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Haven't had time to properly review the manuscript yet so it might get quite some changes. Option 2 at the end is for next month.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rAjrjz6WTFUu23pFpanKw2qQrWYU_0xJ0BulyZLFYQc/edit

Comments

Onedrift

Oh this looks so delightfully evil. especially with the "behave in a manner" since he really seems to think A's a bimbo.

Anonymous

Love it, though the ring gimmick had me a bit worried it was going be too forced and too much of a departure from Hermann's theme of buying off Aura's dignity piece by piece. Good idea to still have a choice, though I'm guessing it's going to have gameplay consequences similar to withdrawal.

iTyG Acorn

Didnt think that it would evolve in this direction, but im pleasantly surprised!

Anonymous

Love the bimbo direction and the giggling. Let's see if it sticks to the future normal dialog in other story line.

Reddy Bread

Idk I guess im the odd man out here. I think it needs some work..

Reddy Bread

Well for 1 it does explain why Aura does whatever Hermann says after the Marriage happens because of the rings effects. But before hand when he actually asks her to marry him it just doesnt seem believable for a smart girl like Aura albeit the mental changes to agree to Marry the guy over a ring. Ill be 100% honest and say that she should at least have sex with the dude before she marries him. Because Aura doesn't like anything about Hermann she thinks he is a complete scoundrel and knows he is sneaky as hell. If she goes on a date with him before the whole Marriage thing and they have sex, that can become the only thing Aura likes about Hermann and give her a little more of an incentive to go along with his plan. As of right now I dont think there is enough of an incentive for Aura to agree to marry a guy she cant stand just because of a ring. And dont get me wrong I enjoy the Aura and Hermann plotline but it feels not believable and rushed to me. Aura still call her pussy her special place lol. She is not corrupted enough at this point to marry a random guy she wasnt even intimate with. Also I dont think her friends from the guild would believe it either especially John since he likes Aura himself. Obviously im not the writer im just a fan and supporter but the scene just seemed kind of rushed and unpolished to me. But if others are happy with it thats fine. Its not my creation at the end of the day.

Anonymous

I don't see why Aura should care at all whether marrying the guy is believable or not, all she cares about is the money, discounts and loot. If she can bear being shown off as his bimbo in scenes 3 and 4, the only difference in marrying him is a piece of paper and a bit more of her dignity being gone. It's not like it would stop her from doing anything or force her to do anything she wasn't already. It would just be an extension of the existing sham. She even thinks to herself in the draft that she hopes they figure out what's going on (and there's nothing stopping her from telling them afterwards, except possibly Hermann reneging on the deal if word gets out). I agree it's rushed that the Young Merchant arc goes from "date" to marriage in 5 scenes, but remember that it's driven by the guy who immediately forgets about his "engagement" as soon as he sees Aura, and who wants to both get in her pants and to show her off. In terms of required corruption, this scene should not be much higher than Scene 4, since to Aura it really is supposed to just be a sham of a ceremony with no sex required.

Reddy Bread

You just brought up another great point. I highly doubt Aura would believe MARRIAGE is just a piece of paper in the real world. And money and loot is not all she cares about. As far as Roya goes she only cares about the gold to accomplish her ultimate goal to defeat the demon king. She cares more about getting stronger and having more tools to win and money is only a tool to help her get that. She is used to doing lewd acts for Gold not being forced to Marry a guy she cant stand. Plus being paraded around the congregation as his girlfriend is not even close to something as serious as being the dudes wife. Aura has very traditional values about love and relationships and I highly doubt she would see marriage as just a piece of paper it doesnt fit her character. But like I said this is my opinion and I highly doubt anyone is gonna change it. But its not my game so whatever the developer decides to go with is fine. The game has been good so far so I got faith it will continue to be.