Chapter 96 - Perfect Honesty (Patreon)

Doublepost! And hours before 2am! Truly, wonders never cease. A bit of a recap and a bit of direct dialogue feels appropriate, but don't worry, we're getting to the events portion of the arc sooner rather than later!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raika picks Maen up off the ground, lifting her a good foot in the air and giving her a full, tongue-filled kiss.

Kaena clears their throat. Then clears it again.

Finally, they settle for chucking a morsel of whatever they were snacking on and scoffing as Raika breaks from the kiss to snatch it out of the air with her tongue (pork belly and pickled radish wrapped in a fried dough, delicious).

Maen, after taking a moment to breathe, smacks Raika upside the back of her head and wriggles. “Alright, now put me down you lunk. Did you get… shorter?”

“Yes, but that’s not why I kissed you, that was just for fun. Anyways, Kaena, my favorite manipulator and politician extraordinaire, it’s so good to see you!”

“What do you want, Raika?”

She smiles wolfishly. “Why, nothing you wouldn’t eminently enjoy! You see, there may perhaps be rumors of some kind of insult bandied about in the training arena today, which I surely had nothing to do with, and it may or may not have started some conversations about a tournament, of all things. Why, I can’t imagine it would be any sort of challenge for you to mayhaps fan the flames of that particular conversation?”

Kaena frowns, squinting at Raika. “You mean to tell me this was on purpose?”

“Why, perish the thought!” Raika grins. “I surely meant only to complain about the lack of true challenge in this city, and that I’ve had to hold myself back ever so severely ever since I got here, for fear their cultivators might tremble and piss themselves.”

Kaena says nothing for a moment, and then eats another of the delicious fried tidbits. “That’s… not exactly a subtle way to do it, but I’m still a bit surprised. I… didn’t expect this from you?”

Raika shrugs. “Growing every day, honored sibling. Sometimes, if you only have limited options, you need to learn how to broaden your skillset.”

“And you’ve chosen public speaking and political maneuvering?”

“I’ve chosen what nets me the fastest and most official way out of this fucking building I can think of, and lets me get a few punches in while we’re out there.”

It’s Maen that interrupts this time between them, not Kaena, looking up at Raika with a confused look.

“Why?”

Raika blinks, opens her mouth to speak, and doesn’t.

The mask comes out, more fluid than ever, more human, and she smiles.

“Hardly any big reason,” she tells them. “I’m cooped up in here every damn day, I get bored. I’m used to fighting, and I… I miss it. I feel like I’m stagnating here, trapped.”

Maen frowns. “Raika, it’s been weeks, not months or years. I get chafing at being in one place, but surely you’ve cultivated before, you know things take time. I’m not sure you should really want to let things move at the pace we’ve gotten used to.”

Kaena nods, but says nothing, watching Raika very intently.

She shakes her head. “It’s not that. Well… maybe a bit of that. I don’t- my cultivation isn’t cultivation, kitten. I grow fast, and sometimes I grow wrong, and pruning it always feels easier when my blood is pumping. I’m used to fighting. It’s… comfortable.”

That part feels harder to say. Partially because it’s true. Partially because it’s a lie.

“But you’ve been working on modifying how your body works for a while now, and we haven’t finished yet. I’m nowhere near ready, I’m-”

“You don’t have to fight if you don’t want to! And you’re already in the Foundational realm, a bit of combat might do you some good if you do! There’s just something about sparring that doesn’t quite carry the same weight as a real rival, a real battle.”

“Raika, I’m not sure-”

“It’ll be fine. We need some time out from this luxury dungeon, and it’ll be fun. Right?”

Kaena doesn’t respond, even as the last question is directed straight at them. They tap their plate, once, pensively.

“You sure you’ve thought this through?” they ask.

Raika nods, once. The mask stays on, though.

“Alright then,” Kaena says with a groan, as if getting up out of their chair is a tremendous hassle. “I’ve been bored silly helping Taran and watching you two bone all day anyways. Give me a day or two, honored sister, and I’ll have the information we need on all the major players. We’ll see what moves I can make from in here to push them into it. Might have to deal with my cousins, of all people… Just do me a favor, yeah? You need a bit of perfect honesty now and then. Just something to think about.”

And they walk out of the room, their sashay as impeccable as ever, without looking back.

Which is good, since the minute they leave Maen scratches her wrist.

She looks down at her partner, then at the rapidly closing wound, dripping a few droplets of thick, dark red liquid. Maen looks up at her, furious.

“What’s going on?” she asks. “Really. You say I help you, but I did not join with you just to be a servant of a different kind. What’s happening with you?”

Raika keeps the mask on for a moment, keeping her face soft but neutral rather than showing any real emotion.

“It’s not important,” she tells Maen. “I’m telling the truth, I do need out of this place, I do need a good fight. It’ll help.”

“Why will it help?”

Raika doesn’t say anything. Instead, she takes a few steps back, down the stairs into the lounge area of the room, opens up some space between Maen and her. The weight of that initial kiss and the energy behind it turn bittersweet, now that she’s had a moment to calm down and realize Maen’s reaction.

Maen stands firm, feet planted, arms at her side, staring Raika in the eyes, waiting for an answer. No weakness there. She still whines and complains often enough, but Raika is serious: she’s in the Foundational realm and moving through it fast, which doesn’t happen out of nothing. Maen looks, genuinely and seriously, at Raika and waits for an answer.

Perfect honesty, Kaena had said. A reminder, maybe, or just a lucky choice of words.

Raika wants to lie to Maen. That revelation hurts, a bit. She didn’t used to be much of a liar. Cruel, callous sometimes, especially to temporary lovers, but not a liar. But right now, looking at the shorter woman standing firm, staring her down, demanding answers about why someone she cares about is acting strange, Raika wants to lie. It would hurt to lie. It would possibly worsen their relationship. It would put things off more than fix anything.

But it would be easier. And it would hurt less than the truth.

Perfect honesty. What a joke.

That part snaps her out of it. Rings against her Truth, just a bit: she shouldn’t be afraid of pain, if she is all of what she is. Pain is just a sign something needs to be addressed.

Easy to know, hard to feel, but True.

Kaena is gone, the specter of their footsteps fading and their heartbeat even fainter, the scent of peach, cream and mercury lingering but no more than usual after they leave a room. The room around them is massive enough, being one of their cavernous bedrooms, but the rooms to either side of it sound empty as well. All she can smell or sense is Maen, yuzu and claws tinting the air from their frustration and the growing habit of cycling her Qi, and the faint whisper of presence that indicates one of the servants.

The latter, she dissipates with a look. And then she drops the mask.

Maen shifts her footing, her eyes widening only slightly but the surprise showing up anyways. Maybe it’s the abruptness of the change, maybe it’s the fact that she hadn’t noticed it properly yet, showing how far Raika’s ability to control her features has grown. Or maybe it’s the look on Raika’s face now.

Tired. Stressed. A little bit angry.

“It hurts to be here, kitten,” she sighs.

She sits. The stairs catch her, at least enough that it’s a collapse to a seating position and not a fall. The pain doesn’t matter, but she does feel the stone press uncomfortably against her spine as she moves and lets the tension leave her body, lets herself sort of collapse.

Maen is next to her in a moment, kneeling, making sure that she can still see Raika’s face, that she’s conscious. When she confirms that, easily enough, she just… kneels there, holding Raika’s head in her hands, staring at the looks she has.

Raika smiles, a bit weakly. “Sorry to disappoint,” she sighs. “Just… tired. Sorry. Bursts of energy help sometimes, when I feel more like myself, but I really do need out of this palace, Maen.”

Maen nods. “Ok. I believe you. But I know that’s not all. Can you… walk me through it? Please?”

Raika takes a deep breath, but nods.

“Four things. There are four things weighing on me.

First, my Truth. Second, my ghosts. Third, my flesh. Fourth, a visitor.”

Maen blinks. Then she frowns. “Alright, I feel like if I let you be cryptic it’s my own fault if you make a habit of it. Be a little clearer, please?”

Raika laughs at that, a sharp HA! that surprises her almost as much as Maen.

“Ok, fair enough. I… yeah. Lost in my own head about this for a while. I’ll try to keep it as clear as I can.

First, my Truth. I have two, which I hear is a big deal, and I don’t know that I’ve told you. I don’t think I’ve told anyone. Taurus might know, probably Yun Ka, with their tech and higher mysteries, but I’ve kept quiet about it. My first one is I Am Me, I Am Mine. I’ve heard Truths can have a lot of parts, be used in a lot of ways. I mostly use that one to control how my body changes, and keep myself centered and aware in the midst of my new senses. Helps me stay grounded in my body and in control of myself. But ever since I got signed up for the Division, it’s been… chafing. Like it’s being rubbed at, or picked at wrong. It gets worse whenever I want to do something and can’t. So long as it’s me deciding what I can and can’t do, it doesn’t matter much, but if I want to do something, decide on it, and still can’t, it kind of… hurts. A lot. It takes work, tricks of perspective, and focus to keep it from hurting all the time in here. Being watched all the time. Unable to leave, to check in on my other friends, to wander and get into a fight now and then. The longer I stay stuck here, the harder it is to distract myself.

Second. I’ve got ghosts. One is literal, the others… maybe not as much. But I see… I see him. The kid.”

“Jiaj-”

“Yea. Him. He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t look… alive. But he sometimes shows up when I’m thinking about something, or when I think he might have wanted something. I’m… not sure how real he is. Or how real the other ghosts are. There’s others, they’re less important.”

Maen raises an eyebrow.

“They are! Except for one. Zhoulong. I’ve been seeing him on and off since I ripped his throat out. Usually once a week, sometimes twice, he’ll pop up whenever it would piss me off the most. He talks like he’s still alive.”

“Do you think it’s some kind of possession? A death curse?”

Raika shrugs. “I don’t think so. Maybe. He’s the only person I killed with my new teeth.” (she chomps once with the black steel fangs, letting them pop out behind her regular teeth and then pop back down). “Might be I ate more of him than I expected. A piece of his soul. He doesn’t seem to be able to do much, but… I worry. And I want to know how to get rid of him.”

She sighs. “Which leads me to thing three and thing four. My body isn’t slowing down. I’m not hungry right now, but I never feel full when I’m eating, even when I am physically full. The last time I did was right after I ate Zhoulong’s throat. That… maybe bodes ill for my diet as I keep changing. I- I need to find a way to understand my body, to understand how it works and what I can change. My mind, my brain can’t keep up. I think cultivation, or the way that cultivation uses Qi, modifies your brain too. Only way people with normal physiology can keep up at the higher speeds that a cultivator can use. But it’s not modifying mine, because I don’t work like that, so for all my meditation and all my practice, I am still stuck in a body that has senses that are sometimes worse than actual physical pain. Part of the reason I’m so good at not reacting to harm? Compared to listening to a crowded street without meditation, pain is nothing. And unless I can modify how my brain works or better understand how to control this, my body is going to keep changing in strange ways that are going to keep hurting me even as they make me stranger and require me to change more and more. And last week, I met someone that might be able to help. With my ghosts, maybe, but with my changes and my flesh.”

“Who?”

Raika hesitates, but… she’s come this far.

“A witch. She said that a name I could use to find her was She Beneath Still Waters. She showed up in our room. Over our bed. Over you.”

Maen pauses at that.

Silence sits for a moment.

“Is that why you’ve been pushing so hard for the training?” she asks. “To help me cultivate?”

Raika nods. “It… may have left me a bit uneasy. I don’t think she meant harm, but…”

Maen nods. “Yeah. I understand. I… ok. That’s a lot. Why do you think she can help?”

“She said that she had seen something like me before. From the way she said it, it was different, made by a ritual and usually utterly insane, but there are enough similarities that I apparently got her interest. She called me a not-Wolf, I think. Her old Wolves were… less in control than I am, and more of a sort of guided out-of-control mutation weapons, which burnt out fast. She told me only a few lived long, and none could really talk like humans, really. So… I’m something else, but considering she has experience with flesh-mutation and out-of-control transformations, and is probably an old monster herself, she might know something that can help me. And I can’t find her trapped in this fucking cage.”

Maen nods. Sighs. She lets her head come down to Raika’s level, taps their foreheads together, and sits there for a moment.

It’s overstimulating, as always, but… as almost always, with Maen, it’s not not worth it.

“Ok,” Maen says. “Obviously I’m going to help. Way more interesting than what I’ve got going on, and you need someone to back you up.”

Raika scoffs, but doesn’t deny it.

“I’m not strong enough, though. Not yet. Which is… I want to ask you something. And you have to promise not to freak out about it. Alright?”

She exhales. But nods. “Least I can do, after you didn’t freak out when I told you I’m literally haunted.”

“Good. I need to talk to you about how you taste.”