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Tina sat on the couch. She tried to close her eyes and shut out all distractions. She was on unpaid leave from work, which was common these days. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. That was also getting pretty common.

Not everyone was affected equally by the ads. There were a few who appeared to not be affected at all. Tina knew that she was one of the other kind. Her job as a server at a local coffee shop had simply become impossible once the ads had started taking a hold on her. It wasn't considered unusual anymore to see someone crying in public. It was nearly impossible to get on a bus or visit a local park without seeing someone having an “episode”, as they were sometimes called.

The ads were everywhere now. On her phone, her computer, on television, even on billboards. It had proven impossible to get rid of them, so, like many ongoing crises, they simply became part of the new normal. Tina had done her best to avoid them at first. She had turned off all her electronics, unplugged the television, closed the curtains. The same routine that everyone did when they started to realize what the ads were doing to them. She had even driven out into the countryside the other day, to “get away from it all”, a phrase that had taken on new meaning recently. But just like everyone else, she had flailed around for a little while and then returned, slinking back to the warm embrace of modernity. What was she supposed to do? Never look at a screen ever again? It wasn't as though every ad she saw affected her. It was a slow, uncertain process, so much so that you could catch yourself thinking that nothing was really out of the ordinary at all, that it was all in your head, that one more couldn't do any harm.

She sat on the couch, curled up in a blanket. A box of Kleenex and a pile of discarded tissues sat beside her. She tried not to think. Thinking always ended with crying. She had never been one to cry before the ads. Ever since she had been little, she had thought of herself as a roll-with-the-punches kind of person. When her best friend had moved away, when her grandmother had passed, when she dropped out of college and tried to launch a career in stand-up comedy...well, to put it simply, life had been strewn with losses, failures, and disappointments, and she had always managed to feel crappy for a little while and then bounce back and try again.

Her vision blurred, and she reached for another Kleenex. It was pointless to think about the past. All it did was upset her, and when she was upset, the waterworks were inevitable. She was just a Crybaby now. That much was obvious. She had known it was true when she had first heard that ad, months ago. She had seen it over and over since then. Sometimes it felt like it was stalking her.

The TV was on again. She checked to see that it was still unplugged. It was, for all the good that did. She considered just throwing the damned thing out the window. That thought made her sniffle, and she knew that if she didn't abandon the idea she would soon be left bawling again. It wasn't just that the ads would always find their way to her, no matter what she did. The horrible truth was, she didn't truly want to escape. That was what no one she had spoken to about the ads wanted to admit. When she had first seen the ad, she had felt such warmth and relief. Years of bitterness and unresolved tension had simply melted off of her. The soaring music and the comforting voice had made her feel like everything was finally going to be alright. They weren't just sounds and images to her. They were more like a magical doorway into another place, one where there were no worries or problems to trouble her thoughts. As the music began to trickle into her little apartment, that feeling of blissful relaxation was spilling over her again, tempting her to let her mind drift away into that strange, twisted world where nothing made sense but everything was lovely.

(A single violin plays. The camera pans across a tennis court at an upscale resort. In the background, fir trees sway gently under a gray sky. Four women in white pleated skirts and expensive-looking sweaters are solemnly batting the ball back and forth. Somber maids in prim outfits with white aprons and gloves are setting up a luncheon table nearby. The table is set with a bone china tea set and sandwiches are arranged on elegant silver trays. The colors all seem muted. Despite the beautiful surroundings, no one is smiling.)

Narrator: You'd think they would have every reason to be happy, wouldn't you? Yet something is definitely missing. Even with so much, a mysterious discontent lurks in the background. But what could it be? What is the missing piece that they need to be truly happy?

(The music grows heavier and more tense. The lighting falls, and the sky darkens overhead. The woman stop playing, and begin glancing around with suspicion in their eyes. A playful note begins to work its way through the ominous music. Suddenly, a cheery cord is played, and with a burst of magical sparkles, a bright purple pacifier appears in one of the women's mouths. Her brow knits together in confusion as she realizes that she has a pacifier in her mouth. The other woman stare at her in shock, but as the music and the sky continue to brighten, more pacifiers appear in their mouths, one after another. They tug at their new pacifiers, and their cheeks inflate as they try futilely to spit them out. The music continues to grow more cheerful, and the sky shifts from gray into a vibrant blue. With another musical sting, the tea set and sandwiches magically dissolve, leaving the table covered in colorful baby bottles. The women toss aside their tennis rackets and begin jumping for joy, their pacifiers bobbing in and out as they reflexively suckle.)

Narrator: My, don't they all look so happy and carefree! And why shouldn't they? They've all awakened to the simple pleasure and satisfaction that comes from Sucking. Life is so much better when you have something in your mouth!

(The women eagerly run over to the table. The maids, who now look more like nannies, smile warmly as they select bottles for their employers. One by one, each woman's pacifier is plucked out and replaced with a bottle, each motion accompanied by a playful musical chord. The nannies coo and pat their charges on the back as they suckle.)

Tina stared at the television as the upper-class women were fed. She licked her lips and kicked her feet happily. The music and the voice were working their magic on her, and there was nothing she could do but be swept along.

Narrator: Everything is so much nicer when you have something to suck on! Big or small, warm and sweet or cool and refreshing, Sucking is so fun and so relaxing! When you're troubled, when you're stressed, when the day feels long, nothing feels better than having a nice long Suck!

(The nannies seem to be chatting pleasantly to one another as they feed their charges, although no voices can be heard over the music. One of them raises a finger in the air, as though she has just had an amazing idea. The others' eyes grow wide as she shares her splendid suggestion. They each smirk as they begin undoing the top buttons on their uniforms.)

Tina's eyes widened as the screen cut to black. Images began running across the screen, too rapidly to be examined closely. Glittering pacifiers tumbled through space. A row of women on a park bench laughing happily with thumbs tucked into their mouths.  A white refrigerator door opens to reveal row upon row of brightly-lit baby bottles. Slowly, a face emerged. A beautiful face, but clearly not the face of an actual person. Her skin was too flawless, eyes too bright and lively, teeth too white, and her shining golden hair was too neatly arranged to be real. She was like the air-brushed cover model of a fashion magazine. Tina leaned forward as she saw her.

Narrator: Hello. Take a deep breath. In...and out. Very good. I'd like to welcome you to your wonderful new life. You are about to embark on a grand adventure in comfort and security. No longer will you be plagued by nameless fears and doubts. You have finally found the thing you have been searching for your entire adult life, the thing you need to be truly happy and complete. In...and out. Goood. I know you've seen more than enough commercials promising the same thing, but I assure you, this time it's for real.

Tina knew that she shouldn't trust the beautiful face, but she simply could not look away from the screen. She wanted the wonderful stranger to take all her fears and doubts away. She needed her to. The image on the screen was so lovely, so bursting with kindness and warmth, that it didn't feel like a mere screen could contain it. Tina could almost feel the narrator's perfectly smooth skin as she spoke.

Narrator: The first step on your journey is to relax. Deep breath in...and out. It's time to finally let your guard down, and accept the simple fact that you need help. That you need someone to support you, to protect you, to keep everything under control. There's no shame in admitting that you can't go it alone anymore.

As she spoke, the camera slowly panned out, to reveal her shoulders and torso. She was dressed in a set of glossy pink medical scrubs. A stethoscope hung around her neck, accentuating her breasts. Tina's mouth hung open at the sight of them. Her stomach rumbled.

Narrator: Freedom is a myth. Independence is a curse. What has that way of thinking ever gotten you, except loneliness and disappointment? Relax. Breathe deeply. In...and out. Focus all of your attention on my voice. Open yourself. Accept. Embrace.

At the last word, Tina felt she could almost smell the beautiful stranger's perfume wafting through the screen. Had her scrubs just disappeared for a single frame?

Narrator: And the next step...on this magical journey...is to simply...Suck.

At the final word, the flawless face and soothing voice faded into the darkness. Tina felt something in her mouth. Something that felt marvelous, like a missing piece of her soul that had finally returned to her. She explored her mouth with her hands. A smooth, round shield with a hanging ring was pressing gently against her lips. She smiled. She didn't have the energy to question where it had come from. She lay down on the couch and tucked her blanket around herself. As she drifted off into blissful sleep, the little shield began rhythmically bobbing...in...and out.

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