Sassy SmackDown (by DarkZilla and Almost929) (Patreon)

By: DarkZilla

Edits by: Almost929

“Phil, what the hell are we doing out here?”

Phil’s eye twitched as Rick’s agitated question cut through the cool night air of the redwood forest for what had to be the third time in ten minutes.

“I told ya, Rick, I saw it! Bigfoot, sure as spit, and we ain't leaving until we bag it,” Phil retaliated, barely keeping his voice to an angry whisper. The outdoorsman looked back down the sight of his rifle, which was trained on the other side of the clearing from where he and his companions had hunkered down in the foliage.

“Ya sure you didn’t drag us all out here to get away from your wife Phil,” came the tired voice of a dark skin man on Phil’s right who, unlike his other cohorts, had his rifle hitched over his back. His face rested on his palm as he sat uninterested on the forest floor.

“Can it, Dale. I showed you the tracks. I’aint making this up. It has to be the big ‘Sasquatch’ himself. I know it,” Phil pressed with certainty, only for his lanky companion to interject.

“All I ‘know’ is that we've been out here for 3 nights straight and we an’t see shi**,” Rick cynically exclaimed from his perch in a low tree, no longer even bothering to keep his voice down. Phil was about to snap at him again when the sound of breaking twigs resounded from across the clearing, snapping all men to attention.

Phil instantly looked through his night vision scope crudely taped to the top of his rifle. Through the blurry green and white vision he was able to make out the silhouette of something large and tall making its way over the undergrowth, staying just within the tree line and out of the moonlight. Whatever this creature was, it walked on two legs, but it was far too tall to be a man, as well as too…wide?...No, curvaceous, and in all the right areas no less, based on what Phil was seeing (not that he could entirely believe it).

Even though Phil’s shoddy scope didn’t give him the best image, there was no mistaking the eye-catchingly distinct features of the female form all over the semi-concealed juggernaut, such as thick, tree-trunk like thighs, a wide shelf of a rump, and fatter mommy-milkers than the most popular porn star. The ‘unusual’ characteristics of the unknown creature gave Phil pause as he continued to watch as its surprisingly curvy body bounced nonstop while it trudged along under the trees. Fortunately, his confused silence made it easy for the creature not to notice him, at least until one of his companions spoke up.

“Do ya see it,” Dale quietly said from beside him, but as he spoke the creature in Phil’s sights suddenly froze in place before snapping its head in their direction. The started hunter saw the reflective glint of bestial eyes boring straight into him and reflexively pulled the trigger. The sound of a gunshot ripped apart the quiet of night, but what stunned the small group of hunters far more was the inhuman roar of pain and anger that echoed long after it.

Sounds of crunching leaves and trampled foliage kicked up as the massive creature bolted deeper into the woods away from the trio of hunters. The shadowy image of the fleeing mysterious creature snapped them all out of their frightend trance as Phil shot up and boldly yelled, “Come on boys it’s getting away!” The excited man raced off across the clearing towards where the creature had been, quickly followed by Rick who had jumped down from his perch, matching Phil’s enthusiasm with his own. Dale tried to singal to his two friends to not be reckless, but quickly saw it as a futile effort and rushed after them, though a bit more cautiously.

Once they reached the sight where the target had just been standing, Phil lit up the space with his flashlight. The first thing that stood out to him were the dark splotches of blood splattered across the ground and surrounding plants, the grim liquid reflecting the light through the dark. Focusing his gaze downward, Phil’s eyes widen at the unmistakable sight of a massive, 5-toed footprint leading off in the direction of the monster’s flight. They were the very same footprints he discovered a few days ago, which spurred him to rally his buddies for the hunt of a lifetime. “See, I told you fellas. It’s Bigfoot and I just shot it,” Phil exclaimed proudly, excited to show his fellow hunters that he had been right all along.

“It could have just been some wacko in a suit doing some Tikktokk video or something. Damit, Phil, you could have just killed a man,” Dale shouted, trying to bring some rational thought back to this farce of a hunt.

“Ain't no man leave prints like this,” Rick rebutted, pointing towards inhuman marks on the ground. “And ain't no man got a scream like that neither.”

“Honestly, I don’t think it was ‘man’ at all,” Phil muttered to himself, recalling the strange…‘characteristics’ he had noticed through his scope when he first spotted the creature.

“What, you muttering about Phil,” Rick asked, but the head hunter just waved him off and gestured in the direction the beast went.

“Nevermind that. Now come on. Pretty sure I got its leg, so it couldn’t have gotten far. And when we bag that critter, we’ll be the most famous men in the world by sun up. I swear on my wife’s tits.”

“Not exactly inspiring confidence Phil…”

“Shut it and move, Dale.”

The trio of would-be legendary hunters rushed through the ever-thickening brush after their target, following the trail of massive footprints and splatters of blood that accompanied them. The hunters’ reckless enthusiasm quickly ran dry, however, as they came to another small break in the forest, where both the prints and blood abruptly stopped.

“How on earth…,” Phil muttered out loud as he crouched down to examine the last of the prints, which seemed to suddenly just halt in the middle of clearing with no sign of heading in any direction. It was like their maker just vanished into thin air. The deathly quiet of the forest grew even more prevalent to the hunters as the seconds ticked by. The excitement of the chase was quickly replaced with the cold dread known only to stalked prey as the massive redwood trees seem to grow ever larger and the shadows they cast ever darker.

“Maybe, we should turn back, fellas.” Dale said, doing his best to keep his voice from trembling as he backed up towards the clearing’s edge towards the way they came.

However, Phil remained as determined as ever, still crouched over as he spoke. “Ah, don’t chicken out on us now, Dale. Now give me more light so we can pick back up the trail.”

A moment passed…

“Dammit, Dale. I said gimme some light…” Annoyed by getting ignored twice, Phil stood back up, but his agitation instantly gave way to shock as he turned to face Dale. Dale was gone without a trace, save for his rifle left abandoned on the ground. “What the?! Rick, where the hell did Dale go?”

At the question, Rick–who coulda swore he looked away for justa sec–jumped, and turned back to see Dale gone and hollered in surprise. “I-I-don’t know! He was standing right next to me, wasn’t he? DALE! DALE, where are you?!” Both men called out into the night for their lost friend only to be met with the dead silence of the forest.

Until…

“HELP! HELP,” came the desperate cries of Dale, causing both men to nearly jump out of their skins. Stumbling with his flashlight, Phil shined it into the forest in the direction of their friend’s terrified shouts, immediately revealing Dale dangling upside down a couple yards away past the tree line. The terrified man was bobbing up and down as if something was playing with him up in the tree branches and just out of sight.

“RICK! PHIL! HELP IT'S GOT ME! IT'S GOT-AAAA!'' A second later, Dale was yanked up into the trees, his screams suddenly going quiet.

Upon seeing this frightful display, Rick bravely rushed into the forest in an attempt to save his captured friend from whatever horror had snatched him. “Hold on Dale, We're Coming!”

“Wait, Rick! Damit!” Phil tried to stop his other friend but his trembling figures failed him, and he ended up dropping his flashlight. The tool smacked against the ground hard, causing it to sputter and spark before going dark altogether. As Phil picked the flashlight up and desperately whacked it a few times to get it to work again, he was frozen by a new sound that pierced his eardrums.

“AAAAHH” ‘Bam’ ‘Bam’ Rick's blood-curdling scream followed by two loud gunshots came ringing through the air. It was then that Phil’s flashlight decided to spring back to life, upon which he shined it back into the dark forest hoping to see any trace of his two friends.

“RICK! DALE!” He made one last call into the dark, inwardly praying that his friends would come out and tell him this was all just a huge prank. Instead an object was chucked from the brush onto the ground in front of him. Shining his light down onto it, Phil’s eyes widened with horror at the mangled remains of Rick’s rifle, bent and crushed beyond repair.

Phil continued to stare for what felt like hours at the decimated rifle, proof that he and his friends have incurred the wrath of a powerful beast. His whole body shook like the leaves on the trees that closed in all around him. The now lone hunter gulped and raised his flashlight towards the opening in the tree that the rifle had been thrown from, and–by either bravery or foolishness–he willed himself forward. His legs felt like they were made of jelly as he meekly put one foot in front of the other, trying his best to keep his gun at the ready while also balancing his flashlight.

He was only a couple of feet past the tree line before a strange noise, like that of a gurgling creek, met his ears. Steading himself, Phil pushed aside an errant tree branch from his sight and shone his flashlight across the forest floor. The beam of light trembled along with his hand but stopped dead the moment it came across something truly stunning… A pair of giant feet.

Or to be more accurate, the back of a pair of giant feet that were currently turned away from him. They were human in shape and appearance, although massively bigger, and right above the ankle Phil could see a coat of dark brown fur curvering the calf. After a second of hesitation, Phli willed the beam upward to reveal more of the massive figure before him. The matted brown fur stopped just below the back of the knees where it gave way to smooth, slightly tanned flesh as two massive thighs the width of tree stumps revealed themselves. With every subtle move the thighs made, Phil could see the powerful, hard muscles moving in sync beneath the surprisingly plump looking flesh, as if the two legs seemed to be clenching together, and, as he moved the light up just a little bit more, Phil soon found out why that was.

At first Phil wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at, maybe some strange purple fruit being crushed between the two titanic thighs. It was only after the light fully centered on the ‘fruit’ that Phil was horrified beyond belief. It was Rick, the color on his face turned nearly purple he was getting the life choked out of him from between those gigantic pillars of powerful, plush meat. The gurgling sound Phil had heard earlier had been coming from Rick’s throat as it was being compressed by the monstrous thighs. The only sign that the poor man was even still conscious was the pitiful movements of his hands, which weakly pawed at his captors lush muscles in a desperate bid for freedom.

However, much to Phil’s guilt and other conflicting emotions, something else–something much more astonishing and even more captivating–captured his attention as he raised the light further, completely eclipsing his friend’s plight. There, resting atop the suffering Rick like some swollen lewd hat, had to be the largest, roundest, and jiggliest asscheeks Phil had ever laid eyes on. They were no less than mythical, something that no man would ever believe could exist without photogenic proof. The two meaty orbs boldly shot out from the creature's waist like a shelf, as if they were demanding the attention of any lowly male who laid eyes on them. Proud, full, and perfectly round, they put even the moon to shame as they bounced and jiggled with Rick's occasional weak struggles. Phil, despite the danger (or maybe even because of it) felt his loins stirring as he gazed at the clearly feminine asset presented to him. Awestruck by beauty that could only come from nature, Phil could have spent hours staring and not even notice, but eventually–and with an embarrassing amount of difficulty–Phil managed to move his hand upwards (and his other hand away from his crotch) to shed light on the rest of the creature.

As he traced his light up along this massive figure, Phil saw its brown fur appear again, starting just at the base of its spine and traveling upwards past a pair of curvy hips and up to a very muscular and defined back that would make any bodybuilder envious. The light finally came to stop at the head of the creature, and what Phil saw next caused his heart to sink into his stomach–and strangely enough–his cock to twitch once again for reasons he couldn’t quite place. The massive creature that had been facing away this whole time finally turned to look at him over her furry shoulders. Yes, ‘her’ indeed, despite Phil’s initial disbelief. Long brown hair framed the creature's astonishingly human-like face as her one visible yellow eye caught the light of the torch and shone wickedly in the dark. Just below that was a wide smile of sharp, pearly teeth that looked both playful and predatory, which flashed in Phil’s direction.

The creature relaxed her thighs, freeing her captive from his prison and allowing his limp body to fall face first into the forest floor. The sound of Rick hitting the ground that finally snapped Phil out of his ‘scaroused’ stupor. He gathered his courage and lifted his rifle towards the jaw-droppingly curvy beast, but she made no response. She only continued to stare at him from over her shoulder with half-open eyes and an almost smug-looking toothy grin, as if daring him to shoot. Challenge or not, Phil quickly accepted and pulled the trigger… Only for a dull click to ring out.

The gun had jammed…

In just half a second, whatever little scraps of bravery Phil had left in him promptly burned up as the fire of panic overtook him. Screaming at the top of his lungs, he dropped both his flashlight and rifle as he ran off in the opposite direction, shamelessly running from the ‘prey’ he was running towards not long ago. Phil didn’t get far, however. In his fright, he made the mistake of turning back to look at his rampaging pursuer, only to find that she had vanished. Before he could even fully process this, the sound of something large landing in front him pulled his attention back forward, only for…

‘WHAM’

Phil’s vision suddenly went dark, and at first he thought he had rammed head-first into a tree, his head somehow caught between two of its…strangely soft, bouncy branches. Horror quickly struck him once again, though, as he came face-to-face with the oppressive yet sensual reality of the situation. Upon impact, his arms flew forward and instinctively latched on to the awaiting hips in front him, hips which were so wide that even he–a grown man–could barely reach halfway around them. The sweet, overpowering scent of wild flowers flooded his nose and scrambled his senses even further, both alluring and alarming him. Fear and arousal racked his dumbfounded mind as his arms nervously made their way up along this imposingly feminine figure to where he realized his head was caught. Anticipation grew as his trembling hands trailed up past smooth skin and soft fur until they eventually reached the two mounds that were completely surrounding his head with ease, much to Phil’s utter shock.

The soft mounds were so massive that they spilled out of his hands and in-between his fingers, utterly overwhelming his feeble appendages with their heft and weight alone. Terrified by what he’s beholding and yet strangely compelled to know more, Phil gave the both enormous mounds a shy squeeze and eventually pulled his face out from between them. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates at such a frightening sight. Even in the dark, Phil could see that he was fondling what had to be the biggest pair of ‘tommyknockers’ that ever existed! The bare, mammoth-sized breast housed a small trail of fur along the valley of its cleavage, leading upward. Despite it all, Phil felt compelled to follow that trail with his gaze, eventually lifting his eyes towards the face of his beautifully terrifying captor. Phil’s spine tingled as he came eye to eye with the same wild yellow eyes of the creature that had tormented him and his friends, a creature that clearly bounces as much as she bumps in the night.

He finally found what he wanted. This was the same creature he had dragged them all out there to hunt, swearing by his wife’s tits that he’d bag it, but he became the hunted instead, effortlessly caught by just her tits. Both the irony and the sexiness of the situation isn't lost on him as he feels his trembling erection press against her invasive thigh.

The creature flashed another smug, toothy grin before Phil felt a large hand at the back of his head. The only thing the once proud hunter could think to do was let out a panicked scream that quickly morphed into muffled gibbering as he was pulled with indominable strength back into the massive cleavage of this powerful huntress. A few moments of deafening silence would pass before the sounds of the night would start up once again, as if oblivious to the primal smackdown that had transpired.