Milfquest 3: Jelly Goblins (Patreon)

Finally back to this storyline! Milfs stuck in an overly ecchi RPG world where they don’t know what RPGs are. It’s just them handling their first real encounter with pervy monsters. Wanted to put a weird but horny spin on regular goblins so I liked the way jelly goblins came out. Hopefully I’ll mess around with the game’s own takes on conventional monsters and the party continuing to fuck themselves over by behaving like normal people/moms.

The begrudgingly adventurous mothers went on trudging down the path. Hanako stopped every once in a while, the weary priestess wiping some sweat from her hair and tugging on her loose robes to cool off. She’d summon up her quest marker whenever she did, making sure the floating arrow was pointing them in the right direction.

“This is getting ridiculous,” she sighed. “That king told us to go be heroes, not… not to take a nature hike!”

“I told you that you should have signed up for that jazzercise class. It’s good cardio,” Izumi tutted as the tanned and athletic milf easily outpaced her. She had her sword out, taking careful jabs and swings at branches or trees whenever she had the space to do so without risking chopping off somebody’s hand.

“I don’t mind,” Kyoko chimed. Of course, the shrunken shortstack of a redheaded housewife was clinging to the back of her riding-boar, which trotted among the group.

“Yea, well maybe if you shared the pig once in a while,” Mitsuki snarked. She had pushed back her cloak to let a cool breeze go on her pale skin, showing just her skull-adorned bikini as she glanced over her thick tome of spells. She lagged behind as the chain-smoking spellcaster wasn’t built for hiking, but she could still keep up enough for it not to matter.

There was a rustling and a hiss from the bushes as they caught their breath. The women had a run-in with strange creatures already, so they huddled together while Izumi aimed her sword clumsily in the noise’s direction.

“Oh my god oh my god I think it’s a snake!” Hanako babbled.

“Snakes don’t usually bother us if they can help it,” Kyoko assured her. She had grown up in the country and wandered enough woods to know better. “But then again, that’s regular snakes and not video game monster snakes.”

“Yea, game snakes are usually bad,” Mitsuki agreed hastily. “And full of video game poison.”

Rather than a snake or a bobcat, a pudgy little blue thing rolled out of the bushes. It was just over 2 feet tall with strange proportions somewhere between a balloon animal and a baby elephant. It stood up on two pudgy legs, wearing a loincloth with a crude wooden sword on its waistband. Beady button-like eyes blinked at them quizzically.

“Aww,” Izumi gushed as she lowered her sword. “It’s so cute.”

It took out its crude little sword and jabbed her in the leg. It didn’t even break the skin, but a meter flashed in front of Izumi’s eyes that went down a tiny amount.

“Ow! Still does damage, though… I think,” she warned. She nudged it with its foot and the blue blob man fell over on his back. It squeaked and hissed as it kicked its little legs and arms around uselessly, unable to get back up.

“Why does that thing look familiar…?” Mitsuki mused. She lifted up her thick spellbook and flipped through it again. She had seen random maps and bits of trivia littered around her tome, and something about the creature rang a bell for her…

“Oh! Here,” she said, tapping a penciled-out image of the creature. “It’s a jelly goblin. Super low-level monster.”

“That’s a relief,” Kyoko sighed, relaxing her grip on her boar’s fur.

“Says here they’re a pest and a public threat because they’re a mon…”

“Monster?” Izumi offered.

“Monogender species. They’re all technically male and try to… hm.”

“Hm?” Hanako pressed, a worried expression crossing her face.

Mitsuki didn’t answer right away and snapped her book shut.

“Look, they’re all makes and they really fucking like human women. We’re best off icing this guy right now. Gimme the sword.”

“Oh wait,” Kyoko insisted. “He hasn’t done anything. He’s just a little goober. Lookit em. He’s so cute!”

There was some more jabbering as another two dozen jelly goblins came waddling out of the bushes, looking at their downed comrade. They looked back up at the party and scowled with their mouthless little faces.

“Nope. Nope nope nope,” Mitsuki decided. “Ending this now. Death Wave.”

She spread out her fingers towards the swarm of gooey monsters and her fingertips glowed black. Then… nothing happened.

“Come on! Magic, you frickin’ bitch. I read you like four times!” she griped. The gibbering goblins rushed at them with their crude weapons raised as the party variously defended themselves.

Kyoko clung to her mount as the boar started to buck and thrash. It kicked and gored goblins on its tusks, making them pop into nothing but a small pile of coins in the dirt.

It was going well until one of his kicks caught Kyoko off guard, tossing her off among a few advancing jelly goblins. She fumbled around her tight leather outfit until she found a dagger.

“It’s just like serving jello. It’s just like serving jello,” she told herself rapidly before she jabbed at one of them.

The knife poked right into one goblin’s forehead with zero resistance, giving one last squeak as it vanished. Kyoko just started to smile and feel good about herself when the other one tackled into her, its slimy and sticky skin smearing across her body. It swiped its stubby stone knife, taking another minor chip out of her health but more notably, cutting through the bindings of her top. Kyoko’s big freckled boobs spilled out of her armor as her eyes went wide.

“Oh geez!” she squeaked as she kicked her stubby legs at her attacker. It still latched its slimy hands onto her breasts, squeezing until it pinched her nipples and milk came squirting out. “Gross gross gross!” she rambled as the white fluid ran up the inside of its arms and into its blue belly.

“I got you!” Hanako called, swinging her heavy mace over Kyoko’s head. It smashed the jelly goblin away with a splash of goo and a few stray coins flying through the air. She turned back towards an advancing batch of them and threw out a hand.

“Begone, foul spirits! The power of Christ compels you!” she ordered. Her hand flickered with a faint light but they didn’t even slow down.

“Right, it’s always simpler than that,” she groaned. “And with this pagan sex god. Er, exorcism! Purify! Halloween! Errr… Banish!”

Some of the goblins went flying back and smacked into trees, but a couple still reached her from outside the blast of force. One tackled around her legs and another got a good enough jump off a rock to tackle into her breasts. They both nuzzled their faces in, smearing their blue goo on the righteous milf’s crotch and cleavage under her clothes.

“Ugh! You little skunks!” Hanako barked in outrage. She grabbed at them awkwardly, but she’d set her mage back on her hip to cast her spell. She couldn’t reach either of them easily, so she placed her palms on either side of her tits. With the monster’s face buried between her boobs, squashing them together promptly popped its jelly-like head between her huge jugs. It splattered around before turning into a potion that landed between her cleavage.

“Very funny,” she grumbled as she pulled it back out. Looking down with a blush at the one nosing around beneath her robes, she shifted her leg to shove it out further by her hip. She simply untied the chord from her mace’s sheathe and let it drop like a weight on top of its head. The jelly goblin’s head lolled comically before passing out, knocked out and turning into cash.

“You bitches wanna go!” Mitsuki bellowed as more goblins circled her. She whipped out her spellbook and crossed her fingers like the pictures showed. “I got more than the big guns left in me… I think. TENTACULAR!”

Large, ribbed black tentacles burst out of the ground, grabbing and squeezing and groping some of the goblins. They squeaked and squealed before popping in their grasp, but Mitsuki clicked her tongue skeptically.

“Somethin’ tells me that spell was meant to perv out on us instead of them,” she mused, but a couple jumped on her back. They pulled at her cloak and clothes until her skull-marked thong was yanked down to her knees.

“What the shit!? No you don’t!” she snapped, pulling up her book. She didn’t think she had any more juice for something big, but maybe if she speed-read it… not that she had done well in high school to begin with…

“Ah screw it! Wizard this, bitches!” she decided, snapping the book shut. She smacked the spine of the book down like a club on the nearest goblin’s head, popping it in one swing.

She turned and grabbed the other by the head, lifting it up and squeezing until it was thrashing in her grasp.

“Brainless little turd… let’s see how you guys like it!” She made a quick spiraling gesture, and with that the jelly goblin’s eyes started to swirl. It gave a dizzy gurgling as her Confusion spell kicked it.

“Great. Now go get ‘em,” she ordered, dropping and punting the goblin into his own allies. It mounted the nearest one and started bonking and humping it in its mind-wiped treachery.

“KIAI!” Izumi shouted, doing her best to flash back to her younger days training in kendo. Her teaching yoga classes had kept her in decent shape but she was certainly rusty. Still, the goblins fought like drunk toddlers so her much longer and heavier weapon easily sliced through one’s wooden sword and pulpy body in one go. Izumi smirked and shifted her footing to thrust straight into another one, popping it after sinking into its belly.

“These things aren’t so tough,” she decided as she twisted to slice down another. She raised the heavy sword into the best cool pose she could manage, holding it in a cross-guard across her chest. The goblins didn’t have the brains enough to be impressed or afraid, so they just blitzed her anyway and dogpiled onto her.

“AHH! No fair!” she yelped, thrashing around as their gooey forms kept piling on. They humped whatever they could get, grinding their slimy hips on her breasts, face, arms, thighs… she finally managed to shove a couple off her sword hand long enough to plant her hips on the ground and go into a massively wide swing. She didn’t swing it that hard with how heavy it was, but somehow it swept hard and fast enough to kick up a miniature tornado around herself, sending the sliced up goblins flying away before poofing out of existence.

“Okay… no idea why that happened,” she admitted, wiping some of the gel off her tanned skin. She looked around to see her fellow moms cleaning up the last of the slimy goblins. Mitsuki aggressively stomped one’s head into the grass while Hanako shot some holy fire into another pair. Kyoko fired some arrows out of her bow, but even with her recent practice on the road only a couple actually hit anything.

“Thinks that’s the last of these squeaky little fucks,” their necromancer pointed out. She heard a beep from nearby, patting her hip instinctively to check for her phone.

“What was that?” Hanako asked, looking instinctively as well.

“Oh yea. I got that before when we got the map info…” Mitsuki flipped open her spellbook and searched until she found the page on jelly goblins again. Some of the text was highlighted bright blue.

“Looks like it gave us an update. Maybe cuz we kicked their asses so hard… says they’re usually ‘minions or scouts to bigger monsters like…”

A bellowing roar boomed through the nearby woods, drowning out her words.

“Er… what was that?” Kyoko asked gingerly.

“Bog trolls,” Mitsuki sighed as she snapped her tome shut. Bursting out of the trees came a monster that looked like an immensely larger and more realistic version of the goblins. It was still unrealistically blue, but with obvious skin and muscles rather than the translucent blobs of goblins. It stood 10 feet tall with thick limbs and rough facial features bearing several large tusks. It wore a scrap of a loincloth that failed to cover its massive, two-foot long member.

“Whoaaaa, didn’t need to see that,” Izumi muttered as she averted her gaze.

“I’m gonna be seeing that in my nightmares,” Hanako complained. “Aren’t you glad I screened this game before our kids?”

“Think how I feel. I’m smaller than normal girls and closer to eye level with the thing,” Kyoko pointed out.

“Well it’s coming right at us,” Mitsuki reminded them as she relit her pipe. “And I’m about out on magic unless you ladies wanna buy me some reading time.”

“Get ready,” Izumi encouraged them as she raised her sword. “We took the goblins with barely a scratch. We can YAHHH!”

The troll made a b-line for her, and she barely got a swing in on its tough hide before it scooped her up in one massive paw. It lifted her off her feet and promptly shoved back down, sheathing the fighter onto his huge hard shaft. The giant’s phallus proved as squishy and malleable as the goblins, but much bigger as it shoved its way deep inside her. Izumi could only shudder and gawk as she was suspended on its cock, half of it crammed deep inside her pussy.

“Oof,” Mitzuki summed up as the troll took a threatening swipe at the rest of them. They had already backed off enough for it to miss completely, but it suddenly turned and started to run back the way it came with Izumi still held hostage on its giant dick. She bobbed mindlessly in front of it as she tried to process the amount of monster meat inside her.

“What?! Get back here!” Hanako shouted. She fired a few bursts of sacred fire at it, singing its skin but not slowing it down.

“Thought I had a binding spell or something in here,” Mitsuki muttered as she flipped through her book. “Or was it bondage? That sounds like this kinda game’s thing…”

The monster was already bolting back into the wrecked woods, so Kyoko pursed her lips.

“Alright! No time for magic! Let’s ride, Bitsy!”

“Who the hell…?” Mitsuki started, but Kyoko leapt onto her boar’s back and shot off after them.

“Oh. I guess she named the video game pig…”

Kyoko and her mount went racing after Izumi and the bog troll. The bobbing of its exposed junk pumped the tanned milf on its massive member, her eyes rolling as she was fucked silly without the troll even trying.

“Okay, okay. Just gotta make the shot without hitting Izumi,” Koyoko coached herself. “While riding on Bitsy and not hitting trees either.” She took a quick, deep breath.

“Okay, come on. Hit the B button with your brain or whatever, Kyoko,” she prepped herself. She drew back her arrow and aimed unsteadily for a second before letting it fly. It landed a perfect hit… right against Izumi’s breast. She yelped and snapped out of her over-fucked stupor as the arrow bounced off her skimpy chainmail top, taking a sliver of health off her suddenly appearing life bar.

“Ow! Kyoko!” Izumi snapped.

“Sorry! Sorry, first time really using this!” the chubby little ranger called back awkwardly.

“Just hit the monster!” Izumi pleaded. “It’s… ugh, wow. This… this is a lot.” Her hands went down to her thighs to try and steady herself on the shaking cock. “But my sword barely scratched it!”

“There has to be a weak spot on it somewhere,” Kyoko thought aloud.

Her boar gave an annoyed snort and swung its head towards the monster. Kyoko found herself stared at its massive, bobbing genitalia.

“Oh. Right.” She shook her head and pushed lightly on the boar’s head, steering it in close. Since she couldn’t confidently make the shot, he leapt off Bitsy’s back and drove her dagger into the bog troll’s balls. The knife went through the sack as easily as its smaller gelatinous kin, so Kyoko’s overly emphatic stab passed right through until she was buried up to her elbow.

“Ahhhhh double gross!” she wailed just before the troll’s body wobbled. Its thick hide turned back into the familiar sludge of the jelly goblins, leaving Kyoko and Izumi to fall into the thick puddle of gunk.

“Oh hell!” Izumi gasped as she pushed herself back up. She lifted her armored loincloth aside enough to wipe some of the sludge from her groin. “I’ve got troll slime in places where they shouldn’t be!”

“Where exactly SHOULD it be then?” Kyoko asked, forming a flimsy smile. Bitsy trotted over to her and licked her freckled cheek, getting her to giggle between the rush of a job well done and utter fatigue. The other mothers caught up to them at last as they started to regroup.

“Well that sucked,” Mitsuki scoffed. “Izumi’s the only one who got a free dick out of the battle.”

“Not worth it,” she huffed indignantly, still trying to wipe the troll and goblin gunk off herself. Suddenly, a voice rang out from somewhere in the distance.

“Hello? Is someone out there?” a young woman’s voice called out.

“Uh… it’s us,” Mitsuki offered, uncertain on how to answer the question. Hanako gestured for her to step back.

“Just some good samaritans passing through. Are you alright? We took care of the troll.”

“You did!?” Some nearby brushes parted as the woman ran into view. She looked young to be sure, somewhere in her early twenties at the latest. She was fair-skinned with long blonde hair, a lovely face and a jeweled tiara on her head. She approached them in a frilly pink dress that seemed impeccable despite being in the wilderness.

“That’s wonderful! You must be the chosen heroes of Galdael to achieve such an impressive feat!” she gushed happily. “I can’t thank you all enough!”

“That’s… what they tell us,” Izumi admitted. “You’re welcome, either way.”

“I was captured by the bog troll while on a horse ride. I’m afraid monsters have grown dreadfully confident lately with the rise of Lord Uliok… but if you could simply lead me back to the castle in Luringham, I’m sure my father would be most grateful to have me back. He’d be sure to reward you with all the gold and XP you could ask for.”

The milfs paused and stared at her in silence for a moment.

“And what’s… XP?” Kyoko asked carefully. “Is that some sort of drug you kids are doing these days?”

“Why… no. It’s experience. The source of might that empowered heroes such as yourselves.”

“Sure, sure,” Mitsuki dismissed. “But what’s this about the castle. You a princess?”

The dainty and well-kept woman paused. She adjusted her dress slightly, as if surprised it didn’t get the point across. “Yyyyes. I’m Princess Fara of Luringham.”

“And once you’re back? Then what, young lady?” Izumi asked. She glanced at her teammates, who shared small nods as they reached the same page.

“I… would live my life as a princess? Waited on by servants until I am fit to rule and will marry a prince…”

“Exactly,” Hanako interrupted. “You’ll be like property to him. I simply won’t allow it.”

“I… beg your pardon?” the princess asked meekly.

“We paid attention in history class,” Izumi stated sternly. “Women in the feudal and medieval periods were breeding stock and tokens to be passed around as far as royal men were concerned. We didn’t come this far and get the right to vote just to pass you off to living that subjugated life.”

“I don’t understand…” Fara mused, furrowing her brow.

“Look, we’re from a much more advanced world than here,” Mitsuki warned. She stepped up to Princess Fara and tapped some ash from her pipe onto the ground, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t go near your old kingdom. They’ll lock ya up in an armory tower…”

“Ivory tower,” Hanako corrected.

“Yea, that. They’ll put you in a tower and marry you off to some dick bag who will take the throne instead of you. You’ll never fall in actual love, make your own mistakes… you won’t make a decision for your entire life. Me?”

Mitsuki plucked the tiara from the princess’ head. She gasped, only for the necromilf to place it back in her hands.

“I’d take that fancy crown and that uselessly frilly dress. Come with us to the nearest village, pawn that stuff for some real estate and basic clothes. You’ll live a simpler and wayyyy better life living just off that.”

“And try to get a job somewhere easy,” Kyoko added. “It’ll build work ethic and teach you to appreciate money.”

“I… see. That does sound lovely,” the princess admitted, fiddling with her crown. “I do believe there’s a small town just a little ways north of here.”

“See? Now you’re listening to reason,” Hanako said brightly. “Who needs that silly XP stuff when you can live a happy life of your own?”

“Yea, we did a lot of good today,” Izumi said, folding her arms and nodding proudly. “Good thing we dodged that bullet.”