sees a fresh Genin just out of the Academy, and can’t think of a single thing he’d ask for that she wouldn’t be able to provide. Besides, if he asked for anything truly inappropriate, she could just threaten to tell his mother in order to make him ask for something else.

At least, that’s what Naruto assumes is going through Tsunade’s mind at the moment. He knows he already has her. The Legendary Sucker just can’t help herself. Giving the blonde a big, winning smile, Naruto shrugs again.

“Easy. If you actually do find something wrong with me, then I swear to submit to whatever regimen you deem necessary to fix it, no matter how irritating or boring it is. You know who my parents are… so you know how much of a concession that is.”

That gets a bark of laughter from Tsunade, along with a rueful shake of her head.

“You’re not wrong, brat. You’re not wrong. Fine! Consider your little wager accepted! Now get that shirt off so I can check you over!”

Naruto grins wickedly as he shucks his shirt over his head for her. Hook, Line, and Sinker.

The first thing Tsunade does is go for his seal. Bringing it into full view, she narrows her eyes as she looks it over for several long minutes in silence, running all sorts of diagnostic tests and poking and prodding it from every possible angle. The one thing she doesn’t do is try to alter it further… but then to be fair, she can’t alter it further.

Naruto had made sure to Chakra Lock it when he’d made his initial modifications after arriving in this world. Only he could perform further modifications to his seal. In order to overwhelm his Chakra Lock, you would have to either have more Chakra than Naruto or drain him to the point of exhaustion. The first was honestly a laughable aspiration, and the second was almost as impossible.

Finally, Tsunade pulls back and crosses her arms over her chest.

“Show me.”

Naruto raises an eyebrow at her, making her scoff and roll a hand in the air.

“Show me the Kyuubi, brat. I know it’s capable of manifesting.”

A moment later and Kurama pops into being before them. The Nine-Tailed Kitsune appears on the nearby examination bed that they hadn’t bothered using, her tails flicking behind her as she crosses her legs and rests her hands upon one knee.

“Satisfied, Senju?”

Tsunade glares at the humanoid Kyuubi for a moment, before running more diagnostics. Finally though, she nods and the moment she does so, Kurama vanishes again. Naruto tilts his head to the side, even as Tsunade gives him a look.

“My grandmother would say you’re giving that thing way too much free reign… but I think my grandfather would be happy to see some harmony between a Tailed Beast and its container. Better than nothing, I suppose.”

Naruto raises both eyebrows at that. Her grandmother Mito Uzumaki and her grandfather Hashirama Senju. Heh, she wasn’t exactly wrong about either of their reactions, or so he suspected.

Leaving the modified seal behind, Tsunade instead begins to give the rest of him a check-up. Naruto submits to every test she can come up with, no matter how invasive, watching as she grows more and more frustrated with the results. After all, he knows what they’re showing… nothing whatsoever.

“Tch… show me that technique you used against the Uchiha Brat. The one that had Mikoto in such a tizzy. I want to see it working in action.”

Naruto hums but isn’t too worried. He’s well aware that it looks dangerous to him, but he also knows it has no long-term side effects. So really, no harm and no foul right? Making the appropriate hand signs, Naruto begins to utilize the same ‘technique’ that he’d used in his duel against Satsuki. Albeit this time around he’s not using it in the middle of active combat. Feels a little strange to be breaking himself down and building himself back up while standing still, but it’s not like it’s impossible or anything.

Tsunade watches him do this wordlessly for a time, her eyes glowing slightly with an active med-nin dojutsu that likely lets her see some of what a Uchiha or Hyuga might be able to see. At the same time, her hands are cloaked in green healing chakra as she runs them over his body, still checking him out via her diagnostic jutsu.

Suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere, Killing Intent descends upon Naruto like a tidal wave and those hands go from comforting palms to fists in under a moment. As Tsunade tries to put her incredibly powerful fists right through his body, a bewildered Naruto immediately body flickers out of the way, escaping her blows and appearing behind her with a baffled look on his face.

“What the hell was that?!”

Tsunade whips towards him, looking enraged.

“Orochimaru! Did you think I wouldn’t recognize you?! What have you done to Kushina and Minato’s son?!”

Whoa, what?! Naruto dodges again as Tsunade lunges at him for a grab. She’s a moment away from destroying the hospital room they’re in at this rate, and if she doesn’t calm down, she might destroy the hospital itself.

“Lady Tsunade, what the fuck are you talking about? I am NOT Orochimaru! Restrain yourself before you harm your patients!”

There’s a flicker of concern in her eyes at that, even as she snarls. Still, she holds her ground for a moment… likely expecting the hospital room’s security seals to be able to hold him just long enough for her to catch him if he tries to make a run for it.

In the back of his mind, Kurama isn’t helping… no, she’s laughing. Groaning, Naruto rubs the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve the headache that’s starting to overwhelm him.

“Please… just tell me why you think I’m Orochimaru so I can tell you why I’m not.”

Scoffing, Tsunade crosses her arms over her chest, sneering at him.

“I don’t know what you’re playing at, Orochimaru. But even if you’ve hidden every trace of your Chakra inside the boy, you couldn’t have made yourself more obvious if you’ve tried. Modifying Minato’s seal, parading the Kyuubi like she’s some docile, submissive courtesan, but most of all… showing off a completed immortality technique. It was that last one that truly sealed the deal.”

Hold up. Immortality Technique?!

In the back of his mind, Kurama just laughs all the harder as Naruto gapes, more bewildered than ever before.

“W-What do you mean, immortality technique?!”

“Don’t play games with me, Orochimaru! You and I have both studied the human body not just front to back, but deeper than anyone else before us. You’ve just been far less moral about your… research. But you should know full well that I’m aware of how aging works. As we age, our cells become less and less capable of dividing and multiplying, of creating new cells. Only, you’ve found a way around that haven’t you? You’ve finally found true immortality through the destruction and reconstitution of your cells. You’ll never age another day at this rate… but I can still kill you dead where you stand if you don’t release the boy back to me.”

Naruto’s mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. Even Kurama has fallen silent in the wake of Tsunade’s explanation. True immortality? They’d… they’d stumbled upon true immortality? He… he hadn’t known. It wasn’t a technique he’d truly developed until his final years in the other timeline, and by that point he didn’t really have anyone to notice whether he was still visibly aging or not anyways.

Of course, it made sense that Tsunade would be able to deduce such a thing. Her own Transformation Technique, while not true immortality, allowed her to appear as though she were still in her twenties, hearty and hale and beautiful, despite the fact that she was in her fifties by this point.

It also made sense that she would jump to conclusions about his true identity like she had. What was more plausible? Half of Naruto being from another world where he was twice the age of the half of him from this world? Or Orochimaru managing to perfect a technique Tsunade had known he was working on and somehow managing to slip past Konoha’s defenses to steal Naruto’s body.

… When you put it like that, he understood where Tsunade was coming from. But that was a problem because now he needed to convince the angry blonde that no, he wasn’t her bodysnatching, scum of the earth, former teammate.

“I can see why you might think I’m Orochimaru. But I’m not. I can explain everything if you give me the chance.”

In the end, there’s no helping it. Tsunade scoffs but then gestures for him to go ahead. And so Naruto tells her the same truth that he told Kushina and Mikoto the night before. He leaves out what actually happened between him and the other two women the night before of course, but he does point out that they know his past as well.

By the time he’s done explaining, some of the tension has left Tsunade’s body. She’s gritting her teeth as she studies him, looking for any signs of falsehood.

“… That has to be the most inane, utterly ridiculous explanation I’ve ever heard for why a fresh Genin is able to modify a former Hokage’s seal and has developed an Immortality Technique.”

Naruto winces, getting ready to defend himself if Tsunade decides to attack after all. But then, her shoulders slump.

“Which is why, unfortunately… I believe you.”

As Naruto blinks in surprise, Tsunade raises a hand to her forehead and groans.

“Orochimaru would never come up with such a stupid cover story. But then, he’d also never be foolish enough to show off everything you just showed off to me, especially not after infiltrating the heart of Konoha and stealing your body in the first place. So… you’re probably not Orochimaru. And if you’re not Orochimaru, you might very well be Naruto.”

Well, that sounded pretty good. Naruto perks up, even as Tsunade grinds her teeth for a moment longer before forcing herself to stop and huffing.

“… You say Kushina and Mikoto know about this, yes?”

Naruto slowly nods.

“But I assume they don’t know that what you’ve done is true immortality. Mikoto was always a solid med-nin, but it’s been a long time since she was active duty.”

Letting out a sheepish laugh, Naruto runs a hand through his hair.

“Err… Lady Tsunade, even I didn’t know it was an Immortality Technique until you just told me. I was just using it to be able to increase my speed and strength beyond what this younger body would normally have been capable of… so I could beat Satsuki Uchiha in a duel.”

Looking at him askance for a beat, Tsunade lets out another huff, this time one of laughter.

“Ridiculous. You and your parents… all completely and totally ridiculous. I hope you know that Naruto Uzumaki. You are the son of a pair of insane ninja. And you clearly got a double helping of their insanity when you were born too.”

A little rude… but looking back on everything, it wasn’t like Naruto could deny it. Tsunade was right. She didn’t have to just spell it out like that though! Deciding to change the subject at least a little, Naruto gestures to her.

“You’re welcome to use the technique, if you want.”

Tsunade freezes before narrowing her eyes at him.

“Excuse me?”

Naruto just raises an eyebrow in response, not in the least bit intimidated.

“I know all about your Transformation Technique. And I know it’s not actually permanent deaging. Maybe with what I’ve developed combined with your original technique, it could be.”

Tsunade Senju wasn’t a bad person. But one of her primary character flaws was definitely vanity. She was vain, but had developed a technique that allowed her to maintain the appearance of youth so that her vanity never got in the way for her. He can see her considering it for a moment… and then watches with a grin as Tsunade slowly brings her hands up, using the same hand-signs he did before, and begins cycling her chakra.

She’s much more careful than he is, Naruto notices. She doesn’t go nearly as fast, and she also doesn’t tear down her chakra pathways and rebuild them in an instant like Naruto could do. But she does start replacing her aged cells with completely new ones. Outwardly, this doesn’t change anything… but then outwardly, Tsunade already looked like she was in her twenties.

Of course, what Naruto isn’t expecting… is for the beautiful busty blonde to suddenly let out a moan. Her eyes are closed by this point as she works on herself. Naruto blushes at the moan, but Tsunade doesn’t otherwise react. Only, that first moan is far from the last. Several increasingly awkward minutes pass as Tsunade replaces more and more of her cells, moaning all the while.

Naruto begins to wonder if he should leave… only for the blonde’s eyes to suddenly snap open as she lets out a lustful growl.

“Shit. This stuff is a pure aphrodisiac, Naruto. Why didn’t you warn me?”

Uhh…

“… I didn’t know?”

Stomping forward, Tsunade doesn’t mince words. She reaches out and grabs his cock, giving it a fondle through his pants.

“Sure you didn’t, brat. You’re still going to help me take the edge off though.”

Kurama is laughing again, in the back of his mind. The traitor.