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Bear Truth (Patreon)

Published:
2018-02-28 05:48:03
Edited:
2022-02-11 13:14:30
Imported:
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Content

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I understand Nico's frustration after his horrible Grindr date, but I was still shocked to hear what he told me. As his friend, I really wanna help him getting out of this deep hole of depression and self-loathing, but at the moment, he's pessimist about everything. And I heard a lot of anger from his words. What can I do?

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Comments

Yehonatan Etzion

Lead by example - take him yo do sport with you, if he can. Sometimes when Im in a trough I feel like getting out of bed is an olympic sport.

song
>>10447143

Thank you. But it's really not easy to persuade him to do sport with me. Besides, we live in the city and he lives in the countryside with one hour's drive away, it's not easy to include him in our daily exercises.

Hoho Chan

Just be there and listen to him when he wants to talk ... And itā€™s not true, a lot of the Asian bears (some of whom I know) are perfectly fine with their body image. Thereā€™re always bear chasers in the world. It is up to Nico though, would he like to be in the bear culture or not ? Itā€™s his choice in the end. Let him know we all send him hugs and kisses ā¤ļø.šŸ˜˜.ā¤ļø

song
>>10447186

Thanks a lot. However, Nico didn't chose to be a bear, it's the result of his medication and depression. I can feel he's not very comfortable with his new body image but I can't tell him that. I think he prefers slim built younger guys.

song
>>10447143

Yes, he has a therapy session every week. But besides that, he does nothing and barely talked to anyone but us. He's a real bear in that sense. It's very difficult to get him out of his lonely shell.

Wiliam Kibler

Yes. Nico has to decide what he wants from his life. If he's unhappy with his weight and wants to get back in shape, he can do it, but he has to want to do it. Right now, it sounds like he's stuck in limbo. Hopefully, once his antidepressants kick in, he'll have a better frame of mind and start to take charge of his life again. As his friend, all you can do is listen to him and encourage him to live a healthy lifestyle (without judgement).

Yehonatan Etzion
>>10447143

I wish I could help, Ive been there, I ended up living on the street for a while because of it, but today I understand how to control my depression

eduardo alexander

Song....It is interesting that Nico us having a hard time and so sweet and attractive. ..Nico , you are a great catch....

song
>>10447316

Thank you, Wiliam. Every time I talk to him, I just feel that he has absolutely no will to change anything. There's just a lot of complains and frustration from him. Trust me, I will keep on encouraging him without being judgemental.

Antolin Aler

As a Panda Bear myself, I do sometimes wis h I was smaller. But skinny guys are not happy also. I think all you can do is be there for him. Make sure he knows he is loved.

song
>>10447143

I'm so glad that you are getting out the depression. Just seeing my friend like this makes me sad, it's harder to live through such a thing.

song
>>10447353

Thank you, Eduardo. I wish he could see what I see in him. I think he's an attractive guy with or without the extra weight. Unfortunately, he can't see that himself.

Yehonatan Etzion

Search for living with a black dog on youtube

song
>>10447432

Thank you, Antolin. I'll be there for him but he has to find happiness within himself.

Fiyero109

Tell him to check out the keto subreddit. Maybe seeing so many people that successfully lost weight, in a healthy manner, possible even without exercise. The community has been inspirational and Iā€™ve lost over 25 lbs just by restricting carbs and eating yummy things without limiting my portions

Chris Tantalakis

Therapy is the best solution. Unfortunately, it always works when the person is ready for it. All you can do is be there for him, asking him how he's doing and most important be patient and cool with the fact that he's going through that phase. Maybe suggest a good therapist. Trust me, a simple "I love you, my friend" does miracles. He needs to start loving himself again (remember what mama Ru says?) Sorry for the reaaaally long message! ā¤

song
>>10447449

After watching the video, I realise I might be too judgemental sometimes on his decisions. I should really do less talking and more listening.

song
>>10447521

Thank you, Robert. Actually I'm on a Keto diet too and it has been nothing but a great change in my health. I will talk to Nico about this, and hopefully it gives him something more positive to think about. XD

Yehonatan Etzion
>>10447449

Theres one for partners and friends of people living with the black dog, you're a great friend doing a great job.

song
>>10447553

Thank you, Chris. I know Nico is seeing his therapist every week, but I have no idea how good she is. At the same time, I don't feel Nico made a lot of progress in fighting his illness. I'll be patient and be there for him. No worries.

song
>>10447449

Thank you for sharing the video with me. I will ask Joe to watch it too. XD

Louis (edited)

Comment edits

2021-07-10 18:10:19 The best thing you can do for him is to be there for him and to listen to what he has to express; you're already doing a great job of that :) Unfortunately, when someone is this depressed, one can't do much to take them out of it. People can be supportive, of course! But it is ultimately their choice to make a first step towards the harsh but satisfying road of recovery. Also, I think small steps are important too: if he doesn't want to go to the gym, then that's totally ok! Maybe suggest he goes for a small walk to get some fresh air? Or invite him out for a long walk and go to a cafe afterwards that has yummy, but more healthy snacks (even though they're usually more expensive LOL). It seems like there is so much darkness there, and I'm so sorry he's going through it. I hope he recovers soon <3
2018-02-28 06:35:35 The best thing you can do for him is to be there for him and to listen to what he has to express; you're already doing a great job of that :) Unfortunately, when someone is this depressed, one can't do much to take them out of it. People can be supportive, of course! But it is ultimately their choice to make a first step towards the harsh but satisfying road of recovery. Also, I think small steps are important too: if he doesn't want to go to the gym, then that's totally ok! Maybe suggest he goes for a small walk to get some fresh air? Or invite him out for a long walk and go to a cafe afterwards that has yummy, but more healthy snacks (even though they're usually more expensive LOL). It seems like there is so much darkness there, and I'm so sorry he's going through it. I hope he recovers soon <3

The best thing you can do for him is to be there for him and to listen to what he has to express; you're already doing a great job of that :) Unfortunately, when someone is this depressed, one can't do much to take them out of it. People can be supportive, of course! But it is ultimately their choice to make a first step towards the harsh but satisfying road of recovery. Also, I think small steps are important too: if he doesn't want to go to the gym, then that's totally ok! Maybe suggest he goes for a small walk to get some fresh air? Or invite him out for a long walk and go to a cafe afterwards that has yummy, but more healthy snacks (even though they're usually more expensive LOL). It seems like there is so much darkness there, and I'm so sorry he's going through it. I hope he recovers soon <3

Katie H

You're doing it already, just listen and be a friend. I will keep Nico in my thoughts.

Chichu Chua

Bless you. Youā€™re such a good friend.

song
>>10447826

Thank you, Luis. I totally agree. I used to be more pushy but now I learnt that was a wrong strategy to help a depressed friend. Now I'll do more listening and be there for him. Baby steps.

Craig H

If Nico is ever in England, send him my way! I admire how much support you're giving him. The gay community is so fickle and cruel when it wants to be!

Jin Huang

Just tell Nico to come here and your instagram, he will find all of our support and love.

Danny Provencio

Careful, sometimes when Iā€™m depressed I try to drag others into my depression. Donā€™t let him get away with that. If he doesnā€™t like how he looks to himself then do something about it or shut up.

Danny Provencio

Sorry, sometimes tough love works too.

Keanu Gonzales

Maybe you could include Niko in your workouts? It always motivates me to exercise with friends!

Shayne

šŸ˜¢

Falliq Effendy

I may not face what niko faced but i see where he is coming from esp the last part. I mean as much as the gay community wants people to accept and understand them, less that they realize (or choose to ignore) the fact that they themselves are judgemental l. Categorizing a person based on looks and personality. To be honest i find this totally ironic

Danny Provencio

Back in the early ā€˜80ā€™s when I was first getting sober was trying lots of self hep to help me with my poor self image. Was so depressed. Tried saying I love you in the mirror every day with eyes wide open. Then came a across an article about if you didnā€™t like how you looked in mirror try an experiment and not look at yourself for a week. Donā€™t look at yourself in store window nor crome in cars. You know where your face is so wonā€™t be too bad when grooming your face but remember just for a week. At the end you will reach one of two conclusions. You are as ugly as you thought or uglier. But now you know where you are. And what you might do to change. I was was pissed at this exercise. After this went on a market research for work to see a stores redecorating. Was walking around. Saw a cute guy in the distance and went after him. Ran right into the mirror. Was amazed that I had become the kind of guy I am attracted to. My depression and self image issues went away after that.

David Proby

With depression, everyone is different in regards of battling it. I myself still battle it at times and it can be hard to have the motivation to improve myself, but most of my strength comes from friends and family who want me to succeed in life and to be happy. Yeah Nico was in the wrong a bit for essentially lying to the Grindr guy, but Grindr definitely isnā€™t the place for him. I suggest he tries out Scruff, Growlr, and Adam4Adam. I met some interesting guys on all three apps and met the love of my life on Adam4Adam. To quote the great Uncle Iroh, ā€œLife is like this dark tunnel. You may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving youā€™ll eventually come to a better placeā€ and ā€œ...youā€™ll find that if you look for the light, you can often find it, but if you look for the dark that is all youā€™ll ever seeā€. I donā€™t want Nico to give up and if Nico is comfortable not losing weight, then heā€™s comfortable. Heā€™s still cute a fuck as a ginger daddy

jpsoundfiend

Iā€™m struggling with similar demons. Iā€™m getting older and lost my motivation for casual sex. Iā€™m starting to question the very fundamental of my identity and what I truly want. Nothing interests me like it used to and I find a lot of gay culture to be unrelatable. Iā€™ve succumbed to unhealthy habits including reclusivity. Itā€™s a constant battle at this point. I feel for him and am happy to offer any insight into mitigating these thoughts and emotions. He may be clinging onto an old lifestyle that no longer suits him. If thatā€™s the case he must mourn the death of that part of him in a healthy way and search his soul for new hope and inspiration. There are so many ways to live oneā€™s life. He needs to thoughtfully explore to find what fits with the Nico of today.

Rood Inverse

Sometimes all you can do is listen. I don't know how mental health works in France, but if it's possible, maybe he can find a therapist or a friendly support group.

Nick Thorson

I can relate to this! Itā€™s the hard truth....