YKS The Mag #19 (Patreon)

Well hey everybody. I’m writing this as I watch Tuesday Night Football, a perverse invention made necessary by the Tennessee Titans evidently holding a secret, illegal practice at a local high school. And guess what….it rocks! This shit is awesome. Football every day of the week? Where the hell do I sign up???? As long as I don’t have to leave the house, I mean. Or play the damn game, god forbid. Touching all those guys and they’re sweating and breathing on ya, and maybe cracking your skull in with one swing of their massive arms. Anyway, this game is really passing the time from dinner to bedtime. Maybe we should have MORE superspreader events? To make TV better?

Cask | The Insulated Bottle Crafted From Inspiration - From Episode 21   - Had $14998 ended with $47711

Each style of Cask is distinctive, like you. Each style is a piece of artwork inspired by the surroundings of a different human experience. The designs are provocative, thoughtful, poignant and authentic. The Cask is a premium bottle, design to function without compromise. But it is most importantly a canvas for aesthetic expression. Cask represents a paradigm shift from one-color bottles and conformity to a bottle that reflects your lifestyle.

We were right about water bottles becoming the next big thing. That’s kind of a cool feather in the cap. I did end up buying a couple of them, but at least they’re not inductive charging or bluetooth-enabled or liquid-identifying. They just hold the water inside there, which is so good because that’s exactly where I want it. These Cask guys gotta be so pissed off though. They were ahead of the curve! And now they’re getting their shit eaten up by the big boys! I think their big mistake was trying to make the bottles match up to people’s lifestyles, or whatever it means when you see a big bottle of water next to the ocean. They should have just paid hot people to use them or kind of implied that it would make the water colder than it already is somehow.

Open Carry Outdoors - $10753 of $10k

Open Carry Outdoors was created by two guys with a mission to change the landscape of the outdoor sporting equipment industry. We believe that quality American made gear should be affordable and made with the outdoorsman in mind. Our promise to our customers is that when they purchase an Open Carry Outdoors item that they will get a product that will last a lifetime. With the Cooler we wanted to develop a product together that we all believe there is a need for. We've developed the Cooler from the ground up from design to prototype.

Both These Feet Are American - $422 of $4500

My Unite American Feet Mission has created a design that shows two different feet dressed in American costume, one whose sole is blue with white stars, one whose sole is red with white stripes. Both have Red, White & Blue toes that unite them. Together, they form a heart. There is a red heart behind them that represents the soul of America. The words read Both These Feet Are American - Let's Unite Them.

Alright the foot guy with the terrible graphic design idea is one thing, but the real story here is Johnny Tabacco.

We will be getting more into this big drunk Long Island goober sometime soon I think. His show is too good. Check it out if you need some crap to listen to while you’re on the toilet. He’s like a dumber Jon Taffer.

Tea to Go  - $0 of $997

Disposable Tea in a cup. No teabag required. No Muss, No Fuss, Just Add water, drink, and throw away.

Do you want some tea? Oh no, you have to get the teabag. Wait five minutes. Grab it and throw it out. All those germs. All that waiting.

Not anymore. No more messy Teabags. Simply open the wrapper, take the cup out, and add boiling water. Then you can drink your tea to go. When done,  just throw the cup away.

Can’t crack the angle on this one. Looking at it like a dog watching TV.

Grilltunes via Steven - $10975 of $26652

With GrillTunes you can turn up the volume and  the heat without touching your phone. Simply connect the speakers to your smart device via Bluetooth and get the tunes flowing using your favorite music platform.

The remote in the handle lets you seamlessly play, pause and skip tracks, as well as adjust the volume while you cook up a storm.

As a suburban dad, I don’t have many hobbies. I’m isolated from other people and my kids take up all my time, and that’s even more true this year!! Isn’t that crazy!! So one of the things I do instead of develop a skill or personality is make dinner in the easiest way possible, which is grilling it. And as often as I do it, it’s not like I’m an expert. Most of the time the stuff tastes pretty good, you know? Piece of chicken, whatever. But I’m not getting up on my high horse about temperatures and fuel types and all that stuff. I don’t want to grillshame anyone. Maybe I’m wrong about cleaning with the wire brush before and after cooking. What if I AM using the wrong type of charcoal for fish!! Hell, I don’t know. I’m just makin dinner. A little humility is important.

But don’t use this fuckin thing! Don’t use a plastic handled spatula, don’t use a spatula to open a beer, don’t talk to your mom on your bluetooth speaker while you’re outside. Use a pair of headphones to talk while you’re grilling, use one of the 10 bluetooth speakers you already have to listen to your tunes, and use a fork to turn your burger (if you have to, but that’s pretty grim).

Really Karen? Board Game  - $2715 of $10k

Think the whole “Karen” bit is played out? Watched one too many SNL monologues running this completely uninteresting bit of culture war ephemera into the ground? Well how would you feel about it in an outrageously optimistic 2 months from now? Or maybe you’d like to do another horse puzzle? Since you love horses so much? Freak.

Really Karen? is a creation from Mike Matsinger and the team at World Tavern Entertainment (an industry leader in the Bar Entertainment industry).

As Mike tells the story, "I was in a local grocery store and this woman was just being a completely entitled b$%ch. It drove me crazy, but I kept my mouth shut. The next morning I woke with the notion that we need to expose these Karens, and a hilarious party game is exactly what the world needs right now!"

That’s right folks, we’re talking to a staple in the fast-paced world of Bar Entertainment. You know, the reason you go to a bar? To be entertained by stuff? Without looking it up, I’m going to say this guy leases knock-off iPads in huge plastic cases to Buffalo Wild Wings franchises so kids with BBQ fingers can pretend to play Texas Hold ‘Em against 4 bots in Anywhere, USA. Ok, I am now looking it up. It’s worse.

Similar to a dart or pool league, customers will participate in live, free-to-play poker tournaments in your bar every week of the year

Players compete for points (no buy-ins, no gambling) to qualify for Tavern, Regional, and National Championships where we award over $100,000 in prizes and WSOP seats every year.

Wow! That sucks really bad. As a teetotaler now, I’m not much of a barfly, but I never really was either. Still, to me, the quintessential bar experiences are:

1. Sports bar - Limited drink menu but decent food and they pay for the sports packages
2. Dive bar - Limited drink AND bar menu but very cheap and the people are interesting
3. Cocktail bar - Great menu but we don’t make enough money to eat here and my drink tastes like olive oil
4. Airport bar - Left the house too early again dammit

That’s it! And from watching Bar Rescue, I know there are in fact many other types of bar, most of which are in a state of dysfunction and/or disrepair, and are helmed by desperate owners who would rent the World’s Biggest Rat Turd if they thought it would bring a couple dollar bills in through the front door on a Wednesday night. But I don’t want any part of em. I don’t need the tablets or the light up cups or the no-gambling gambling or god forbid the fucking trivia. Keep that shit to yourselves. Anyway obviously this guy doesn’t get what a Karen is, or why it would mean anything to anyone. So the game is all about being a Karen, which is not fun to do, and the reward is that the game will be over if you do it enough, which does at least seem fair.

Messy Academy - $3481 of $4k

(Not posting a pic of this one. Too foul.)

Fun fact about this one: the premise is so absurdly nasty, that my accurate description of it sent Mike completely over the edge. We had to stop recording and retake the whole bit. We don’t do that very often anymore, but in this case, he really thought I was being too flippant about the game’s content (diapering up and seducing teenagers). And hell, maybe I was! But I didn’t write the game. Some other freak did. If I were to write a diaper game, it would go a little something like this…

An Italian plumber and his friends (a princess, a mushroom, a lizard, and another Italian guy) invade a foreign country and start wrecking shit. They kill the wildly popular king, destroy his ship and castle, and raise a flag in the rubble. Then they do it, like, 40 more times in a row, and sometimes it’s underwater. Plus they’re all taking big dumps in their Pampers the whole time.

Sounds pretty good, right? Well I'm going to go play a game that is 100% legal and not just me whackin my shit. See ya