Adventures In The Sexy Multiverse (Patreon)

There was a radiant light. It was one so radiant that it penetrated galaxies and universes. It blinded giants and startled stargazers and prophets. A woman shielded her eyes at the same time as another, even though they were dimensions apart. The light faded suddenly and they were in the presence of a goddess, standing on a crystalline platform that hovered over what appeared to be nothing but stars.
"Chosen of the light!" the deity proclaimed. "You have been called upon as the heroes of Udera, Goddess of Life and Fertility! You are... not what I expected," she added, her tone shifting to far less booming as she stepped up to them. "But I'm sure it will work out! Welcome to my realm."
The goddess Udera was a cow-like woman, following in her fertility theme. She was chubby and curvy, as her kind tended to be, and with black and white animal ears poking out between a long mass of thick, black curls. She wore loose robes that barely covered her nipples, let alone her massive hanging breasts that jiggled with every movement and got in the way if she had to reach anywhere close to her stomach. The texts that worshipped her long ago described the curvaceous deity as "the definition of thiccness."
"Oh, finally," muttered Captain Bonnie AuFleur in her thick French accent. The slim but chesty pirate queen blinked the stars from her eyes, just to see that they were literally there rather than a trick of the light. "I was wondering when a goddess vould recognize my expertise." The captain wore a snugly laced bodice over a blue dress that went just above her ankles, showing the very base of her boots. A pistol and cutlass were at her side, but looked rather clean and rarely used as if they were there for decoration. She had a large and well-made tricorner hat topped a bright blue feather from what appeared to be an enormous breed of bird. "I shall need someone sent for my belongings of course. The crew should be able to find zis place, no?"
Among the many mysteries of Captain Bonnie AuFleur, one of the strongest and bustiest pirate captains on the seas ("one of" because of her damnable rival, Lady LeTramp), was the incredible flux of her French. While she appeared to be perfectly fluent, the accent came and went, sometimes in mid-sentence. Even her crew could only guess that she was so long and far away from home that the accent was beginning to fade as she encountered so many other languages at sea. They guessed that, because implying she was faking that accent felt like something she would use as an excuse to fling you overboard.
"I'm afraid your crew will have to sit this one out, Bonnie AuFleur of Universe 5," Udera explained. "For you six are the few deemed strong enough to endure what is to come."
"Didja hear that?! We're chosen ones, guys!" Ristia blurted excitedly. The elven girl hopped from foot to booted foot, her green tunic and skirt doing little to contain her jiggling bosom. She was young for an adventurer, and very young for an elf. She was especially atypical for an elf, being raised by humans; pouty lips, broad hips and big chest, a rich tan and oak-brown hair running to her middle back. She had been at the adventuring business for almost a year now with her ancestral sword and the promise of destiny (though really, her parents would tell her anything to get her out of the house for once). She'd slain the occasional batch of orcs or bandits who had assumed that her big sword and large but lightweight shield were for show, but this was clearly her break into the big time.
"Well, you're chosen," Udera corrected carefully. "Not quite chosen ones. That's a bit of a different scenario. But truly, welcome, Ristia Silversteel of Universe 6!"
Ristia looked over to Captain Bonnie and nudged her in the side. "Hear that? We're like neighbors," she proposed with a grin. Bonnie nodded slowly, feathered hat bobbing as she eyed the exotic, pointy-eared girl carefully. The captain adjusted her hat a bit, trying to use the shade of its brim to glance down the girl's low-cut tabard.
"I'm sorry, but I think you've made some sort of mistake. I really should get back to my crew." Towering over the rest of the company, a fair section of the platform supported what appeared to be a massive woman around 3 stories tall. A closer look revealed several segmented joints and fine lines along her silvery skin and red armor shaped like a skirt and small breastplate, showing her to in truth be a giant robot made with strangely particular care to make her look borderline human. There were those who could testify that when her blocky red breastplate was shattered in battle with various kaiju and invading aliens, there were genuine nipples underneath (much to her embarrassment). The fact that she had been designed by a mad anime otaku scientist and given a fully detailed AI and personality explained a lot of the questions about Titan-S.
"I assure you, the crew is fine, Titan-S of Universe 70," Urdera said, approaching and patting the giant robot on the leg. Titan almost recoiled as the touch startled her, but Udera's skin felt warm and comforting. "You are all here beyond time and reality, continuing your own lives in your own dimensions. It is a dire need for all the multiverse that brings you to me."
Viji grunted wordlessly, squatting down on her haunches by one side of the cosmic platform. The woman was lean from a hard life of living alone in the jungle, wearing nothing but the remains of a spotted leopard around her chest and hips. She carried a spear of crude wood and stone, her grip on it alone showing the tense muscles in her arm. The flexing limb appeared as firm as stone yet flexible as rubber. She sniffed at the rest of the group suspiciously, especially the last one that had yet to be introduced...
"Yes, Viji of Universe 22. I understand that this is a bit... high concept for you." Viji nodded slightly. The only deities she'd heard of were from the old cults in the mountains around the jungle she defended. The ones that no longer had names and sacrificed anything they could find to them; especially stern-faced blonde warriors. "So let's just say... Viji will hunt very big game here."
Viji grinned with strong, white teeth at that, tapping the head of her spear on the crystalline floor. "Good," she replied in her stilted, little-used English. "Strong prey keep Viji strong."
"Funny looking bunch you went and chose," Zhang-Oh snorted. She pulled aside her black poncho enough to pull a cigar and an old match from inside and lighting it between her teeth. Zhang had left her mark on several worlds, and this one's path towards vengeance had taken her in a different direction than most. The tan, short-haired Chinese woman had been proud of her martial arts abilities before, but she had gone through enough crushing defeats. As she'd settled into the American wild West, she'd taken her quickness and steady hands and applied them towards the guns that were spreading so quickly. She could still throw a punch and all that, and wore her traditional Chinese dress, but a belt lined with a pair of six-shooters and numerous bullets wrapped around her powerful hips. She still tended to bring her bounties in alive, just sometimes with a few more holes in them.
"Oh, you know better than to just by appearances, Zhang-Oh of Universe 142," Udera chided sweetly. "Whether primitive or technologically advanced, every life is precious and has something to offer to the greater good of the multiverse."
"I wasn't talking about the big metal woman or the bimbos with their swords," Zhang huffed, taking the cigar back out of her mouth. "I was mostly talking about that one." Zhang pointed her cigar to the last of the party, keeping a hand on her revolver.
Lana walked with a peculiar mix of seductive swagger and lurching limp. Her look told her story fairly clearly to those who knew what to look for. She probably had a last name at one point, but most folks knew her as The Zombie Queen. She had been a pretty young streetwalker who caught the wrong virus at the wrong time. Her changes weren't immediate, so all of her customers started to turn as the zombie virus' patient zero slept around a lot. When she finally changed over herself to a full blown undead, she was the most potent and the most dangerous. She wasn't the biggest zombie around, but the virus spread VERY quickly from her bites. She even kept some semblance of intelligence, able to order her hordes around to bring down what few survivors had enough foresight and strategy to last this long.
She noticed everyone looking in her direction. Her head righted itself to look back at them. Her tattered black dress, greasy black hair, stained and bruised limbs, pale gray eyes, and surprisingly smooth skin with its festering green color still somehow didn't fully bury what used to be a beautiful woman. She put on some of the old charms, grinning with her red-specked (but bizarrely healthy) teeth and waving a sluggish hand at them. "Hello," she rasped. Still got it!
"Oh. Lana of 66. Yes. Well, I wouldn't worry about her. You are the chosen of the divine, so she cannot attack or infect you all. The tasks ahead of us may require more hands-on methods than we would hope, and her world is known for being hazardous."
"Cuz zombies," Lana gurgled, making another fresh smile as she finally stopped wandering the platform.
"Yes," Udera noted dryly. "Thank you, Lana."
"Welcome." She sniffed the air, approached the other women for a moment, then shuffled off around the platform as she ignored them. Zhang finally eased her hand off of her gun as Udera's claim seemed to be right.
"So what is wrong with ze universe zen, mademoiselle goddess?" Bonnie piped up at last. "It all zeemed rather presentable when I left my world, no?"
"Oh, individually, perhaps," Udera assured, but some distress finally showing on her face. "But there is a deep and elaborate order. Something has been causing... flaws in these worlds." She gestured at the air with a wave of her hand and jiggle of her giant breasts. A fluid-looking smear appeared in the air, showing several other realms flashing by. "Every universe, each dimension, they have their flaws and tragedies. But there is an order. Cause and affect, recovery after injury. There are changes going on, too great for their universes to contain. Sudden outbreaks of unnatural wars. Monsters arriving in worlds unable to defend themselves from them. Magic forces draining the life from entire realms. Hitlers just popping up everywhere! It's... it's madness!"
The fretting goddess put on a sort of stubborn pout. "I won't allow it! Life is worth protecting, is it not? Even undead life! Even if they are not your own realms, you have the strength to save them. By divine law, I cannot intervene, which is why the light chose you all without my knowledge of who would arrive."
The group paused, but Ristia for only a moment. "I'm in!" the elf chimed brightly, thrusting her sword up into the air. "Any chance to protect the weak and... y'know! Hero stuff!"
Titan gave a faintly mechanical sigh. "I suppose it is part of my programming to defend against otherworldly threats. This certainly does qualify... I just don't have to like it. Though that may be my Tsundere Protocol talking..."
"What's in it for us?" Zhang pressed on the matter.
"Well... the safety of all life in all realities! If left unchecked, they could even bleed over into your home dimensions." The bounty huntress didn't look especially impressed.
"I'll need payment," she replied grimly. "Bullets don't run cheap. Consider it parts and labor."
Udera gave her a puzzled look, as if money hadn't even crossed her mind. "Allllllright?" she squeaked out with a confused grimace.
"Make it a double," Bonnie added, waving her hand overhead. "I could use something to bring back to ze ladies of my crew as a trophy. And zomething to drink. Strong as you've got."
"Yes, certainly," Udera nodded. She looked to Viji, who frowned thoughtfully.
The savage woman finally patted her abdomen. "Life," she said, parroting the word the deity had used a few times now. Udera's godly vision gazed through her heart and world before nodding in understanding. It could get lonely in her jungle cave.
"It shall be done," Udera assured.
The last to answer once again, everyone looked over to Lana. She bumped into the invisible wall of their platform, stumbling back and looking at the other girls quizically. She blinked at them as if unsure what they expected.
"Well?" Udera pressed.
"Yes."
"Were you even listening?" Bonnie urged.
"Yes."
"Were you really?" Zhang frowned, folding her arms under her perky chest.
"Go to the other worlds and fix everything," Lana rasped. "Obviously. Why wouldn't I?"
The others paused at that. "Because...." Titan-S started awkwardly. "Zombie?"
"Why wouldn't I want to save all of my infected children?" Lana asked with a tilt of her head.
"Oh ho!" Zhang chortled. "This bodes well. That's what you want to hear from your heroes of the world: infected children."
"They're not actually children..." Lana started, but Zhang waved a hand.
"No. No, we got that."
"We did?" whispered Ristia to Viji. The out-of-time cave woman rolled her eyes at the elf.
"So, what ees our mission?" Captain Bonnie asked.
"Well, consider we're beyond time and space, we have the benefit of not having to hurry. It's why I thought I would start you off with something of a training mission."
"Training how?" Ristia asked. She was answered by another flash of light. When their vision cleared, there was the sound of wood and steel clashing all around them. It came to a slow stop as they found themselves in the middle of a large open field, filled with soldiers from an archaic, ill-defined culture. They were pale-skinned, but wore armor like samurai and shoguns. Plain English letters ran across their banners, marking the two sides of the interrupted battle quite clearly: "RED" and "BLUE."
The bodies of both sides were strewn about their battlefield, but now the eyes of both sides were all on the six strange women. They leveled their simple weapons at them as Zhang sighed and checked the chambers of her revolver. "Ah, son of a bitch..."