YKS The Mag #33 (Patreon)

Okay folks this one is a little behind schedule. But when you hear my excuse, you’re gonna be forgiving. See, I’ve recently gotten into these digital sports collectibles. They exist on the blockchain, and are actually a pretty cool investment vehicle. Why don’t you join the 200,000 person discord server that’s 95% teenagers and their bots, and I’ll tell you a little more about it.

KLAPP: One handed but twice as easy

KLAPP is a new and innovative chopping board that allows for a one handed use. By simply folding the board, the new formation would enable an easy transportation of ingredients from one place to another.

It’s sad. They could have spared themselves the merciless grilling we gave them by simply marketing this product to people who can’t use a regular cutting board for whatever reason. But they didn’t! So into our sights they go. This shit is too small, it looks like it smells bad, how come one side is a different color than the other, the shape is maybe the worst possible choice, and the name is a total nightmare. Ohhhh you didn’t like that shit did you? Well maybe employ a more cynical marketing strategy next time motherfucker!

I think the only reason we talked about this one is because they called something a “juice groove”. And I also think MIke thought the “juice groove” was a bad idea. But that part is actually good. It’s where the juices go! Unless there’s like, slightly more than a very very small amount of juice. In which case it just spills over anyway. But you’ve got that little buffer there for the juice to fall into. The Juice Groove.

Ransom Notes: The Ridiculous Word Magnet Game

We love words.  And while beautiful sentences have a time and place, it's the bizarre and terrible writing (usually found on the internet) that's our favorite. From nonsensical Facebook posts to unhinged Craigslist ads,  we can't get enough.

But, unless you're in the middle of a heated Youtube debate, crafting a hilariously terrible sentence can be tough. That's why we made Ransom Notes: a game that gives you no choice but to create awesomely horrendous sentences to get your point across.

Listener Cassandra writes: I’m literally in my Intro to Research class right now (I go to University of Pennsylvania and am working towards a masters in social work) and my prof discovered that playing Charty Party is a great way to teach us about independent and dependent variables.

She also attached some screenshots of the game they were playing but they’re too brutal for me to share. What are they teaching our kids in these dang schools! Back in my day, we’d go to history class and watch Pirates of the Caribbean for an entire week, then listen to our teacher’s divorce story for the tenth time, take a test, fail it, and get curved up to an A. And that’s how we liked it!

Charty Party is relevant here because, believe it or not, these guys also thought that one up. I guess it makes sense for people with one bad game idea to keep coming up with new bad game ideas. I’m just jealous! I can barely come up with one idea, and these guys are just at the big idea factory cranking out new ones every day. I need to take a stimulant or something I think. But I don’t want to go to the doctor. There’s got to be a better way...

MyTVArt: Cover Your TV With Beautiful Art Or Photos

MyTVArt is a new device designed to cover your TV with artwork of your choosing, making use of the “dead space” your TV creates in your home decor. Using the remote control included with MyTVArt, you control an electric motor that raises and lowers the printed artwork, which is safely stored inside the product.

MyTVArt sits securely on top of your TV with the use of our patented brackets that use no screws or bolts. Your TV is safe from damage when installing or removing the device. Also, the outer housing is black and will blend in nicely with your television.

Counterpoint: No it won’t!

The example you see above is not one of MyTVArt’s many fine art prints, but rather some turd’s stinky family. Sorry, I’m sure they’re nice. Just a weird pic. But it would look fine in a 5x7 frame on some guy’s desk or hanging on a wall in a collage. It looks slightly less good blown up to 55 inches and jutting out of a weird metal chute. But I mean these freaks got a damn piano on the wall so they probably love it. Hey can I get a couple of orbs for the TV stand. Thanks.

Custom Birthday Crossword for Nancy Pelosi's 80th

Nancy Pelosi is turning 80 on March 26th and because she keeps her wits sharp by solving the New York Times crossword every day, I thought it would be nice to make a custom, illustrated, elaborate tribute crossword puzzle for Nancy Pelosi that is mostly about her, and covers the arc of her career as a politician, wife, mother and just general badass.

Nancy Pelosi is a tough cookie with a long, distinguished career as a politician who has stood for truth, justice and the American way - despite tsunamis of BS and blather from the other side of the aisle - and the White House.

This birthday crossword is a gesture to thank Speaker Pelosi for standing tough in the eye of many storms, and for taking the path of the righteous woman while beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil, incompetent men.

Blessed is she…

Okay!

So, clearly, this guy’s out of his gourd for loving Nancy Pelosi, but he’s not alone. There’s a lot of weird political sycophancy in our shitty ass country. And that’s pretty crazy considering how there’s probably one or two of em worth a damn. Which makes it so much funnier to see people laying it all on the line for Neera Tanden. How do you even know who she is? Why do you care? What is the OMB? Who had this job last year? Do you ever scoot your ass on the floor like a dog?

I mean, I like Bernie Sanders alright. Says some good stuff, seems to care about doing it, also has some stuff I’m not wild about. I voted for him. Or whatever you call the thing you do that they don’t count and doesn’t determine anything. But I’d drop him like a sack of potatoes tomorrow if he stopped saying the right stuff or stopped being in a position to do any of it. I won’t be checking up on his ass when he retires. Who cares! He can’t do anything then! My relationship with Bernie Sanders is: he says “Can I go help you out?” and I say, “Yeah, please do,” then a bunch of rich white ladies stab him in the belly. Thanks, and sorry, man! I’m not sending you a birthday present. That’s the extent of our interaction. Anyway Nancy Pelosi is a mutant.

Bring "The Dead Sea Squirrels" To Life!

When I co-created VeggieTales with Phil Vischer in 1993, I never imagined the impact our stories and characters would still be having three decades later. From Silly Songs with Larry and 3-2-1 Penguins! to our theatrical movies Jonah and The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything, it’s been quite a ride. But I’ve always dreamed of launching another series that taught biblical values in an entertaining way… and maybe this time featuring characters with actual arms and legs and… paws?

Enter The Dead Sea Squirrels, my new book series that launched in 2019.

Cheers to this guy, who roped some rich Christian guy into paying for Veggie Tales 2 in 2020 somehow. It’s totally unfathomable to me that you could find enough people to watch this corny shit that you could justify $1,000,000 per minute in scooting some little wisecracking squirrels around, but then again when it’s in the service of brainwashing kids into hating themselves and others, you find the money somehow. Sorry, despite being raised in a churchy family, I never watched VeggieTales, so maybe it’s, uh, just focusing on the “Good Stuff”. They probably have a Jonah and The Whale story where a piece of talking corn falls into the ocean. And that’s just such good stuff I can see why you’d want to complete the journey with Dead Sea Squirrels. This time a squirrel falls into the ocean, and he probably says something funny at an improved resolution and framerate. I can’t wait!

MYTHOS

In the world of alcohol and drinks, it is often challenging to find a glass marker that not only impresses but also chills the beverage. After extensive research, we have developed a glass marker that not only turns heads but also personalizes your glass, as well as the ability to chill the beverage rapidly. The unique sculptures are cast using premium quality Pewter, which embodies a charismatic appearance. All our sculptures are embedded with magnets which secures the sculptures to the base of the glass, which prevents the ice nor the sculpture from sliding into the drinker's mouth when lifted. Our custom cooling brackets freeze the ice at a specific angle which accelerates the cooling process of the beverage to a whopping 20 seconds.

I’m back on the ice cube tray while I wait for the classic Herd Immunity to kick in and refrigerator repair people can return to the kitchens of America. They’ve made a lot of headway in ice tray technology over the years, and it’s probably all thanks to Elon Musk. The one I got has a silicone gasket that fits over all the cube holes, so you can press the excess water out over the sink and even store it in the freezer at a weird angle. This is crucial if you have a bunch of half-full bags of frozen fruit stacked up in your stupid little freezer drawer or if you’re still a big Tech Decks guy. So I get however many ice cubes out of that thing and my refrigerator gets to not have a stranger elbow deep in its guts for another few months. That’s about all I need out of an ice cube situation. Or so I thought.

But then I saw Mythos, the little pewter statue you can put inside your drink to throw back and choke on, and realized it would make my friends smile if I died from sucking on some Greek god we couldn’t even name. And that’s when I realized I can just have the repair guy in the kitchen while I go outside for a while.

Alright that’s the mailbag folks. I hope you enjoyed looking at the pretty pictures. See ya next week.