Carbon Pink; Cum-Slinging Gunslingers (Patreon)

I got the urge to do this crew again to help adjust between writing and working my new job. I ended up basically leaning hard into what they are at their core while showing them all off at once. Letting it show that for all the fucking, joking, punning, deals gone wrong, seduction and bumbling they do, The Cum Gutter Runners are all some sort of ass kickers for hire. Even their gobbo hacker and flirty monkeygirl are card-carrying killers when it comes downdown to it.

It reminded me of and was inspired by Guardians of the Galaxy and some of Helluva Boss’ action scenes. This pretty clearly emphasizes that I have a weakspot for teams of violent idiots forming a crude but genuine found family.

On top of messing with the team’s chemistry and styles, I wanted to see if I could still make an all out gunfight sexy but fun. Hence a lot of killing corrupted, technically empty robots while just plain fuckin’ mid-fight.

The crew had finally made their way back to Cardinal Holdings. The Cum Gutter Runners settled back into their urban lives as usual, settling into the rough but oddly familiar street-level life of the subcity Chilaquiles. Rick Boldstein enjoyed the few days of fresh food, fresh air and fresh faces to bone down with, but he was all too happy to heal the sunburn out of his skin and readjust his eyes to the constant barrage of neon and exposed skin. Sometimes it was both at once when they got the higher-end tattoos. Their reward came with a fat paycheck and some time off as Fyx pawned off their freshly obtained munitions.

After a solid week of resting and enjoying their hard-earned credits, Fyx called them back in for more work. Once again, it was every Runner they had gathered to meet up in their abandoned security outpost of a base. They sat around on the secondhand furniture and crates of ammo as Fyx conjured up some more holographic displays.

“How familiar are you all with The Viral Spiral?” the business-gothic ELF started.

It got a variety of reactions from the team. Some shrugged. Others, like Rick, grimaced or flinched.

The Viral Spiral was one of many technocults that littered the world, and the bigger ones were mostly known for being filled with the desperate and the crazy. Only the deepest dives and most stubborn expeditions could find any hints of old world religion, and it was quickly dismissed by anyone who found it as nothing more than fascinatingly primitive (or a reminder that nun outfits looked hot). People still had holes in their hearts or minds that needed to be filled that the usual drugs and dildos couldn’t, and strange, unexplained things lurked in the right corners of the web. Sometimes it was as simple as people thinking the world was a simulation or that beating a particularly hard game would find them nirvana. Others found strange viruses or awoken AIs whose digitally twisted or perfected views could guide them to some new level of happiness.

The Viral Spiral in particular was part cult, part virus. Rick had heard of a few people joining them and disappearing. They were the extreme type that lured you in with the fellowship and orgies. Before you knew it, you were killing or corrupting people into it when you let them upload The Virus into your newly installed implants. When all living things shared the infection or were dead for defying them, there would be world peace.

“The culty creeps with the brain worms? Fuck ‘em,” Tex nodded.

“Right. Nothing but bad news,” Rick agreed.

“Glad to hear it. Because we have a contract to cut off a piece of their operations,” Ren went on.

She gave a small gesture and one of the doors opened up. A chalk-pale woman entered wearing thick body armor (complete with a boob window to emphasize the breast part of breastplate) and skintight pants. Numerous lines engraved into her body showed she was at least partially if not fully cybernetic, and even a few fresh dents in her skin made some of her cheek bend in like a metallic scar. A large bosom and bulge being tucked down her pant leg raised further questions on her exact identity, but one thing was clear: her leggings bore numerous neon arrows pointing in all directions, and more were spraypainted onto her armor.

“This is Steamy. She’s one of The Longhards gang members that keeps the peace over the Succulent Street district,” Ren went on.

The corps barely cared about the street level citizens where most couldn’t afford their luxurious lifestyle. That meant they didn’t waste their corpo cops unless it was a major hit on their profits, so the mobs and street gangs formed their own particular means of enforcing things down here. Rick was lucky to be in one of the areas where groups like The Longhards and The Lawful Doms were content to keep the peace in exchange for first dibs on smuggling rights in the area. Rick felt like they were more than worth it, and better than living under The Punching Clowns, or even The Guro Gang who expected a living sacrifice whenever they felt like it.

“I’ve spoken with your boss already, but I was already in here presenting the case to your boss,” Steamy picked up in a gravely but serious tone.

“We went investigating the Synth City sex club when we noticed people hadn’t existed in some time. It’s a place where guests can enter sense tanks and enter default robotic bodies to indulge in things they’re not comfortable with in their own bodies. We found that The Viral Spiral had broken into the software and forced their glitch into the filters, corrupting them on arrival in their new bodies.

“We managed to raid the club and get the original bodies out in their tubes, but the damn bots were defending it like an outpost. We’re stretched thin between our usual patrols, fending off a border war with The Spitters, keeping the club on lockdown, and working with Wet Nurse to safely get the guests put back in their original bodies.”

“And that just leaves us to handle the raving Virals,” Rendale finished.

“So everyone load up, because we're going clubbing. You’ll be happy to find that I hadn’t sold off all the weapons we found from J&S.”

---

“Gotta say, this is what I was expecting when I first signed up here,” Rick sighed as they walked down the streets.

All six of the Runners were decked out with a variety of guns, melee weapons, and whatever else they’d need to decimate the estimated fifty artificial bodies hunkered down in the club. Pedestrians gave them room to spare and might have even reported the dangerous-looking posse if not for their Longhard escort. Rick’s broad body was tightly bound by a bandolier of plas-clips. A heavy rifle was over his back along with a sawed off shotgun on his hip. A reinforced baseball bat was tucked into a looser belt loop; a crude but incredibly effective tool that lasted as long as it did for a good reason.

The rest had their own specially chosen hear from the pick of the litter. A rather lightweight selection of guns and tools for their gobbo streamer and ELF techwizard, who were easily more destructive with their assortment of inherent apps, mods and tech knowhow than they’d be with a firearm. Their wukong outlaw was practically in street clothes, but a few extra belts were loaded with knives and small, silent pistols. With her tiny and curvy body, many of them were bound to her tail. Their nayaling ronin was in her usual mix of heavy, practical guns and wearing nothing more than her poncho, broad hat and a thong. Their AI shut-in’s dark-skinned and holographic body was a mix between them, staying in her busty and usual shape to keep the few physical weapons she had stuck to her body. Like most of the crew, she had some level of portable armor on; Rick had gone with a padded vest over her muscle shirt and there was some complex lining to Caramel’s billowing poncho, but they had all picked up the best in personal forcefield tech they had. Nothing surefire, but enough to bounce stray shots away while doing their best to keep direct hits away from their vitals.

“Oh right, this is your first real throwdown rumble with us!” Peachy noted.

“I took out like two guys with Mimi the one time, and watched Cara snipe a guy. I’ve done a lot more fuckin’ than bruising on this squad than I thought.”

He tapped a thumb against his neck tattoo. It was updated to 19, a live track of how many people he’d knocked out or killed in a fight. It had apparently gotten confused and counted a couple times when he fucked somebody into a horny cum coma.

“Ah don’t downplay yourself. You spanked a coupla bruises onto me some nights at my place~!”

Peachy scrambled up his arm and onto his shoulder, beaming at him like she wasn’t covered in deadly objects. It kind of rekindled his confidence in her ability to be a sneaky little backstabber when things got ugly, only really fucking or hanging out with her so far.

“The world runs on money and pleasure, Mister Boldstein,” Ren reminded him coolly.

“No matter how we decorate and change ourselves, every race craves it to survive and enjoy their lives. We do try to find ways to capture some of both in our work.”

Tex had been chatting with Sera, the miniature angel and his digital secretary, when the gobbo looked back up at them. He was in his baggy jersey and swim trunks as usual, just with a loose belt around his waist that clearly didn’t just hold up his shorts.

“Right! That reminds me. I’m gonna film the hell out of all this, so if anybody could flash a nipple or, I dunno, let some massive hog hang out… I can totes slide you a bonus for anything that looks good.”

Mimi beamed and leaned in front of him, sticking out her tongue. She grabbed her shirt with “Women want me. Men want me. Fish also want me. I’m a fucking deviant,” printed across the chest and lifted it up to bounce her tech-lined tits at him.

“This is Mimi, and I looooove Tex’s streams! Woooo~!”

“Appreciate it, M and M, but I meant during the gunfight,” Tex laughed, giving one of her big brown boobs a firm squeeze.

“Don’t you worry, short man,” Caramel assured, patting Rick on the shoulder.

“I’m the second tallest one here,” he reminded her. She ignored him.

“This crew fights as good as we fuck. When we’re all havin’ a proper gettogether like this, we  find our own little ways to make ‘em interesting.”

“Right! So offer stands. If anyone can kill somebody while blowing somebody else, I’m buyin’ you lunch for a week!” Tex laughed.

---

Steamy left the group to their work as they set themselves up in the lobby. The Longhards had cleared out the physical bodies and smashed up the on-site hardware, so there was no worry about the Runners logging in and catching something with all their hacking (or just their sentient AI walking around minding her own business). Tex ran a quick scan and projected the schematics long enough for Rendale to explain a basic strategy before splitting them up into two teams.

“Rick, Peach, Mimi. You’ll move in through the cleaning area. Cara and Tex, you’re with me while we take the dance floor. Be thorough, because there’s some shortstack models in there. We should meet up in the middle. Here, at the waterfall orgy chamber.”

“For celebratory boning?” Peachy asked eagerly.

“Because it has the highest concentration of hostile fuckbots. We should pool our efforts there after cleaning up the side rooms.”

The executive ELF closed the map and drew a katana from its sheath. “Let’s do some good and go get paid, people. Wrap it up and I’m buying a box of Glory’s Doughnut Holes.”

Rick split off with his team, the wukong and projected robot girl right behind him. They reached the door outside the cleaning area, which was equal parts gym showers and car wash going by the screens he’d been shown. That meant a lot of filters and ventilation, so he quickly spotted a grated vent hissing the processed air out from the next room over.

“I cannot believe we’re actually doing this,” he shrugged as Peachy scrambled up a corner of the room, prying at the bolts with a multitool gripped in her tail.

“That’s cuz ya hairless apes are too big to do anything fun with ‘em. I once fucked with another wukong in an air vent. That diner smelled like monkey balls for weeks before they found out!”

Once she popped it open, Mimi seemed to vanish from sight. Rick knew to look down at her hard light projector, a scuttling little crab-like device that started scampering up the wall from where her feet had been. It easily fit in the vent, with Peach scrambling up after her. She fit most of the way in before her thick ass squished to a halt in the opening.

“Oof. Hey, it’s been a while sinceI did some squeezing like this. Ya mind giving me a…?”

Rick slapped her fuzzy ass, giving her the push she needed to wriggle inside with her tail looping after her.

“Perfect! Thanks, babe. Just head on in and do your human thing.”

“And that is?”

“Bein’ all big and loud, of course! Now get in there and be big, already!”

“Lovin’ our stealth girl barking orders at me,” Rick muttered.

He unslung his rifle and kicked in the door. There were a dozen robotic humanoids in the room, dressed in nothing but cloaks of various quality; some were made of salvaged curtains and clothes while others were authentic. The androids themselves had enough skin exposed to bare the occasional dark lines that indicated joints and dermal plates, marking them as clearly artificial frames. Several of them were identical models while others were more customized to various colors or builds. A blank-faced stare was in all their eyes, taken over by the numbing corruption of their virus.

“Who dares?” several of them droned in unison.

It was unsettling, but it sure convinced Rick to pull the trigger quicker.

“Just doin’ a quick check for any spyware,” he said just before the bursts of whitehot plasma few from his thrumming rifle.

The heavy laser weapon barely recoiled but gave loud, deep hums with each rapid shot. Rick understood it was built in feature, just for intimidation and making the wielder feel like their dick was bigger. It sure did the trick on all fronts, and the bouncer cracked a grin as the burning holes were blasted through a few of the corrupted frames.

Several of the remaining Virals drew pistols, but most charged him in their nearly nude fuckbot bodies. Rick gave a quick sweep of his weapon to cut down another one or two before they were on him, dogpiling him like an orgy gone wrong (or very very right, in some circles).

They clawed at him wildly, but Rick was glad to note that most of the generic bodies didn’t come with fingernails. They still landed a few bruising blows, with small flickers of orange light popping up across his skin whenever the portable forcefield predicted and blocked a blow for him. Rick slammed a boot into one of his attackers, sending the warped fuckboi flying while he elbowed another in the head. Rick’s mind took the backseat as he went for his sidearms. He pulled out the cut-off shotgun and fired, blasting a pair of them off him with fresh shrapnel in their big, artificial tits. He whipped out the reinforced bat, jabbing the butt of it into a male body’s balls before he swatted another big titted, big dicked bot across the face.

“Should’ve just stayed a sex cult instead of the murder kind!” Rick snarled as he threw or beat them off all around him.

“Would’ve made this a lot more fun!”

Another synthetic fist punched him in the ribs, but he grabbed the corrupted form by the neck and swiftly pulled them in front of him, letting them eat up a couple slugs that were meant for him. He was starting to get buried in the barely clothed bodies when a haunting but familiar giggle echoed through the room. One of the ones with a pistol looked up warily, looking for a source. A long tail curled around a razor-thin knife slid out from the vent behind him.

“One forrrr you~!” Peach chimed, driving the blade clean through its head and out its face.

Two more with pistols tried firing at her vent that she’d just retreated into. Her tail just poked through another one, bracing it neatly against their robotic throat before swiping hard and face, lopping most of the head off in one go.

“And one for you~! And you and you…”

Rick grinned at her admirable handiwork. Peachy’s tail was longer than her entire body, so tracking her in the air ducts by that alone was an absolute crap shoot for the flanked bots. With a delighted but startling shriek, the wukong girl dropped out through another vent and started happily jabbing away with a knife in one hand. The other whipped out a heavy micro pistol that blasted the last gunner off their feet completely.

“Big things in small packages!” the assassin chimed happily.

“Not to say there’s not room for somethin’ big, right, Ricky?”

“Anytime but now, Peaches,” Rick grunted as he swept his bat aside, knocking the hands away that were trying to pin him to the ground and choke him.

One of the robotic bodies grabbed for Rick’s shotgun, but in his thrashing and its mad and unnatural strength it tore down his pants instead. The killer fuckmachines all paused, having to take a moment to gawk at the firehose of a dick that fell out. Rick appreciated their admiration, but he just as quickly yanked one of the femboy bots into him, skewering his ass on his massive cock. His stomach swelled as he groaned, the pleasure sensors clearly still working in the mechanical bodies as it froze up. The overwhelming pleasure stunned him and kept him in the way of the other androids; better than having it coming after him.

“Got one!” Mimi’s voice announced from just over his head.

Rick heard the vents creaking as she took a solid shape and came crashing down through the ceiling. Mimi had turned into a pudgy-looking young woman with a bushy red tail, matching tomboyishly short hair, horns, cartoonishly big eyes, a long and loose pink sundress, and a pair of tits so huge they looked like they should have snapped her in half just by existing. The genuinely wrecking ball-sized tits bounced individually from each other, thudding noisily as each one thumped off the cleaning room floor. They both left shallow craters behind from their absurd density, and one of them even crushed the attacking android that happened to be beneath her.

“Udder Destruction mode is gooo~!” she called out in a suddenly smoky and sultry voice.

She whirled around to take stock of the room, which sent her huge breasts heaving after her. The lead one crashed into one of the Virals’ chests, sending her flying as her own artificial tits were caved in. Mimi’s second jug came clapping into the first as it came to a stop, colliding fleshily as if they weren’t being whipped around like a gorilla’s fists. The swinging tits were enough to get the other maddened androids to try and duck out of the way, buying Rick another opening. One of them fired at her but their shot went wild. One bounced off her forcefield while another went flying between the separately wobbling tits as she went tilting backwards.

“Bookmark that form for later, Meem,” Rick grunted as he shoved his way out from under his remaining attackers.

One of them gave a metallic shriek and leapt at him, but his bruised, burly arm lashed out and caught its face. His adrenaline-pumped fingers squeezed and cracked the plates of its artificial skull before he tore it off. The body staggered and flailed mindlessly, so he gave it a quick kick in the balls for good measure to put it down.

“Gotta love bein’ a meatshield,” Rick huffed.

He shook some sweat from his violet hair, letting his heart racing with his only growing battle lust. Peachy scrambled across his shoulders like he was just another tree branch, planting a quick kiss on his cheek before tracing her tail along his neck. He almost didn’t notice the revolver curled up in the insanely prehensile limb’s tip.

“We’ll make it up to ya later,” she purred before she leapt onto Mimi.

The petite primate had more than enough room to stand on the plateau that was the artificiate’s hardlight tits.

“I can like… totally go for dudes with scars and bruises,” Mimi chimed.

“Statistically, it’s partly due to advertising creating an ideal beauty that this, like, for sure undermines…”

“Less stats! More gats!” Peachy barked from atop her boobs.

She wiggled herself comfortably into her cleavage before brandishing a handful of nano-fiber throwing knives and her tail gun. She was practically a living turret already, but one of her prehensile feet popped out holding yet another handgun.

“What? Don’t have room for a fifth gun, you little showoff?” Rick asked as he hefted his plasma rifle back up.

“No way. My jerkin’ foot’s busy,” Peachy purred before they started to fill the room with a fresh set of projectiles.

---

Tex sat cross-legged in front of the dance lounge’s sealed entrance. His head would softly bob or turn now and then, but he seemed largely comatose as he focused most of his eyes and mind on hacking. He was careful not to take in anything from the overly corrupted systems, but he could tap into the cameras simply enough without exposing himself.

“I got… looks like thirteen of these Build-A-Boner rejects in there. About six of ‘em with guns, mostly favoring the left. Er, the right. Our right.”

The gobbo stopped and shook his head as he remembered where his body was. His ELF boss gestured and he blinked rapidly, leaving the camera’s view behind and stretching out his arms.

“Is that all? Thought this might make me break a sweat,” Caramel scoffed, spitting off to one side.

“Easy for you to say, cowgirl. I’m the face and the brains of this group, remember?” Tex defended uncertainly.

“I wouldn’t say you’re the brains,” Rendale calmly inserted.

“Not much of a face either,” Cara agreed.

The gobbo rolled his eyes and pulled the pair of submachine guns out of his belt.

“It’s a heavy burden being so fuckable and still the most multi-talented person on the team,” Tex sighed.

“I guess we felt the team was missing a dickless shrimp,” Cara scoffed.

“Ha. Ha. Look, am I done with the camera?”

Ren nodded. Tex pinched and spread out his fingers, calling out a tiny digital projection of an angel wearing nothing but a sash.

“You rang, honey?” Sera chimed.

“Yea, I left a crack in the firewall for ya. Would you mind sending in an overload command?”

His angel-looking sponsor stared into space for a moment before she nodded.

“Sure thing, big guy. Just hashtag one of those kills while saying the brand, will you? Consumers like some action to go with their ads.”

“Alright, alright. Action hero shit. You got it. Ready, boss?”

Tex looked up to Ren. The gray-skinned ELF set her fingers on either side of the door for a second before backing off.

“Flashy entrance time,” she confirmed.

Back inside the spacious bar and dance hall, one of the security/fap footage cameras rattled and exploded. There was no end to the faults and flaws in the hastily shoveled out gadgets these days. They were so prone to overheating in the wrong conditions, it was often just finding whatever trick it took to make it go off in just the right way. The shrapnel peppered the startled Virals, whirling around to face the burst of heat and shrapnel. The tiny explosive charges Ren had set on the doorframe went off a moment later, detonating and flinging the door inward and smashing into one of the drones. The trio rushed in guns ablazing, bullets and lasers bursting against the android bodies.

A few of them went down but the hijacked sexbots returned fire.

“If you’re not part of the virus, you’re part of the problem!” a figure hung enough for his dick to hang out below his makeshift robes shouted.

A large revolver boomed in his hand, pinging off Cara’s forcefield. It still made the tall gunslinger jerk from the remaining impact. Getting her to duck low to the ground. She rushed right, skirting the mob of machinery as she didn’t miss a shot, firing into the closest targets. When she ran out of rounds, she backhanded a pistol whip across the next one’s face. One female bot caught her by the hair, but she instinctively smashed a hoof back into a knee-cracking kick. Cara wrapped her tail around the leg and pulled, yanking it out from under them.

Another came at her, a larger model with massive pale tits and long red hair. Caramel unslung her hunting rifle in a quick gesture, whipping it over her head and between her horns to hammer the butt of the gun into her attacker’s chest. The massive jugs just jiggled as she remained entirely unphased.

“Well shit,” she sighed.

The hacked android scowled and slammed a fist into Cara’s jaw, sending her staggering back into the bar before her arms, hooves and tail steadied herself. With the distance put between them, Tex came scrambling after her with both of his machine guns blasting away into Cara’s attacker. The android reeled from the many smaller shots punching shallow holes in her artificial skin, but many of them bounced off her heavily padded chest.

“How tough do they make those things?” Cara grunted.

“You ever hear ‘Don’t be gentle, it’s a rental?” Tex called as he leapt up next to her on the bar.

“If you had a temp body, would you wanna do the vanilla stuff? They’re built to last.”

He sprayed another burst of bullets across the crowding androids, but the returning fire focused on them as he ran out of bullets. He jumped off behind the bar for cover with Cara tumbling in after him. He winced from the shattering glass bottles over their heads, but then he had to snicker. Caramel was seven feet of Mojave nayaling grade badass. Even if being in a gunfight in a bar was her in her element, it looked funny as hell to see her stooping with her knees up to her chin and her tits squishing against her legs just to be small enough to fit there.

“Not so bad being tiny afterall!” Tex called over the gunfire.

The gobbo pulled up a quick holoscreen, using the gateway he’d left open for himself to check the cameras again. Rendale had gone left when they went right, taking precise and professional shots now and then at the flanked androids. More often she swept her katana across one’s neck or chest, or compromised by bending her wrist so that a tiny throwing knife shot out of an untraceable opening in her wrist. ELFs were put through an extensive genemodding process to make them the graceful and ageless things they were, and as a former executive she could afford all sorts of high-end upgrades. Tex was convinced that nobody on the team had ever seen them all, considering how often the intensely focused businesswoman surprised them.

When the remaining bots started to focus on her as the only exposed target, Ren held out her hands and conjured up a large blue screen. Bullets ricocheted off the conjured forcefield as the gray woman sheathed her katana and hastily tore off her blouse. Her plump breasts bobbed around but it only distracted them as she slapped herself on one of her shoulders. Implant seams from some ancient mod lit up on her skin before a pod of micro-missiles popped out. It fired off a series of pencil-sized rockets off into the swarming sexbots that blew up on contact..

“Well, the boss is okay for now, but they’re gonna outflank her barrier before long,” Tex reported as he shut his screen.

“So backup,” Caramel nodded.

She started to stand up but ducked back down in a hurry. A bullet shot their way, ricocheting off her horn and sending her hat flying off.

“Not without riskin’ my forcefield from a couple headshots. I’m too big a target,” she huffed.

The nayaling stared at Tex for a moment. He finally caught onto her meaning.

“Oh, this is some bullshit,” he griped.

“The most multi-talented person on the team,’ was it?” Caramel smirked.

She grabbed the tiny femboy by the collar of his tanktop, easily lifting him off his feet while still staying below their cover.

“Y’all ready?”

“As I’m gonna be,” Tex sighed, hastily pulling up a few more screens.

https://twitter.com/AnimalsCaption/status/1510485385192779777?s=20&t=-PGb73n5f00crLl_-rixtA

“Swell. Just, if you die out there…”

“Super comforting,” Tex cut in.

“Just wanted to say… I think it’s fucked up that you’re the one called ‘Tex’ in the group.”

“Oh, NOW?! I told you, it’s short for Latex from the brand deal. The fans came up with it. What else was I supposed to do?”

Cara shrugged.

“Shorten it to Lex instead?”

“...okay, shit. That’s pretty good.”

“Mm. Takeoff in three, two…”

Tex squealed as he was flung over the bar like a femboy grenade. He hastily hit a few keys on his panels. Some bullets went shooting off but were way too late to connect with the flailing shorty.

“This distraction is brought  to you by Angel Lick! Now let’s do an ad read, bitches!”

Tex slammed a fist down on the last panel labeled The Fuck You Button. The midair gobbo gave off a visible flash as the shockwave of pink. As soon as it pulsed through the droids, more holoscreens came popping up like wildfire in front of them.

“COME GET HOT AND READY GLORY HOLES AT KNOTHOLES!”

“FUCK ONE, GET ONE FREE!”

“ELF YOURSELF IN TWO HOURS OR LESS!”

“HAVE A HYPNO FETISH? DO YOU WANT ONE? CLICK HERE!”

“TWERK YOUR WAY TO A LONGER LIFE WITH THIS CATCHY TUNE FROM THE MEAT-BEAT BOYS!!”

All manner of ads and popups appeared, completely blinding them from the rest of the room. They swatted blindly at them, which only managed to smack each other in the process. Cara had easy pickings as she rose up from the bar and started to blast into them with her rifle.

Tex finally landed from his throw with Rendale catching him in between her arm and breasts. Her other hand lashed out and launched a slim cable from her wrist. She jerked her arm back so it wrapped around the remaining androids before sending a heavy shock through their bodies. The last of them fell limp between the electricity and the flying bullets.

“Perfect setup, people. Love the synergy,” Ren complimented them calmly.

She swept her katana to spray the android lubricant off her blade before dropping Tex back to the floor.

“Now let’s regroup with the others and wrap up negotiations.”

“Negotiations always go like this up at the top?” Caramel asked as she finished reloading and snapped her rifle back shut.

“Not really. There’s usually a lot more blackmail and hired assassins involved.”

---

The crew quickly picked off any of the Virals lingering in the halls. Some quick scans showed the androids clustered around some larger device in the middle of the room. The room itself was a central spot for the rented bodies’ orgies, with a variety of large beds littered around the room. Bondage gear, automated tentacles, waterfalls of lubricants or artificial-affecting aphrodisiacs, genital swapping stations, and whatever else they might need to get their freak on were littered around the walls.

“So what’s our move?” Rick asked in his comm as his half of the crew stood ready by the door.

“Same as before,” Ren replied. “Double penetration maneuver where they’re the bitch. Meet up in the middle for an eiffel tower, pair off and keep the gangbang going until none of them are left standing.”

“Strategically speaking, new meat,” Peachy added as from Mimi’s cleavage.

“Mimi, take point as something hot and nasty. We’ll act right behind you,” the ELF summed up.

“One naughty dragon coming up!”

“A what now?” Rick hesitated.

“Oh these guys are fuuuun,” Peachy chimed, hopping over to Rick’s shoulder to give her room.

Mimi’s holographic body blurred for a moment before she returned as a slick-skinned creature somewhere between an eel and a salamander. Thick pink slime covered her long body, serpentine but with some lean limbs and bobbing grapefruit-sized tits. Big, pupiless eyes glistened with more goop and four thick tentacles grew from her back like wiggly mockeries of wings. She smiled and flashed a mouth full of needly fangs and a long, prehensile tongue.

She looked like a chibi mascot version of a deep sea fish that confused coastal bumpkins into thinking they were dragons.

“Meem, you are a nightmare and a wet dream all in one,” Rick said, shaking his head.

“Awww, thanks,” she bubbled back, a slight gurgle to her new voice.

With that, she gave a loud hiss and slammed herself into the doors, smashing them open. The rogue robots were gathered around some salvaged-looking piece of machinery, crudely thrown together from a few disassembled systems and devices from around the club. They let out nearly identical startled cries as the slippery bitch came barging in and opened her mouth wide, launching a rubbery tongue as thick as an arm across the room. It gripped and stuck to a fembot’s face and reeled her back in, gulping as much of her down Mimi’s gullet as she could before the huge fake tits caught on her jaw.

The rest of the squad came barging in right after. A few robots grabbed at Mimi, but she literally slipped through their fingers and smashed them away with her tail. She’d spit the half-eaten bimbo at one of the others before gushing out a matching slime over a few others.

“Secure the relic!” one of the Virals snapped to the others.

He was larger and buffer than most of them, but he was also identical to a few others they had come across.

“Counterpoint: do the opposite of what he wants!” Peachy shouted back.

The wukong’s words rang out over her teammates’ gunfire as she quickly and quietly flung her knives into her blindsided targets.

“On it!” Rick slammed a compartment on his plasma rifle and braced it on his opposite shoulder from Peachy. It hummed loudly for a moment before firing off a fat, hot blast of purple energy into their hodgepodge machine. Some of the corrupted units ran for it desperately just before it exploded into shrapnel, blowing up a few more as a bonus.

“Untainted interlopers!” one of the sexbots snarled just before a hard light blade shot into his face.

“Hear that?! They actually called us ‘interlopers!” Tex shouted. “I’d chalk that up on my totally justified bingo card!”

The Virals scattered as the Runners blitzed their position, meeting up in the middle and hastily getting back to back near the smoldering piece of hardware.

“Gotta respect a fella who can cause an explosion on short notice,” Caramel noted as she swiftly jammed a reloader full of bullets back into her revolver before switching hands to get the other.

“I can blow all sorts of things,” Rick assured her.

He tossed aside his overheated rifle to focus on his bat as he gave a homerun swing across a scrambling android’s temple.

“Blow things up, blow your back out, blow a dick in 2 minutes flat…”

“Good sir, I can only get so wet,” Peachy said with such eloquence and flourish that Rick could only think of it as her “human impression.”

The monkeygirl winked up at him as she emptied another silenced pistol into a snarling Viral’s sleek femboy chest. Rendale snapped her fingers, adding an audio filter to let it echo especially clearly among the chaos.

“We’ve got them on the ropes, people. Grab a partner and clean things up here. And hey…”

The calmly collected ELF nodded towards the group with a small smile.

“Don’t forget to have fun out there.”

The mercenaries pushed out from their position in pairs, with Caramel and Mimi venturing out together. The digital shapeshifter scrambled in on all fours, breaking into a swift spinning motion. Her whipping tail swept the legs out from under a fleeing Viral while the thick puddle of slime her new form left behind made it nearly impossible for the others coming at her to stay standing. Cara navigated it with little problem, her strong legs, thick hooves and her own sturdy tail steadying her every step. She fired off a few shots with both of her heavy pistols, making sure the ones on their feet went down before she planted a hoof on one of the larger android’s junk. She ground it into his balls before shooting a finishing touch into his face. Mimi rose back to her feet and spewed out another glob of slime, splattering it over the face of a droid trying to rush them from behind. Cara just scowled in his direction and lowered her head, swinging it back up to slice her upturned horns through his chest and robes. Between the interference of Mimi’s gooey avatar and Caramel’s long range coverage, they complimented each other exceptionally well despite their wildly different personalities.

“Not bad for a talkin’ pile’a numbers,” Caramel chuckled, elbowing Mimi playfully in her slippery side as she reloaded again.

“I know, right? I totally couldn’t imagine being a mortal pile of decomposing matter with only one body. That’d be such a bummer~!”

“Touche. Hey, you still got that thing I like in ya?”

The AI bimbo giggled and beamed. There weren’t many things that Caramel actually enjoyed, so that whittled it down quite a bit.

“Comin’ right up~!”

Mimi cleared her throat with a distinctly digital filter to it. When she opened her mouth again, a wailing guitar started playing before some thumping bass joined in.

“SHOOTIN AND FUCKIN’ AND I DON’T CARE WHICH!

SHOOT OR FUCK!? BRING IT ON BITCH!

BUCKSHOT! CUMSHOT! SHOT OF JIZZ! SHOT OF GIN! ”

“There’s the good shit,” Caramel laughed, twirling her pistols while she smashed a hoof into the incoming pussy of a charging, flailing android. The whole scenario was apparently the nayaling gunslinger’s idea of an evening well spent.

---

Peachy went darting ahead on all fours, giggling manically as she let her tail do the talking. It jabbed a thick knife into one back after another until it got stuck or dulled, just to snatch a fresh one off her tiny person. Tex came scrambling in after her, the panting gobbo pointing here and there whenever he could conjure an app faster than the wukong could stab. He snapped his fingers and a few moaning, miniature ladies with massive dicks jiggled around, blocking an android’s line of sight. With another gesture, a miniature pocket of hard light manifested a projection of a fairy. This one sported some tattoos and a mohawk, scowling at its assigned droid before kicking it in the face with the force of a softball.

“Always appreciate some new followers, but it’s getting a little crowded for my tastes,” Tex panted.

Peachy had stopped to flourish her tail and leave a nearly severed head dangling backward off its shoulders. The gobbo caught up and gave a broad gesture, summoning a holographic circle on the ground around them. It popped up around them in a field of light before several holographic images of the party appeared, blocking the robots’ view of the shorter fighters. A few small pockets of hard light within their illusory bodies kept any bold enough to test them out confused as to whether they were real or not.

“Ooh! Way easier,” Peachy chimed.

She lashed out again with her tail and knife, cutting out the ankle on a completely unaware droid. The stab-happy wukong giggled gleefully before pausing, tilting her head and bending over to look at her own blurry illusion.

“Damn. Is my ass really that nice?”she mused while casually jabbing her blade out into the crowd of baffled androids.

“Totally. You can trust me on that. The commenters love it too, whenever I get to flank you, so big thanks on that,” Tex assured her.

“Aww! Y’know, with a tail that’s twice as long as my arms, you’d think I’d pay more attention to the ass its attached to.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll watch it for you,” Tex laughed playfully.

Peachy beamed and suddenly pounced on him, nuzzling her button nose into his green stub of one.

“You’re cute when you flirt like that. Y’know that?” Peachy purred.

Tex smiled awkwardly, blushing an orange-yellow beneath her. They were both the tiniest on the team but her plump curves and tightly coiled little muscles made her a lot heavier than he was, and he was suddenly very aware of it. Especially as his small bulge swelled up beneath her juicy hips.

“Shouldn’t we uh… y’know. With the killer robots?” he muttered.

“I got us,” Peachy dismissed, lifting one of her legs and pulling her shorts off with her prehensile toes.

Even as she kicked them off, her tail struck again like a territorial snake. Another android dropped just outside the cover of Tex’s holograms.

“Damn, girl. What those hips do?” Tex grinned.

“All sorts. Kind of got a mind of their own sometimes.”

Peachy put her weight on her hands and balanced on them, raising her feet to peel down Tex’s shorts. The tiny femboy wasn’t the most hung but it didn’t matter so much when the wukong was even shorter than he was. Her fluffy body came crashing back down on him in a giddy, jiggling smash, her breasts bouncing hard enough to look ready to bounce right out of her top. Her hard little nubs of nipples poked through the fabric as she started bouncing, riding his dick energetically as she leaned into him. Her bobbing chest rested and rubbed against the slim gobbo’s, planting a kiss that quickly filled his mouth up with her tongue. Tex just moaned as he felt her ass bouncing and slapping against his legs, reaching around to give it a firm slap to keep it going. He felt her thin-furred tail caress past his fingers appreciatively before it shot out again, stabbing into more artificial flesh while she appreciatively stuffed his cock in and out of her dripping wet pussy.

---

Rick wasn’t far from Caramel as he tore through the androids in his raging battle lust. He was sporting a few light bruises that were only making him feel sharper rather than tired. Rendale was right behind him, the lightweight assassin quick to punish any opponents who remained on Rick too long for his liking. A sweep of her kaatan or a quick burst of electricity or force from her various gadgets quickly put them down.

“Y’know, never thought I’d see the day when I got to take out twenty bots in a row. There’s guys in the Sexlympics who can’t say that!” Rick laughed.

Another feminine android with a malicious look in her eyes grabbed him by the arm, trying to set him up for another to take him down. Rick just grabbed her offending arm and with an especially large bulge of his muscles, he tore it off in a mess of sparks and wires and clubbed the next Viral across the face with it. The wilder parts inside of him felt exhilarated, like he was a primitive human beating a mutant to death with a bone from another kill. The robot went down with its eyes fluttering and flickering light as his KO counting tattoo beeped again, bumping it up to an even 30.

“Nobody works in human resources quite like you, Richard,” Rendale commented.

Rick glanced up at the ELF and didn’t see a sign of her. One of the droids took the chance to rush at him, but a katana punched through her back and out her stomach. It sliced her clean in half and whirled in the air with a few invisible streaks across the hilt where the cloaked Rendale’s hand rested.

“And you never looked better, chief,” Rick chuckled as the blade appeared to fly around on its own.

The androids grabbed at Rendale, just for her to gracefully slip between their fingers unseen and slicing them up left and right. Rick turned and swung both of his melee weapons, smashing an oiled naked man across the head with the severed arm before following through with the bat.

“I’ll take that as a compliment towards my fighting prowess rather than my face, Richard. Otherwise I might become so distracted that you looked a lot like one of our infected competitors.”

“Lucky you’re so focused,” Rick grunted as he straight kicked a fembot into the wall behind her.

She collided roughly, just to wail and moan as the automated tentacles sprang to life. They wrapped around her legs and hips, sliding into any orifice that their scanners could locate. Her knees went rubbery (more than the already present artificial rubber in the joints allowed) before Rick slammed the bat down hard enough to bury her head several inches into her torso.

Rendale reappeared beside him, throwing out a hand to send a burst of crackling electricity through her fingertips and blow away another pair of attackers.

“Do me a quick favor, would you? Smash that valve over there.”

Ren pointed calmly along the wall towards some pipes beside the perpetual waterfall of lube. Rick smirked and gave a hard swing of his bat, quickly smashing the more cosmetic than durable plumbing. It sprayed over an advancing batch of Virals, making them recoil away from the thick oils.

“Just trying to slow them down?” Rick asked as Rendale knelt down by the spreading pool.

“Not quite. I’m just trying to win that free lunch off Tex.”

Rendale yanked down Rick’s pants, freeing his throbbing erection. The ELF gave it a long, loving lick as she looked up at him, turning her head back down to swallow up its head. She started to bob in place, her black and white hair swaying as she held up a hand. With a flick of her fingertip, she sparked up a small lighter and put it to the oil. Not especially good at slowing the robots down, but apparently flammable as hell. Their bodies quickly overloaded from the heat, fried before they could scream as their emptied husks of metal and synthskin collapsed in a heap.

“Righhht. The murder blowjob,” Rick groaned.

He palmed the back of her head, pulling her face closer and his dick further down her throat. He gave a low, guttural growl before he shifted his grip on the bat.

“Oh fuck! Oh fuck! It burns! It burns and not in the fun way!”

A fleeing and cursing shortstack model of android came rushing at them and Rick spiked the butt of the bat into his face, dropping him flat. He let the body hit the floor flat before he gave the bat a twirl and rammed it up the robot’s juicy ass. It shuddered from the overloaded pleasure centers as its eyes flickered on and off. Rick gave one more stomp on its back right as he nutted into Rendale’s mouth, flooding her mouth and nostrils with a hefty load of jizz. It spilled out smoothly over her gray skin as Rick’s balls emptied out between the primal pleasures of his battle rush and his boss’ oral skills.

---

The crew cleaned up and confirmed the last of the androids were down. They gave one last sweep over the locked down club before deciding it was as clean as could be. At least, in terms of psychotic robots. Not the smashed up equipment.

“You don’t hire adventure parties when property damage is a factor. Even amateurs know that,” Rendale explained, arms folded as she watched the others work.

She had hesitated to send out the all clear to The Longhards. The Spiral was taken care of, but she had Mimi and Tex looking into the device they had been messing with when they arrived. They both stared vacantly, Tex sitting in Mimi’s lap with her tits resting on his head as he typed rapidly on his holoscreen.

“It’s like my long lost great grandma!” Mimi finally gasped.

“It’s what?” Rick asked with a baffled look.

“Maybe wait on Tex,” Rendale offered.

“He might have a more… human perspective.”

Tex nodded and blinked back into full consciousness.

“Well that was worth a look, alright. It’s a sorta… hotspot. A beacon into the deep web that we can’t fully understand. Odds are, the Spiral was trying to broadcast itself further, or my guess, trying to find more like itself. It was digging deep but didn’t seem to find anything.”

He held up a finger and gestured through the air. He extracted a piece of his screen with a string of numbers and symbols Rick couldn’t make any sense of.

“Except this. It’s just a fragment, but… it’s old. Old as shit, and I’m sure you know what that means.”

“Expensive,” Caramel muttered.

Rendale studied the mess of code closely and brought up a screen of her own. She did some complicated cross-checking before the stoic woman raised her eyebrows.

“It’s a meme!”

“So what? Peachy sends me those all the time,” Rick shrugged.

“Ancient memes from before the world went to shit!” Rendale said with a sense of awe to her voice.

“Historians will pay a fortune for a digital relic like that, and the nerds will pay even more!”

“Back from before computers could think! Grandmaaaa~!” Mimi chimed cheerfully.

“With this piece, we should be able to locate it buried within the servers. Combined with that, it’s worth its weight in gold! If it weighed anything, that is,” Ren corrected, starting to collect herself again.

“So… you’re talking the servers,” Rick pointed out.

Ren nodded.

“You mean the ones full of psychos, cultists and monsters, plus the other things that creep out at night because they’re too horrifying to be in the daylight?”

“Exactly. So I’d pack a sleeping bag,” Rendale said with a decisive nod.

She turned away from the device with a wave.

“Take the fragment with us and delete any other trace. We’ll leave the rest for The Longhards to pick through. You all deserve to get shitfaced until you pass out in a healing vat.”

“WOO! Shit-faced! Healing vat! Shit faced! Healing vat!”

Tex started chanting. It got infectious enough that Peachy joined in, followed by Mimi. The rest of them finally caved and joined in, cheering more half-heartedly on their way to the nearest source of vice and donuts.