The Bully Code: Be My Bully Valentine (Patreon)

Thrown together within 24 hours, as most of the best Bully Code stuff tends to be. Been a busy week, a lot of it writing stuff for commissions or the like, so felt best to put these together. The idea of the holiday and remembering they existed pieced together quickly.

It’s mostly light with some yandere fun in there but mostly just them goofing around. I explain how Valentine’s works in Japan around mid-story for those who don’t know (I had to look it up to clarify myself).

Also last minute random bonus: won an art raffle with Setsuna! Be her valentine or else.  https://twitter.com/Gill_the_gnome/status/1361031696645300233 

Ayami poured a bit more cocoa into her bowl and started mixing her ingredients. She mashed them together with a spoon while Setsuna peered over her shoulder. Ayami’s parents were out, leaving them with her fully stocked kitchen to herself. They were a well-off family, so even after moving in relatively recently they had a rather spacious house to themselves.

“No, mash it up real good,” Setsuna directed. “Beat its ass to a pulp. I thought you knew how to cook.”

Ayami shrugged and smiled back at her taller tan teammate.

“I mean, I LIKE to cook. I’m not the best at it. And this is baking. I hear it’s totally different,” the pink-haired delinquent (by title only, really) admitted. “It’s why I wanted some help.”

Chiyo nodded as she measured out some milk and sugar. “Well we’re glad to support your Valentine’s day mission, senpai. Setsuna’s a woman of many talents, so she should be perfect to help.”

She slapped down the two measuring cups before crossing her arms over her barrel of a chest. “And you won’t find a better taste tester than me.”

“So you’re here for the free chocolate?” Ayami asked with a smile.

“Free chocolate,” she nodded confidently. Ayami giggled and dumped the ingredients together.

“Alright, time to figure out our flavors,” Setsuna said as she dragged over a tray of assorted toppings and bottles. “You want mint, nuts, caramel…? I know the boss is partial to sweets over bitter, or you could lay on a hint about White Day with some white chocolate in our next batch…”

Ayami nodded. She hadn’t had a girlfriend before, but she understood the basics of the holidays. Valentine’s, a girl made candy for her crush or partner. On White Day, the boys were expected to return the favor.

“Unless of course,” Chihiro pointed out. “Kumatake is doing the same thing right now. Then you wouldn’t really need a White Day, would you?”

Ayami thought for a moment. “Yea, but… she’d have to remember it’s Valentine’s Day in the first place for that to happen.”

The other girls frowned and nodded.

“So this is a safe bet…” Chiyo confirmed.

“Yea, I’m the gang secretary for a reason. Besides, in my experience,” Setsuna chimed proudly. “You want to take the first step. You don’t want to wait around for boys to realize they’re in love with you or it’ll take them ages to come up to you. Not that boss is a boy, but she doesn’t have the same...”

“Sanity? Logic?” Chiyo offered.

“Feminine graces as the rest of us.”

Ayami smiled and took a few bits of cherry flavored oils. “That reminds me, Setsu. You really know a lot about these kinds of things.”

“Like I always say,” Setsuna smirked with her crooked grin. “When you’ve had like a dozen boyfriends, you pick up a few things about relationships. Some even lasted longer than a week!”

Ayami just nodded. “So… you never really talk about the guys you used to date. Was it really that many?”

Setsuna’s eyes lit up as her smirk grew into a grin. Chihiro pursed her lips and worried about what she’d just unlocked in the already smug thug.

“So glad you asked~! There’s nothing wrong with being single on Valentine’s, but I can certainly share the secrets of my passionate loves long past.”

Ayami nodded intently as she started stirring up her chocolate again.

“I remember my first love so clearly. We were merely troublemakers back then. Not properly a gang or delinquents since we were just in second grade. Barely bullies, really. There was a boy I liked because he was cute and gave me those confusing feelings of young love. My heart skipping, my mind glazing over when I stared at him, waving at him once in a while for no reason…”

“Aww,” Chiyo chimed, surprisingly charmed by the story.

“So how’d you break the ice?” Ayami pried.

“I caught him by the playground and pushed him over,” Setsuna sighed. “I sat on his head and made him say he was my boyfriend. I kept sitting for a while just because it was fun, and made him say it a few more times.”

“Ah,” Chiyo said as things quickly added up in her head.

“And that’s how it was for a while. We’d meet up for our little dates during recess. I’d sit on him and spit in his hair and give him little noogie hugs while I followed him home. Whatever I felt like at the time. Before I really learned about how romance is supposed to go. Then one day he called out sick.”

“So…?”

“So I got bored. I forgot we were dating and went on with my sketching. Funny how he never really talked to me after that. Must have been too heartbroken to lose the prettiest girl he’d ever met.”

Chiyo and Ayami shared glances before they just nodded.

“What else…? There was a couple years later when there was the cute exchange boy. I’d follow him and watch him, planning out how we’d get married before I bothered to ask him out. I mean, I’m Setsuna after all, and we were building a reputation. Of course he’d say yes.”

“But I finally made my move. I took the eyes from one of my Goocha Dolls (back when those were a thing) and put them in an envelope. I left him a love letter with the severed eyes in it saying ‘I only have eyes for  you.”

“Oh that’s clever!” Ayami giggled. “Then what?”

“Well we never really talked, technically. It was what you might call a long distance relationship. Then I started to feel bad about wrecking my dolly, so I sent him a note saying ‘Give me your eyes’ so I could fix it.”

“So… are you sure he knew he had a girlfriend?” Chihiro asked. “And didn’t think he was being haunted by a yokai?”

“Who cares?” Setsuna shrugged. “You can date a yokai. And boys don’t have to accept it. If I say I’m your girlfriend, who’s going to say no?”

Chihiro raised her hand, as did Ayami with her chocolate-stained fingers.

“Well duh. I don’t date gang members,” Setsuna explained. “And Ayami, you’re dating my boss and you two are totally adorable. I wouldn’t dare interfere with true love.”

“Aww! Thanks!”

“Who else… there was Shishiro, the guy who sat in front of me who had the nice-smelling hair. Mazashi, who had a girlfriend already until I started the rumor that he smelled like old natto. Then I caught him on the rebound like Rui Hachimura.”

“And that’s…” Ayami pried.

“Basketball guy.”

“Gotcha.”

“Then he found out I started the rumor, mostly because I told him so he’d know I was in control in the relationship. He was a little too surprised by it for my liking, so I broke up with him.”

“YOU broke up with him?” Chiyo tried to confirm.

“Yea!” Setsuna said with a surprisingly confident smile. “If he can’t handle our relationship being built on lies, how strong could our love actually be?”

“That’s a very interesting point,” Ayami admitted.

“IS it?” Chiyo asked.

“Let’s see… I was dating Keichi until I learned he had a dumb voice. There was that kid with the streak in his hair I thought was cool. We dated for a while but I never did learn his name. I was dating Michi for the entire sports fest one year… oh! I dated Masuda for a while! He was one of the good ones.”

“Masuda… I don’t think I was around for Masuda,” Ayami mused as they filled in some heart-shaped molds.

“Nooo he was before you. Oh he was a keeper. Maybe because I really knew what I was doing with that one.”

“What was so special about him?” Chiyo asked.

“Well I had love at first sight with him. He was scrawny, shy, pale… real cutie. And a real nice dick, let me tell you,” Setsuna winked. “So first day I meet him, I know we gotta meet up. I was working on an art project so I run out of class when I see him pass the halls. I cornered him after I had been cutting up some papercraft for this origami set I was doing…”

“There it is,” Chiyo muttered quietly.

“So I still had my box cutter. And nothing’s more beautiful than a woman holding a blade. I think some famous samurai said that. Or a cartoon. But I tell him I’m his girlfriend now and he’s gonna like it.”

Setsuna sighed nostalgically. “He just gave the most pathetic squeak and said ‘Yes, mistress.’ Can you believe it? He recognized me by the social status I deserve rather than my current place as a common student.”

“Does that make us mistresses too since we’re part of the same gang?” Ayami asked.

“Of course! But Masuda was such a cutie. Never asked for much, always said thank you no matter how I treated him. I made him a little silk collar and told him to wear it so he never forgot about me. I sent him pictures of me or even of himself from places he didn’t know I was hiding and he’d always be so sweet about it. He’d reply with a picture of him… well, let’s say doing something very suggestive and say ‘thank you, mistress.”

“Ohhh. So he was a good boyfriend because he was a freak,” Chihiro noted.

“Well, yea,” Ayami agreed. “We’re all freaks, right? We don’t fit in with regular people, so all the best people must be freaks.”

“That… sort of makes sense,” Chiyo admitted. “Except that you’re like the most normal person I know, Ayami.”

“So if he was so good, why did you break up with that one?”

“Well, I caught him cheating,” Setsuna grumbled. “Just when you thought the sanctity of boyfriend/girlfriend still meant something, I stole his phone and found he was sending the same submissive tribute dick pics to another bully! I would have beat his ass, but he would’ve liked it too much. I just had me and the girls mess up his locker instead.”

“Sounds like Kuma-chan alright,” Ayami chuckled. “Always sticking up for her crew.”

“Friends before boyfriends,” Chiyo said with a nod. “That’s the real love in this gang. In fact, maybe we should call this Pal-Entines day.”

Setsuna grimaced as she glanced at Chiyo.

“Did you seriously just say that? You’re grossing me out, Chiyo-san.”

“You can’t tell stories like that and then say I’M the gross one because of a pun!” Chiyo snapped back.

“What!?” Setsuna gasped, leaning back in dramatic shock. “It’s not gross! True, unrequited love is romantic, not disgusting! Is it so disgusting when a girl gives a boy a vial of her blood so that a part of her is always with him?!”

“YES! Did you do that?!”

“Yes! I told you, over a dozen boyfriends. For a treasurer, I thought you could count…”

Ayami giggled as she put her chocolates in the stove. “You guys are great, you know that?” she asked, smiling ear to ear.

“Ayami, we’re having a civilized discussion about blood right now, so if you could…” Setsuna started.

“You’re so comfortable with each other. My family’s so relaxed and nice all the time, which is great, but you girls all argue and fight and disagree… that’s just really cool. That you can do all that and still be so obviously tight and all, and still help me out with making some candy I’m too dumb to do myself. Just wanted to say.”

She cleaned up a bit before starting to mix up another batch. Chiyo rolled her eyes, not that it was clear through her glasses and low bangs. Setsuna smirked and nimbly picked up a knife from the counter.

“C’mon. It’s easier if you chop it up first,” she offered.

“And I can grind up the ingredients! It’s my duty to help out my senpai with brute force as your enforcer and treasurer!” Chiyo insisted.

“Thanks, gang. Really appreciate it,” Ayami giggled.

---

“Alright! What’s first!?”

It was the day after Valentine’s Day as Kumatake met her gang in Azuka’s kitchen. Azuka had shouted enough warnings to keep her brothers out before they and Ichiru gathered around the counter. The gigantic goth girl set out a few more ingredients as Azuka looked at her phone.

“Say uh… cocoa. Like hot cocoa?

Ichiru typed frantically on her phone. “No, like cocoa beans. You crush them up,” the text to speech translated for her. They were going to be too busy cooking to read her sign language or use their phones to read it for them.

“Yea! You heard her, boss! Let’s beat the fuck out of those beans!”

Kumatake nodded sharply and grabbed a bowl, squeezing it hard enough to crack the plastic as she dumped in a mass of beans. She grabbed a spoon like it was a club and started noisily bashing them into a paste.

<With… butter and stuff,> Ichiru signed at Azuka before holding up the recipe on her phone.

“Right! Boss, it’s a rumble! You gotta mix in the beans’ buddies to make it a fair fight! The Southside Sugars and the Butter Bangers gotta show up!”

“Right!” Kumatake boomed, grabbing and throwing in some ingredients.

<We need to measure!> Ichiru warned, flinching at her wilder teammates at work. She went back to her text to speech quickly. “I also remind you that it’s the day after Valentine’s. It’s a month until White Day when you’re supposed to give her candy back.”

Kumatake gave a fuming grunt. Her cheeks blushed as her nostrils practically steamed from her focus on the task at hand.

“Shaddap! She made me chocolate, and no holiday’s gonna tell me when to love my girl!” Kumatake barked.

“Yea, boss! You tell that holiday who’s in charge around here! Now let’s fuck those beans up with a culinary beatdown with fists of love!”

Ichiru sighed. Seeing she couldn’t bring any reason or sanity to the gathering, she rolled up her sleeves and joined in the mess.