regarding my recent absence (Patreon)

ok i just typed all this out and realized it's kinda rambling so i'm gonna put a quick summary, which is that i'm obviously very sorry for how long it's been since a chapter, i wasn't quitting it was just some mental health stuff but nothing super serious, and even tho i'm gonna keep writing i encourage anyone to unsubscribe if they feel they can't afford it. i mean that's always been true lol, but like, just a reminder.

~

so idk how everyone else has felt about my page recently, but i've been freaking out. i'm hoping that for everyone else, it's just been thanksgiving and christmas and new year's as usual, with slutty size stories far from your mind lmao, but every day that went by without an update i could feel myself getting further into a hole, and i didnt want to post an update til i had a chapter that could go along with it, which now i do. but the past month has felt like several months to me.

i could have just posted that new chapter but i felt like pretending i didn't post for a month would be disingenuous so an update post is the least i could do.

i almost considered quitting writing, still sort of am tbh. idk when i last mentioned this on patreon, but im making this post public and not just for patrons only so some fans might not be aware, but i'd been taking an anti anxiety/anti depressant medication for a few years (since before writing size content regularly). my perscription ran out in october though, and my doctor had quit in between then and the last time i'd seen her. and so me being a dumbass i was like "hey well maybe i'm better now" so i kinda just went cold turkey, and well, i guess i don't recommend that to anyone else! that might've played a factor since the one i take supposedly helps with energy, but also being real, there was for sure a bit of creative burnout.

as any long time fans know i am a girl of many excuses when it comes to delays but this has definitely been the delayest of delays so it deserves the excusiest of excuses lol. i mean it's not a lie, so maybe that means it's not an excuse. i just feel bad whenever i don't post for more than a week. i literally think about my writing obligations a dozen times a day, i've had a few opportunities over the hectic last few weeks to work on writing but every time i do i only manage a couple paragraphs at a time, sometimes just a few sentences, and it feels clunky and disorganized and not like me. so every day that passes without an update i stress more. normally if i don't post for a while, then i post, and i'm like ahhhhhh cuz i can feel the stress leave my body. but this time i feel like i owe my patrons such a backlog that only a little bit of stress has left my body lol. i think stress is bad for your skin and my skin's been kinda dry lately tbh so hopefully when i wake up tomorrow i'm glowing ✨ that'll be the sign of progress!

anyways, my schedule is totally disorganized now, it feels weird like idk where to start cleaning up this mess. Truth or Dare will get a new chapter next, and then the last chapter of the Devon/Suzanne story, and then another chapter of Truth or Dare, bc the two clients of those stories already paid so they're the most important. then httyb and httyd haven't been updated since september and october respectively, so those next probably. after that, probably Mason since that's also been awhile and is for a long time loyal client. and then there's like, 2 or 3 people who have emailed me about commissions, one of which is a sequel to the fitness trainer story. then i'll be like really actually fully all the way caught up. normally, that'd all probably take a few weeks so honestly that's probably end of january's & all of february's whole schedule right there. at least that's the goal, that's what i hope i can pull off.

to be completely honest, if i was one of you, i would probably wait until the end of a month to see how much i publish, and then decide whether or not the amount of stuff i posted is worth subscribing to read. but some of you have followed me for years and the monthly fee isn't a bother to you. to those who have kept subscribed to me and will continue doing so, thank u very much! and hopefully once i'm posting regularly again, i can re-earn the trust of other subs.

thank u for reading, thank u for your support. one of my 2023 resolutions is i'm gonna be more picky about what i write, bc i realized that writing something i'm not interested in can easily derail my motivation and progress.

and with that, a merry belated christmas and happy new year!