Fix Me - Ch. 6 (Be The Father Of This Child! Side Story, Patreon Exclusive) (Patreon)

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Chapter Six – Where We Go From Here

“Do you have any idea?” Sid poked him again.

“Why should we go anywhere? We could just stay like this.”

For a while, there was silence. But Tom didn’t hope that would last.

“Not that I don’t like the idea, but we have lives.”

“Ah, so you’re not all about living in the moment?”

“I would like to think a bit about the future. Not that the moment doesn’t have its perks.” Sid ran one hand over Tom’s chest, teasing his nipples in passing.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” It was an honest answer.

“I see.” Sid pushed himself up and then sat on the edge of the bed.

Tom took in the lean back, the slight tension in the shoulder muscles. “What are you thinking of?”

“Is this fleeting? Just a one-time-thing?”

“Obviously not. We’ve done it more than once.”

“Then? What do we do? We can’t keep it a secret from the boys, either. They will have to know eventually.”

Tom sighed. Telling Jett anything wasn’t in the cards. “I don’t see why.”

“I understand.” The words were said in a clipped voice.

Sid took off to the bathroom, without one look back. Tom remained alone with his thoughts, and he realized right away that he didn’t enjoy that company that much. But he didn’t quite know what he could tell Sid. What was it that they had? Was it just sex? The sex was good, no, scratch that, it was fantastic and it was new and exciting, and Tom didn’t want to ruin it by talking about serious stuff.

But Sid saw things differently, and he had all the right in the world to think like that. After all, their sons were in a relationship, and there was also Jett’s complicated situation with a baby and an ex-girlfriend.

A sudden moment of clarity struck him. It wasn’t possible for him to win, not if he wanted to be happy. He would need to put the cards on the table with Sid and decide what was more important, after all.

Debating with himself had never worked well. He still believed that Jett needed to assume responsibility and stay with his baby’s mother. But Sid didn’t think it was the right choice; he had made it pretty clear, and with that, he had decided to be on the opposite side from him. So, they didn’t agree on that. Sid also appeared convinced that Jett and April were in love and that nothing should stay between them.

If he continued to stick to his side of what he believed to be the right thing, he would lose Sid; that was a given. But if he gave in and agreed with Sid, what would follow? What would happen to Jett? To his son, Jay? To Carina? Were young feelings like that really worth that sacrifice? With an annoyed grunt, he pushed himself up. He needed to have a conversation with Sid and set things on the right path, even if it hurt.

***

Tom had ended taking a shower alone since it seemed that Sid had taken his fast and now was nowhere in sight. He couldn’t have gone out at that hour, so Tom decided to do a bit of an investigation. Eventually, he found himself in front of the so-called forbidden door that stood slightly ajar.

He pushed it open with just two fingers while trying to make as little noise as possible. A short look around the room convinced him that what Sid had told him about the boy band curse was real. The walls were covered in posters. It was a teenager’s room, complete with a study desk, a bookcase, and even a computer. Most probably, Sid liked to keep the room ready for April to use whenever he came home to visit.

Sid sat on the bed and seemed lost in thought. He wore casual clothes, and the smell of the earlier shower wafted toward Tom. 

“I didn’t mean to make you upset.” 

Sid appeared a bit surprised by the interruption. “You didn’t make me upset.” A sigh followed. “I’ve never been with anyone in so long. It’s logical for me to ask, at least myself, if it’s the real deal or not.”

Tom wasn’t sure he liked what he heard. On the one hand, it made him happy to hear that Sid considered whatever happened between them more serious than a romp in the hay. On the other, he didn’t have an answer.

“What do you want, Tom?”

The question caught him unawares. “I – I’m not sure.”

“Be sure. Think about it. Don’t talk to me until you know.”

“Really? Is that an ultimatum?”

“It’s not one of my habits to go to bed with someone and then treat everything like it’s business as usual. So, I want to hear from you what you think of it all.”

“What do you think?” Tom counter-attacked.

“I think that you should stop trying to protect Jett from love --”

“That’s not what I’m doing!”

“Yes. It is. It’s what you do to yourself, so you strongly believe that it’s the right thing.”

“Your logic astounds me. This is clearly not what I’m doing.”

“Then what? You looked at me and thought I’d be a good lay for a while or something?”

“Again, with the insecurities,” Tom moaned. “How can you be insecure? You’re … you’re sex on legs.”

Sid turned toward him and quirked an eyebrow.

Tom let out a frustrated groan. “Come on; you know what I mean. You’re a handsome guy. I bet many women have wanted you over the years. It must have been only because you had two kids to look after that you didn’t pick up the signs. You could always date --”

“I don’t date. I’ve only dated one woman in my life.”

And she’s gone. Tom completed the statement in his mind. Had he never thought of it the same way? Mary had been the only one for him for a long time. No one else could ever equal her, let alone surpass her. What that what Sid was talking about?

“Okay, so you don’t date. But you could have someone in your life. Now that you no longer have to focus on your kids, and your kids alone, you could remarry.”

Sid shook his head and turned his eyes away. “You just don’t get it. I’ve never stopped focusing on my kids. Even right now, with you, I’ve continued to think of April and his happiness. Well, not all the time, and that makes me feel guilty.”

That was honesty. Tom understood it. “You have no reason to feel guilty. You just allowed yourself a little bit of time to enjoy yourself.”

“And is that all? Nothing but pleasure?”

Tom wanted to have a smart answer for that. Instead, he changed the topic. “I’m not shielding Jett from happiness. It’s not what I’m doing. Sometimes, in life, we need to choose the right thing, even if it hurts.”

“And you think that Jett giving up on April is the right thing? If Jett ever follows your advice, he’ll be in deep shit.”

That had to be the first four-letter-word he had heard from Sid since they had met. It took him by surprise. “He will be a man who lives responsibly.”

“Of course, of course.” Sid was rubbing his hands together. “It’s what you think.”

“Why do you keep antagonizing me? April will find someone else.”

“No, he won’t. Not anyone like Jett, I’m sure.”

Tom looked around the room, his mind frantically searching for a way to reach common ground. His eyes fell on the bookcase and noticed a bright-colored cover. In two steps, he was there, picking the book. He didn’t need to open it to know that it had to be some romance novel. “Life is not like in these books,” he pointed out.

“Not if you choose so,” Sid shot back.

They were having a fight. They weren’t having a calm conversation about it, and the worst part was that they danced around the real topic. “What do you want, Sid?”

“Funny you’re asking that.”

“I know you asked me first, but I think you must know perfectly well what you want or else you wouldn’t have asked me. So, out with it. What do you want?”

Sid looked straight at him. His gaze was firm, and Tom found himself incapable of looking away.

“What I want is simple. I want you to let Jett and April alone so that they can have their happiness.”

“Ha!”

“And I want you to admit that this isn’t just some fling, whatever we have. That you think of us beyond these days together, and that, next time you’re on leave, you’ll come here, back home to me.”

Tom stood there, dumbstruck. All right, so too much honesty was bad. He felt as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs, and he couldn’t even see anything clear in front of his eyes. Without a word, he stormed out of the room.

Steps followed behind him, and Sid caught his arm, making him stop. “What? You can’t see the truth for your stubbornness?”

“What truth?” Tom turned toward Sid, his hands made into fists. “We’ve only had a bit of fun, that’s all, Sid.”

Sid seemed taken aback by his conviction. “Wow. Then I must have gotten it all wrong.”

Tom set his jaw hard. “Believing in fleeting things like happiness doesn’t work. Yes, I’m shielding Jett. From disappointment. He might think April is the love of his life or whatever, but if he does the right thing, he will still have something! Something to make him proud, to make him stand tall, as a man!”

“Is that so? You want him to be a coward, so you don’t want him to walk forward? Just like you?”

Tom blinked hard a few times. This time around, he wanted to strangle Sid, but not in the fun way. “It’s all so easy for you,” he said through his teeth. “You’re like one of those hippies in touch with the universe or whatever. You probably think your wife is now in a better place, and the world has come round, and everything happens for a reason, but I don’t! My wife is dead. Forgive me if I don’t think of her as being a star in the sky or some other stupid mumbo jumbo!”

He was breathing heavily at the end of his tirade. Sid made a move to touch him, but Tom jerked away.

“Do you really think it was easy for me to lose my Catherine? To live with her absence?” Sid asked in a soft voice.

“You surely look like you’ve taken it well. I haven’t. I’m not over it, and I’ll never be.”

The need to run was too strong. With large, heavy steps, Tom walked away, out of the house. He stopped on the stairs, not knowing what to do. It had been a stupid idea to come here. The door opened behind him, and a warm hand squeezed his shoulder. 

“I think there are some things you should know about me. Because it definitely looks like you got me all wrong.”

***

Tom waited for Sid to prepare some tea. He wasn’t sure he could handle more honest conversation, but he was indebted to Sid for taking him in. The least he could do was to listen for a while.

Sid placed the cups of tea on the table. For a few moments, he looked at his hands and said nothing, seemingly lost in thought. “When I lost Catherine, I lost myself.”

Tom shifted in his chair but said nothing. He knew how that felt, how it hurt. 

“It was an accident that killed her, and it was so sudden that I was stunned. Luckily, I had family that took care of the funeral, because those days are all a blur to me even now. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I couldn’t even grieve properly. To keep myself going, I self-medicated, and, let’s just say, that a certain inability to count pills brought me to a bad place, and fast.”

Tom remained silent.

“I had to be hospitalized and then meet a grief counselor on most days. A relative took Melinda and April and looked after them while I was there. You see? The world wasn’t round and complete at all. In my grief, I let down my children.”

Tom rubbed his face. That was a face of Sid he hadn’t known, and it only made him understand better why he liked the man so much. His appearance was pleasant and attractive, but there was something more profound than the surface that defined him.

“She kept telling me this thing. That what we lost, we could have again.”

“And that helped you? To heal?”

“I wanted to strangle her.” Sid chuckled. “I couldn’t bear to see her face. And then, one day, she changed tack with me and told me that my children needed me and that they now had just one parent. She told me some other words, but I won’t recite them since they were not at all flattering for me. In my grief, I had ended up selfish and self-destructive.”

“I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay. How could you? We haven’t really talked much since we met. Do you know why I favor April just a smidge over Melinda?”

“Because he’s the bright one?”

Sid smiled. “No. We’ve been close always, but in families with more than one child, parents tend to have their favorites. April was his mother’s boy, while Melinda was my girl. We used to joke about that all the time. With the counselor’s help, I dragged myself out of the slump I had pushed myself into. So I got better and then went to take my kids home.”

“From your relative?”

“Yes. I felt guilty, and I barely knew what to say, so in the end, when we were all back home, I stood in front of them and asked them to forgive me. Melinda shouted at me and then she ran to her room. Just to make it clear, I’ve never judged her for it. I had lost my wife, but she had lost her mother, too. I should have been there for them.”

“What about April?”

Sid sighed and pushed the balls of his hands against his eyes. “I guess that’s when something truly meaningful happened in my life. He came to me and took my hand, and he said, a child of thirteen, can you imagine? He said, ‘Dad, it’s okay, you still have me’. He was thinking of me, of what I felt, I, the father who had let him down. And I guess that’s why, secretly, I love him just a little more.”

Tom covered his face with both hands. There, in front of him, stood a man who wasn’t ashamed to admit that he had been weak when he should have been strong. 

“So that’s my story. I still grieve my wife, too, but she wouldn’t want me alone and unhappy; I’m sure of it. I want to move forward. What do you want, Tom?”

For long seconds, he remained there, not saying a word. “I --” he stuttered. He stood up abruptly and began pacing the room. “How could you – No, that’s not the right – Oh, damn.”

“I didn’t hear your story. Maybe it would help me understand you, too.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing!” he blurted out.

“I am sure of that. I am sure that you are a good man, Tom,” Sid said softly.

Tom shook his head; it was like a storm of thoughts was threatening to take over his mind, and he couldn’t pick the right one.

“What happened to your wife?” Sid asked in a kind voice.

“Cancer.” He said the words through his teeth. “She suffered for a while.”

“You must have suffered a lot,” Sid said. “And you couldn’t allow yourself to show it, right?”

Tom just nodded; he couldn’t speak, so maybe it was for the better that Sid was putting words into his mouth. They were correct, after all.

“How did Jett take that? Your strength?”

He just couldn’t bear it. He needed out. Was it wrong that he wanted – no, that he needed – to be the strong one? “I don’t know,” he whispered.

“It’s all right, Tom. I’m not judging you at all so that you know. How come Jett didn’t go to live with you?”

“I,” he cleared his throat, “I told him I needed to go back to my base and asked him to come with me. But he refused, and I didn’t have time for that.”

“Don’t lie to yourself.”

“All right.” Another deep breath. One step at a time. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want him to see me --” He choked on his own words.

“Weak?”

A simple nod was all he could manage. 

“I understand.”

“How can you understand?” It was wrong to explode like that, but he didn’t know what else to do. “You had the courage to show your kids that you were … I don’t know!”

“There is no right and wrong here. Or there is both right and wrong. Just listen to me for a while, and you can do whatever you want with what I’m telling you. Was I right to hurt so much after losing my wife? Yes. But was it wrong to wallow in my pain and forget about my kids, what they were going through? Hell yes. And you,” Sid made a small pause, “you were the same. You were right to want to be strong for Jett. But also wrong for not letting him see that you were hurting, too.”

Small, shallow breaths made his entire body tremble. “Has everyone ever told you no one likes a know-it-all?”

The reply was a small chuckle. “Yes. It was actually my wife, Catherine, who often told me I was annoying, always having something to say about everything.”

Tom felt a little like laughing. So it was possible, after all, to like Sid so much and still find him a bit annoying. But it was the right kind of annoyance he felt if he could name it that. Words came easier. “For so long, my life’s been on an automatic path,” he found himself saying. “I guess it was easier.”

“And still, you cared about your son, and you still care. It’s easier to let go than you think, Tom. You know, of all those things that don’t really help us.”

“Is it, really?”

They looked at each other, and Tom found himself reflected in Sid’s blue eyes. He liked what he saw; it seemed like Sid did like him, after all.

“Yes, it is. Of course, we always tend to believe that being right is important. But guess what? There’s no hole in the sky if you choose to do things differently.”

“What should I do, then?” Tom asked, in all honesty. 

“Tell Jett what you really feel. He will listen.”

“Funny, I thought you would just pester me again about letting Jett be with April.”

Sid just shook his head slowly. Then he stood up and came to him. The hug felt good, and Tom took one deep breath and held Sid close, inhaling his scent. 

“I will still pester you about Jett and April.”

Good thing Sid didn’t want to see him cry only so that he could prove himself right and Tom wrong. It was better to laugh. “Okay. Pester me all you want.”

“Better?” Sid asked as he pulled away.

Tom stopped him. “It will be soon.”

When their lips touched, he really felt it, like a balm on his soul. He had a lot of amends to do with Jett. God knew he didn’t know where to start, but it was clear as day all that he wanted to do was to make things right. And not the kind of right he had been obsessing over for so long, but the right kind of right.

“Have you ever thought of becoming a psychologist?” Tom asked after their kiss turned into a warm hug.

“No. I just had my fair share of them, I guess. As much as you might think that I enjoy torturing you, that’s not it. It’s actually quite painful and risky. I couldn’t tell whether you would be out the door wanting to have nothing to do with me ever again, or you would stay and listen. Thank you for choosing the second.”

Tom chuckled. “And I thought that, in your arrogance, you would have believed that you got me well cornered.”

“It’s just a mask I’m wearing, this arrogance. Inside, I’m often scared shitless. But it’s fine because I can live with it.”

“What would you be scared of?”

“Mainly, of you leaving without me managing to get the truth out of you.”

“The truth, huh? What truth?”

“Right. I still haven’t heard it from you. What do you want, Tom?”

“Hmm, should I tell you, or should I torture you a little?”

“Not funny,” Sid warned.

“All right. Then I want to talk to Jett, and I want him to be happy.”

“That’s it?”

“What could be more? The selfless being that you are, you must have only cared about me making peace with my kid.”

“You are so not funny,” Sid said louder this time.

Tom held him close as Sid struggled to get out of his arms. “Of course, there is also something else.”

“Well?” Sid poked him with one finger well-aimed between the ribs.

Tom winced. “I think I like you very much, Mr. Summer.”

“Mr. Summer?”

“I also want to make it official. And I think it would be a great idea if you planned your leave so that it matches mine and maybe we could go on vacation sometime.”

“It’s too late to plan anything.”

“This year, yes. But what about the next?”

Sid didn’t reply to that, but he kissed him instead. Maybe, after all, things weren’t as complicated as he always thought them to be.

***

They were like a well-oiled machine. Tom was sure that all that theory about soulmates had to have a small grain of truth in it, not for some mystical reasons, but because, simply put, some people just fit.

He would have expected to become bothersome for Sid to have someone else around. But after two weeks spent together, there was no sign of any of them getting too annoyed with the other. Not that they didn’t have their small squabbles, such as where the tall glasses needed to go. Those moments just made the thing they had just all the closer to an ideal relationship.

“You know, we still haven’t called April and Jett,” Sid said, waking him from his daydreaming.

“We have time. After we tell them, all this secrecy will disappear, and, who knows? Maybe the sex will become boring.”

Sid laughed out loud. “I have a couple of ideas of how to spice things up in the bedroom. I’m just waiting for all that boredom to come already.”

“Oh, really? What ideas? Care to share?”

“No way. I’m keeping them for rainy days.”

“Then, I should check the weather forecast.”

“I didn’t know you were such a funny guy.”

“And if you knew? What would you have done differently?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I would have bought a funny hat for you.”

“Do I look like the type who would wear a funny hat?”

“Not really.”

“See?” Tom pulled Sid close and kissed him. “I kind of like this topless fashion. Should I join you?”

Sid pushed him playfully. “As you can see, I’m wearing an apron. I’m not completely topless. But you can be. For some reason, I like staring at your naked chest. Now I’m off to the kitchen. Don’t forget to come to distract me with your topless fashion.”

With a small laugh, Sid walked away. Tom went for a quick shower and then put on an old pair of jeans, leaving the t-shirt on the bed. After all, he wanted nothing but to distract Sid in the kitchen.

“Could you check the pantry for some extra flour?” Sid asked the moment he was in.

Sid moved his hips to the rhythm on the radio, while his hands were busy. 

“Ay, ay, sir,” Tom replied. 

He placed the flour on the table and then turned to check the list of supplies on the fridge. The music on the radio broke into a happy beat. Sid’s happy humming made him smile. So far, he hadn’t done much distracting Sid, so it was a good moment to work on that. 

He caught Sid from the waist and buried his face into his nape. Sid responded by leaning into him.

“Mr. Huntsman?!”

Tom jumped. What the hell? In the kitchen door stood April, his big green eyes as large as saucers, his jaw slack. And for some reason, there was a cake on the floor, Tom noticed as an afterthought.

TBC

Author's note: I know it's not a real cliffhanger since you, guys, know what follows, but I thought it would be better to stop the chapter here as next time, it will be all about how the events from the main storyline are seen by Tom. There is not much of this extra left, a few other chapters at best, and I hope you enjoyed it!

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