"Honey, We Need To Talk" (Nau, Sub, Act) (Patreon)

Admittedly, this one is a bit of an experiment, and I'm not really sure how it turned out. Let me know if you enjoy it, but it is a departure from what I normally create.

They say you should never go to bed angry. But sometimes, you're just too exhausted from yelling. You had another fight with your girlfriend. It was the same old routine. She accused you of not doing your share of the household chores, questioned your career choices, called you selfish, called you lazy, called you a loser. You got defensive, told her she does nothing but whine and complain, never encourages you, never listens, treats you like a big baby. You knew it was all foolish, just stress and worry boiling over until neither of you could hold back anymore. But name calling and hurt feelings produced more name calling and more hurt feelings, and soon the two of you were lying in bed, not facing one another, waiting out the long night in sullen silence.

Perhaps the relationship was just going through a rough patch. Perhaps it was just workings its way toward its natural conclusion, and the two of you would have eventually parted ways in search of some combination of self-improvement and a more tolerant life partner. You'll never know, now.

Someone was listening to the two of you that night. You never found out who she was. You saw her only in your dreams. You saw her, dressed in a glistening white robe, standing on the bed between the two of you, grinning down at you with those shining eyes and that poisonous smile. You could not move or speak to her. You laid there and watched her, as one does sometimes in dreams. You didn't hear what she said when she crouched down, put a hand over her mouth, and whispered into your girlfriend's ear, like the two of them were in conspiracy together. You didn't even hear anything when she crouched down and whispered into your ear too. You only felt your cheeks blush and your heart race, as her silent words trickled into your helpless sleeping brain. You watched her put a hand between your legs, imparting a fierce, desperate warmth there that would haunt you ever after. You saw her do the same to your girlfriend, causing her to throw her head backward against the pillow. You saw her as she ran gleefully around the house, laughing silently as she twisted it to her wicked desires. You saw her scatter teddy bears across the walls of the bedroom with only the touch of her fingertip. You saw her unfold a giant playpen in the living room. You saw her giggling when she opened your underwear drawer. You watched your new changing table spring into being beside the bed.

And when you awakened the next day, your life was forever changed. You found that you had no ability to control the new urges that propelled you through life. You found yourself abandoning your work altogether, spending your days lounging lazily in infantile helplessness. Your life became nothing but a parade of cartoons, naps, feedings, playtime, and diaper changes, and it all felt absolutely amazing. Your most basic desires had been utterly transformed, making every moment of this indolent existence heavenly. You found yourself compelled to order your poor girlfriend around, demanding that she care for all your needs and bend to each of your silly whims. She could not seem to disobey you, no matter how absurd your selfish demands became. Strangely, although her actions were those of a completely loyal servant, whatever spell she was under did not compel her to be happy about the situation. She was every bit as frustrated and angry as might be expected, and was not at all subtle about expressing her feelings on the matter. It was clear that the two of you were under a hideous curse, forced to live out the awful things you had said about one another in the heat of moment, however unfair or exaggerated they might have once been.

"I guess...I guess we...we need to have another talk...about this fucking bullshit of a relationship we have! Again!"

"God, I'm so goddamn fed up with you! You're just such a fucking loser! Seriously, when are you going to grow the fuck up and start taking responsibility for yourself? Like seriously, any goddamn flicker of personal responsibility at all? You think I enjoy this? You think all this fucking garbage is fun for me? You think I enjoy watching you sit on your fat, lazy butt watching goddamn cartoons all day? And dealing with all your dumb fucking whiny demands? Oh, I guess I'll just drop everything I'm doing and run to the store because we're out of chocolate syrup for your fucking banana split! Sure, you want me to pick you up some fucking chopped nuts and caramel sauce while I'm at it? Oh, look at that, you saw a little toy or some shit on tv, so I guess I'll just have to run off and buy it for you! Gawd!

You are easily, easily, the single most useless person I have ever met in my life! You don't do shit around this place! Seriously, why the hell is it my job to clean up after you? You think I want to spend half the goddamn day cooking your meals and the other half cleaning up all your stupid messes? My day is wayyyy longer than yours, let me tell you. I am up at the ass-crack of dawn getting everything ready for you, and you don't appreciate it at all do you? I wake you up with breakfast in bed! At noon, for gawd's sake! And do you appreciate any of it? No, of course not!

Got any other little bullshit chores your royal highness need me to take care of for ya today? Are you gonna throw your damn food against the wall and make me clean it for you again? Shall I clean out your bong again? Bring you a nice baba full of chardonnay? Sure, why not? I'm already your maid, might as well be your waitress while I'm at it! How about a bath? A bubble bath even? I bet you'd like to play with the suds while I scrub you all over, because obviously that's not something you could ever just fucking handle on your own! Do you need me to burp you? Rub your fucking feet? Kiss your little boo-boos and make them better? Gawd, what a fucking loser!

Oh gawd, that smell! Did you seriously just crap yourself? Again! What the hell? Why can't you just poop in the toilet like any other goddamn grown-up? While we're on the subject, why the hell is the fact that you keep shitting yourself my problem? Why is the state of your saggy, stinky, disgusting, disposable diapers even a friggin concern for me? Do you even know the goddamn looks I get in the store when I'm buying these things? I think a lot people just fucking assume that they're for me! And I have to buy them in bulk, because of course, not only are you not willing to use the bathroom like a grown-ass adult, but I swear, you seem to take a perverse delight in waiting until right after I change you to take another big steamy dump! What is wrong with you?

Like, for example, when I wake you up with your vibrator, why can't you just poop before your morning diaper change? You always have to make a big pushie in the morning, so there's absolutely no goddamn reason why you couldn't just do before I change you out of your nighttime diapers! But no, it's always another long stupid session with the vibrator, then I have to open your great big nighttime pampies and drink in a big ol' lungful of whatever you did in the night! They're always completely goddamn drenched, too. Stupid, lazy-ass bedwetter! Then it's off to the races with the goddamn wiping and the powdering and taping up your clean fresh baby pants, and then what do I get? Do I get a little "thank you"? Maybe a "good job changing my diaper" or even just a "hey, thanks for wiping my stinky butt, really appreciate ya'? No, of fucking course not! It'll always just be you giving me that stupid fucking little giggle you do, then a little happy hop, skip, and jump over the corner of the fucking playroom! Then smirking at me, fucking smirking, while you bend over and squeeze out another big ol' whoopsie daisy right in the diaper I just...fucking...changed! And please, explain to me why it is necessary for me to stand there and watch you do it every single time! It's disgusting, it's embarrassing, it's ridiculous! I've said so over and over! But that gag will just never get fucking old to your dumb ass, will it?

Do you even get that I'm the one who has to pay for all this bullshit? You bring in nothing into this house, not a dime! All of this...All Of This...the rent, all your toys, the food, the weed, the booze, and of course the goddamn diapers! You have no concept of how much your diapers cost, do you? No, not a clue! And we can't get the cheap ones, noooo. It has to be the custom-made, designer brand, highest absorbancy bullshit that money can fucking buy! All of this is coming out of MY trust fund. Do have any tiny little inkling of how that feels? Every single time you squat down and load your huggies with that idiotic little smirk on your face, Every...Single...Time, you are literally crapping all over my money! That was supposed to last me the rest of my life! And now, I have to just roll it into a big fucking wad and drop it into the stupid diaper genie over and over until I want...to...Fucking...EXPLODE!!!

...Okay, okay. I think I'm...I think I'm done for now. Gawd, I could stop doing this. Just like you probably wish you could get a job and stop crapping in your pants for five minutes. Maybe? Maybe just a little? Oh well, it's not like you can tell me one way or the other. In an odd way, I really hope you enjoy this. With all the effort I put into taking care of you, I really would like to think that you're having a good time at least. The only time I seem to have any pleasure is when I'm yelling at you. I know you probably don't enjoy that, but it really feels so good to cut loose and really vent my spleen, ya know? Sometimes I'll let the anger build up for a while on purpose, just so I can really blow my stack and berate the crap out of you. I hope it doesn't bother you too much.

"Alright, that's enough grousing for now. It's bath time for the big diaper baby. Let's get you cleaned up. If you're really good for your bath, I'll let you suck on my boobs before bedtime. Yeah, I know, I know. You won't be good at all, and I'll just let you breastfeed regardless, because I don't really have any choice in the matter. It's...it's okay.