YKS The Mag #21 (Patreon)

I was watching TV while I was writing this, which is why it took several painful hours instead of a brisk 15 minutes or so, and saw an ad for a new Chicken Taco pizza. That’s not a traditional type of pizza as far as I know, but it is the kind of pizza I would like to try. I might even get some this weekend. First, all I will need to do is recall the name of the national pizza restaurant chain offering the Chicken Taco Pizza, which should be simple enough considering how different they all are. Just playing, motherfuckers! I have no idea who has the shit. They all could. They all probably do.

Cheerble Board Game - Keep your cat happy when you’re away - From Episode 149 (may)   - Had $184k ended with $517k AU

At Cheerble we share one common passion: improving the lives of our pets.

Last two years our Cheerble Wickedbone and Wicked Ball campaigns both had a huge success on Kickstarter and Indiegogo.

After Wicked Ball raised over $1 million on these platforms—becoming the most-funded pet campaign ever—we decided to create something even better for our beloved pet community.

The “Featured In” credits get funnier every week. This one had some PR guy finagle their way into Techable, Flipboard, Geeky Gadgets, TrendHunter (Create The Future), and This Is Why I’m Broke. I think at a certain point you gotta tell your emails guy, hey, can you like just send these to normal places? Because we are one tier away from being front page news in The Kindergarten News.

By the way, these things are just pieces of trash that you get to throw away later, and the cats hate them and you might not even get it. Other than that it’s really good.

Too Many Doggos - $1810 of $2000

Get the most dogs adopted from your shelter to win, and give many doggos the life they deserve with a loving family. Now please pledge so you can play this awesome game, and make some dreams come true for these amazing doggos in the game and IRL!

Cuddles and Wags,

Jane and Sharon

Additional Information

Great game for all ages: adults practice “adopt don’t shop” while kids learn strategy, patterns, addition, subtraction and the importance of adopting dogs

I do think it’s probably good to adopt a dog instead of buying one from wherever else you would buy a dog, but they also don’t make it easy. A few years ago I saw a little Shiba Inu at what would pass for “the pound” around here and thought she would be a fun companion for my big guys. So I go out there a few times and fill out the forms, play with the dog a bit and so forth. She’s pretty shy but hell the place stinks like cat piss and everyone’s in there screeching so I’d be a little skittish too. I think for a while if I want to agree that they can come over to my house and check in on me whenever they want, but in the end I figure they probably won’t do that so I go for it. Nope! I get denied for having two dogs already. Alright, well, whatever. Was trying to help but I’ll fuck off!

The Slice Cube - $2259 of $60948

Next Challenge - Keep the junk out of our ice cubes

The engineers fixed that already, remember the sliding lid for the storing tray? So the one part of the cycle is completely sealed and making ice, while the other has a sliding lid which keeps the "stuff" out of your ice.

This line was what got me so intrigued by this campaign. What in the hell is going on with this guy’s ice?? Do other people have a bunch of shit just hanging out on the top of their freezer? And if so, why? What is it? Can you scrape your shit out before you put some ice in there? Whatever. Put a lid on your ice cubes. Don’t hurt me none. I just can’t understand the geometry of this device. God it is massive.  Needing to get the fuckin M1-Abrams of ice cube trays out of the sink so you can stick it in your dirty ass Wampa cave and get some hot pocket sized ice pillows. That is grim. I will just have a room temp diet piss, thank you.

Burger Buddy - $13384 of $9131

The Burger Buddy is fairly wild as a sandwich eating tool. I would think that there is enough shame involved in ordering a Mr. Big BBQ Goopy from French Fry Chalet without needing to bring a silicone mold into the equation. I mean are we really opening up the big bag of salty turds, unwrapping every moist one of the things, and then slapping the big one into a little burger condom? That is not my process at all. I hate it in fact. But to suggest that Burger Buddy is also potentially the buddy of other foods, well, that is a bridge too far. Putting a fuckin donut in there, man. That’s shameful. But wait, there’s more!

Burger Buddy stops germs from spreading by minimising hands-on contact with the food, preventing germs from spreading. The last third of the food item can simply be pushed out from the bottom.

Fuck you!!!!!!

Jesse

SimpTagion - $16 of $500

As the SIMP-TAGION spreads men with symptoms are forced into hospitals & curfews as well as social distancing practices, while only men with essential work are allowed to work. Yet as much as the local & global government tries to minimize the spread in a matter of months the world is consumed by the explosive rise of men getting infected with the SIMP-TAGION. Causing the world to become an apocalyptic hell whole. Though not all men have given up on saving what's left of the world.

The guys who hate women but are also super horny for them have got to figure their shit out or shut up for a long ass time. Not to be glib about it, sorry. But these guys need to go jack off or talk to a psychologist or both. Watch Nannette!

Apple-Man - $43,143 of $118,624

Healthy food saves lives just like superheroes do. This is the message of our film.

An unhealthy diet contributes to more than 670,000 deaths each year only in the USA - and more than 11 million deaths a year all around the world. But when health-care institutions address this, typically nobody listens.

That's because statistics are boring to people. But when you look at unhealthy food ads - they are not boring at all. They are entertaining, catchy, sexy, viral. And they make people believe that unhealthy living is cool.

We created Apple-Man as a very entertaining way to tell people how important and how cool a healthy lifestyle is. We believe this film can save many lives.

We didn’t even catch this part when we were talking about the project, because the trailer is so confounding that there really wasn’t time for anything else. It’s fake, I guess. Or is it??? I don’t want to blame the whole thing on the language barrier, because for one thing that synopsis is probably written better than this newsletter. But the perspective is really different from a movie that would be made here in the US and I think that’s part of why.

It’s not a South Park rip-off cringe thing because it’s done too well. It’s not a genius, Heidecker-level riff on something goofy because it’s not funny enough. And it’s not just actually good, because I mean come on. It’s a unique thing. And it’s really stupid, but it’s like nothing else that I know of. And I know of a lot of shit! So I’m glad this exists. I hope this guy spends a million bucks on Apple Man and Dr. Burger and it breaks Ukrainian box office records. I really do.

World's First: Car Wireless Mobile Phone Controller - $67 of $15,999

1 backers 59 days to go

Mobile phone distraction rates are higher than ever. Despite the media attention and all the costly incident reduction campaigns, the statistics are staggering.

According to the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute, looking at your cell phone or GPS device while driving increases the risk of an accident by 200%.

Using cell phones while driving facts:

• People still find drunk driving more dangerous than texting while driving. But the risk of accident while using a cell phone is six times higher than the risk of DUI accident.
• Over 25% of car crashes in the US are caused by texting while driving
• Cell phone use as a whole is responsible for 1.6 million accidents each year, with 330,000 people injured.
• Cell phones cause a third of all deaths from car accidents

So let’s keep usin’ the fuckin things to buy safety razors!

Okay that is that and we have finished the newsletter once again. I hope you enjoyed seeing the pictures of the things we talked about a few days ago, and reading me say some different stuff than I did before. Of course if not feel free to see me out on the bball court and I will cross your ass up six ways to Sunday.