The Stackers Halfling (Patreon)

So this story is around for a couple reasons. First, last month I had a request to write a sexy goblin waitress. I nailed it with a Hooters style restaurant called Stackers. I posted it up and last week or so I realized I fucked up by not mentioning that a place called Stackers would specialize in shortstacks (both short curvy girls and pancakes). I had to amend this as fast as possible, and introducing halflings to the modern goblinverse felt like a good enough excuse. 

Halflings are sort of more vanilla goblins here. They have sweet, pseudo-Irish accents because they rarely want to leave their homes. They’re not as rampagingly horny as goblins, but they’re flirty, fun-loving and extremely down for anything. A goblin will jump your dick without asking. A halfling will say yes everytime you ask to bone down.

“Evenin’ there, sweetheart. Welcome ta Stackers. I’m Maeve and I’ll be yer servar tonight. The fuck can I get for ya to starrt with?”

Jean could hardly believe it. The little lady with the flourishing Irish accent and the large feet stood at the low table. He had heard about Stackers and gone a few times before, loving the flirty shortstack waitresses and their specialty pancakes. He hadn’t been in a while but he was surprised to hear that they had added a couple more people to their staff: halflings! He rarely even saw one out on the streets, let alone working in a place like this.

“I’ll have a mug of Brass Barrel. And can you put in an order of the Lil Tips?” he asked with a smile.

“Fella who knows what he wants! I like that!” Maeve praised as she jotted down his order. The way she held the notepad pressed her tits against her chest, bulging them up until they started to puff out of her top like an overbaked muffin. Her skin had a rich, light tan like most of her kind, all the way down to her big bare feet. She had short black hair that was an incredibly curly mess kept just out of her eyes like two big bright sapphires. She had a round build, showing a slight belly between her blue tank top and pink booty shorts that made up the Stackers uniform. Even more noticeably were her huge soccer ball tits on her 3-foot figure, jiggling with the slightest provocation along with her perky bubble butt.

Halflings weren’t that rare a species, but it was uncommon to see them in public. It was like a female cyclops; they existed, but their varying builds had programmed them with centuries of protective alpha male culture. Halflings were a bit like that, but as a species rather than a gender. They were once a secretive race, hiding in comfy burrows and secluded little cabins to keep their privacy. While they had made themselves know to humans, they had no particular urge to leave their famously comfy houses. The modern convenience of the internet and things like Amazon and fast food delivery had made them more reclusive and indulgent than ever.

“Well I’m off ta drop off yer order. Ye need anythin’, just shout for me. Or just grab me arse if I’m walkin’ close enough.” Maeve hopped back off the raised step that allowed her to reach the table in the first place. She knowingly grabbed her jugs to stop the jiggling before she waddled off, shaking her wide ass side to side. That was the other thing that Jean had heard about halflings; they were like the best parts of humans and goblins combined. They were cute and curvy without the grease and slime of a goblin, and they were just as horny. Their extremely private lives left them comfortable and quick to indulge, whether it was food, drink, or sex. Maeve certainly looked built for it.

“Mind yer lap, lad, cuz ‘ere I come.”

She was back in a couple minutes, leaning over him seat to slide the mug of rich alcohol far onto the table. She barely had to bend over to dump her cleavage all over his lap, pressing heavily on his early erection. She neatly balanced his basket of fried sausage bites in her other hand before sliding that in on its own, followed by his cup of warmed syrup. The whole process took her most of a minute as she took her time, and by the time she stood back up his lap was as warm and he had memorized the scent of the lightly sweaty little Irishwoman.

“Thar ye go. All warmed up and ready,” she said with a rosy-cheeked grin. Her swaying breasts did little to hide the extra bulges in the front where her thick and erect nipples poked at her shirt. “So did you want yer entrée now or just faffin’ about with her nugs there?”

“Oh I’m ready. Can I get the shortstacker and anything else you think is tasty on the side?” Jean offered with a smile.

“Hoo! Boyo, what I do on the side’d make yer mum blush. How’s about you up it to the thickstacker? Gets ye three pancakes, waffles or French toast wit a wee somethin’ on the side. Coupla eggs and either grits or potaytas.”

“Does that cost extra?”

“Ya’d be surprised how often lads ask me that,” Maeve said with a wink. “The answer’s always ‘not if yer handsome enough.”

“I’ll take my chances. French toast and grits please.”

“There’s a good longalad.” She winked and blew him a kiss before hopping back off. Jean started on his sausage bites and beer while she put in his order. She wasn’t up for long before she came back. Jean flashed her a smile in case she was just passing by, but she just walked right under his table without having to lower her head. The floor beneath the table itself sunk into the ground, making it long enough to fit human legs while the steps let a shortstack waitress reach the top.

“Hey, um… whatcha doing down there?” Jean asked curiously.

From the shadows under the table, Maeve just tugged on her tight-fitting top. “A little somethin’ on the side. Ye did’n think I meant the eggs, did ya.” She finally succeeded in pulling her hefty breasts from her top, the golden-brown jugs flopping into his lap. She tugged on his pants as her nimble fingers undid his button in one quick gesture.

“An’ ye mind gettin’ the curtain? ‘Less ye want folks catchin’ a peak at yer bullocks.” Jean caught enough of that to tug the thin curtain of wood and cloth across the booth’s entrance. He covered them up just before Maeve got his underwear down, slapping his growing hardon between the combined curves of her breasts. She nestled his cock into the depths of her cleavage, resting against her breastbone as the warm, tan flesh swallowed it up. Squeezed her chest from either side and the various subtle ripples of her impossibly soft tits sent a rapid wave of arousal through his entire body.

“Mind yer bits, lad. Don’t want ‘em getting’ cold now, do ye?” she chided, nodding up at the table as she wrangled his shaft between her breasts without needing to lay a hand on it. It took Jean a minute to realize she meant his food, but he was distracted enough to excuse the confusion. He took another his sausages while Maeve did the same between his legs, lightly bouncing on her tiptoes to bob her tits up and down. They worked like oversized water balloons, the perfectly smooth skin of her inner breasts stroking him off all too perfectly. She smiled up at him as he peaked back down at her, raising her arms in front of her to cup her cheeks. In a clearly practiced maneuver, she leaned her elbows on the seat and leaned into her palms, squeezing her tits together between her forearms. She blew him a kiss and flashed a wink while still titfucking him beneath the table, ignoring the precum trickling down the smooth cleavage.

Jean finally huffed and shot his load over her face and tits. Rather than recoil, she smirked a bit wider and lazily lapped a streak of cum from her lips. “How’s that fer a bit o’ hospitality, aye?”

“Yea,” Jean panted as he slumped into his chair. “Thanks so much.”

“Thanks are for free. Can I get one of them nugs? And some napkins while you’re at it.” Jean snorted a laugh and lifted his basket, offering her the last piece of fried sausage with a handful of napkins. She casually tidied herself up, polishing up her breasts while she had her snack. She hopped back to ground level as she forced her jugs back into her tight top.

“Much obliged. Ye need a refill?” she said as casually as if she had just passed him by.

“Yea, please.”

“Grand. I’ll take care of ye, m’lad.” She winked again before she slid open the curtain and hopped out to get his meal.

Jean went through the rest of his meal getting some flirty smiles but deciding he was content with his titjob. He set into his breakfast-for-dinner and beer, finally starting to wrap it up when Maeve stopped by to check in again. Without anything else he needed, she left him his check to pay up front and scampered off. She seemed like she was in a hurry, for how quickly her bare little feet went. He wasn’t sure why until she came back to his table, a wire and her cellphone in hand.

“Lo again, mate. Ye mind scootin’ in fer a spell?”

“Suuuure?” Jean still had a few bites of pancakes and eggs he was nursing as he slid in a little. Maeve was fixated on her phone as she stepped inside, sliding the curtain shut behind her. She neatly climbed onto his seat, using her  stubby limbs with surprising grace as she leaned over his lap. Her soft belly rested against his groin as she felt around and pulled back a tiny hatch.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just on break. The outlets in the back are all full up and this’ one the janitors don’t want us ta know about.” She plugged in her phone and started to type away a reply to some text.

“Do you need to lay on top of me?”

“Ye complainin’, chum?”

“No…”

“Then how’s about ye enjoy yerself? Don’t tell no one I’m here and ye can stick yerself into anythin’ ye want fer free.” She shook her hips to wiggle her ass, making her offer blatantly clear. Jean cautiously put a hand to her ass and squeezed one of her meaty cheeks, the ham-sized booty squishing softly to the touch.

“There’s a good lad. Now get yer tallfellah out and we can do this proper.” Maeve spared him a glance before going back to her phone. She slid closer to the wall as Jean undid his pants. He had been satisfied with the titjob from earlier, but if she was offering…

Jean held her by the tits and pulled her closer. The heavyset shortstack moved onto her knees, leaning her elbows on his leg as her breasts slapped against his thigh. She didn’t even look up from her perch on his lap. She just opened her mouth and rolled out her tongue expectantly as she went on catching up with her mobile games. She stayed gaping wide open as Jean took her hair and used it to guide his cock into her mouth, sliding it in as it grazed past her teeth and the edges of her mouth. One of her chubby cheeks pushed out as her tongue lead the tip of his cock in one direction, keeping herself from gagging as the right side of her face puffed out. She nodded her head slowly, rolling it between her cheek and tongue as she slowly turned her head.

A sudden chirping noise started to play from her phone, making her raise her eyebrows. She held up a finger and raised the phone to her ear. Jean could hear some faint woman’s voice talking, and while it wasn’t clear what she was saying, it was tinted with the same flourishing accent that Maeve had. The waitress seemed content to let it ramble as she sucked her customer off. It went on for half a minute before she wetly peeled her mouth back and sat back up.

“Nae, mum. I’m at work. I was just suckin’ a bloke off.” She leaned back against the wall, and before Jean could even give her a guilting look she brought her feet to his lap. While the soles were firm and leathery, her larger than necessary toes were strong and nimble. They stroked and flicked his cock around before trapping it between her two big toes.

“Course he’s a stretcher. The fock else is gunna come ta a place like this? …course I don’t serve halflin’s here, mum! Why’d… well, d’ya SEE Cousin Oliver leave the house? Aye? Fuckin’ two years ago! Exactly my point, mum!” She leaned heavier on one hip as she stroked her foot up and down, trapping his spit-soaked cock between two toes on one foot while her sole slid along his base.

“Yes, he’s still ‘ere. No. Mum, ye can’t talk to ‘im. He wouldn’t understand that accent’a yars! I’m at work, ye bleedin’ ‘arpy’s arse! I’m not gun… aye, with me feet. …just a sec.” She let out a groan and set the phone on the table and rolled her eyes.

“Do it like a proper woman,’ she says,” Maeve said with a smirk. “Can’t take a break in peace without me whole clan wonderin’ what I’m doin’. S’what I get for leaving me hole, aye? So speakin’ of… make yeself at home.”

Maeve wiggled out of her shorts, her bare ass slapping against the seat as she sat back down. She turned away and went to her knees and elbows, spreading her ass cheeks enough that her plump thighs, puckered pussy lips and curly bush were left in full view. Jean had to adjust one leg under the table and plant his knee on the seat to get low enough to reach her, but he did as she asked and sheathed himself up to his hips in her pussy. He let out a sharp exhale that blew some of her curls around. Her pussy lips were just full enough to stroke the edges of his dick as he entered, but she was warmer and wetter than any girl he’d ever been with. It wasn’t the thick sludge of a goblin, but a warm syrupy mess of pussy juice that oozed the clear fluid out of her with the slightest penetration. It squished and slurped with every push, her plump figure slapping and padding the impact with each thrust.

Maeve just reached up and held an open hand out. He quickly passed it back to her as he trust in deeper, surprised to find that she only really grunted when he pushed himself all the way in. He had no idea where she put it all.

“Alright, mum. He’s (nnf) ruttin’ me proper now,” she reported. She pinched up a slice of his eggs and popped it into her mouth, moaning softly as he got his rhythm down. Her speck of a raisin was a bit of a needle in a haystack in her warm, fleshy pussy, but he felt the tiny but hard growth nudge firmly against his cock at last. “Mm! Grapes and groves… what? Mum, I ain’t fakin’ it! Lad’s up to his nards in me right now! WHY would I make that up, mum!? Oh fer… don’t ask Shawn to listen in! He ain’t seen a real woman since he came outta ya. An’ tell ‘em he can use my dilda when he’s ‘ard enough to come and pull it outta me snatch ‘imself, cuz I’m busy usin’ it. …fockin’ ‘ell, mum, I don’t NEED a man in me life right now! Mmf! NNG! Shite… ‘ang on, mum. I’m gonna cum.”

Despite her calm demeanor and filthy talk with her family, Jean felt Maeve tense up. She arched her back so that his relatively forceful thrusts dragged her hard nipples across the seat. She shut her eyes and rammed her hips back, making some meaty slapping sounds as her ass cheeks kept flattening against Jean’s hips. The surge of heat as his cock spurted his load inside her seemed to mark her breaking point as Maeve gave a shrill and musical shout. She beat her fist on the seat as her whole body bucked back and forth, thrashing around his cock as it spat and stirred his cum around inside her.  She let out a low purr and rolled her hips a few more times as she picked up her phone again.

“There. That sound fake to ye, mum? I told ya. I’m doin’ fine. Alright. Alright, love ya too. Go and grab dad by his tonker for me.” She ended the call and rolled onto her back, letting her hefty tits wobble around as she glanced up at him. “Much appreciated. She gets worried if I’m not gettin’ me rocks off enough.”

“Okay… why?” Jean asked warily. He started to reclaim his pants while gathering them both some more napkins.

“Halflin’s just do. Our homes are warm, fulla food and drink, big beds… they worry if yer comfortable enough more than anythin’. Wouldn’t care if I was bleedin’ in a ditch as long as it was a comfy one fulla pillows. Cummin’s just a nice way to show ‘em you’re still comfortable out in ta world with all you longers.”

“I guess that’s nice of them?” Jean guessed. “But did I catch that you don’t have a boyfriend in there?”

“Nice try,” Maeve said as she checked her phone. She unplugged it and kissed his cheek before she hopped back under the table and started getting dressed again. “But I’ve been outta me family’s hole for little under a month. I still got plenty of lads to try out before I can settle on just one.”