Roller Derby Rumble (Patreon)

I started this one early on but it’s the kind of weird challenge I like to write. I think I saw a movie once about roller derby stuff and it always seemed neat but I never looked much into it. It’s a lot of aggro pun names and pseudo-wrestling stuff on roller blades. I actually forgot the exact rules so I filled in some gaps around the idea that the teams just knock each other out before it can come to a win. I did my best to track the names but was more fun to have them as a ton of standalone action scenes while I dished out more gag names.

The championship match was set up and ready to go for the local roller derby league. The odds were considered against The Wreckin’ Rollers. Despite their lovely and talented lineup, the champion team of The Busty Bruisers had been taking home the gold for the last 4 seasons (looking to make it 5). The Bruisers were known to pull out every dirty trick in the book to wipe out the opposing team.

Technically, the rules were straightforward. All the ladies were dressed in pads and a helmet on top of the required rollerblades. The first team to get any racer 10 times around the large skating rink was the winner. However, The Busty Bruisers  almost never reached the 10th lap. They had knocked out, injured or otherwise disposed of the entire opposing team by then. The Rollers were still pumped to be this close to the top and weren’t about to let that get them down.

Both sides took their introductory lap, limbering up while showing off their curvy figures. Even when a roller girl was built to be the team’s speeding racer, none of them came without some extra thickness to let them take their bumps and bruises.

The Rollers were dressed in uniforms (short shorts and tight sleeveless shirts) of sky blue with gold trimming, the striped edges highlighting their full chests. They were primarily blondes and redheads but with a varied mix between their players. They were all pretty and beloved in their own ways, but calling them “good girls” in such a sport was still a stretch. The sweetest among them could still beat most guys in a random bar brawl (and most of them had).

The boos came out along with The Busty Bruisers. They shouted at the crowd, flexing and cupping their huge tits at them mockingly. They were dressed in similar outfits but with black and gold as their theme. True to their name, they jiggled at every turn with some excessive curves or another. With a few final middle fingers to the audience they settled back into their caged in base to ready up for the race.

With the crowd fired up and quickly prepared with the rules by the announcer, the ladies arrived at their starting lines. It was five at a time, but knocked out players could be replaced or swap out when they were completing a lap. The ladies all leaned forward, boobs resting on their knees as they prepared to bolt for the lead.

The buzzer had barely sounded when Selina Slash (many roller girls were rather famous for their hardcore or punny nicknames) lashed out with her skate and stomped on one of the unsuspecting blondes’ fingers. She yelped and clutched her hand, rising up in surprise. She just got upright when a tall and broad-shouldered brunette sped past her and threw an elbow back into her chest. The chesty blonde huffed loudly as she was knocked clean off her feet when the race had barely even started.

“So long, sluts!” Bambi Hunter cackled.

The skinny but very chesty brunette in goth makeup and long raven hair shot ahead in the chaos, leaving the Wreckin’ Rollers checking on their teammate or caught up in the resulting tangle of bodies.

“Pepper! You okay?” one of her redhead teammates asked as she helped up the downed blonde.

“I’m good!” Pepper Spray insisted. “Go get ‘em!”

The teammates nodded and the Rollers went skating off after their rivals. The Bruisers got a decent head start but it never seemed to last for long. Feisha Hurtz, the chubby and thickly built black girl with dyed red hair, got ahead with Pepper and held their hands back. The short girl with shaved short blonde hair tailing behind them reached out and caught their hands, pulling while they yanked her as well. It sent the wheeled little terror slingshotting ahead like a missile, leaning into the arc of the track and shooting right between two of the Busty Bruisers.

“My eyes are down here, dumbasses!” the shortstack shouted at them as she swung both fists low and back. Both of the Bruisers let out startled screams as they were low blowed by the passing pink-haired punk.

“If you ever have any kids after that, tell ‘em Womb Raider said hey!” she called mockingly back at them as she wove her way ahead.

She darted around the grabbing Bruisers, throwing elbows while keeping herself low to the ground. It distracted them enough for the rest of the Rollers to catch up.

The race quickly devolved into a brawl as usual. A few of the racers went down in an instant, shoved or clobbered. They went tumbling onto or off the track, scrambling to get back up and get back into the fray while the others were too busy tangled in the mosh pit that was the head of the race.

“Behind you!” Selina warned hastily, nodding towards Bambi.

She nodded and whirled around on the heel of her rollerblades, catching Feisha as she tried to come at her flank. She grabbed the curvy black girl and despite being rather rail thin as a whole, Bambi Hunter easily bearhugged her opponent’s entire head between her tits for a smothering squash. She even kept skating backward while still tit smothering her rival.

“Go skate on home, pussies!” Bambi jeered, but Feisha swung her arms swiftly upward.

It knocked the gothy Bruiser’s arms away and lost her grip on her head. The redhead Roller grabbed Bambi by the hair and slammed her head into the cage bars. The skinny goth grunted hard as her boobs squashed out against the bars, the only padding she had for that kind of attack. Her face bounced off the cage but Feisha was able to hold her against the bars, skating on and dragging Bambi with her. She screams shrilly as her tits scraped over the bars, shredding her top until it was just her bare pink nipples getting repeatedly scraped.

Feisha’s ruckus left an opening for the Rollers to come barging through. Candy Rox wove between the crumbling defensive line when one of the Bruisers stuck her leg out in front of her. The pink-haired girl stumbled and slid a few feet on her knees. The skinned knees were easy enough to ignore but it left her kneeling between Annie Archy and Sledge Hanna. The two thick girls saw her coming and swung their hips together around Candy’s head. The booming smack of their thick booties crushing around her face resounded with a sympathetic “OOH!” from the crowd. They pulled away and let the knocked out Candy crumble to the track.

The girls all seemed to blend into a mix of black, blue and gold as they clustered up into a brawl, looking like a huge, expensive bruise. As much of a beating as the girls could take, they were also throwing punches and throwing players around at high speed and onto the hard track. By the time they made their first lap, four of the roller girls were either out cold or had to swap out for a breather to recover.

The swapping tide of racers was always a pivotal moment. They came out as coordinated as they could, sideswiping into the original bunch and sending them scattering like bowling pins. Most stayed on their skates but had to ride the momentum of a team of curvy women smashing into them when everyone had wheels on their feet. It broke up the blind melee into a series of smaller fights, and fans had to choose where to look next.

Molly Mosh regained control of her skates as she and Jenny Cide fell more or less in sync. The sidecut, black and white-haired Jenny rushed at Molly and stooped in low, shoulder checking her in the ribs. The tattooed Roller managed to stay on her feet through a ton of experience but winced from the collision all the same.

“Oh it’s on, shithead!” Molly snapped.

She leaned into one skate, turning her hips so that she kept skating forward while facing the attacking Bruiser. She grabbed the stripe-haired bully by the hair and slugged her clean across the face, sending spit flying from her helmeted head. Without missing a beat, Molly Mosh yanked her head down and shot her own knee up. It caught Jenny in the chin and knocked her eyes back up into her head with it as she went flailing back. She started to tumble down but Molly wanted to make sure the brute didn’t come after her again later. She swung her foot straight up and brought the harsh weight of the skate’s toe into her pussy.

“OHHHH~!”

Jenny Cide’s legs crossed instinctively, which wasn’t great for her skating. She quickly went tumbling head over heels into the mats, falling too far behind for them to do anything but go drag her off the rink.

Similar scraps popped up all over the playing field. Selina Slash kept the lead for the Bruisers in terms of position, but only by a hair. That fact became abundantly clear when Feisha Hurtz reached out and pulled on said hair, dragging her back closer to her.

“Go, Feisha!” Bonnie Clyde called after her.

She was struggling to hold back Helen Wheelz, but the warpainted redhead grabbed the back of Bonnie’s jersey. She yanked it down and over her head, blinding her like a brawling hockey player while exposing her tits. Helen held onto her top with one hand before slamming punch after punch upward into her jugs, making the busty brunette scream for mercy.

While painful, it did the job of keeping the sadistic skater busy. Feisha threw Selina behind her, effectively feeding her to the wolves as Vivi Vicious was right behind her waiting. The widely grinning shewolf clotheslined Slash hard as she went spinning around, bashing between her tits and throat so she went crashing to the rink. She spun in midair so that she landed tits first, sliding along with a shrill squeal as her jersey was shredded to bits. Soon it was just her hard nipples scraping along the smooth material.

However effective it was in taking the lead, Vivi and Feisha’s teamup wasn’t uncommon on the field. The tightly packed brawl didn’t break evenly as both of The Scull Sisters took on Virginia Werewolf. The purple-haired twins had surrounded the relatively scrawny Ginny, with one of them catching her in a full nelson. The Busty Bruiser lived up to her name as her huge tits rested on either side of Virginia’s face, skating skillfully backward while dragging the smaller brown-haired girls with her.

It made her easy pickings for the second Scull, who punched deep into Ginny’s tits and belly like she was a personal punching bag. The slim girl huffed and quivered from the pummeling before the beating sister grabbed and pulled down her shorts. Even with the supporting aid of the grappling sibling, her legs became entangled and she went crashing down to be left behind face down and ass up.

“Later, loser~!” the slightly elder Scull cackled, waving after her with a sadistic grin.

The Scull girls started to skate ahead, strategically picking off whoever they could gang up on. They swept in past Gory Alleluia and both slammed an elbow back into her tits, sending the top-heavy redhead flying back to land on her ass. Molly Hatchet came after them, sending an extra skated stomp to her already bruising boobs for good measure.

“Dropping fast back there!” Vivi Vicious called up in warning to Feisha.

“They’re catching up.”

“Not til they get past Brita they’re not,” Feisha assured her as she poured on the speed.

It was a short burst, just enough to ensure they got past the Wreckin’ Rollers’ station. This was just when they wanted Brickhouse Brita to come barging in, the broad but pretty-faced girl with an eight-pack, triple-D’s, and a build like an amazon. She wasn’t the best on skates but she was great at getting in the way as a huge slab of muscle.

“Gotcha~!” she chimed sweetly as she slid in front of the Scull Sisters. She simply grabbed the first of the purple-haired girls around the neck and lifted her completely off her feet. Smash Scull’s eyes went wide as her wheels spun uselessly in midair.

“Whoa! Shit!” she yelped as she kicked helplessly. She tried to wrench the iron grip away from her throat but Brickhouse was predictably immovable.

“Put her down, roid bitch, before I put YOU down!” Spike Scull snapped.

She zipped around behind Brickhouse and gave a short hop before bashing her balled together fists into Brita’s back. It felt like she was hitting a block of cement as she connected with her tight back muscles. The buff and bubbly blonde turned around to face her.

“Oh don’t worry! I got plenty for you too!”

She swung Smash like a human club, smacking the siblings into each other. Smash’s crotch bashed into Spike’s face, much to the noisy dismay of both smaller girls. With one choked in the other’s crotch and the latter taking a skull to the groin, Brita threw the two girls away from her with dismissive strength. They went rolling away before landing in a heap, groaning in the middle of the rink in a 69 position.

The Rollers had their numbers dwindling from the cheap shots of the Bruisers, but they were clearly fighting back now. Brita wasn’t especially fast, but the fact that the Busty Bruisers made a point to try and take out everyone proved a weakness when it came to the Rollers’ blonde brute. She shoulder-checked Bruisers hard enough that they were flattened up against the cage, their tits oozing through the mesh of the cage, or backhanded them hard enough to go flying. She shoved one girl hard enough as soon as she left the Bruisers’ pen that she went flying right back into the door, squashing a player who hadn’t even hit the rink yet.

“That’s it! Send in Zody!” the Bruisers coach demanded.

The heavy hitter for the Bruisers, Zodiac Thriller, rolled out, looking nearly as wide as she was tall. The Asian girl had a tight black knot of a braid behind her head and various rude tattoos across her soft but powerful arms. She was chubbier than Brita but looked just as dangerous on the field.

She built up some momentum and charged ahead, plowing right into one Roller’s back. She yelped as she went flying over the busty brute’s shoulders like she was a rampaging rhino. The numbers on both teams were dwindling as their powerhouses mowed them down and their various self-destructive brawls came to an end. Given the chaos of their multi-woman fights and that they were in constant motion, it was quite common for particularly entangled fighters to go down together. Sonya Boom and Siri Alkilla had been locked together long enough to rip each other’s tops to shreds, with Siri biting into one of Sonya’s thick milkers. Sonya was screaming and yanking down on two handfuls of Siri’s areolas before the Bruiser girl tripped up. Her falling for raked her nails over Sonya’s tits before it crashed into her legs, tripping her up and sending them both down hard.

The ring would have looked like a battlefield if the girls were left out on the rink. Teammates or medics dragged them out whenever the traffic cleared, but each team had only a handful of players left. Their heavy hitters, their remaining leaders, and Vivi Vicious as a third wheel on the Rollers.

Brickhouse Brita had just knocked out the third for the Bruisers, looking ready to dethrone the champs at this rate. She had lifted Helen Killer out of her skates completely and torn off her shorts before chucking her over the cage, letting her bare ass land flat on some lucky fan’s face when Zodiac Thriller caught up to her.

Zodi slammed bodily into Brita, sending her skidding to the side a bit. The stocky blonde stayed on her feet and caught the heavy Asian’s eye.

“You guys just keep comin’,” Brita laughed as if she was happy to hear it. She came rushing back at her with a hard forearm to her tits. Zodi’s chest bounced from the impact and she lost a bit of ground but she barely budged, providing the first real competition Brita had met since she hit the field.

The game was only six laps in, making it clear that both sides were gunning for a win by elimination rather than scoring the last lap. Brita slammed a hard uppercut into Zodi’s chin but the heavy bruiser held her ground. She caught the thin sleeves of Brita’s top and pulled hard, drawing her in closer while tearing them off. The busty musclegirl’s top fell off as Zodi slammed her knee up into her crotch, finally getting the blonde to cry out in pain. She grabbed at her crotch and faltered for a moment, but as the rounded the next corner Brita’s eyes lit up with a surprisingly excited look.

“Oh finally! Somebody I can really match up with!”

She planted her skate against the turn and lowered herself, spearing right into the soft middle of her latest opponent. Zodiac Thriller gave a noisy huff as she was tackled up against the cage. The Asian brute huffed noisily as the cage creaked from her massive bulk and Brita’s raw power testing its limits.

The cage failed said test. The bars bent and caved in, throwing the two of them tumbling over the busted cage. Zodi flopped onto the cage, her various fat and curves squeezing through the mesh. Brita’s tackle carried her tumbling over her, landing with her bare tits/pecs in another fan's face. Two, really, since it was too big for just one person to handle.

“Woopsy. Uh… go Feisha! Go Vivi!”

It was left with two on one, but Vivi and Feisha were more ready for the speed department. The remaining Busty Bruiser, Lucy Ferrari, was a thicker girl with massive tits and hips and knew how to use them. Feisha Hurtz gave a signal to Vivi to emphasize the obvious strategy: just keep moving. She wouldn’t be able to keep up with their raw speed.

That worked out well enough at first, and soon they were coming up on lapping Lucy. They just had to wait her out for a couple of rounds and seal the deal rather than go head to head with one of the rougher fighters on the BBs.

Then they fell for her feint. Lucy dug in her heels and came to almost a complete stop, making her abruptly get in their way. She threw a double elbow back, crashing into the middle of both Vivi’s and Feisha’s chests. They grunted as they were taken clean off their feet, bringing the race to a standstill as all three remaining contenders stopped.

The fall was rough but the girls were tough enough to stay in the game. They started to scramble back up, expecting to have to catch up to Lucy Ferari. The big blonde bitch was waiting for them and grabbed Vivi by her shorts.

“I’ve had enough of chasing you pussies around in circles,” Lucy snarled as she reached down Vivi’s bottoms.

With a hard pull, she yanked her thong up and lifted the sleekly built brunette back up with an atomic wedgie. Vivi howled out as it dug deep into her pussy, putting her entire bodyweight on it until Lucy threw her aside. Vivi went tumbling with another hard landing until she fell right out of her stretched out shorts and thong.

“As for you… OOF!”

Lucy huffed as she turned back to Feisha, who didn’t take being knocked down lying down. She shot out one of her legs to bash her skate heel into the busty blonde’s stomach. She doubled over clutching her stomach, but glared at her as she quickly recovered. She grabbed Feisha around her ankle and pulled her in, grabbing one of the black girl’s meaty breasts. She pulled off her top with one hard yank, exposing her tits before she grabbed them like an aggressive pair of hands. Feisha shrieked as Lucy went into a twirl on the spot, spinning the dyed black girl around in a rapid circle.

“I’m gonna toss your bitch ass all the way out of the stadium!” Lucy snarled as Feisha reached the peak of her out of control spiral.

She let go of Feisha to send her flying, but she didn’t get far. The bottomless Vivi rolled into her way and bodily blocked the flying racer, taking the brunt of the impact but stopping her from taking much herself.

“Thanks, babe,” Feisha panted as she hastily got back on her skates.

“It’s fine. You hit like a bitch,” Vivi laughed it off while she rubbed her sore arm.

“Oh I do not.”

“Feel like provin’ it?”

Vivi nodded towards their last standing opponent. The girls shot towards her before breaking off and going at her from either side. Lucy tried to go for Feisha but Vivi smacked her on the ass. The blonde bully gasped and went for her instead, just for Feisha to cut in front of her and slam a forearm across her chest. Lucy grunted as her boobs swayed from the hit and pulled her off balance in one direction, just to take a swift backhand from Vivi. The girl was stronger than the two of them put together, but they were bombarding her so fast and from so many directions as a coordinated unit that she couldn’t keep up with them.

Vivi Vicious shot in and blindsided Lucy with a headbutt, leaving her nearly toppling over as her skates stumbled in place. Feisha Hurtz swung a leg into Lucy’s and took them out from under her, dropping her flat on her stomach. The busty blonde groaned and tried to push herself up, but Vivi and Feisha darted past her again. They each grabbed the waistband of Lucy’s shorts as they went by.

“Let’s take her for a victory lap!” Feisha prompted

Vivi gave another wild grin and they both took off skating. Lucy was dragged along for the ride, wailing as her big boobs were dragged along the track. Her shirt quickly rolled up her front and exposed her bare tits to the track, reddening up quickly as they skidded along, getting the bigger girl to scream all the way around the ring. They went heavy into the turns to bang her against the cage bars. They dragged her all the way across the finish line before they came to a stop, turning together and slamming their heels back at Lucy. She came to a stop herself as her crotch bashed right into their skates, stopping short and bolting up into a sitting position.

“OHHHHFF!”

Her first cry was cut off as Vivi and Feisha did a quick loop and bashed their boobs into either side of her face. They weren’t as big as Lucy’s but they were still round and firm, flattening her head between their racks and knocking her out. Lucy slumped to the track, leaving the two Wreckin’ Rollers as the last girls standing. The crowd went wild as the two new, half-dressed champs jumped and hugged each other. The Roller girls who were still conscious wheeled back in and caught them in a big group hug (with Brita lifting at least three girls off their feet at once) with the players in variously bruised and undressed states. It was a new reign for the league and the fans seemed all too thrilled to welcome a team that was sweeter than their former tyrannical queens while every bit as hot and harsh in a scrap.