29. Coming Out (Patreon)

[NougatKin]: This is such a crazy fucking vtuber rig

[Lucarivor29]: It's obviously not a vtuber rig tho???

[LavAbsol]: DD that's such awesome costume work! Did you make it yourself?

[Zoroa!Queen]: Just joined stream and omg that gastly's name is an oof

[SwalotRancher]: isn't it dangerous to switch train on rattata??? Pursuit is in this gen

[PentUp]: i think the hands are a costume but the teeth are digital

[Zoroa!Queen]: ya but they don't learn pursuit until level 13. safe until route 34

"Uh, did I make this myself?" I read aloud, since people have to know which question in the massive chat I'm actually answering. "I mean, technically yes, since I grew it. Like, I know none of you are going to believe this is anything but a bit, because that's what a reasonable person would believe, but this is super real and there's even more of it! I'd demonstrate but I promised to never show my feet on camera. I can stretch my other limbs though, I suppose."

I wiggle limbs five and six free of the bindings I put them in under my shirt and let them peek out a bit. Unfortunately, I'm sitting, so they don't really make it very far into frame. I briefly stand up, wave at the camera with one of them, and then sit back down to get back to video games. Egh, maybe I shouldn't have. They kind of lift up my shirt a little bit.

[LavAbsol]: Okay, that's super cool.

[PentUp]: …uhhhhh okay that looked like it was coming out of her skin wtf

[SwalotRancher]: how do you know the exact route lol

[Zoroa!Queen]: I play a lot of nuzlockes lol. Spearow also learns pursuit at 13 btw

[Xenoversal]: oh shit the bit is today

[ZirconCommando]: show us the FEET

"Thanks for the info, Zoroa. That's good to know," I encourage. "Also, I can and will ban you, Zircon."

[ZirconCommando]: i can and will find a better streamer

"Uh, I mean, okay then. Have fun with that!"

I take a moment to boot the jerk, which my chat encourages with the vigor of spectators at a gladiatorial arena. It's certainly true that the internet can be horribly vile, but I honestly love my little corner of it. There will always be nasty people, but I don't have to just sit back and let them be nasty. So I remove them, and that encourages more nice people to stay. It's pretty neat.

I think it's especially funny how much of the stream just doesn't flick a single booger about my ongoing mutation and just keeps talking about Pokémon. Like, I love that, and it's honestly a huge mood, but it's still really funny. I'm genuinely unsure how much to encourage people to believe that this is real. On one hand, everyone assuming it's fake might keep me off the radar of whatever magic-suppressing organization probably exists. On the other hand, it prevents the strategy of 'become so well-known that the secret organization can't hide your disappearance' from working. People randomly disappear off of the internet all the time; it'd be disappointing if I randomly stopped streaming one day, but nobody would suspect foul play. I'm genuinely unsure of which path to take with this, so… I guess I'll just play it by ear.

I'll just keep telling the truth, I guess. Maybe I'll eat some raw eggs on stream or cut something up with Spacial Rend. No incantations, though. I don't know how the Goddess' voice reacts to being recorded and I'm not sure I want to find out. Somewhere along the line, though, when the time is right and I feel like people will take it seriously, I'll explain the situation in detail and ask people to make a big stink if I vanish. Hopefully that will be enough, and if not, well… hell, I'm kind of proud of myself for making it this far.

The stream is honestly a lot more comfortable now that I'm not wrapped up in a million layers of protective clothing, too. I might even be able to reach the keyboard with my extra limbs! It would be pretty funny to play with them, but… eh. Probably not comfortable yet. Hopefully they'll grow some more. …Wow, did I really just think that? Geez, I totally did. You know what? Not going to think about it. The whole point of playing Pokémon is to avoid introspection.

All good things must come to an end, though. As I stream into the wee hours of the morning, I eventually feel the inevitable call of sleep. It was nice getting to de-stress like this, but I guess I have to face the music and deal with… I don't even know. I'm too tired to care, honestly. I should probably be ready for a fight, though. I close my eyes, and as usual the stress of those thoughts does nothing to keep me awake before soreness overtakes my sensorium.

Holy cannoli I hurt all over. I glance at myself and wince at the pockmarked holes in my chitin where the Chaos magic fought against my aura and managed to gain some ground. I was nearly dissolved to death! When I twitch all my legs in sequence, though, I learn that I'm probably not all that seriously injured. Everything seems to work right and my internal organs are alright. I either healed off any major damage I sustained from casting my spell the other morning, or I was never seriously damaged and just blacked out from the pain. Given how very little seems to have changed from then to now, I'm guessing it's the latter.

Kagiso is screaming at Helen, presumably because she just shot me with a murder blast, but I can't really make out what she's saying because it's mostly just incomprehensible anger noises. Helen is yelling back at her, pointing at me and blaming me for jumping in front of the blast in the first place, which to be fair is very stupid and something I absolutely did. On the upside, it seems to have worked: Hagoro is alive. I guess I'm not sure if it's actually because of me or because of his armor, though, since that's been slagged even harder than my carapace and seems to have protected even the parts of him that weren't covered by it. I guess he did say it was Chaos-resistant at the start, though. Whatever, I want to take credit for it so I'm gonna. I take a deep breath and let out my loudest hiss, shutting up the two bickering women.

I'm fine, I write. Let's decide what we're doing with Hagoro.

"Hana!" Kagiso chirps, rushing over and scooping me up into a hug. Which hurts like hell, so I have to hiss at her and make her put me down again.

"We need to kill him," Helen says, ignoring our antics and jumping to the topic at hand. "And you need to not fucking jump in the way, even if you are a fucking bullshit Order mage with resistance and regeneration."

I hiss again, though softer this time, and write out my response.

I won't let you execute someone who surrendered.

I feel like this should be pretty darn straightforward. Even if you ignore all the really important moral reasons to not execute a surrendered opponent—and I'm not going to ignore them, they're important to me—from a practical perspective, respecting surrenders is advantageous because it encourages people to respect you. Not only is this dude far from the only apocalypse cultist that's likely to come after me, but he's a paladin that has literal law magic. I'm pretty sure we can trust him to respect his own surrender and not immediately betray us. And yeah, he'll probably escape and cause problems for us later, but… I dunno. I still don't want to kill him.

That's all a bit much to write out, though, so I just present it as an ultimatum. Helen seems important to Kagiso, so I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if she's going to fight me over this I will throw down. I'll hate it, but I'll do it… and I'm pretty sure I'll win.

Helen scowls as Kagiso looks back and forth between us, not seeming to have an opinion of her own. Eventually, the Chaos mage lets out a long suffering sigh and throws her hands up into the air in exasperation.

"Well, you guys have fun with him, then. I don't know why I'm hanging around with you idiots in the first place. Fuck you, and goodbye."

"No!" Kagiso yelps, grabbing Helen's arm again. "Stay! Stay?"

"Stop touching me!" Helen snaps back, pulling free. "And stop trying to get me to come with you!"

Kagiso's ears droop, and she shrinks down a little.

"But… Helen is only one left," she says quietly. "Don't have anyone else."

The Chaos mage's eyes go wide, a whole host of emotions running over her face. She seems genuinely guilty about what she's done, blaming herself for the tragedy—perhaps justifiably so. And yet the only surviving victim of her actions is asking her to stay because she has no one left other than the one who did it. How must that feel? I can't even imagine what's going through her head. Helen grits her teeth and looks away, but she doesn't leave.

"Thank you… Hana."

I raise my body a little to look at Hagoro, who is apparently still conscious. His healing spell has long since scabbed over the amputations I gave him, but it doesn't seem to be regrowing his arms at all. There's probably some Order mage out there who can restore limbs, and I suppose he'll be all right until he finds them. Get it? Because I cut off both of his left arms. …Dang, should I eat them? Agh, wait, what the heck, me!? You already said no to Teboho's, you can't eat this guy's arms with Kagiso around. …No, wait, that's not why this is a bad idea, what the actual—

"I made myself your enemy," Hagoro continues, "but you still spared me… and protected me. You could have taken my head as easily as you took my arms."

What do I say to that? Writing a lot is a pain, but I'm not sure how to shorten 'I didn't grow up in a culture where executing an enemy would ever happen, let alone be considered normal, you guys are all just crazy.'

I'm not a killer by choice, I ultimately decide on.

"Is that so?" he says, making a noise that's somewhere between a chuckle and a cough. "Oh, Goddess. Why her?"

The Goddess, predictably, does not deign to answer.

Honestly, I don't actually know what to do with you, I admit.

"That is fair," Hagoro nods. "I can't reasonably expect you to guard me or provide for me. I am of little use for you, and of much danger. But I can say this: if you simply depart and leave me be, I will neither perish in the forest nor follow you. We will go our separate ways, and I will remember the gratitude you are owed for this."

Is that gratitude actually worth anything?

He sighs.

"I will still be allied with those who seek your capture, Hana. And I will still aid them in this task. The risk you pose is too great."

Well, that sucks. But I kind of figured that was the case. Uuuugh. Am I just creating my own recurring villain, here? The alternative is to murder him in cold blood, though, and I just can't do that! Still though, this guy's terrible. I hope all his pretzel sticks turn soggy.

Maybe people like me only end up destroying the world because jerks like you won't leave them alone, I silently grumble at him.

"Oh, Hana," Hagoro says sadly. "If my life could end this terrible cycle, I'd sacrifice it in a heartbeat. But it can't. Yours might."

Ugh. What is there to say? He's a religious zealot convinced that I have to suffer for the good of the world, just like the ones back home. I drum my legs in annoyance before quickly scribbling out my answer.

Don't come back, Hagoro. Please?

He smiles sadly, then turns to look up at Helen instead of answering me.

"It's possible to fool aura sight," he announces.

The Chaos mage jolts out of her funk and turns to glower at him.

"What?"

"If you refuse to accompany me, your safest bet is to stick with these two," Hagoro continues. "If you stand close enough to a powerful Order mage, their aura will subsume the Chaos energy given off by your soul, and you'll only read as an Art mage to any detection spells. As long as you aren't attacking anyone, no one will think to check twice."

Helen narrows her eyes, but doesn't answer.

"Hana can help you safely discharge your magic, as well, thanks to her resistance. I know it's just words, but that's the most help I can offer you now. Will you allow me to leave in peace?"

"Whatever," Helen grunts. "If the little freak doesn't want to do the smart thing and just get rid of you, I'll play along. But leave your weapon on the ground."

He nods, standing up unsteadily without touching his discarded polearm… or discarded actual arms.

"Thank you," he says. "I'm sorry it has to be this way."

It really doesn't, I write.

"No, the fuzzy bastard's right," Helen says, shaking her head. "It's always this way, no matter what."

Using a tree to support his first steps, Hagoro slowly walks around us and heads back towards the city we came from. The three of us silently wait as he departs, and only after he's well outside the range of my spatial sense do I scuttle over to the others and write.

What now?

Because that's the burning question, isn't it? We came here to kill a Chaos mage, but now she's a seemingly-unwilling teammate, half our prior teammates are dead, and the three of us have no families (in this universe), no homes (in this universe), and as far as I know, no objectives (in any universe). The only thing I could maybe consider a goal is trying to figure out how to solve the problems destroying the world tree, but those issues are so impossibly massive that I don't have the slightest idea where to begin. So what, then? Do I just wander around and wait for my Protagonist Energy to kick in and give me the infinite might necessary to do the sorts of horrors that my predecessors supposedly did, but in reverse? That's hardly a plan.

"Well, as novel as it is for someone other than me to be getting tracked," Helen drawls, "we can't stay here. I guess if you aren't going to leave me alone, I can at least help you drop the trail of your inevitable pursuers."

"I go where friends go," Kagiso nods.

About that, I write. Sorry, I don't have an easy way to bring this up, but… what should we do about Teboho?

Kagiso frowns.

"He dead?" she reminds me. "Nothing can do."

I mean like, should we bury him or something?

"No? That make it harder for animals eat, I think."

"Dentron tend to leave their dead out in the wilderness," Helen informs me. "And we're already in the wilderness. I know it's kind of morbid, but it makes sense to just… leave him."

Her expression is impressively even as she says that. That murder is already compartmentalized, huh? Mood, I guess. I just… I wish it hadn't been Teboho. I feel like I should be mad at her because it was Teboho, because it was that ever-positive bundle of joy that made my time here in this world so much more bearable. He was so kind, so steadfast. He taught me so much, and now he's just… gone. Why don't I feel worse about this? Why am I already looking ahead? Were my emotions just a consequence of Friends, now dispelled with Sindri's death? Or am I just so cold of a person that it simply doesn't affect me to lose a friend I haven't known for all that long? Kagiso also doesn't seem as affected as I might expect, either. She had her outburst against Sindri's corpse, but now she's latched onto her brother's killer like a starving remora. Did she love him before he died? Is she just good at hiding it? Or is she like me?

"Okay, so here's the plan I had before you idiots caught up with me and… well, all this happened," Helen announces, seeming to take our silence in stride. "Nychtava will ferry people between branches if you have the money, they don't tend to ask questions about your element, and they'll accept both electrum and amber. This branch has a colony of them nearby, and we can hire one to fly us to a lower branch without being tracked. I was hiding out here trying to find a way to sneak in, but if what that paladin asshole said is true, we could probably just go in the front gate together."

Where will we go when we get to a lower branch? I ask.

"Our separate ways, ideally," Helen grumbles.

"Slaying Stone," Kagiso suggests. "Hana want help world, yes? Problems start with Slaying Stone."

"...Is the Slaying Stone really a worse problem than the huge fire or the roots?" Helen asks.

"No? But fire is up and we go down. Roots even more down. Slaying Stone on way."

Makes sense to me, I scribble. Plus, seeing more of the world will be really important in regards to learning about the world, and I have to actually understand the problems people are facing before I can work out a plan to maybe fix them when I get really strong in the future, or however the heck this actually works.

"Alright, fine, whatever," Helen grumbles. "Follow me, I guess."

Actually, one more question, I write. Do we have any money?

"We didn't," Helen smirks before pulling a small pouch out of a grubby pocket. "But that Sindri guy did."

Woah. When did she loot… eh, whatever, not going to think about it.

Lead the way, then, I write, and scuttle up Kagiso's leg.

"Mmm. Hello Hana," Kagiso says, giving me a pat. "Not me, today."

She holds out an arm towards Helen, as if inviting me to swap over to her shoulders. Neither Helen nor I are enthused by this prospect.

"Uh, what? I'm not carrying your weird bug friend," Helen insists.

"But… need to get used to?" Kagiso frowns. "Hagoro say have to be close to disguise aura."

"'Close to' doesn't mean 'attached to!'" Helen protests. "You just carry her, and then you can walk… close to…"

She slowly trails off, staring at Kagiso for a moment before turning away.

"Y'know what, never mind, gimme the freaky spider."

She grabs me and yanks me off of Kagiso, so I hiss at her because of course I'm going to hiss at somebody who does that, especially if they're a jerk like Helen!

"Shut up!" Helen snaps at me. "You heard her. If you want me along I need your aura. Come on, let's go."

I never actually said I wanted her along, but I don't have anything to write on so I let that slide. She starts walking in a huff, Kagiso quickly falling into step beside her. The pair set a brisk pace, much faster than we traveled to the city in the first place, but I suppose there had been more of us and Teboho was injured. Kagiso and Helen both seem to prefer the increased speed, and while I occasionally dismount Helen to go grab a fuzzy little friend noodle to eat, I mostly just sit on her head.

It's surprisingly comfortable, all things considered. Helen is as dirty as one might expect from a girl that just spent weeks roughing it alone in an attempt to escape from her crimes, but it's nothing a little surreptitious cleaning magic can't fix. It's actually much harder than it usually is to cast on her—thanks to the whole Chaos mage thing, presumably—but I still manage it. She definitely seems to notice what I'm doing at some point, grabbing some strands of her previously-gnarled hair and rubbing them between two unexpectedly clean fingers. She gives me a steady look for a moment but doesn't comment, so I take that as tacit permission to continue. Maybe she'll be less grumpy when she's not covered in five layers of filth. I know I will be.

Her clothes are a more difficult issue. Not cleaning them, since that's as easy as cleaning anything else, but their other problems. The light traveling garb is baggy on her in a way that suggests it was probably stolen from a noticeably larger man, and the many accumulated tears in the rough dun shirt and trousers can't simply be sorted back together. I'm not great at it, but I can do basic repairs with a sewing kit. Maybe I can improvise a… wait, no, I don't have hands. Right. Well, the important thing is the body underneath the clothes, and while there's certainly a notable collection of cuts and bruises, they're all pretty superficial. I'm not a doctor or anything, but her organs all look about as good as I've seen organs look: i.e. none of them are leaking fluids they aren't supposed to be leaking. Her figure underneath her outfit isn't much to write home about, as much as I feel like a total creep for noting that. The nice way to put it would be 'boyish,' while the Ida way to put it would be 'flat as a pancake run over by a bus.' She doesn't have anything in the hip or butt department either; I'd almost think she was biologically male if not for the fact that she doesn't even have the upper body strength to pass for that. That and, uh, y'know. I can see all of her reproductive organs. Constantly.

A-anyway! Changing away from that train of thought! My point is that her body, while healthy, does seem pretty underdeveloped. Like, she's very much postpubescent, but somewhere along the line her body just decided to give up on anything more than the bare minimum effort required for that particular series of physiological changes. Combine that with the fact that her mother was legally required to kill her at birth and I'm starting to suspect that she didn't exactly grow up with a stable food supply. That changed later in life, as evidenced by her ability to set such a grueling pace for our journey, but I doubt her childhood was pleasant.

"I gotta say," Helen suddenly pipes up, "I was not looking forward to traveling with anyone, but I really appreciate that you two know how to shut up."

I mean, I'm mute, but thanks I guess.

"Why start talking then?" Kagiso asks, and I can't help but let out a short hiss of a laugh.

"I… fuck! Okay, fine, I won't say anything nice!" Helen snaps.

"Oh! Is nice? Good to say nice. Thank Helen!"

"Uuugh. Kagiso, you're going to give me a headache," Helen complains.

"No?" Kagiso says, tilting her head. "This not magic I can do."

Helen groans and puts her face in her hands.

"Are you sure?" she whines. "Because it's totally happening."

"Maybe Helen need drink more water!" Kagiso declares happily. "Have some. You want? Probably not contain blood this time."

"No, Kagiso, I have plenty of… ugh. Look, are either of you getting hungry? I think it's about time to take a break."

"Okay," Kagiso shrugs. "I hunt something?"

"We don't… actually, sure. Yeah. Go hunt something, Kagiso."

"Hehe. Yay."

Helen and Kagiso find a fallen log to sit on and drop their packs by it before Kagiso grabs her weapons and runs off. Helen waits for Kagiso to be out of sight and then groans, collapsing onto the log in an exhausted huff. She then reaches down to the ground, grabs a stone, and clenches it in a fist. When she opens her hand, there's nothing there. She reaches down a second time and I take that opportunity to jump off her head, landing on the ground in front of her and shaking my sore body out.

"Enjoy the ride?" Helen asks sardonically, destroying another stone.

It wasn't so bad once I tidied up the place, I write back.

She lets out an amused snort.

"Yeah, you really fucking made yourself at home, didn't you?"

Sorry, I write. I should have asked first, but I didn't think of it until we were already on the move.

She blinks in surprise and glances away from me. That's… what she does when she's embarrassed, isn't it? Well, I guess she could avoid eye contact as a response to a bunch of different emotions, but judging by the way the blood vessels on her cheeks are widening I'm willing to bet on embarrassment.

"That's not… you don't have to say sorry," she mumbles. "Honestly, it was… I mean. Y'know. Thank you."

Huh! I got thanked! That's nice of her.

You're welcome, I write, because I have been trained from a young age to automatically respond to politeness with politeness. That just seems to make her more embarrassed, though. She annihilates another rock.

"...You really think it'll work?" she asks slowly. "The thing where we can fool aura checkers?"

Well, I guess there's an easy way to find out.

"Aura Sight," I beseech the Goddess to say on my behalf, opening up an extra sense to the world. Helen jolts a little when the words are spoken, almost bolting before she seems to realize I'm not attacking her.

From where I stand opposite to her, I can pretty easily see her aura's Chaos and Art elements. I also realize I can see my own aura's elements from my usual vantage point of looking at myself with my spatial sense. Neat! With that established, I crawl towards Helen, and sure enough the intensity of her Chaos flavor starts to diminish as I get closer. Hopping up into her lap, I find that it disappears completely. My own Order aura, likewise, gets a lot weaker, making the distinct taste of Transmutation a lot more noticeable by comparison. I hop off of her and increase the distance between us and approach again just to make sure it's consistent, but sure enough Hagoro seems to have been honest.

Yep, it works, I tell her. As long as I'm on you at the time, you just look like a pure Art mage.

"...Holy fucking shit," Helen sighs. "And you're not just like, tricking me with this? Leading me to a city where I'll get caught?"

Uh. Kind of a weird question. It's not like I would tell her if I was, but I doubt saying that would be helpful.

Why would I do that? I ask instead.

"Lots of fucking reasons, I don't know," Helen mutters, destroying another rock. "Too many to count. You came here with a Chaos hunter, for fuck's sake. Then you let that paladin go, that was fucking suspicious." She drums her fingers against her thigh, getting increasingly agitated. "If you're really a goodie-two-shoes that doesn't like killing people, but you wanted me dead, you'd take me somewhere I'd die on my own. Right?"

Where is this coming from? Is she paranoid?

I don't like killing people, but I've done it, I write to her. If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't take you anywhere near a city where other people might get hurt. I'd have just stabbed you through the head on the way here.

Which would have been completely trivial. As much as I genuinely don't want to kill anyone, ever, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I thought Helen was going to cause another tragedy like she did with Kagiso's family and I just did nothing. I like to think I'd find the courage to stop her. I'm divinely chosen to travel between universes, for falafel's sake. I'd better be able to muster up some semblance of heroism.

"Right, yeah," Helen mutters. "That makes sense. I'm just stupid."

I'm not going to pretend to like you, I write, since I want to be clear about that. But I don't hate you, either. I'm willing to give you a chance.

"A chance, huh?" she scoffs.

Yes. Because Kagiso obviously cares about you, and I care about Kagiso.

"Why the fuck does she care about me?" Helen asks.

You'd know better than I would. I just met you.

She's quiet for a bit before answering.

"I guess we were kinda friends," she admits softly. "I didn't really belong in that village, and everybody knew it. They were all nice, but I was still the newcomer to a place where most people have lived with their family for generations, and I was the only human besides. At first it was just… somewhere to stay for a few nights before moving on, you know? But even though I was an outsider, everyone was so kind."

She looks up at the canopy above us, letting out a pained sigh.

"But to Kagiso, I never even was an outsider. I don't know if she understands what that means. The only part of me being human that she cared about was the fact that I could eat more meat than everyone else. The little freak really liked shooting stuff, cooking it up, and feeding it to me. Probably because it got her family off her back about killing wastefully. She's just… a total weirdo."

She says it all with a slight smile on her face, though. A fond smile, there for only a moment before it vanishes.

"...And then I went and destroyed it all. Ruined everything, like I always do. I should have known better than to stay."

You said that in order to avoid that, you just have to use your magic more, I write. Is that true?

"Huh?" she grunts. "Oh. I mean, yeah, but by 'use my magic more' I mean like this."

She twists around, holding out a hand towards a patch of ground behind her. At first, nothing seems to happen, but before long a vibrating, spherical void appears as a tiny point in space. It expands outward, consuming air and earth alike before eventually vanishing, leaving a crater about three feet in diameter in its wake.

"I have to actually destroy stuff, you know? A lot of stuff. And that tends to leave a lot of evidence, especially in a small village that knows the surrounding area like they know a pimple on their nose. So I tried to get by with less, but… well, I was just fooling myself, and everyone paid for it."

She sighs, slumping over and grabbing another rock to destroy in her palm. If she has to do so much more than that, what's with the rocks? Is it just a habit? Was that how she was trying to hide and contain her powers while in Kagiso's village, and it just ended up not working?

"That's why we're going our separate ways once we make it to a lower branch. Okay?"

I don't answer, because I'm not entirely sure how to answer. As far as I'm concerned, it's not up to me whether or not the current group sticks together. Sure enough, Kagiso returns long before I would have finished scribbling out my sentences anyway. Helen orders me to move and then obliterates everything I've written before Kagiso can see it, which I guess is fair. She's entitled to a private conversation if she wants to keep it that way. Kagiso has slaughtered some kind of big snake thing that'll be more than enough food for all three of us, so at least that's taken care of. I wait for her to carve out a large portion for Helen and a smaller portion for herself before tearing into the rest of the corpse raw. The monster is longer than Kagiso is tall and noticeably thicker, but I am exceptionally hungry and have no qualms about devouring the entire thing, bones and all.

By the time Kagiso has finished cooking and the three of us have finished eating, the sun is already starting to go down. While burrowing my way into the carcass of a giant monster and eating my way back out like a chestburster has been extremely fun, it's also been a pretty inefficient method of consumption. Kagiso would clap every single time I emerged, though! I was basically required to keep going. Helen, on the other hand, glances between the two of us like she just figured out the solution to a curious mystery and doesn't like the answer one bit. It's not a big deal, though. We're not chasing anyone anymore, and while we might be running from someone, we have both a massive headstart and the advantage of them not having any idea where we are. No birds tracking us, now that Sindri's dead. And speaking of Sindri, Helen must have nicked more than just his wallet, because she and Kagiso start setting up his tent, too.

The camp only has two tents now instead of three, but there's still something painfully familiar about watching the others set up camp. Whenever I started to apologize for not being able to help, it was Teboho that assured me things were okay and that everyone was simply doing what they can… and it was Sindri that ensured we'd never really argue with each other in the first place, whether we liked it or not.

Desperate to distract myself, I glance over to the pit Helen made with her Chaos magic. Perfectly round and perfectly smooth. There's something uniquely beautiful about it, really. On a whim I dash towards it at full speed, and right when my feet would drop across the edge I curl up into a ball, rolling along the rim. I make three quick rotations around the inside before finally rolling to a stop, feeling exhilarated and somewhat silly. That was pretty fun, though!

"Where did you even find that weird thing?" Helen mutters to Kagiso.

"Under rock," Kagiso shrugs.

Hey, that was a burrow, thank you very much. It's been a really long time since I've dug at all, come to think of it. I mean, unless my dinner today counts. I guess it kind of does. Still, though! Thinking about it, Helen mentioned that she couldn't make holes like this because it would get her found out, so doesn't that mean people might use these holes to track us? Like, if someone came across it, they'd probably go 'oh hey, a Chaos mage was here.' So I guess I'll just… dig around the area to hide it some? That'll probably help. It's sad to see such a perfect hole go, though.

"Hana!" Kagiso calls out. "Take first watch?"

I wriggle my way up out of the dirt and write a quick affirmative. Kagiso nods, she and Helen heading to their tents to sleep. With all the energy from my recent meal and my sudden burrowing compulsion I end up putting way too much effort into fixing the hole Helen made, but when I'm done with it the packed dirt looks pretty much the same as it did pre-destruction. Good job, me! Oh wait crap I think I've been doing this way past when I was supposed to wake up second watch.

Who is supposed to be second watch, anyway? Do I wake Helen or Kagiso? I'm hesitant about leaving our lives in Helen's hands, but only because I suspect she's not used to taking watches, since she's been traveling alone. I doubt she'll betray us in the middle of the night for no reason, and it's not like Kagiso and I are going to only get half a night's sleep every night from now on. We'll have to include Helen at some point. So I go wake her, since that means I'll get to snuggle into bed with Kagiso. My warm, fuzzy friend barely stirs after I manage to coax Helen out of her tent and crawl into my favorite sleeping bag. Snuggling into the crook of Kagiso's arm, I quickly pass into slumber.

…And then I wake up, because that's how my life works. Limbs, check. Body, check. New mutations… don't see any. I head into the shower like normal, and sure enough my newly-budding eyes don't look much different than yesterday. The skin is a little darker, maybe? Nothing makeup can't fix. I give myself a quick wash, eat the small patches of skin that come off of my legs, and head downstairs to swallow a few eggs. Something about this feels weird, but not in a bad way. It takes me until I make it to the bus stop and turn to face the direction Brendan will arrive from before I figure it out.

It's all become a routine. Everything I did this morning was more or less automatic, totally thoughtless from scrubbing the chitin on my extra limbs to using my spatial sense to ensure no one catches me swallowing raw eggs. None of that felt weird today. It was just… what I do now. I feel like that should be scary, but it's mostly just a relief. I wave at Brendan as he arrives, and he waves back.

"Still covering up?" he asks as he approaches. "You already revealed everything on stream yesterday. Which was awesome, by the way."

"That was online, though!" I whine. "Coming out online is way easier than doing it in real life! It basically doesn't even count."

"'Coming out?'" he repeats, raising an eyebrow.

"Eh. Coming out as gay, coming out as being a monster… it's honestly a coin toss on which my family will be more horrified by."

"I hate how that probably isn't a joke," Brendan sighs.

"If I'm being real they'll probably be way cooler about the monster stuff," I shrug. "At least all their favorite news channels aren't running political hit pieces against people with chitin."

"Well, at least you seem to be in good humor today," Brendan says, shaking his head. "Feels good to get it out there in part at least, doesn't it?"

"...Yeah," I admit after a moment of thought. "Yeah, I guess it does."

Brendan nods slowly, taking a deep breath and letting it out. I'm so happy to have him as a friend. Without his help I don't think I'd be doing even half this well. He's the one who gave me the courage to set that subscriber incentive in the first place!

"Thank you, Brendan," I tell him, because it needs to be said.

"I think I might be transgender," Brendan blurts.

…

Huh?

What?

"Transgender?" my dumb face asks.

"Y-yeah," Brendan says. "Y'know, like… the T in LGBT? I'm saying I might be a girl."

"Oh," I manage to say, which is a stupid thing to say, holy carp what is wrong with me? This is… this is huge! I need to be supportive!

"I-I'm not like, y'know, sure. It's just something I've been thinking about and I figured I'd mention it. Try to… well, get it out there. At least in part. Um, I mean, it's probably nothing, but…"

"N-no! Nono, it's… I'm sorry, it's good, that's good!" I stammer. "I was just surprised, is all! I just, I mean, I don't know very much about that sort of thing, but I am with you one hundred percent! It's good! Girl is good. You're good. Yep."

Oh my Goddess, Brendan would be so cute in a skirt. Man, none of my clothes are gonna fit him, though. Er, fit her? Maybe? Point is, that's criminal.

"...You're imagining me as a girl, aren't you?" Brendan says flatly.

"You will be adorable," I confirm. "I mean, not that you aren't adorable right now. Or, well, not in that way, but… um, I mean I guess maybe that way? Oh Goddess, is this why I used to want to date you so badly? Is that how it works? Is that not how it works? Am I being offensive?"

"It's fine, Hannah," Brendan says, chuckling slightly. "I appreciate the support, but like I said I'm not sure yet."

"Oh, right! Right, yeah. Yep." Aaaaa girl Brendan, though! "I assume this is a Friend Code secret?"

"For now, yeah," he(!?!?!) nods. "Thanks."

"Of course! Of course, yeah. Wow."

I am going to have to do so much research I am very out of my depth.

The bus arrives, and that means this conversation is officially over until we're alone again, but my brain is still left reeling. I pretty much zone entirely out of the rest of the bus ride and all of English class, though as Biology approaches I realize I'm going to be seeing Autumn so I do my best to get my brain in working order. Brendan's revelation is… a lot, and despite being gay as hell I feel pretty under-educated about trans people, but thinking about it logically I'm pretty sure my job as a friend is to just support whatever identity gets decided on. Maybe ask a few questions here and there. Oh gosh will Brendan stop being Brendan? Will he change his name!? I guess probably! Oh noooo I'm going to mess it up all the time and feel so bad. No! Bad Hannah brain! Focus on Autumn, and I guess Biology maybe, if you have room. Actually, wait, where is Autumn? Her seat is empty.

It's empty when class starts and it remains empty after class ends. Autumn… isn't at school today. That seems strange. Hopefully it's nothing? I wonder if I should text her. I feel like that'd be overstepping boundaries? Gosh, I don't know. This could be a horrific magical emergency, but it could also just be a cold! I worry about it all the way through third period and into lunch, where sure enough she's not in the library either. Definitely absent.

"Catch, weirdo," Ida says behind me, and I'm turning to intercept what she tosses at me before it even leaves her hand, my spatial sense telling me its trajectory instinctively. My hands clap around a huge bag of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

"I noticed you avoid the lunch room on days they don't serve meat," Ida smirks. "So I made sure to pick something up for you. Bam. Day improved."

"Um… th-thank you," I stutter, blinking in surprise. Golly gosh, this smells good. "What are you doing in the library, Ida?"

"Uh, looking for your nerdy ass, what else?" Ida fires back. "What's up? You seem a little freaked out."

"Oh, I'm just…" I start, instinctively going for a deflection before Ida steps forwards and karate chops me in the side of the throat.

"No bullshitting me. What's up, Hannah?"

"Uh…" I manage, wincing as I rub the spot she hit. I guess she is in the know for everything that matters here. "Autumn is absent today, which might be nothing but it might be… y'know. A very big something. She knows about me."

"Uh, woah. Going fast and hard on your crush, huh?" Ida smirks. "How bold of you, Hannah."

"I-It's not like that!" I sputter. "It was a total accident. She kind of knows and she kind of doesn't, it's complicated. I don't know if she has magic or not, but if she does and it's related…"

"Then that could be really bad, right," Ida sighs. "Well, do you have her number? Have you tried texting her?"

"I don't know if it's appropriate to do that when she's kind of avoiding—"

A conspicuous buzzing sound erupts from my phone, cutting off my sentence. My sense of dramatic timing compels me to check it, and sure enough…

"...It's a text from Autumn," I say despondently.

"Of course it is," Ida says, rolling her eyes. "What does it say?"

What's happening??? Jet says you can help???

"Aw, crapbaskets," I sigh.

Judging by those two sentences I'm going to guess 'magic things,' I text back. Are you safe and alone?

Are you fucking with me right now? she asks.

No. I'm sorry.

Those three dots that indicate she's typing appear and disappear over and over, a long period of stress where she's either writing an essay or repeatedly changing her mind on what to say. Judging by the length of her message, it's the latter.

Jet says you can help. Can you help?

I can try, I promise. Don't investigate any weird feelings and try not to push any new mental buttons until I get there, okay?

Are you coming over???

"Hey Ida, could I have a ride to Autumn's house?" I ask.

"Of course," she nods seriously.

"We might end up missing classes," I warn her.

"I'm even more down to give you a ride now, you chitinous baboon."

Unless you don't want me to? It's probably for the best. It would be easier and safer than trying to explain all this over text.

It takes a while for her to respond again, but it's a simple enough message.

Okay.

I nod to Ida and we both wordlessly sprint to her car while I quickly send a text to Brendan letting him know that Autumn needs magical aid and I might be late getting back from lunch. I just have to hope that the magic secret police either don't control the NSA or just think we're talking about a game or something. Surely they can't screen every text message with the word 'magic' in it? It's probably safe as long as we don't write down any details on how real magic actually works.

With how much Ida speeds, it doesn't take long for us to get to Autumn's house. Ida and I agree that she should stay in the car, since she and Autumn don't really know each other and Autumn seemed pretty freaked out. I really, really hope she's not in danger! Bursting out of the car, I rush up her sidewalk and ring the doorbell once before I remember that hers doesn't work and knock instead.

Come in, she texts me.

I do so and close the door behind me, calling out to her.

"Autumn! It's me!"

"Hannah!" she calls back, but I've already found her with my spatial sense and so make my way to a small bathroom, in which she sits on the floor looking completely shell-shocked. The first thing my stupid brain notices is that she's in her underwear, but the more relevant points of interest filter into my conscious thought soon enough. Her ears are different, in a subtle but noticeable way. Just a little too pointy, and a little too high up on her head for humans. They're moving, growing, changing shape too slowly to track with the human eye but no less inevitably.

I doubt her ears are the source of all the blood, though.

Her whole back is stained with dried, crusted brown-red, the back of her bra soaked through and probably ruined. She's no longer actively bleeding, but the source of the wound is all the more obvious because of it: two twitching proto-limbs emerge from between her shoulder blades, small and far from fully formed. They must have torn themselves free from the skin of her back this morning, the tiny, leathery wings far too small to function but doubtlessly still growing.

"Wh-what's happening to me?" Alma whispers, tears running down her face and dropping onto her knees as she rocks back and forth on the floor.

"Well, uh… remember when you told me you love urban fantasy?" I say hesitantly, taking off my glove and wiggling my fingers at her. "Congratulations. You live in it."

She faints, and I barely have time to catch her before she hits her head.