March '22 Recap (Patreon)

What a month. I'm gonna try it all down with some bullet points to start with.

The Positive:

• The whole internet found my Twitter. My followers basically doubled in a week and are still climbing. More eyes on my work, more pleasure I get to spread around, more support I get to keep doing it. Bless!
• I officially got diagnosed and medicated for my ADHD. Game changer!!
• I did some of the best line work I've ever done. I feel like I levelled up!

The Sucky:

• My cat got sick and gave my wife and I a major scare. She's okay now, but might need another vet trip in another two weeks, we'll see.
• My boyfriend is in the hospital for a bunch of reasons that aren't mine to share, but I'm worried sick & feel kinda helpless.
• Since getting medicated, my whole world has been in flux. Therapy has taken on a new dimension as my sudden ability to think clearly, track time, and practice mindfulness has opened up a ton of areas that need immediate attention, both personally and professionally.
• Basically realized I'm on the fast track to burnout if I don't do something about it, and I don't deserve that. Nobody does.

All in all, March was a positive but incredibly disruptive month. I finally realized how much needed to change in order for me to live well, and how deep my self-esteem issues ran. The best example is the medication thing - I realized I had avoided it predominantly out of self-hatred and guilt, as if having ADHD was a moral failing on my part. (I have the way I grew up to thank for that.)

The moment I made the choice to love myself and put my well-being first, it's like this the dominos just started falling. I started seeing all the ways I put myself and my health last & suddenly didn't think I deserved that anymore. Relationship dynamics started to shift, hard conversations started happening, old habits just fell away and new ones started. I have spent a long, long time just sitting with my thoughts and journaling, trying to figure out how best to love myself going forward.

I truly realize for the first time how hard I've been on myself. I made a lifestyle out of overcommitting, pushing myself past my limit, and beating myself up when I coudln't keep up. I told myself it was just because I was driven. But the truth is, I hated myself, and felt that the only way to earn that love was to work my ass off.

You don't earn love, fam.

I'm going to change some things soon. I haven't figured out the exact details yet, but I know I need to give myself some slack & adjust my priorities. I'll update y'all soon.

Thanks once again for the kind support and enthusiasm you've shown. Some of you have been real lights in the dark for me lately - kind words, encouragement, even just simple friendly gestures. It means the world.

More soon. Take care till then.

- Xero