YKS The Mag #27 (Patreon)

Hello there everyone. It’s the newsletter guys here to say “It’s newsletter time”. Although it’s really more of a blog. But I won’t tell if you won’t! Yuck, sorry. That was nasty. This week is my birthday week -- not that my birthday is celebrated all week but rather that it’s the week in which my birthday takes place. This is a very special day that only comes once a year, and as celebration, my whole family gets together and sings songs all day long while picking apples or whatever the fuck. Couldn’t think of what people do for birthdays. I will be eating a piece of cake and hopefully getting a new hat type. I won’t be taking any time off (grind), but we will be off the week of Christmas. So if you are reading this and expecting a brand new YKS Premium to come out on Christmas morning, I will caution you that, just like in real life, you might be disappointed. Santa is very busy this time of year and he didn’t know what you wanted. He got you an old episode and a puzzle and a gift card. The puzzle is also a picture of a gift card. Happy whatever. Ok, onto the real shit.

ButterHub From Episode 147   - Had $15k, updated on Episode 151 at $119k, ended with $149k

The butterguys might actually have had a decent success on their hands if they didn’t allow people from Europe to buy their product.

Got my Butter hub dishes today and I can tell you apart from the US, no one in Asia or Europe can use your product for butter straight out of the pack! I was really looking forward to using it! What a disappointment! I wish the creators would have been clear that it would NOT fit 250g butter blocks which are approximately 11x6x4 cm in size! I can't even give these away now.

The whole idea of butter hubs were for us to be able to store and use the whole block not cut up half a block, rewrap the other and store it seperately! I really hope the creators can do something for backers whose butter blocks don't fit!

There are about 100 variations on that complaint, which as far as I know is valid: their butter didn’t fit in the butter thing! Now when it comes time to split the blame baby, who knows who should bear the burden of responsibility. They should make sure their weird butter cubes fit in the thing they’re buying, and maybe the sales ding dong should have offered a EU-Compliant Varietal or disallowed international sales altogether. I’m not sure. I kind of think it’s normal to imagine the butter style you’re used to will be universal (as I did until this project fell up its ass onto its own face) but at the same time, I might also sell my butter shit overseas with the reasoning that they might have some alternative butter sizes! Of course, all this drama could be eliminated if the seller were allowed to say “well you can just cut your cube to fit in the butter hub”, but for obvious reasons, that rhetorical gambit is unavailable to him. Just a guy making his own bed and lying in it. Awesome.

Mike

FishCoin - $588 of $15221

The FishCoin team are proud to present the first realtime, interactive global fishing challenge. This mobile app platform, anglers can compete or challenge themselves while fishing. The object of the game is to catch as many fish as possible in a one hour time frame, each fish is valued by the camera size feature. Players can climb the leaderboard in their region and potentially go forward to the final competition at the end of the FishCoin year. The finalists from the thirteen regions will compete against each other at a premium fishing destination to become the world champion.

I think FishCoin qualifies as “Augmented Reality”, because it uses the camera in your phone to trick you into thinking you are doing something interesting. Like taking a damn SELFIE!

BALLISTIC SCARF: Warm & Soft | Tactical EDC Fireproof Fabric - $19344 of $1k

One positive thing I’ll say about the Ballistic Scarf guys is that he didn’t make me wonder what weird fantasy he was having wherein it would be beneficial to have a scarf that was “slash-proof” and “fire-proof”. He hired some actors and made a video of it! Actually I guess I don’t know that it’s his imagination cooking up the scenario of being accosted in the very-thick-bunched-up-scarf area of the body by some guy with a knife not to exceed 4 inches in length or .25 inches in width. He’s just the guy selling the futuristic, military-grade cloth that will keep your carotid artery pumping that good shit for an additional 2-3 seconds (just enough time to do a roll on the ground and grab the bottle opener you store on the bottom of your shoe + the straw with a filter inside and drink out of the puddle of rainwater pooling on the floor of the parking garage). It’s the 360+ people who have bought it that are daydreaming about these highly specific latter-day Liam Neeson attacks. And also being minimalist, as well. Please, let’s cut down on the flashiness of my ballistic scarf. Not trying to draw attention to myself here. Just survive.

4Beers1Glass - $402 of $2909 (now canceled!)

All of us have been there...after buying beer, tried to bring 2, 3 and sometimes 4 beers to the table where you are sitting. No one wants to let the shameful second time go back to the bar to drink more. That's why we want to deliver you set of glasses called "4Beers1Glass™"!

The shape and size of these is so far off of what a normal glass should be that I actually forgot that it would be even harder to carry them around because they’ll be cold and/or wet! A sharp, wet, cold, corner jabbing into your palm because you forgot to turn your pie piece beer glass around when carrying it from the bar.

I still think it should come with an elastic band or plastic top like you get on the nice 6 packs (no not like those!!!) now of days, but since it doesn’t, the only way I can figure to carry it is to shove them all together, then make a sort of butthole shape with your two hands and tote them from the mid-bottom area. So with 2 hands you can carry 2 liters of beer. Which is something you can also do with normal glasses, and much less than what you can accomplish with normal glasses and a tray or other person. Bizarre!

What Does the United States Flag Stand for? - $1 of $2k

I'm raising funds to publish a book for children about the United States of America Flag.  I have been in school for twenty-six years, and I did not know the reason why the Founding Fathers chose red, white, and blue for the colors for our Nation's flag.  I happened to attend a Tae Kwon Do tournament in Greensburg, Indiana where a senior master provided a speech about the reasons for the colors.  His speech was so motivating that I composed a thirty-two line poem in the next three days.  I have asked for his permission to follow through on this project, and he has given me his blessing.  I need help in finishing this project for the future youth of the United States.

Sometimes you attend a Tae Kwon Do tournament in Greensburg, Indiana and a senior master provides a speech about the reasons for the colors of the American flag. It’s what you do after that, that really matters. Naturally, most of us will land on “writing a poem”, so it’s the execution that will really set us apart. Ideally you’re going to want to have 32 lines on the motherfucker as well. Any less and it’ll seem like you’re mailing it in, but more than 32 lines and it’s a bit of a slog. Let’s get in there, pass along the meaning of the colors of the American flag that you learned from a Tae Kwon Do master (with his permission) at a tournament in Greensburg, Indiana, and get out.

I forget what this guy’s exact explanation turned out to be, but it was something like

White = Tradition (not how I would have split it up but that’s just me)

Red = Liberty

Blue = Can’t Think of One

As far as grafting superficial meaning onto archaic symbols goes, that’s a fair enough attempt. Plus he probably got kicked in the head a lot at the Tae Kwon Do tournament, so you have to factor that in. It does really stink how important symbols like the flag are to people in this country, having to do all the saluting and praying and pulling over to the side of the road and stuff. But hearing them try to explain why it’s important to do is pretty funny. Not enough to justify having to put my hand over my heart before a basketball game but still decent consolation.

I Can't Believe the President is My Girlfriend! (Canceled) - $240 of $9k

I’m sorry to announce we’ll be canceling this project. I was unaware that there was a visual novel of a similar title and concept already in existence. This is not an excuse, this is me admitting to my own failures and not doing my due diligence.

I’m sorry to the team that tirelessly put effort into creating this project only for it to be cancelled the first day, and I’m sorry to everybody I have upset regarding this mistake. I don’t know what the future entails now, as many have pointed out that I am not as knowledgeable as I should be to be creating games in this genre. I hope you will see it in yourself to forgive me. Thanks.

I don’t know if the young man behind this horny politics anime is reading this, but if he is, I would say to him: It’s ok. You did your best to make your own version of Stacked Bernie Sanders. It’s not your fault that there are lots of other nasty little guys in the world who can draw stuff to get themselves off. Hey, obviously you were onto something with the whole idea. Use that motivation on your next disgusting project. Maybe do a quick google search first, to see if there is anyone else who got to your idea first, and also to see if there’s a cure for what caused you to do this.

The Karen Drinking Game - $5608 of $10k

It’s a simple card game that involves friends taking turns drawing the top card, following the instructions on it to determine who is the most Karen, and punishing them with large amounts of alcohol. Is your friend Michelle a serial food returner? Does your buddy Mike have a secret stock of beard oil? Did your Aunt Tina used to shoplift?  It's time to find out! We did it the hard way, and we'll never look at Aunt Tina the same...anyway...There are four types of cards--Karen, Kevin, Group Vote & Dare cards - to keep the laughs going and the booze flowing. Once you start playing, it will quickly become evident who the biggest Karen in your friend group is...and it may even be you.

Through a highly-efficient cycle of overuse, abuse, and commodification, the hot button honorific/slur “Karen” has lost all meaning. The term which, at one point, denoted a highly specific combination of aesthetic and moral characteristics, has been reduced to a generic insult appropriate for a range of people so diverse as to include both lease-happy Marines on leave and Facebook moderators sympathetic to election fraud. That’s no big loss, of course. There probably was not a huge need for shorthand to describe an annoying white lady, really, so there might as well be a drinking game about them. This particular execution seems flawed to me, however, given that the first horse out of the barn is “It doesn’t matter if the card applies to you, drink anyway”. I’d like a little bit more clarity in the rules of my drinking game. But that’s @memequeen for ya, the 6.5M follower account that still looks like this:

Wow! What a huge bummer!

And speaking of bummers, that is the end of the newsletter, my friends. It’s now time to go fold some laundry...extremely tactically. See ya