YKS The Mag #16 (Patreon)

Hello everyone and welcome to the YKS Newsletter, where we show you some pictures and some words and then hey, before you know it, it’s all over! That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Alright well we’ll get through it together. 

This week we recorded well in advance so I’ve actually forgotten most of what we talked about. Hmmm I wonder if I’ll be able to guess...something about Trump, a useless app, a product that’s a joke unless it works out, and at least one thing we’ll go on to regret talking about instead of doing another Cards Against Humanity ripoff. 

[Carnac holding envelope to his forehead]

“Fuck you!” 

Alright I forgot how Carnac works, too. Let’s do some Kickstarters.

November 9, 2016 (One Thousand Cranes); A Photo Book

I was maybe too harsh on this one, not knowing anything about origami or Japanese culture or my own culture even. But the deranged Hillary one is pretty funny I gotta admit. Wow! That is one crazy lady there huh gang. Remember when she saw an apartment? Actually, is that what the newspaper clipping is from? Was that in the newspaper? Why??? Insane.

Muff 'Spenders

Novelty products are so funny because you’re building into the thing itself that eventually it will no longer be interesting or worthwhile. You like this because it is new, and that’s it. It does not retain value! You will come to hate these beer-holding suspenders! Haha! 

That’s a conceptual issue you have to work out for yourself when you buy a joke, though. As a practical matter, these things are outrageously thick and wide -- they look like fuckin duffel bag straps with less of a flourish -- and the beers are high up enough on your chest that you are in real danger of cracking a tooth if you turn your head fast enough. 

We are chasing the American dream. To start a business and create jobs for our hometown. We have completed the first step by starting the company. Now we are looking to grow and provide employment opportunities. Small towns in Iowa are struggling to create new job opportunities for their community. A new business in a rural Iowa effects [sic]  the entire community for the better. Our mission is to not just create a successful company, but to grow and enhance our hometown of Holstein, Iowa.

Had to hit ‘em with the [sic]. Anyway that sounds good enough I guess. People need to have some money to stay alive, because it’s good to be alive for as long as possible, and one way to accomplish that series of goals is to get a job. I agree with that. It’s how you interface that knowledge with the Muff ‘Spenders brand that I’m having some difficulty with. Possible lack of imagination on my part?

The Little Prick

I think people are calling it “regressing during quarantine”, the concept that we are becoming stupider or more infantile or more in need of comfort, etc. I don’t know about all that. I have felt pretty stupid and infantile for the last several years and have not recently noticed an uptick. But of course everybody’s different. I can’t draw, for instance, and the guy behind The Little Prick can at least squedge out a doodle that looks something like he intended it to. See you can tell that’s a little fox playing around there. And I guess it’s probably doing something really racist to make old people upset (?)

I’m not sure if the existence, much less the prevalence of, Children’s Books for Adults as a retail category is something to attribute to generalized anxiety or dread about our circumstances as a country. I do think it happens to be easier to make something not-that-good on purpose and give a reason for it (kids don’t like good drawings and can’t read big words) than it is to attempt to conceptualize and illustrate a compelling narrative about current events for a mature audience. If you fail to entertain a kid, who cares, they get to go dig up and eat some dirt or play Poo Flingers: Chase Wars on iPad for 3 hours straight. But if an adult says your drawings are lame, your understanding of politics is really limited, your French accent sucks and you don’t matter, that might hurt your feelings somewhat. Or not, cause you got $10,600 for the shit and you gotta buy groceries so who cares. It does suck though.

While I was in quarantine I began to do paintings to express my joys, fears and everything in-between.  

People across the country and the world responded.

"Keep posting!" They said.  

It was giving them hope. 

It was giving them some relief, even for just a moment.  

While doing these paintings I decided to do one painting called "The Little Prick."  It showed a spoiled leader on a planet resembling Covid-19.   People laughed.  It made them feel hopeful and relieved and ... it was funny!  I decided to paint more.  

As I continued to paint adventures of The Little Prick, people said, "Keep going! More Little Prick! And make a book!" 

So here it is!  

Keep posting! lol

Nuventi Active Mask

Nuventi Active Mask is an intelligent design that combines comfort with multiple layers of air purifying and cleansing via active components such as medical-grade filtering, UV-C, positive air pressure, and face safeguard.

Reinventing the wheel, except stupider. At least you’ll get to look like one of the guys in the Alien movies whose mask gets destroyed by acid, though. God! Those are the worst fuckin’ ones. Actually let’s rank them. From the borderline acceptable to the most brutal:

10. Ejected from airlock - Actually think this could be one of the best possible ways to die
9. Sliced in half by unseen tail or claw - Looking shocked right as you slide apart is sorta funny

8. Crushed by massive object - “Just go left or right” - shut up dude I’m dying haha

7. Running out of oxygen while on spacewalk - Depends on the voice the suit alarm uses but seems annoying

6. Limb chopped off -- bleed out? - Offscreen...not glamorous...can’t hoop

5. Flamethrower - This assumes you are in the suit at the time of the flame throwing (extra hot)

4. Little mouth guy coming out and chomping you - Scary as shit but maybe he tells a joke 

3. Getting whacked in the head by the super tall white guys - I hate things that are exactly this tall. And they seem like dicks, too

2. Chestburster - Presumably very painful and afterwards everyone will be thinking, “That wasn’t as cool as when they did it the first time.” Brutal

1. Acid on helmet - Ahhhh if I wanted the helmet this close to my face I’d have gotten a smaller size! Fuck!

The Removal of Trump

I can’t screenshot the framerate on this one but trust me when I say it looks like Seth Green produced it to air at 1:35AM. 

The project is a deeply emotional documentary of Trump's final campaign during the last 65 days til the election, the rallies and the crowd's reactions and responses. The news articles, the twitters, the television anchor's opinions, in a sense, what America thinks of the concept of "Trump". In addition the emotional extremism of why Americans are so bent on the removal of the President from office and electing a new President. From an objective point of view, from everybody in society their feelings of dislike, like, love, what makes people feel such hatred, and why. What about this particular campaign, the year of Covid, 2020, seems to be so emotionally violent and so much of a roller coaster? We are out to film and document for ourselves how America views it's President and how America deems to elect their President for the next 4 years. 

I looked this lady up and it looks like maybe she’s got some other stuff going on, so I’ll just say that I do not want to watch a movie about television anchors’ opinions on the election and I don’t think anyone else does either. 

Trading Spaces (and places)

When you think about it, $2 a month for consistent parking availability is kind of an amazing deal. If you told me I only needed 8 quarters, 20 dimes, 40 nickels, or 200 pennies (homeschooling my kids has incentivized this type of sick thinking) to guarantee there would always be a place for me to jam my big honkin’ SUV into, I’d definitely have to think about it. And I have a garage! But what if some asshole is parked in there, or the boxes of broken electronics some other asshole keeps forgetting to take to the recycling place -- should one still exist -- fell in the way? Two dollars ain’t seemin so big now…

At just $21 pledged of a $5000 goal, the app is doomed to fail. And as inadequate as the idea itself is, I’m going to chalk up a significant portion of the blame for the inevitable disappointment to whomever is responsible for this line from the video: “Inviting your friends to download the app increase your chances of finding the spot when you need it.” 

First of all, no it’s not. Second, shut the fuck up. And finally, don’t ever invite your friends to download an app! I’ve done that before and it sucks. Hey, check out this app we can chat on...I don’t work for them by the way...I just think it’s a great user experience. What the fuck? Why did I start talking like that? That shit sucks. Let people put whatever garbage porno and loser games they want on their phones for the 6 months they can use them until they start overheating and turning off. It’s none of your business what they look at on there while they’re in the toilet, so don’t talk about apps to them. Except Patreon :-) 

Okay that’s it. Thanks everybody and see ya later