Little Lost Souls- Chapter 2 (Patreon)

Here's chapter 2! I hope you guys like it, I had a lot of fun writing it! It was also a bit cathartic to write.

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TRIGGER WARNING- Suicide/suicidal thoughts  

Chapter Two

Zoey opened the door to her apartment and heard a trill and meow at her feet. Her calico cat purred and rubbed against her legs, nearly tripping her as she took her shoes off and closed the door. The cat stared up at Zoey with her golden eyes and meowed loudly.

“Yes, yes, Penny, I know,” Zoey said, slightly annoyed by the cat tangling itself with her feet. “I know I’m late, but you can afford to eat a bit late, y’know.”

Penny continued meowing until Zoey dropped a cup of kibble into her bowl. Zoey tossed the bag of food back in the pantry and threw herself onto the couch, lying motionless for a minute or so as she processed what all had happened that day. A horrible day of work, followed by a weirdly nice dinner with a complete stranger, who paid for her meal and drove her home.

“Goddamn, Zoey, what the fuck were you thinking?” she said to herself. “This night could’ve been disastrous.” She felt conflicted. On one hand, trusting a stranger like that was incredibly dangerous. However, on the other hand, she had just had one of the best nights in recent memory. She wanted to be angry at herself, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she merely curled up and closed her eyes and tried to rest her exhausted mind.

 *    *    *    *    * 

‘Hang on, something feels… off.’

Zoey sat on a chair in what appeared to be an office building with cubicles stretching from wall to wall. However, the only objects in each cubicle, including the one in which she currently sat, were a desk and chairs. The walls were devoid of any decoration, there was no office equipment to be seen, and it was eerily silent.

“Hello.”

Zoey jumped and spun around to find a faceless… person?… in a gray suit on the other side of the desk from her. She presumed he was looking at her, despite the absence of eyes, and she replied, “H-hi.”

“Thank you for joining me today,” the faceless man said in a calm, monotone voice. “Now, if you’ll just sign here, please.”

He slid a piece of paper and pen toward Zoey. But there was no indication of where to sign. In fact, the only things printed on the paper were a small, square photo of Zoey and a business logo that she couldn’t quite make out at the top. Zoey stared at the paper for a second, then swiped it off the desk.

“What’s going on here?!” Zoey screamed. She stood up to flee, but saw that every cubicle now had a faceless man in them, and they were all staring directly at her, holding up the same piece of paper and a pen. She turned around and found the original man now mere centimeters away from her, except that he was now over a foot taller than her. She instinctively tried to scream, but no sound left her mouth. She frantically searched the room for a door, but every wall looked exactly the same. She was trapped. She turned around again and found herself in a black void with the faceless men, all of whom were much bigger than she was at this point, standing in a line several meters away. She ran in the opposite direction, but never got any further away. The men stood motionless at first, then began to seemingly glide toward Zoey slowly without moving a muscle. Zoey ran as hard as she could, but she couldn’t escape. The men moved closer and closer until they began to form a circle around her, still moving closer. The circle shrunk as Zoey gave up trying to flee and lay down on the cold nothingness as she resigned herself to her fate…

Zoey bolted upright with a shrill scream, sending Penny, who had been sleeping between her legs, running off to another room, fur standing on end. Zoey brushed the hair out of her face and looked around. ‘It was a dream…’ she thought to herself, still breathing heavily. She lay back down and stared at the ceiling as she collected herself, focusing on getting her breathing under control.

She’d been having these types of nightmares for months. Nightmares in which she was trapped, or she was being chased, or she felt generally helpless and alone. Come to think of it, they started around the same time she began to fall into depression, the same time she began to think about killing herself. She hadn’t had the guts to actually follow through with those thoughts, though she had gotten dangerously close a few times. Zoey desperately tried to get her mind off the subject.

After composing herself, Zoey grabbed her phone and looked at the time. ‘11 p.m. I was asleep for a little over an hour,’ she thought. She sighed and thought about the dream; what it might mean, if it meant anything at all. She quickly became uncomfortable, however, and tried her very best to forget the dream, but the image of the men surrounding her was burned into her mind. Feeling her chest tighten, she found the piece of paper with Meredith’s phone number on it, typed it into the text recipient box, and wrote a short message.

‘Wait, should I really do this?’ Zoey paused to think. ‘She only just dropped me off an hour ago. What would she think if I texted her so soon after?’ Zoey stared at the draft for a solid minute before closing her eyes and hitting “Send.”

Hey, Meredith. It’s Zoey. Are you still up?

A couple minutes passed, then, DING!

Hi zoey! Im glad i didnt scare u off tonight! Meredith texted almost like a high schooler in the late ‘00s, only with the benefit of her phone automatically capitalizing the start of a sentence. How r u feeling?

I’m fine, Zoey sent, then immediately wrote, Actually, no, I’m not fine right now… Are you able to talk?

Of course hun. Whats on ur mind?

Well… have you ever felt… trapped? Like, in life, I mean.

How do u mean?

Sorta like, you don’t feel like your life’s leading anywhere. Like you’re only going with the motions of being an adult because you have no other choice?

Oh hell ya all the time.

What do you do? How do you get past it?

Well… i do have one method… but u wouldnt believe me.

What is it?

A couple more minutes passed.

Tell u waht, how bout we meet up again sometime and ill show u, ok?

*what, the corrected text arrived almost immediately.

Zoey reread the message multiple times. Did Meredith really want to meet up with her again? Was she not coming off as too clingy to her?

Sure. I don’t have work tomorrow. Is that good for you?

A minute passed.

Yes! How does noon sound 2 u?

That works for me!

Great ill pick u up then!

Zoey put away her phone, sat up, and looked at Penny, who had rejoined her on the couch. The cat gave a small trill and tapped her owner’s hand with her paw, and Zoey stroked her silky fur in response. Zoey smiled a bit as Penny started purring, leaned forward, and gave her a kiss on her forehead. Zoey then lay back down, Penny moved to lie on her owner’s stomach, and the two of them dozed off together on the couch.

 *    *    *    *    * 

Zoey’s dreams during the rest of the night weren’t as vivid as the first one, but they all filled her with the same feeling of existential dread. She woke up a few more times, but always fell back asleep within seconds after seeing Penny, always on her stomach and facing the door as if to keep watch over her. Zoey woke up for good as the sun began streaming through the blinds, though she didn’t feel any more awake than before going to bed at all.

Grumbling to herself, she made her way to the kitchen, stepping carefully around the cat weaving through her legs again, pleading to be fed breakfast. After feeding her little gremlin, Zoey started a pot of coffee and began getting ready for the day. She didn’t want Meredith to see her like her after-work disheveled self again.

Aside from the anticipation of actually leaving the apartment for reasons other than work, the morning was uneventful. Zoey killed time by playing a life sim game to get a taste of escapism, something she seemed to crave more and more every passing day. Finally, though, it was almost noon, and Zoey had just received a text from Meredith saying she was about five minutes away.

“Keys, phone, wallet, jacket, Penny’s fed,” Zoey ran through her checklist. “Um… oh, meds!” She pulled out her dose of hormones from the cupboard and dry swallowed them. “There, ready to go. I’ll be back in a bit, Penny.” She pet her cat and saw Meredith’s car pull up through the window.

She made her way to the car where Meredith greeted her with a smile.

“Hey, Zoey!” she said as Zoey opened the door. “How’re you feeling?”

“Hi. I’m, uh, fine,” Zoey replied as she buckled herself in. “Thank you for, um, coming to… coming here… to…”

“You’re welcome, hun,” Meredith said, getting the gist. “Are you hungry? We could get something to eat, my treat.”

“O-oh, no, thanks,” Zoey stammered, staring at her knees. “I already had lunch.”

“Alright, then! So, you okay with coming to my house? I can show you how I deal with things there.”

Anxiety began to rise in Zoey again at the thought of heading to a still mostly unknown person’s house. Was she making a big mistake here? This was basically “How to Get Kidnapped 101.” Meredith noticed the change in Zoey’s aura.

“Hey,” the witch said, “you feeling alright? We can cancel… if you want.”

“N-no, sorry, I just…” Zoey trailed off, unable to find the right words.

“Listen, I know it’s not always easy to trust people, especially ones you just met,” Meredith said in a soft tone. “But I promise I’m here to help. We can skip going to my place for now if you want.”

Zoey opened her mouth as if to speak, but closed it as she began to think. ‘You know what? Fuck it,’ she thought. ‘What do I have to lose? Even if this is some trick to kill me or something, she’ll take the decision out of my hands and I can maybe be not fuckin’ miserable for once. It’s probably not gonna go there anyway, but still...’

“Uh… we can head to your place,” Zoey said finally, still looking down. “You did have something you wanted to show me, after all.”

Meredith smiled and patted Zoey’s shoulder before putting the car in gear and driving off. The drive was mostly quiet, but as Meredith looked at Zoey out of the corner of her eye, she could see her aura grow slowly but steadily more violent the longer they drove. ‘Hang in there, kiddo. I promise I’ll help.’

By the time Meredith pulled into her driveway, Zoey’s aura was jagged and pulsating in time with her rapid heart rate, almost like electricity.

“You sure you wanna do this?” Meredith asked again.

Zoey looked at her and took a deep breath. “Yeah, we’re already here, I wouldn’t want the drive to be a waste.”

Meredith nodded and led her to the front door, unlocked it, and let her inside. The house was decorated beautifully. Photos and various decor lined the walls, saying things like “Love, Live, Laugh” and “The closest family is the one you choose.” ‘Heh, kinda cheesy,’ Zoey thought. ‘But, I guess that’s to be expected, she is like, late 30’s, maybe 40.’ From what she could see of the house from the entryway (the kitchen, living room, and a long hallway), there were candles or wax scent burners everywhere. The living room looked incredibly comfortable and inviting, all the furniture had a dark brown, tree-like color, and the coffee table had a deep grain in the wood and had a red table runner with a candle on top. The floor was a glossy, pristine hardwood, and a dark red rug sat beneath the brown leather couch, loveseat, and coffee table. The walls were painted a medium-dark, neutral brown around the cobblestone fireplace built into it. A medium-sized TV hung above the mantle, which was the same deep-grain wood as the coffee table, and was bookended by yet more candles. Everything worked together to produce a comfortable, natural feel. But just as she was about to comment on the incredible living room, Zoey felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Want some coffee? I can get a pot going,” Meredith offered, and Zoey nodded. “Oh, and you can hang your jacket up there,” she added, gesturing toward the coat rack by the door. As Zoey did so, Meredith kept talking in an attempt to distract Zoey from her thoughts.

“It’s a bit chillier than yesterday, isn’t… it?” Meredith began to trail off as she noticed the row of faint, nearly perpendicular scars running along Zoey’s forearm, and instinctively put a hand on her own arm. She had healed her own scars long ago via magic, but the memories lingered still.

“Tell me...” Meredith started, and Zoey looked at her. “Tell me what’s up. What’s got you so stressed out?”

Zoey opened her mouth, unsure of what to say. “I… dunno. I don’t wanna weigh you down with all that. We just met, and --”

“Tell me,” the witch interrupted sternly. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch, gesturing for Zoey to do the same, and she did.

“Well… uh…” Zoey was unsure where to begin. After thinking for several seconds, she started again. “I dunno, I just don’t… feel like I can keep up with life.”

She began to talk about how since graduating college, she hadn’t been able to find work in her field and was forced to take a retail job, all while her student loan debt was crippling her and leaving her with basically pennies left over each month. From there, the floodgates had opened and she began word vomiting all of the emotions she had bottled up over the past several months. She talked for nearly 10 minutes straight, growing progressively more upset. She ended up crying, unable to continue.

“I just…” sniffled Zoey after a bit of crying. “I just c-can’t take it an-nymore. I can’t keep g-going like this. I’ve been running on fumes f-for months, and I d-don’t know how much longer I c-can keep going.” Zoey fought with all her might to stop from breaking down again. “Every night I w-wish I w-would just die, b-but I don’t have the guts to d-do it myself, so I just go to bed h-hoping I don’t w-wake up.”

Meredith listened to every word, her heart aching for the broken-down girl in front of her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she thought of what she could possibly say to Zoey that might help, but she decided it was best to let her keep going until she actually invited her to speak.

“I just wish I didn’t h-have to w-worry about all this stupid f-fucking adult stuff,” Zoey continued, balling up her fists as she sat hunched over. “I’m sick of it.”

This caught Meredith’s attention. Her heart began to race as she thought, ‘Should I go through with it? Am I ready to do this again?’ Her mind lingered on the images of her old babies, but she shook herself out of it. ‘This girl needs it badly. At least give her a taste of it.’

“Hey,” Meredith broke her silence, and Zoey looked up at her. “I know you’re having a rough time in life, to put it mildly. And trust me, I can empathize. But… remember how I said I have a way to get through it?” Zoey nodded. “Well, after hearing you spill your heart, I think it may work.”

“W-what is it?” Zoey asked.

“I… can’t tell you, you’d think I’m crazy,” Meredith answered sheepishly. “I’d have to show you… Do you trust me?”

Zoey stared at the witch for several seconds, weighing her options.

“I think it may really help you. Trust me, at least let me try.”

Zoey slowly nodded, unsure what to expect. Meredith stood up, tapped the girl’s head, then snapped her fingers.

POOF! There was a bright flash and a cloud of smoke where Zoey was. It quickly dissipated, though, revealing a baby girl right where Zoey had been sitting, wearing only a diaper. The baby looked up at Meredith in shock, then shakily raised her chubby arms and looked at her hands. Meredith had turned Zoey into a baby.

Zoey surveyed the rest of her body. She had baby fat everywhere, her fingers and toes were tiny little nubs, and as she felt her face, her hair was now incredibly soft and she had a small button nose. She suddenly became aware that she was totally naked, aside from the diaper, and tried to cover herself. Under normal circumstances, she would be panicking, but she was still in shock.

‘Wait a second,’ she thought to herself as he tried to use her hands to cover the diaper. ‘Something feels diff-- well, more different.’ She pulled on the waistband of her diaper to look inside and nearly gasped. She was biologically female now. ‘H-how? What happened to me?!’

This was the final straw that sent her into a panic. She balled up her tiny fists and began crying at the top of her lungs, unable to control herself. Her emotions were getting the better of her as she wailed and sent rivers of tears down her cheeks.

Meredith quickly scooped her up, conjured a pacifier, and popped it in Zoey’s wide open mouth and held it there until the baby girl’s new instincts kicked in and she began suckling on it.

‘What am I doing?’ Zoey thought. ‘Am I really sucking this pacifier? I can’t stop! What’s going on, and… why… does it feel so… nice?’ She began to calm down a bit, enamoured by the soothing sensation of suckling on the binky. Meanwhile, Meredith began humming softly and stroking the baby’s hair as she gently rocked her.

“Shhh, it’s okay, you’re safe,” the witch cooed softly. Zoey calmed down a bit more and was only sniffling now, so Meredith wiped the tears and snot off her face. “See? I told ya you wouldn’t have believed me,” she added with a smirk.

Zoey tried to talk, but the pacifier proved to be nigh-impossible to speak through, so Meredith took it out. Zoey tried again, “Whuh… whuh happen?” Even without the pacifier, though, it was clear she was having difficulty speaking.

“I used magic to turn you into a baby,” Meredith explained, gently sitting back down on the couch. “I’m a witch, Zoey. I can use magic, and not just the fake-o magic ‘“magicians’” use.”

Zoey stared at the witch with her mouth open in disbelief, causing her to drool a bit. Meredith smiled sweetly, wiped the drool off her chin, and put the pacifier back in her mouth. Zoey began to suckle again without even realizing it, but still felt the calm from it.

“You said you were sick of being an adult, right?” Meredith continued. “Well, I have the solution. I have the power to give you a stress-free life. You won’t have to worry about your loans, or your nasty job, or your transphobic parents. You can simply be a baby again, completely stress-free.”

Zoey’s eyes opened wide. ‘A stress-free life? For real? … But, I’m not a baby… I’m an adult!’

‘Yeah? And what good did it ever do you?’ a small part of Zoey’s mind chimed in. ‘It’s just been never-ending stress since you graduated high school. And you’ve been nothing but miserable since elementary school. Remember your first suicidal thought? 3rd grade? How many 3rd graders wish they were dead? Maybe… this is a chance to start over. But wait... Why’s she doing this for a complete stranger? What’s in it for her? ...Does… does it matter, though? This could be my chance to finally be happy…’

“Zoey?” Meredith snapped the baby out of her conflicting thoughts. “How are you feeling right now? Are you still scared? Does anything hurt?”

With the pacifier still in her mouth, Zoey simply shook her head “no.”

“Good, it went as planned,” the witch said, trying to cover up her relief. “I know this must be… weird... for you, but I promise I can make you feel safe and comfortable and happy this way, if you give it a chance. But, if you don’t like this, I will gladly change you back. Just… please consider at least trying it, for a couple hours.”

Zoey stared up at the witch and saw a genuine sweetness in her eyes that she had never seen on someone before, at least not directed at herself. She could tell by that look that Meredith truly meant every word.

The baby nodded “yes,” much to the witch’s delight.